Reese Witherspoon

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax Shepard, and I'm joined by Monica Padman. Hi. We are keeping the powerful gal train a-chugging.

It's so cool. What a fall we've had. It's true. There's a breeze in there, too.

Oh, great, yes. Reese Witherspoon. I'm not going to say my German pronunciation. You'll have to listen to the fact check for that.

Reese is an award-winning actor, producer, and author. Legally Blonde, The Morning Show, Big Little Lies, Cruel Intentions, My Favorite Movie Ever, Election, Sweet Home Alabama. She's got a novel out right now that she co-wrote. This girl can't stop.

Gone Before Goodbye. And, yes, she teamed up with best-selling author Harlan Coben, who, as we discussed in here, has got like 57 shows on Netflix. She's like the most prolific person ever. And the very fun part about the audiobook is that she reads it, and, of course, she brings all of her talent to bear on it, and it's wonderful.

I recommend it. Please enjoy Reese Witherspoon. This episode of Armchair Expert is presented by Apple Pay. You know, holiday shopping can be a hassle, but Apple Pay makes it so much easier.

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He's an old transfer. He's an old transfer. Hi. Let's do it.

Good to see you. I feel like I have done this podcast if I haven't. You have not. I didn't remember.

That's right. But that wasn't this? That wasn't this. That was called Shattered Glass.

That was on Zoom. That was a Hooray Women podcast. Hooray Women? This is a Hooray Men podcast.

We celebrate all the achievements of men historically. We love men. I am raising two of them. Yeah.

I know. I want to talk about that. Will you flash your watch at me for one second? Are you a watch guy?

I love that watch. It's really handsome. It's a good story. It does.

Let's hear it. I think I'm going to tell the story. We can always cut it after this. It was like somebody who might pay me.

Okay, yeah, yeah. And I was like, there's this really cool watch I want. And it's so dumb because what they should have paid me. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

But I was like, I love this watch. And I would never buy this for myself. And that's more fun than the amount of money maybe you should have got that would be sitting in a bank account at some point. So in a weird way, it is more valuable.

You know, it's a million interest, net price of value, cash. Oh, fuck. And I was like, well, if I just drop a car off, what's she going to do? She's not going to go through the pain in the ass of returning the thing.

That's true. And I didn't. It's still my car. It's a great car.

Somehow I did that. You're a car guy, though, right? I am a car guy. You went to our house.

I figured it out when I saw your station wagon. I was like, that is... Were you horny? Be honest.

No, they didn't do anything for you. Close. The shop. It only makes dudes horny, unfortunately.

That station wagon with the wood paneling. Yes, because it has a 700 horsepower engine in it. If you were hearing it running, you'd be like, what is that? It was really hard to smoke, and it was just a big fail.

Why? What went wrong? They're pretty easy to operate. No, I couldn't breathe it in.

I was just dinged on. Oh, my God. Why are you the cutest here? Hand it to her on camera, please.

I want the world to know, and I want to unwrap it. You're the most popular guest, always. What is it? It's sourdough.

Please unwrap it and smell it, because it smells so good. I want to have you there. Okay, okay. I'll see you.

I'll see you at the other place. Thanks for the rest. Call me. Sourdough.

This is a real Taylor Swift move she just did for providing sourdough. She's so dummy. She's no dummy. They call her the Taylor Swift of the acting world.

She's so loved. She's so loved. She is so loved. And she's just so talented.

I know. The voice. I know. The voice.

She can do it all. It's maddening. Is it maddening? It is.

When you live with someone who's dramatically better at everything than you, it can be maddening. But you have your own skills. Let's not do that hard. I can live with heavier things.

No, you're exactly funny. You're an amazing writer. You're great on camera. You make difficult people look great.

Oh, thank you. Wow, that's great. You can make an introvert talk about their lives. That's good.

Okay, good. Nice compliment. And you're good with research. I was like, oh God, what are they going to dig up?

He's very good with research. But you should know where this starts. Hold on. Am I supposed to smell red?

Yeah, let's smell it. Let's take a look at it. And look at the top. This thing turned out.

Oh, it's pretty. Oh, my God. That big thing of butter and some salt. Oh, no.

And a radish? A radish. No, we're not on the radish. It's a little tomato and mozzarella.

If she and I were ever friends and had to spend time with it, we'd just have a craft afternoon. We'd just craft it. Oh, she would love that. What's your favorite kind of crafting?

You're almost finding it irresistible to not make a sweater out of that little yarn making. I'm going to make a little flower. I do pay my numbers. I do watercolor.

I do picture frame making. I do chocolate bonbon making. Like when you stuff a little chocolate. You make a shell.

You create a ganache. Then you cap it. Then you decorate it. I love that.

It's a process. You can get into jam. I can get really into jam. Not the soccer schedule I just learned about.

Yeah, I just want to travel for soccer. I want to have a lake house. I want to be that American lake house person. And my kids' travel soccer schedule is really intense.

Now, I don't want to be a dick, Reese. But is there any part of you when you see that? Because you just told me it's like a 32-week schedule. Parents are going to relate.

Oh, yeah. There's collective outrage. Yeah, why is it like that? That's 65% of the year, which is too much to be doing anything for starters.

Is there any part of you that's like, are we going to try to go professional? Because if not, this thing's really excessive. I understand what you're saying. I swear you're going.

I feel like, does my kid have an opportunity to be like D1 in college? There we go. D3. Fuck it.

Anyway, no clue. But let me tell you how smart my kid is. His EQ is off the charts. He goes, you know, Mom, how old were you when you did your first movie?

He did his research. 14. He's like, I'm 13. Sakhar is acting for me.

Did your mom take you to acting classes? I was like, yes. He was like, how many? I was like, two or three a week.

Okay. And I was like, that's your dream, buddy. I get it. But then did you show him your net worth?

And you're like, is Sakhar going to get you this? Let's not do that. You know what? You could have done your net worth.

I was doing a lot better than me. I'm just like, yeah. I just heard today that he's got a billion dollars. He's doing better than me.

Okay. All right. That's fair. You had the moral high ground on this debate.

I'm going to start with how excited I am that you're here. Genuinely. You know, I was on a 7 a.m. flight this morning to Nashville, which is now my spiritual headquarters.

I cannot be there enough. And I'm taking a motorcycle trip out of Nashville and riding for some days. And Monica's like, hey, we're just available to this day. And I was like, oh, I'm going to Nashville with Aaron.

I said, no, you're not. And I'm going to be honest with you. You're probably among maybe three people I was willing to change my flight for. Oh, thank you.

Yes, that's how excited I am to have you. Dude, we should come to Nashville. We should have Monica come with us. I did think that.

That would have been plan B. But it's fun to have you here. This is our sanctuary. I know, I love it.

I wanted to do Nashville. That would have been really fun, actually. Did you see the whole set up in the barn? It looks like this.

Yeah. Is that what it is? Yes, good job. I mean, I was impressed.

Rob did the whole thing and he did it in five minutes. That's amazing. You should try to steal Rob from us. If I were you, I would make a play.

We've been talking. Okay. So Reese, you're born in New Orleans, but you do grow up in Nashville, yeah? My dad was in the military.

So I was born in New Orleans, so we moved to Germany. And I grew up on a military base in V-Spot in Germany. To what age? Five.

Do you have any memories of that? Yes, I went to German school. I spoke German. You did?

And I spoke Spanish. And I spoke English, obviously. Did you retain any German? No, but a lot of Spanish.

And that language, I think because I was exposed so young, is not hard for me. There's no work. I just don't feel intimidated by it. I'll throw myself out with some bad Spanish, some really rusty high school French.

When you travel in Europe, do you try to, yeah, and your kids feel like, oh my God, just fucking speak English. No, I think the locals appreciate the trying. If you're just going into speaking English, I don't think they like that. I disagree.

If they speak English at a nine and you speak Spanish at a two, it is very inefficient for them to get through your two Spanish. You're like, well, guys, let's just do it. I do English very well. Let's just do that.

It's selfish. You don't want to be the thing you practice on. But if you do it joyfully and like laugh, it's not. I like to do that too, to my wife's chagrin.

I like to just find a few words and blurt them enthusiastically, as we're in other countries. Comissimo. That's not even a word in Italy, but that was the word I thought. I used to speak Italian, but I always say, capisos solo poco Italiano.

That doesn't mean anything. It doesn't. The Italiano must. Yeah.

I just know pronto. Ciao. Pronto. Just me pick up the pronto.

Ciao bello. It's just fun. I know. I love it too.

I took my son on a solo vacation, just mom and kid, to Italy this summer. And we had the best time. We were joking around. He worked Italian on Duolingo, and he just went hard at it.

It was so fun. Yeah. Those trips are so fun. Just the two of you.

And literally, we did almost nothing. We just ate pasta and jumped in the ocean, and we just laughed. Were you binging a show together by chance? Okay, yes.

Because I did the same trip with Lincoln last year, to Portugal, to go see Taylor Swift. Oh, my God. And we stayed at a great hotel. We had room service, and we were binging the Kristen Wiig show, Home Royale.

Perfect show for us. And then we rented a motorcycle, and we ripped her around the city. And I got home, and I said, Chris, that might be the best trip I've taken with a woman anywhere ever in my whole life. I think that was the best one.

Totally. Does she love your jokes? And you guys are just so simpatico? Yes.

Both of my sons and my daughter. I've had great opportunities to take each one of them on solo vacations. It's really fun. The whole time I was doing it, I was like, you know, she's doing this now, but this is a closing window.

I got to do this now. It's not like when she's 19, she's going to be like, yeah, let's go get on a scooter and rip her on Elizabeth. I mean, fingers crossed. She's just where you jumped off the cliff.

Yeah. Oh, that looks so scary. That would not have meant for you. No, I would not.

I would have passed on jumping off the cliff. That's too scary. But you have it because of your son. I feel like if any of your kids go, I'll do it if you do it, what am I going to do?

Say, my mom didn't do it, and I did. I agree. I have to. I'd rather be dead.

Yeah. That's jet skiing. That is water skiing. That is jumping off cliffs.

That is snow skiing. Yeah, I just pray my daughters don't want to start doing paragliding or something. I'll do it. Wow, this is surprising because you just strike me as someone who would not do something they didn't want to do.

Not cautious. Okay. Have you sustained any injuries due to this lack of caution? This is kind of crazy, you guys.

My girlfriend was dating an NFL player, and she brought him over for dinner and whatever he was talking about, you know, serious stuff. And she's an actress, and I'm an actress, and we both started talking about the amount of concussions we've had. Oh. Let's not even talk about what predates that.

It was like my rough and tumble childhood with my big brother. He was like, you do it first, sister. That's where it comes from. Oh, you're a little sister.

Yeah. I had probably like three pretty big concussions as a kid, and then on set, probably three or four. Just really quick, ironically, your father's a head and neck. Oh, he's an ear, nose, and throat.

Oh, he's an ENT. So, I take back your research comment. Yeah. Well, I'm going to sue Wikipedia, because it's that he was a head and neck.

No, he's not a head and neck. He's an ear, nose, and throat, so he would work on people's vocal cords in Nashville. Okay. But back to Germany.

What were the German memories? Like, what pops out? Going to German Montessori School, it was a really great environment for learning and discovery. And then every Saturday morning, my mom would give us a dollar, and we could walk down to the German candy store and buy gummy bears.

She was a nurse. This is confusing and not interesting, but she was a nurse in New Orleans. When we went away to Germany, she didn't work, but she was so bored around the house, so she did one day a week at a Wedgewood China shop. Like, selling it?

Yeah, she was a labor and delivery nurse. Whose personality do you have more, mom or dad? I think I'm a really interesting blend of the two, because my mom is just pure happiness and joy. Just Mrs.

Santa Claus is happy and loves children and animals. And then my dad is more academic and very nerdy and set-y. And living in his head a bit? Serious?

Yes. My dad is one of those people who's so smart. He got perfect score on his SATs, perfect score on his MCATs. He graduated with honors from Yale.

Why did he go the military route? Couldn't afford to pay for medical school. Also, it was the time when he got drafted, but he deferred because he had to finish medical school. And then he signed up for seven years, and the GI Bill paid for med school.

My grandparents didn't have enough money to pay for Yale and for med school. So he got it all paid for. That's right. And so after Germany, then you moved to Nashville?

Then we moved to Nashville. And he was going to go specifically to work on singers? Well, I think he was trying to figure out what kind of specialty he was going to do, but he developed that idea in Germany, and he thought that's a good practice to get in in Nashville. Did he have any famous clients?

Did he work on Whalen Jennings vocal cords, or anyone that I'm obsessed with? One of his clients is living, and I can't say, but you'd lose your mind. And I wasn't supposed to know, but she told me. She was like, you know your dad fixed my vocal cords.

I was like, what? But George Jones. Oh, George Jones. I bet his cords were a mess.

He sounds like he goes after the real rough stuff. I only remember this one time. My dad got called emergency Ozzy Osbourne and had to do a concert in Nashville one night, and my dad had to go to his hotel room to help him because he had vocal strength. No kidding.

He was like, I'm it. Ozzy Osbourne. That's great. He's kind of cool.

So I would say very, very academic and intellectual. And love cars. I've spent every weekend of my life at either the Gun and Knife Show. The Gun and Knife Show?

I sell trade. Don't you dare miss it. Or NASCAR. This is why you hate it in a station light.

Yeah, I hate it. Oh, hey, I just sit on the side of the road with that thing that doesn't work. And I just swore to myself and live like that. That's me.

We always had some variation of a 1976 Cadillac Eldorado. Oh, lovely. He had four of them when I was growing up, and we were always on the side of the road fixing it. So we were always on a car show or a gun show or a knife show.

And did your brother take to all that stuff? Were they able to bond on that? Loved. Loved.

My brother can fix a Harley BMW. He can fix any of your cars. Well, bring him over to the barn. I think he'll literally see what was happening.

He'll lose his chicken. Okay. He'll lose his chicken. He'll be like, relax.

Is he a brainiac as well? He's really, really smart. Engines and how things work. He can't fix anything.

Wow. That one is great. Wow. That's so nice.

He can call him over to the house. He fixes everything in my house. That's useful. Okay, so going to school, who are you, Reese?

What kind of kid? I know what's happened. Okay, please. Let's fix my hair.

I think it looks nice. Now I'm self-conscious. I'm now nervous that she's going to see. He did that to Jennifer Aniston's hair, too.

Oh, my God. Yeah, funny. No. I got so nervous when you went up to her hair.

I was like, her hair? That's a scary thing to touch. it's like guinness book award record what if i went to touch anison's hair and then guys bust through the garage and repel like the security team came in i was nervous for you she does have good hair oh yeah okay so what kind of kid were you very academic but also in my head like fantasies and make believe and i was a loner yeah were you popular i got popular in junior high and high school i was like oh i better learn to make friends and you joined the cheer team for that yeah i was cheerleader for six years that was really fun were you lonely or you just prefer to be alone no i wasn't lonely i had these stories in my head i was writing and creating i always had a video camera so i was the girl who was the yearbook girl the videographer and be like guys this is so cool we're gonna do a time capsule we're gonna bury this in a box in the backyard yeah i was that person you were on fire to be on planet earth and get it all done i was diane sawyer and i was investigative journalist and i was producer even by then yeah you know i was producing yeah yeah okay so you went to all girls high school yeah yes i loved right so let's talk about the benefits of that because i'm already seeing them very clearly displayed at my daughter's all-girls school which is we went on that campus for the two and i was like my god this is awesome i've never seen so many outgoing girls that are just out loud so confident this was not my school experience immediately was like oh my god i want to go here so bad so that's kind of the upside what were the upsides for you of that growing up in the south is a historically kind of patriarchal place so it was important that there was this carved out place for us to express ourselves to not have to present or be evaluated the metrics for our success were not about popularity or being homecoming queen there was an aspect of that because we could participate at the boys school but it was opt-in opt-out yeah who were you cheering for the boys school where my dad and my brother but it wasn't like i was there all the time i love community and groups of people and i love teams when i was reading about you a lot over the last few days there's one little inconsistent thing with you by your own admission which is you have this incredible confidence professionally and in business and running things and being a leader and then you've admitted to having kind of a lack of confidence romantically young when i read that i'm like that's incongruous with what i would expect okay but i do wonder is that maybe the one price you pay for going to all-girl school you kind of woke up with a lot of options we had no experience i have my own theories about it i don't think it's about girl school because i had lots of dates and i had really great healthy relationships in high school the transition to college was tough i didn't have money to pay for college so i had to work in the movie business and make money and i was like constantly in the shuffle am i a college student or am i trying to be an actor yeah i thought it was gonna be a doctor i thought acting was a hobby had you only done man on the moon at that point i did man on the moon i did this disney movie i did like movies a week you weren't certain that that was gonna be a viable career quite yet no and i came from parents who were in the medical business they were like that's just a hobby to pay your bills right that's what i was curious about because did they not think some of that stuff was vapid like being on pageants and stuff we didn't do pageants what was the 10 state oh that was mock trial oh it was a mock trial that's very smart middle tennessee best witness or something okay okay i was a belligerent witness you are which actually passionate to legally bond oh that's so true i never even thought about it don't know oh that's funny yeah so you went to stanford i had immediately this like i don't relate to anybody it was a big culture shock everybody was in tech it was early internet days people were coding i was like what are you doing i don't understand and i was this artist and i was trying to make short films there maybe it's different environment now but there weren't people starting film societies there was me and this one kid brian and me and the one kid brian and this girl liz that i like hijacked on my floor who was in the psychology major and i was like let's write a movie i was like this is not working is brian on top of the world somewhere i don't know brian we love you yeah he's awesome i was like you and me we're out of here i do remember him and i walking past the computer lab where everybody's like coding i was like coding what's up for oh my god was your kiss in man in the moon your first real life kiss no i kissed a boy in fifth grade at the roller skating rink wonderful picturesque what would you give yourself as a roller skater out of 10 eight nice yeah you could shoot the duck and go backwards and dance i mean slowly okay so how do we decide to leave stanford wait i want to hear monica's take on why i had bad relationships in my 20s i didn't even hear your theory yeah we didn't hear your theory i'm open to any and all theories i don't think it's girl school great so what's your theory you're a girl dad i think that this is important girl dads need to hear this it's so so important what you say to your daughters you write on their mind with a sharpie it's not a dry erase board so what you give them the tools of self-confidence self-worth what they're looking for in a partner what they want in their 20s versus their 30s you get a lot out from your dad yes that is correct okay you'll be relieved you know my mantra since i've had them is okay they're gonna date me so what am i gonna be that they go out and try to find that's right so if they want to talk to me i gotta drop everything and like look in their eyes and listen to them and take them seriously and give them my time because i want whoever they're with to drop every fucking thing yeah listen to them well i like that you're emotionally vulnerable too they learn a lot from parents who don't pretend to be perfect who also say hey look i've had my issues i've messed up but what i am is consistent and that's what you need in your life somebody who cherishes you loves you doesn't harm you i mean it's that explicit yeah that's a really obvious point now that you bring it up it's so captain obvious i always say that people dating you're looking for a 10 but are you a 10 do your own like exactly exactly are we really judging people on an appropriate spectrum we want somebody who's extremely funny completely self-made he's gonna be funny he's gonna be smart he's gonna like his mom he's gonna have a great family he's gotta be masculine but emotional yeah it's a lot it's a lot i know it's too much good luck everybody you're also gonna need me to come up correct and he's gonna have to deal with your quirks i think the thing that's upside down i think about this a lot in terms of kristen and i which is they want to meet someone that's perfect for them and if you were to do that somehow which is not possible the only trajectory is down they get less perfect as opposed to i meet this person that's not perfect for me they have a few things that i find irresistible and then through this many years together it just gets better and better and i like her more and more and she likes me more and we go more towards each other if you're trying to start at perfection i'm not even sure where you're going if you start with yeah this is pretty good i think i'll make this work you kind of this wonderful journey upward and i just think people have a little backwards of what the trajectory is supposed to be that's so true because it's almost like you're making this relationship and it's a work in progress i'm a fucking work in progress when she met me at 32 i you know yeah you're not fully cooked no i'm still making pretty major mistakes i'm fighting guys at stoplights and stuff like i've got some growth ahead yeah and she's developing and growing and expanding what do you think your girls should look for can you help out the ladies out there imagine your daughters are in their 20s let's just talk about 20s what characteristics in a 20 year old guy should they be looking for in mid-20s let's mid-20s i'm just will be projecting my stuff right so my mom was incredibly ambitious she was on fire to devour the world i cannot be with people who are not on fire to devour the world it's just such a bone killer for me yeah if my girls bring home a guy who's just on fire for something i don't even be succeeding at it but if he's pursuing something passionately and he has purpose i think that's probably the most i would want and then ideally i would hope that they had a really powerful mom i think if you have a gangster mom you probably are going to be able to let my daughter shine and not be threatened by that yeah i think that's the big thing is having a partner that allows you to be you that's so true and not squash whatever shine yeah girls right now there's a feeling of i got this i'm taking the world exactly crap from anybody i'm gonna negotiate my own salary i'm gonna start my own startup it's because of you you're someone to look at but it's a very confusing time for young people because all of the historical identities are being shaken up dramatically and i don't think people know how to find their footing in that people also say men don't know where they fit in the diaspora oh yeah i had a makeup artist in new york last year she's super beautiful she's probably 35 she lived in brooklyn she's from ohio and i'm asking how she likes brooklyn she goes well i like it but i don't like it i'm like what don't you like about it and i'm sensing something and i'm like is it hard to meet guys here and she goes yeah i cannot meet a guy here and i'm looking at her and she's beautiful and i go are you telling me guys are not coming up to you when you go out to eat or go to a bar she's like no dude comes up to me or any of my friends anymore and i'm like okay the system is really fucking broken something's wrong dudes need to be going up the girls asking for numbers can i tell you i have a theory about it please okay and it all has to do with rom-coms and sitcoms do you know how there's been like the past 10 years i would even say past 15 years this decline in the making of rom-coms or like legitimate big movie stars being in rom-coms stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare this message is brought to you by apple pay funny i can't believe it's almost the holidays you know what that means right i sure do my annual holiday gift guys yes i love when you break out your gift suggestion you're a good steward of my my holiday gift i'm entirely reliant on it well i like doing it i like picking up the perfect present like one of my more recent ones is i'll give it to you now ahead of time okay for your coffee lovers okay there's an amazing small batch roaster downtown the ones with those ethiopian beans i'm obsessed with yes and they take apple pay right at the counter which is so easy so you just double click the side button on my iphone authenticate with face id tap and pay that easy uh what about for people who don't live locally well that's where the real fun starts i found this artist who makes these custom star maps um it shows the night sky from any special date so you could do an anniversary or birthday uh-huh that sounds cool but doesn't all this online shopping get tedious with the different websites not at all when i check out online i click the apple pay button authenticate on my apple device and done it's so easy no lengthy checkout forms required keep the suggestions coming what else you got okay book lovers ding ding ding i personally love supporting local bookstores they're also just so fun and you can go to their website and then for crafty friends they're these amazing do-it-yourself kits okay you really do have a gift for well gifts thank you whether i'm shopping a person or online apple pay works at a million places it makes it so much easier to focus on finding those perfect thoughtful presents instead of wasting time typing in card numbers or taking up steam exactly same more time for holiday magic less time for payment hassle pay the app away terms apply it's not just rom-com movies but i also think the rom-com television show the television show that you watched when you were 11 12 and 13 that means you imagine and visualize dating skills i like that girl i'm gonna ask her out oh she says no okay well my favorite character in the television room did that everybody's chris chris that's not the hot girl and she said no but the other girl she really likes him he can't tell so i've been watching these shows with my 13 year old boy like goldbergs is a great show everybody hates chris a great show young sheldon is a great show it's not just young sheldon there's two other teenage characters who are dating shows like that where they're learning about relationship and romantic dynamics well and the thing that you pointed out that's the most important in there for a boy here is oh right everyone's terrified i'm so scared to ask a girl and then you're gonna ask 25 it's a numbers game and someone's gonna say yes like somebody's gonna tell you everyone's equally afraid of it and you just gotta do it it's a muscle it's kind of fun and you're in the game yeah yeah and then every once in a while you get a great friendship where i don't know what it is but i do think these 10 to 15 years where the internet started social media started and then we stopped we started kind of going rom-coms are cringy but it was actually where we learned social dynamics from tom hanks and meg ron what do you can talk on the phone now i don't think any kid can talk on the phone we need banter yeah it is so fun make the first move yeah i know yes but that's part of the thing women also have to not just sit and say like no one's coming up to me if they see someone they like we can't be like i want to run the world and also you come up to me we gotta do both okay so do you i don't do anything are you single yes okay do you ask guys out nope i know exactly girl i know that's why i can say it because i'm bad at this okay well i'm gonna give you a job a task yes okay in the next three months i want you to ask out three different people wow there is challenge i'm gonna give you my phone number you're gonna talk to me each time you did it oh wow you have a life coach i didn't expect you to get a life coach i'll give you a script if you want it okay this is a little forward i've never done this before i just noticed that you might be single but i have noticed you a couple times and would you ever want to just get coffee with me yeah i've been giving her the same advice but it didn't go down yeah now i have to take it i'm gonna hold you accountable wow i will do it i promise i will do it you're looking at me in the eye i know and now i feel really trapped i really do have to do it we said it publicly jump off the cliff and you're gonna be okay okay i'm gonna hit you with no i'm gonna let you enjoy this is very i feel really scared the other day i was at a event and there was a guy there and he did start talking to me and i was like oh he's cute and then the event started and i stepped aside and i was like i'm just gonna leave i don't know i don't know what's going on i know i know i don't know i have so many problems i have so many problems maybe it's the thing you talked about maybe it's the permanent sharpie it's still there well i think you have to rewrite it yourself well i was gonna ask you that i was like did you get to the point over it and rewrite the rule and you did that i had massive amounts of therapy and you really helped a great therapist i do have a great therapist that's good all right i'm gonna give you a couple more dynamics so i think the rom-com one is really good here's what i think you have a lot of these societal problems men historically will date hierarchical socioeconomically status they will date laterally to themselves and below but no problem you see guys all the time an attractive woman she didn't go to high school he doesn't give a fuck doesn't make any money he's there and they can do that because historically men grew up looking at their mother who didn't work but they love their mother blindly the ladies grew up looking at their dad who was out working and being a breadwinner so unfortunately women this is statistically this is my opinion this is the data women like to date laterally or above financially financially status-wise everything now there's this huge shift happening with boys and girls which is girls are going to college at 63 percent to boys 37 so if you have a system where women are only going to date above themselves but they are above all of the dating pool we're fucked everything's got evolved now i think what's going to help a little bit is increasingly there'll be lots of girls who grew up with dads who are stay-at-home dads they'll inherit the thing that many boys my age inherited and rightly so women got sick of being hit on by shitty fucking dudes who were bothering girls out of their league that was a good complaint but guess what if you don't want that shit to happen then you got to start hitting on guys if we're going to evolve everyone's going to pick up their end of where the seesaw goes so it's like yeah dudes need to lay off women and employees and people out of their league and not harass people they should still go up to girls and ask for their number but girls got to pick up that big hole in this system which is someone's got to ask somebody out or we're not going to if girls and women are going to have all the money status and positions then they got to start being willing to get with dudes make 30 grand a year these are all things that have to happen to counteract the things that i do agree with and sign on to right the dudes if they make 30 000 a year they have to be okay with the woman making more and having a lot and that's where there's still a discrepancy that's their work to do and again i do think as these future generations are being exposed to a family dynamic where it's like dad didn't make what mom did mom was the breadwinner mom was away on business you know then the dude's not going to have as much problem when he meets a woman that has that similar passion then the same way that was the gift my mom gave me my brother's the same way my brother likes gangster women and that's how it is great is he single he's married yeah okay i'm gonna talk about your career for a second fear and freeway right out of the gates how do we get those here at stanford i was a senior in high school i graduated and i went into fear i took a gap year and then i think during that year i made freeway as well and freeway changed my whole life in many ways right because you were terrified that you couldn't pull that off it gave you some confidence well freeway is a take on little red riding hood and i'm little red riding hood for southern lindas big bad wolf and it's a sort of fantastical satire for mom's drug addict it's very 1996 very fringe of society but that's not like natural born killer we had california like that was the old stone produced it so i got chosen to do that part i play this little redneck girl who has a real country attitude and she's it a hundred times and it played at Sundance and I thought it was a mysterious drama of my life playing this character and people laughed their asses off people were like oh my god this is so funny and so that's when I was like oh I'm funny you did not know prior to that I didn't know I was funny did you identify as being funny in your social groups well now I am because I worked on it I played straight really well and I had this intensity about figuring out these really odd characters and playing them very straight and not a blink of self-awareness in any of them fear is fun or not fun is it fun it didn't make a lot of money yeah it was very popular but then it was that confusing if you're like the experience sucked but it didn't if anyone were to pity me how do you feel about being pitied pitied for what well to me like playing that character I wouldn't like either because I don't want to be weak I don't want to be scared I don't want to be fragile I'm not any of those things and I have a plan I have a backup plan and I have three more plans after that that's the kind of character cycle yeah okay when you do election do you have a sense because that's kind of early in the Alexander Payne world I felt myself turning into the character for a second you went there right away my mouth started doing really yeah I can't Alexander's favorite thing is that I go you're a rabbit for the listener at twitch yeah there's a mouth and nose twitch I CMJ for two solid months afterwards because of how hard I clenched my teeth in that character and all she would do was wiggle her nose when she was mad I'm so angry but I'm not going to show anybody yeah but my nose betrays me sometimes when you read the script were you able to understand that it was going to be that yes and my boyfriend at the time told me he said you have to watch this and Ruth because this guy's a genius and that was Largerne and if you haven't seen this and Ruth just do yourself a favor it is such a satire of living in America and Ruth is a drug addict who gets pregnant and then two sides of the whole abortion fight just fight over her and her unborn child and I know that sounds very serious it's deeply funny I'm so excited it would remind you if you remember More Perfect did you ever listen to More Perfect it was a spinoff of Radio Lab every episode is about a very historic Supreme Court decision that has been made they give you the history of the Supreme Court it's fascinating it's phenomenal and it talks about so often the plaintiff that they're going to use to challenge some law in court they're not a great plaintiff they want to challenge the sodomy law in Texas but the two guys that they're using they can't get these guys it's just the opportunity to bring it to court but it's like a crazy yeah it's like they're not showing up their hammer all the time and he's like I wasn't fucking yes you were I understand tone and I went in as the character to the audition read the script went in Alexander was there and he said hello and I said hello and he said okay no I'm not going to read today I'm the perfect person for this part and you're either going to cast me or not but that's up to you wow and he's like what it only makes sense I'm the perfect person I've always been bored to play this part and you're either going to cast me or not but either win or you lose it's up to you and I was like thank you you didn't even read the sides oh my goodness had you run this game plan by anybody no I did the whole thing in character with him and he was like thank you so much I really appreciate it worked very hard in that part wow I've never ever done that ever in my whole life despite the TMJ was it fun to play oh my god so fun when you go crazy and you're carrying out the signs it was so fun and Alexander would come up with the most fun stuff he'd like rip the posters like you're an animal he'd show me the Kurosawa movies like a samurai warrior slicing through the enemy and then I go into the bathroom after I've torn on posters and I look at my hands and he's like I want you to look at them like bleeding back like out down spot and I'm like scrub your hands I was like that's my favorite direction you were waiting for Tracy to just explode on screen and he's like when you're watching Matthew Broderick count the votes stalk him like a panther and go up to the door and look at it like you're a mom panther watching pray in the wild it was the greatest direction that's incredible I also like the kind of twist on what you're expecting which is you're calling the teacher you've had an affair with he's a fucking pussy he would have his fucking mouth shut it's like the opposite of what the troll is it's so iconic it's like serious it came out people were like oh my god she's a monster and now maybe she wasn't she was a child who was groomed by herself it's really shifted it's so interesting and Matthew Broderick's character is complicit doesn't report it and goes hey don't fuck with my friend I'm also going to destroy your life it's so petty and human we had so much fun now I get to know this you hosted SNL the very first episode back after 9-11 how do you not try to get out of that what was that whole experience I would give that zero stars do not recommend I was coming off completely blonde I wasn't supposed to be a season opener I was supposed to be the second episode and the first episode they cancelled it because of 11 obvious and then Lauren Michaels called me and said I really need you to show up I really need this for you Giuliani he's going to be here all the firefighters are going to be here Paul Simon I just need you to come out and do something a little light and tell America that we've got to laugh again we've got to get back the national spirit how old were you at the time? 23 years I also had a baby I had a one year old I was a new mom I had this biggest movie come out that summer but if you know me if I tell you I'm going to do something I mean there has to be a real disaster for me because that's part of my southern and military ethics I would save 9-11 I know you need a personal disaster you need a bigger disaster well Lauren said if you don't want to do it it's okay but you felt a responsibility if you want to quit me?

if you want to be a quitter but we get it it was good it was Amy Poehler's first show oh really? wow I think we know that I think we've talked to Seth and Amy about that their first shows were 9-11 oh my can you imagine? no no was it out of body or were you present? no completely out of my body and did not go again for 15 years and it's not their show's fault it was just too much responsibility for a 24 year old girl yeah okay next thing is walk the line I'm going by because of course I'm obsessed with June and Johnny I was like everyone else when you started singing in the movie I was like oh damn she's going to sing she's going to June Carter how terrified were you for that?

had you done any singing? growing up in Nashville I did some singing training I wanted to be a country music singer first and my mother let me take all these country music lessons and it was really fun so I had done some vocal training I went to this performing archaea for 13 year old kids in New York in the Catskills so you would at the very end audition for a musical you would do singing dancing and acting and then they gave you a report card basically and three experts would evaluate you and they were like your dancing can go on the shelf you got better and then you're singing it's okay not great your acting's off the charts so you need to focus on that and it's actually really helpful because you could have been pursuing the wrong let me see if I can do it and so I trained for five months I did it every day and we recorded the album and Joaquin and that band worked so hard you were singing with Joaquin during these five months? we were all in this one house Steve Bumbrant's house working every day how fun was that? so fun and nerve-wracking wow okay I know Joaquin a little bit sweetest biggest human heart hanging out of his chest do you have that feeling about him as well?

he was different then but he's still a sweetheart he was just in character the whole time and how do you deal with that? you called him JR you asked JR how the concert was last night you asked JR what he was doing last night it went really quick would he tell you a fake thing that happened last night or would he say what actually happened? I don't know JR went down to Arby's he would talk like that what confuses me about it is okay so you're Daniel Day-Lewis and you're playing Abe Lincoln we just have a wife back home and you call her on the phone does he call his wife and he's Abe Lincoln but we're pretending Abe Lincoln lived in an era where there's cell phones I get really confused you know how people do magical reality movies you have to understand the rules of magic that's what I'm asking for what are the rules of that's what I want to know when you're asking JR hey JR what did you do last night and he's saying I shot up my Cadillac are we in imagination world or did he shoot up his Cadillac last night don't know but you know some things were true and then other things I don't know if were true were not true and then when he would ask you did you feel compelled like you were June Cutter oh I went to the premiere of I'm trying to think what movie would have been out no and also JR was in JR's world I'm making this sound so crazy and we talked every day and I would act like June towards him so you know how June is sort of exhausted by him all the time I'd be like what did you do last night JR I heard you were out with everybody in Memphis oh yeah you are playing you gotta be careful their daddies have shotguns it probably helped method seems crazy but I get why people do it it works he's phenomenal you too though I know when you get on stage you let it rip I wanted to scream I have another theory I think women make movie stars women make male movie stars if you respect the woman that is looking at this man like you hung stars you are the guy you're him the quality of the level of the woman that is opposite of you is what makes a man a movie star I'm saying that because I remember I saw it when it was done he was walking then and I called walk and I go dude I make you look and I was being funny you were really good together and he's like no I'm not seeing it I won't watch it I'm sorry I'm not Johnny anymore I saw it two years ago we were student shit he goes I found this whole movie and I go you did he goes what do you think it made me look really good you're so right and it's even in real life why does America like me 85% of it is oh this woman we love and trust a lot loves him all the scary stuff the addiction and the motorcycle well this very trusted source seems to think he's just fine and safe I feel that way too thank you for acknowledging that oh it's a thousand percent what's been going on and then by the way I validate her in a weird way because for the people that are like oh she's a goody goodie and she's perfect they're like or like or has high standards is dating someone then you're like oh there's probably something to this guy it's the anoint her from the status thing a woman can anoint a man and a man can anoint a woman so you guys had some expert on about status okay so that's what I'm talking about Titanic without Kate Winslet yeah no who doesn't like respect and admire Kate Winslet she's in that voice and she's like my last words are about my love I think it's a meant to him she picked him and look he's very very talented I'm just saying there's a role for the way women make men seem on film I love this theory I think it's great I think that's bulletproof would you say some of these guys are maybe a little different on screen this is my complaint all the time when we're watching something Chris and I I go hold on why is she with this guy or why is he with this woman I just lowered my assessment of him or her based on this fucking loser they're with and I think every movie star guys should really think hard about what makes you look young or virile or hot versus what makes you look substantive I think it goes for guys in the real world too does that make you look respectable or substantive or deep or does it make you look like your insecurities hanging out it takes all kinds I'm not just sitting here having to judge men who date younger women this is not a moratorium on what I think about dating no totally I don't want to feel judgy but I will say I will leave a dinner party and go that guy has a really cool wife he must be pretty cool oh a thousand percent he's awesome similarly if you're a super high status beautiful woman and your partner is an intellectual I'm like that's awesome you had your pick of the litter and that was your pick I'm doubling on you yeah yeah I agree it goes all the directions I think it's really smart can I ask you a question the last three podcasts I've done people ask me a lot about dating and marriage and relationships and I'm just so curious because every format that I listen to other people they don't ask them the same amount of stuff or is it just because I talk about it a lot well let's be clear I actually haven't asked you about dating it has come up very naturally yes because you brought up how a woman can validate a movie star which then led quite naturally into in real life because I said yeah that has happened to me in real life with Kristen and then we're talking about who do you date and what does that say about you and then we're just here we're talking about my early relationships and why is it because I went to girls I'm saying this is not calling out or anything because I did this interview with this podcast and then the next week they had on a very famous older actor they did not ask him one thing about being a dad they didn't ask him one thing about a day 75% of my questions were about being a mom I mean it is it's a part of your life it's not everything though are we more inclined to ask a thousand percent and I don't have any problem talking about it do people ask you about being a dad no they didn't ever they're not interested see I would like for you guys to ask more guys if I get any it's because I do talk to dudes about having kids all the time and we talk to men about relationships I think what is happening is the more open somebody is the more we are wanting to talk about those more intimate conversations like romance and dating and dad all these things and I guess historically I've been through a lot and people know I'm turning 50 this next year and people grew up with me and it's a beautiful thing that they're like and can I tell you 100% what my intentions are my curiosity about the lack of confidence in dating I don't need to know who you dated I don't want to know anything juicy I want to know how you didn't have confidence in there that's an interest to me how I didn't have confidence yes like that interests me if anything I'm interested in about your public stuff is like you play June Carter and this is a woman who's like I don't give a fuck if you think I'm nasty because I've had different husbands you got to play this woman who owned it in a time which was much harder I imagine to own yes and it was a religious overlay too of course and she's in Nashville there's a lot going on there and so that's of great interest to me the religious judgment piece too it was really interesting as I find a lot of women from the southeast kind of challenging their ideas of happiness and what is acceptable what is not as social marais are changing their faith is still intact but they want their faith to include a more tolerant acceptance version of Christianity yeah this is great and I want to do this more interesting but here we are so I have loved so much the summer we spent in Nashville for so many different reasons I've talked about it at Malazium on here but one thing is I've been here for 30 years it has its values Detroit had its values and its virtues no one's got a monopoly on good things everything is straight off I met 60 people probably this summer talked to them I never once had one person tell me what they did she said it very kindly but she's basically like they're kind of shook with how our daughters will talk back to us or to anybody because it's very uncertain everyone's like hi Miss Kristen hi Mr. Dax and there's value to that there's something I appreciate about that and she's like yeah your kids will let it rip they seem to have no kind of respect is what she was saying and feeling a little entitled and I said you're dead right they do talk back and they are not respectful I can understand why that seems completely unruly but I want you to what I'm prioritizing which is when they're 19 and their boss is a fucking creep I want them to talk back I want them to be disrespectful I want them to always advocate for themselves whether I think they're right or wrong and yeah I'm willing to deal with this thing that is embarrassing at a restaurant for y'all but I can deal with that I can handle that because I want this other thing for them as women yeah and she was like that's pretty good point then we start exploring yeah there is a price to pay so all these things are trade-offs and you're just trying to figure like where do i want to land in here and what piece do i want to steal from what thing i think it's great that you're able to try something on you know try and assimilate to a different group of people i don't have this overlay judgment of political assignment to good or bad yes but my question was you have moved back to nashville so what things since you've landed are you like oh yeah this is so much and which part you're like i've been somewhere else for a while i'm like having to adjust to this a lot of different stuff i enjoy because i grew up there so i know the backgrounds i really know the fastest way to get anywhere yeah i know where the good frozen yogurt shops are i know where they make the best chocolate pie so it's all those creature comforts of being in your hometown i feel like the artistic sensibility there is open source so if i know a great bass player i'm gonna tell you there i'm not a songwriter and i can you come in at on it's not gatekeeping and close doors super collaborative so i find as an artist even though i'm not a musician and i don't participate in that part of it i find for my artist friends that move there in the music world they're like oh my god everybody's so welcoming yes and they'll be honest like i don't have time i can find somebody for you and most people are just good people most people just put their pants on go to work pick up their kids try and pay their bills everyone's suffering but i just do feel like the temperature comes down there because the cost of living is so much lower even when people there will be like it's insane and it's our fault too it's not yeah california's fault sorry the parts that are hard i don't know none not really my whole family's there it just makes my life easier yeah and how nice is it to have for your youngest son that network so present really great two sets of grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and i think it's been really good for our family okay i want to talk about gone before goodbye yay you wrote a book yes i wrote a book and you wrote it with harlan coben who i was ignorant on do you know harlan coben no international best selling book but has nine shows on netflix oh my god nine shows number one last year called fool me once oh wow he's this amazing prolific writer but also the world's nicest human he's a master at what he does twists and turns and i met him at a conference nine years ago and i just kind of been watching his work and i'm like hey i love your netflix show just stay in touch and his wife she worked at columbia in that school she was a head of admissions and she's a pediatrician and we were speaking friends and i had this idea about a female surgeon falling into this world of private wealth and private surgeries and i called harlan i was like i have kind of a crazy idea and i pitched to him he's like this is really good oh good yeah so we wrote it together what's that process like how do you write together i had about the first hundred pages in my mind already worked out and i defined the character and everything and then he helped me i didn't know what was gonna happen in the middle and i didn't know how it was gonna end and we just sat down and started brainstorming so probably every other week five hours yeah and then he'd write a chapter send it to me i'd say she doesn't talk like this she would talk like that he kept saying she's hot like every person would say she's so hot you're hot you're hot i was like why is it calling her hot why does that matter uh-huh so we got down to one like one person say she was hot stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare okay so the book is following maggie mccade and yet she was a military surgeon not today like my dad yes but she has lost her medical license she's in a bad situation she's in a bad way she started taking some pills and got a little sideways during a surgery so she's kind of fucked because she can't do the thing she's great at she's been sued for malpractice she's lost her medical license she's down on her luck and she gets approached at an event from an old colleague someone who knew her mother and says i have an offer he's a plastic surgeon she said if you come to new york there's gonna be somebody in another room and i'm gonna look the other way if you want to take this offer and so she gets hired to go to russia to work on an oligarch and his girlfriend secretly and she gets stuck in a crazy almost jason bourne type world yeah but also it's also believable right because there are people with kind of unimaginable wealth around the world indiscretion is the number one value proposition well i interviewed a lot of surgeons to do this and that was where a lot of the ideas came from because they work for ngos they go to africa to work on people right the world of private surgery is actually really happening it's very real businessmen in china will pay i actually started i was reading a racist book club book and it was a chinese businessman paying his way to the top of the donor list at ucsf and i was like does this happen and i asked the author she's like that happens do people get transplants of organs in other countries and you don't know where the organ came from 100 of course so that's part of it and then part of what was really fun too is i got to research longevity clinics in dubai oh in dubai so i talked to some people who go there once a year and there's the blood oxygen stuff so i imagined a world where one of those longevity clinics kind of grafted with doctors without borders and some unethical stuff started happening with refugees that were treating you start to see it and it gets very complex wow my character starts to uncover some really sinister stuff and you're also embroiled in this crazy opulent world extreme wealth where the rules are off this sounds so intense and so it was so fun i'm sure do so much research to understand this world yeah i've talked to a couple tattoo artists they too find themselves in these crazy situations like oh i tattooed this chic in a 747 just the two of us flying to wherever crazy kind of situations like that did you talk to anyone who had a insane like i did a facelift on a helicopter yes on a military plane on someone who did not want his enemies to know he was under anesthesia oh wow yeah there's an interesting biker thing too her father-in-law is a biker and he comes in and his network of people across europe comes and that's a really important part of the third act yeah yeah it's really fun and what's most fun about it i listened to it and you and chris pine who i didn't even know you guys were friends and they sent you to the movie together i thought i didn't like him oh i thought i didn't like him he's a little shyer i also worked with him i was really friendly to him and then i saw him in the bathroom i was just like he doesn't like me i don't know if i like him were you being sensitive were you being sexy pants i'm very sensitive yeah i'll be the first to make up a story do you want people to come to you or would you prefer you go to them i'm happy with either i was very engaging with him and he was by my assessment he wasn't interested he was a lot of approval so if he's not getting it back something's you know straight into like i'm gonna start writing a story he hates me why does he hate me oh my god did i ever there's so many assumptions yeah here's the four grievances just telling me about it please all to say we interviewed him and i completely fell in love with him i adore him like crazy okay a lot of my favorite people are people i thought i love that look at you being open-minded to challenge your own assumptions that's the least i can do because i make so many but you guys read the book yes he plays my husband he's so good he's so good i mean i don't want to bag another i listen to a ton of books on tape throughout the year we don't really ever get a-list actors doing it it's a significant bump in the experience oh yeah thank you for saying that yes it's like listening to like a great radio show from the 30s well we have performers now doing this yes i'm sure you want people to buy the book and read old-fashioned but i'm gonna really recommend do this book on audio it's so fun i am so happy if anybody consumes it in any possible way graphic novel are you so proud of yourself writing a book is a huge deal thank you i am really proud of myself because i was scared this is scary and i did it anyway and i was like i'm friends with so many authors and this is gonna be so awkward they're all been so lovely and even if they hate it i say tell me love it because i can't handle it that's great just to tell me like but we had done for and we asked her how you like two weeks ago and then we asked her how you two were different and we said we're gonna ask you and we'll see how these compare oh my god i'm like what did jen say about me she said lovely stuff we've known each other so long and we are very different people but opposites attractive you know she's really warm welcoming she's a big host come over she's very warm and friendly i think i'm more nerdy she said you're crazy flick like if there's a challenge i'll take it but hopefully i'm not so rigid i used to be really rigid i think my edges softens life does that to you but jenna will say i've known jen 25 years 26 years you had a little baby in your dressing room i did yeah she's always been really lovely and nurturing and warm and friendly and kind and has been through her own stuff oh yeah and also has reason to be a little garden yes i've cried in one of our interviews i was like i just think people are so unfair sometimes that they think they know her make assumptions well they want her to play a certain character they've designed and any deviation from that cannot be computed she's not who people think she is she's not holding on to old things she's not pining for brad yet she's doing great anyway and her 50th birthday one of the biggest testaments i can say what a wonderful person she is people from her teenage years people from her 20s people who work in her home every ex-husband ex-boyfriend was there she just is like a high spiritual integrity person she's not a burner of bridges correct are you a burner of bridges no i have really good clear pathways of people wasn't always like that because i didn't have the words in my rigidity and i've softened i've had a lot of shit happen to me yeah do you think you suffered the most or people around you suffered the most when you were really strangleholding things i don't know probably me but i never held grudges i'm just not that person what i said to her and i'll say to you the cool thing about the morning show to me is there's been a lot of different ways in which you and her have moved forward the possibilities for ladies but one that still seemed to be not being addressed was an example i gave when we talked to her was somehow everyone's like yeah we can figure out how to get brad pit clooney and matt damon in oceans 11 i mean they're all gonna get a fortune but there was this kind of paradigm where it's like there's one leading gal and there's only room for her and her paycheck and it's gonna kill steve and get her what she's worth there's no way we're giving a second person and i think that was like one of the other remaining doors that need to be broken i think it's pretty rad that you guys use your combined leverage to go like no this is bullshit i guess you had started it with big little lies so you know me and nicole kim are gonna be in this nicole and i decided to do that together you didn't meet on it you had already been friends no we knew each other i must tell you it was pretty funny from yeah and then nicole kittman's over it's all going down over there who's next she's my really good friend and my neighbors too so we tootle and sometimes do errands together well it was very revealing i'm like this is so cute you've driven 40 miles from your house to go look at our house and somehow nicole's also going to join you and it's really telling you what friendship you have she and i just like toodle around you high school like what are you doing i don't know i'm gonna look at this thing sure i'll come that's a very fun we all end up in the same place like shaylene and zoe and dur and i all just had dinner okay we just kind of reconnect and our kids join in too we all kind of girls and my son comes and there was a special alchemy on that show and it felt like a watershed moment too for women connecting over their deep personal relationships and what women's conversations were really like in their inner lives oh i found the whole nicole kidman storyline we just had on alexander's guard oh yeah by the way i fell so in love with him oh my god yeah that storyline i was like oh wow i've never been in that relationship but i feel like that's the real version of it i felt like i learned something that felt so real the storyline between those two yeah oh this is how it works i see the trap of it haven't you ever had a friend who suddenly goes through a breakup and says hey by the way i want to share with you xyz dynamic that you had no idea i've never had that moment a guy would never tell me that really no the guy told me he was beating up his girlfriend i think he would know that would be a line for me i would be judgmental yeah but he would so you can go suck a dick you can go get another friend i'm sorry i don't think a lot of them think oh i need to reveal that i've done this bad thing they've decided it's not a bad thing because you can't live like that but the complexity of the cycle i got oh this is a cycle this is like a high and low this is a dopamine deficit this is sexual is it it's also like is this sexy i bet those orgasms were bar none i bet that's the height of that i think that's what you're playing with and why it's heightened and then the lows are equal and i was like i get it i didn't really even understand it but it just felt so authentic i was like somebody got consulted and someone understands this that was interesting because i was like nick and alzander doing that together the rest of us were in the biggest comedy of our lives like during that we're killing it i'm like i was blowing up my i was like the momzilla yesterday it was awesome and i was like but i'm a little worried about tone she's like don't work i'm like well i talked to nick i think some dark shit's like walking in the corner i can't speak i was like are we on the same show i think it's gonna be on the same network at this point i know but it works it works okay my final question for you is because we're comparable ages yesterday i'm a great attendee i'll entertain lots of people i heard you say acting's a little less interesting and for good reason and i share that sentiment can you compute or do you entertain or fantasize is there a world in which you could devote yourself with passion to something that wasn't productive well i'm working on that so i have a hobby and that's chocolate making oh yes every instant my body wants to turn into a business and it's just my hobby could you retire what i'm 49 yeah but you've been working since you're 14 so you kind of you know yeah but i'm finding new outlets so this writing a book being a novelist i could see myself doing this for a while i have more stories in my head with this character let me ask you this could you love yourself and have self-esteem if you weren't productive do you think you have to be productive so you might need to go like get coffee and stuff maybe you could help well i'm wrestling with all the same stuff and i think it's an internal drive sometimes i'll stay in the shower as i'm crying oh that's my hunch so if you just want to do it because you love it let's go i'm a cheerleader if you have what i have which is like i have to be spectacular for you to love me 100 that needs addressing right or at least i know for me it needs addressing and somehow retirement that's the challenge in some sense it is and i'm working on it i'm a work in progress on it and now at least i'm seeing it but you're right it's tied to my self-worth and i feel like sometimes people see the achiever a certain way and it's really easy to judge and i'm not saying like boo i'm an achiever because it's one of the socially acceptable vices yes yes because it is a fucking addiction like you regulate your mood by this thing i recognize it and i'm getting to a healthier place okay reese i adore you we've been on you for so long and i'm truly flattered long-time listener first-time guest i say my compliment because i don't make you uncomfortable for the very end you're hot no you're hot and i asked if i could tell you this so throughout our 18 years together when she has had these big victories and she shined what she has so often the go-to for me is always i'm like look at you girl you're fucking reese witherspoon oh our whole relationship every time she scores a touchdown i'm like girl you're fucking becoming reese witherspoon and she's so flattered by it that is really a lovely compliment and it's the truth thank you for saying that yeah and i feel like one day i'll be christian bell i'm so glad i finally happened this year i like it you're pursuing i like it about you we're stoking the little like we're being gentle with each other and kind of dancing around like do you like me do you like me do you want some bread no it's okay girl all right i adore you everybody check out gone before goodbye i recommend listening to it and then of course season four of the morning show is on apple plus right now tune in before it ends binge it catch up it's fantastic there's a lot of drama reese be well thank you stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong okay okay cute shirt and appropriately i have an update yes dodgers yes yes how long have you had that shirt okay i've had it for a long time it's my first time wearing it you've just been waiting i keep forgetting like if they get into the world series a second time that's right i'll bust out my dodgers blue well you know i i have a lot of school spirit and i am brand loyal and i am brand loyal to the Braves.

Okay, sure. So that is my number one team. Okay. I know people don't like this, but I like it.

Yeah, I feel like I'm allowed to have a number two team because this is my city. I know. I mean, this gets into a much bigger, deeper philosophical conversation, which is like loyalty in general. Yeah.

I'm sometimes on here saying, you know, I don't think loyalty should come at the expense of the truth. Yeah, you have. Or honestly, I have some things. Yeah.

Mostly my baggage from having to be loyal to adults that maybe didn't deserve loyalty. Yeah. But just unrelated to sports, car guys, they like to declare themselves. I'm a Chevy man.

I'm a Ford guy. I'm a Mopar guy. Yeah. And so regularly, I'll post a picture of one of my cars and I am loyal to horsepower.

Right. That's my elite. Exactly. Yeah.

And so I'll post a picture of my 454 SS pickup truck and the Mopar guys will be like, bowtie sucks. Oh, shit. You know, only guys is a radical truck and you know it. Yeah.

And then I'll post a picture of my Mopar Hellcat and the bowtie guys are upset and then I'm Ford Raptor. They don't like that again. I do that with motorcycles and cars and it's very disruptive. I think, yeah, it is interesting and philosophical because I, when I hear that, I'm like, yeah, duh, like you should be able to like whatever car you like.

But I have no, I have no feelings about cars. So it's easy for me to say that. Yes. When I have feelings about things, I do, I do have a stronger reaction.

Yeah. Yeah. So sports teams, I get hate because, I mean, the Red Wings are my team. Yes.

I grew up, they were the Bulls. I mean, they were just insanely good and they're my team. Yeah. But I fucking love a Maple Leaf sweatshirt.

They're so good looking. That blue with the leaves off. I love the colors. I'll wear that in a post and my Detroit friends are very upset.

Yeah. And look, I like the Rams, but if it's between them and the Lions, it's I'm going Lions. So I like the Rams and I like many teams and then if they face each other, I will have a priority. Yes.

That's how I feel. I feel like I can definitely be a huge, huge, huge, huge Dodgers fan right now, which I am. The biggest. The biggest.

But if they were playing the Braves, sorry, I'm a Braves fan. That's okay. See, my argument is that's okay. And in a world in which we think that in group out, group and tribalism is to cause for a lot of our current ailments, I think a little less of this.

Yeah, I agree. It's probably better. Enjoy a lot of stuff. You can enjoy a lot of stuff, but also be really loyal to your teams.

Don't ever say roll of time. I mean, are the Maple Leaves, are they called the Maple Leaves? From Maple Leaves. Okay, also that's like, sorry, it's just so Canadian.

It's so Canadian, of course. It's so cute and Canadian. And they must be among the, Rob, what, the first five teams? Yeah, they're the original 16th.

Oh, wow. And they hate that Detroit calls us a hockey town. Oh, right. Because Detroit calls us a hockey town.

And there's shit up all over the city, hockey town. And like Will Arnett, who's from Toronto, is like, you're fucking hockey town. Oh, but that's because he is also very American. I know, but that's his American side being like, ugh, hockey town.

Because, you know, in our pod, Matt is Canadian and he has a bunch of friends who are Canadian and they're all on these chats and stuff. About the Blue Jays. Exactly. And all of the Canadians are like, good job, when we win.

And then like, you know, Charlie's doing like a suck it, mean, like gift to them. They're like, no, we're happy for you guys. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, it is so American to be like, yes.

And I definitely fall into that. I love winning. Yeah, it's fun and just has to be kept within reason. Because, okay, my updates were I went to the Dodgers game last night.

Yes, you went to the World Series. Game four of the World Series. And my brother had just flown in an hour before and it's a bucket list for him to go to the World Series. And then my sister Carly, as Rob will attest, is a baseball junkie.

Yes. So I took those two. Aww. And this type of game, and in fact, in all disclosure and transparency was why I was there, which is when there's these big games, those teams like to have celebrities in the crowd for the television.

They got more cutaways, bigger events. So I got invited. And that would anger people. I was taking this whole thing through.

Like, you know, there's someone sitting here that's like, that's such bullshit that that guy would get a free seat when he's not even a hardcore fan. Sure. And that's a very legitimate point. Unless you're the Dodgers and you need cutaways.

And you're like, yeah, but I need cutaways. It's all fine. People can be annoyed. I'm always defending my tall poppiness.

You know, I always have the argument prepared for when I get confronted. Yes. I mean, I guess the question is like, what, you're going to say no to go to a fine event? Then it goes to me.

Like, why would I say no? Because I didn't go to every game. And I am a Fairweather fan. And there's another thing.

That's another thing. Like, Fairweather fans really anger really hardcore fans. Okay, but of course. But why of course?

I'll tell you why it shouldn't be of course. Fairweather fans are where the bulk of the viewership comes from. Where the bulk of the money comes. Oh, we got a picture.

Oh, good. I don't even have to blatantly name drop. That's a friend of the pod, Chris Pine. That's his buddy Tyler who's smiling.

He was a great guy. I talked to him a bunch. Oh, fun. And that's our most sexy member of suits.

Oh, wow. And he's in all Toronto stuff and he's friends with Kevin Zegers and he was there to support the Blue Jays. And I was thinking, what game is it safe? Like, this is safe.

We're up one game. You're in all the Toronto stuff. Yeah, but it's scary. But if it's game seven and we lose that game, you're walking out of the Dodger Stadium, which is known to get a little riffraffy.

I was like, I'm going to have to walk with this guy tonight given the outcome of the game. Yeah, I understand. But this isn't... What?

Oh, no. Other friends of the pod. These two are there. Flea and Red Pitt.

What a combo. Oh, now I'm upset, bro. Sorry, I thought everything was good until you showed me that. I mean, do down compare.

Okay? You're with beautiful Chris Pine. So, this trip to the game was cute boy alert. I was coming in today to give a cute boy update.

Okay. Okay, so Patrick Adams is right there. Yeah. When he crossed and we chatted and I looked in his blue eyes and then he left, I said to Carly, wow, he delivers in real life.

And Carly's like, it's unbelievable. He's so gorgeous. And by the way, that was our second helping of it because on the walk in Monica, I see a very fucking handsome guy. One of the most handsome guys I've ever seen in my life.

It's Austin Butler. Oh, he is exciting. And I have this vague sense that we have, well, I know because I was staying at the house for a week and I know he just worked with him. So, we were talking about him.

He's like, he's a great fucking kid. So, I had the balls too. As he turned, I immediately waved at him and then he immediately came over. We started talking.

Nice. He's so gorgeous. Yeah. I saw him at the top of that tower once.

You did. Yeah, very handsome. And he delivers, right? And he's a big boy.

He's tall. Yeah, he's tall and he's got wide shoulders and I saw him at a date of him because he said, oh my God, we're both friends with Duffy. My friend Duffy who was ding, ding, ding, Brad Pitt's trainer who clearly is now Austin's trainer. Yeah.

And he's the Navy SEAL I always talk about. Yes. So, then we're talking about Bods and then I looked up his Instagram today and he's got a shirtless photo and my God, ladies, go over to his Instagram. He's looking insane.

He doesn't need help. People are looking at his Instagram. And then my brother, he hears Duffy DiCastro. So, then my brother says to him, oh, are you stunty?

Like, meaning are you a stuntman? Uh-huh. To Austin. To Austin.

You know, I love that. And I say, Dave, he's Elvis. And then my brother goes, oh, my God, you are Elvis. I love that movie.

I saw it twice. Oh. Let's it rip. That's nice.

It was hilarious. And then my sister was like fucking hyperventilating how hot he was. Oh, my. It was exciting.

That's so exciting. It was exciting for the whole family. And then Sean and Edward were two rows behind me and threw a napkin at my face. Oh, fun.

Yeah. It was very fun. That sounds like a great time. It was.

I felt popular. Oh, that's not Sean. That's Connie Britton. That's Connie B.

Got lots of people, lots of pod mates that were there. Everyone was there. That's really cool. Wow.

Wow, wow, wow. Yeah, it was a real CMB scene. Yeah, we did lose. Mm-hmm.

Too many stars there. Yeah. They need to dial it back a little bit. And you know my insecurity like the whole way there.

I know we're in this suite that the MLB has and I'm like, I'm going to be in the, you know, I'm going to be like row nine in this thing. That's what I'm thinking. I'm not going to see the game. They're going to, shit, Chris Fine's here.

He'll be right up front. But also, also, again, though, the comparison. You as an admittedly Fairweather fan, you're a loyalty, was invited to go in the MLB suite and you're like, oh no, I'm not. I'm insecure that I'll be on the last row of whatever this already rarefied group is.

Exactly. Yes, very human of me. It's so human and it's interesting. It's hard.

It's hard. We're all comparing no matter where we're at. Except maybe Brad. It is all funny.

It's very funny. It's very funny. Can you want me to admit the grossest thing? Yeah.

Yeah, this is disgusting. Yeah. Because I get insecure is what it is. Yeah.

And so when I am talking to a famous person and someone yells my name, I'm grateful. Like I was talking to Chris in front of the bathroom. Yeah. And a dude walked by and was like, what's up, Dax Shepard?

And I was like, oh, I'm good. I'm like, Chris knows at least some people know me. Isn't that gross? Pretty gross.