Redefining Masculinity: From Soldier to Sensual Guide

From Marine to Somatic Intimacy Guide: Andre Lazarus on Presence Over PerformanceHost Andy Grant interviews Andre Lazarus, a former US Marine turned somatic intimacy guide and surrogate partner therapist featured on the UK series Virgin Island. Andre describes serving in Afghanistan, leading others, and later being drawn into intimacy work after partners reflected its therapeutic impact, alongside unlearning rigid ideas of masculinity. He critiques the manosphere as often dangerous but notes it offers community and conversation to struggling young men. Andre defines somatic work as body-based healing—through breath, touch, and nervous-system regulation—often more effective than talk alone for physical or sexual trauma, and discusses common male intimacy issues like rapid ejaculation, erectile concerns, dissociation, and over-focusing on a partner’s pleasure. He emphasizes breathing as a foundational practice, compassion in difficult family relationships, that surrogate partner therapy is a triadic model with a licensed therapist, and that “intimacy is not performance, its presence,” “simple doesn’t mean easy,” and “there is no one way of being a man.”00:00 Surrogate Therapy Explained00:43 Meet Andre Lazarus01:32 From Marines to Intimacy03:28 Masculinity and Unlearning07:35 Vulnerability Myths09:13 Manosphere Pull Explained14:34 Somatics Defined16:18 Men’s Hidden Intimacy Struggles20:45 Breath as First Practice24:03 Healing Father Wounds27:05 Virgin Island and Surrogacy29:57 Going Public With the Work32:42 Boundaries With Clients34:33 Never Too Late to Grow36:01 Connect With Andre37:39 Final Takeaways on PresenceConnect with AndreAndre Lazarus — https://coming-closer.com/Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/comingcloserwithandre/Highlights of Virgin Island — https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbnU9iq6kGBFORNkmpVkNhQ6KoZVkf04TConnect with Andy:Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/groupInstagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrantAndy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!Real Men Feel | https://realmenfeel.orgYouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel#RealMenFeel ep 406