Okay, turning your Bible into Romans 12. Romans 12, Rianna brought the fire last week and talked about, bless those who persecute you. And this week, we're talking about verse 15, we're diving in together on rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. The Apostle Paul is writing to the Roman church.
And if I could say it a different way, when he says rejoice with those who rejoice, and warn with those who mourn, he's saying, hey, don't have hearts that are calloused. Don't have hearts that are hardened where you actually can't grieve and mourn, and you can't get a little wild with your celebration. He's going, it's okay to get a little crazy and rejoice a little bit. Rejoice, that word means show joy.
A lot of times when we think rejoice, we think rejoice, rejoice, you know, it's like, that's not, that's like the only time that we use the word rejoice is like the Christmas song. Some of you are still recovering because it's like, whoa, that's how he sings. And maybe, okay. Oh, can you imagine if I was just like, the guy that was the, what is that?
The style of singing opera. Yes, if I was just like the opera worship singer, oh, okay. Let's go, do it, do it Lord. You know, I think that in a lot of different memories that I have of our community, I feel like we do the rejoicing with those who rejoice in mourning with those who mourn really well.
And then at other times, I think we don't do it really well. And I think that there's room to grow, and I think there's a lot of room to grow in this, because the current of culture, to actually especially Midwestern white culture, is so heavily, let's not be that celebratory. Let's not let emotions get the best of us. Let's keep it right here in the middle.
And the Apostle Paul's like, blow the top off, go deep, cry, we, plav, have fun, you know? And I believe that God's not the God in heaven that is stoic as he's creating the earth, you know? In the very beginning, I don't believe God's going, let there be light, let there be horses, you know? Like I don't think, I don't imagine him being stoic, not exciting, no, he finishes each day of creation, and he's like, this is so good.
And he looks over to his left, and he's like, jeez, what do you think? And Jesus is like, let's go! And then he looks over to his right, and Holy Spirit's like, is it time to hover? And they're just like, they are having a good time.
As they're creating, they are having a good time. And it even says in Job 38 that there's a soundtrack as God is creating, and the soundtrack is the angels that are literally going wild, and they're shouting back and forth, praises, and can you imagine the sound of creation? In the very beginning, it's a sound of joy. And I love God is a joyful God.
How many of you know that passage in Nehemiah that says that the joy of the Lord will be your strength? Whose joy? The Lord's joy. You're going, I got a muster up joy so that I can be strong.
It's like, no, no, no, it's the Lord's joy. And as you meditate on his joy, it's going to strengthen you. We serve a God that at the end of the story, he is going to wipe every tear from the billions of cheeks that he's created. And that's the first thing that he's going to do upon his return, is he's going to compassionately wipe tears of mourning off of cheeks.
My goodness. And the Apostle Paul is writing, many of us, in the Western American mindset is mourning is bad, and we want to get through with it as fast as we can because it's bad. And the Apostle Paul is commanding us to mourn. He's commanding us to mourn with people that are mourning.
And we do not do that well in the West. In the Eastern, the Eastern ethnic groups, the Eastern tribes, tongues, and peoples of the world do this actually really well. And we see this in the Bible. We see it with Lazarus in the story.
Mary comes, and there's a whole entourage of people that are mourning with her. In America, it's like, hey, go in the closet, go into your house until you can get it together, and then come out when you're done. That's usually what mourning looks like in America. Grieving in America looks like you just cried out.
There's not a lot of time, and for me, as like an Enneagram three, where are my threes out? Okay. I'm disappointed by the threes in the room. There's this achiever mindset, and we start realizing, wow.
Like when I look at my own life, I'm not preaching on this passage because I'm good at it. I'm preaching on this passage just because it's the next verse. Okay? It's like I have to, I'm the pastor.
Have you ever thought about that? Did I have to preach the things that I'm not about things I'm not good at? Gosh, that's unfortunate. But as an achiever, I've been confronted with the reality that I'm not good at this because I'm so task oriented, that celebration and mourning and rejoicing and mourning oftentimes is inconvenient, and it oftentimes doesn't produce, like things getting checked off the list, it doesn't have as much of an impact.
And what I'll say is this, our world and our capitalistic society, which is incredible, there's amazing attributes about capitalism, but one of the shadow sides of it is that we're driven by production and achieving an impact, and I believe that the Church of America is drunk, and she's been drinking the idol of impact. And the apostle Paul, and Jesus, as I get closer to Jesus, I become more aware that he really doesn't care as much about impact. And he doesn't care as much about metrics, and he doesn't care as much about achieving it. And the next level, more, more, and then more, he's not, for some reason, that's not what he's driven by.
And so when the apostle Paul says, rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn, the Western way is like, well, that seems like it's gonna take time. Don't you know that time is money? Oh, no. That's gonna take energy.
That's gonna take resources and capital to celebrate and to mourn. The apostle Paul's like, yes, yes. It's good, you're onto it. It's costly to love.
That's really what we're talking about. That's what Paul is talking about. He's talking about how we love each other. And I feel that tension, myself, as I read this, maybe some of you do as well.
But there's a lot of moments in life where there's rejoicing and there's mourning. It's like marriage and the wedding day, and then getting the invitation and the tension that you feel when you wanna be married, and you're not, and you have to RSVP. You know, and there's the celebration of a birth, and then the grieving of another month where you're not pregnant. And there's these tensions that are experienced within the body of Christ.
There's the death and divorce, and graduations and birthdays, and tragedies, and landing the dream job, and then bankruptcy, and buying a first home, and overcoming a health challenge. And there's releasing a song, releasing a book, healing, and then not healing, and chronic pain. And there's a whole spectrum of experience. And most of us in the body are isolated in these moments.
And the Lord is casting vision for us to not be isolated in our greatest moments of pain, and our greatest moments of celebration. Growing up, some of us, our parents, didn't know how to emotionally regulate themselves. And the impact of that is as children, we have, like, when we're kids, we have big emotions. I don't know if you've noticed that about children, but there's big emotions, right?
Like my kids, when they're younger, they can just go zero to 100 and joy, and zero to 100 in the whole world just fell apart, because I wanted you to unwrap the snack that you gave me and you didn't unwrap it. Did you hear what I just said? The whole world is over, because you didn't unwrap the fig bar. Okay?
Kids have big emotions, but if parents aren't adults that are emotionally resource, what they can't do is they don't know how to hold the emotions of their children. And then as those children grow older, and they become adults, they begin to short circuit when there's strong emotion, because their parents weren't able to be that like, the bumpers, to hold and carry their emotions, right? Because what a parent is supposed to do is not be unfazed. When that child is having strong emotions, they know the world is gonna be okay, right?
And they're not immediately in reaction mode, but they're at peace. Now, some of us that didn't have parents that were able to hold our strong and big emotions. Now, when somebody has a really strong emotion of mourning or celebration, we can't be present to it, and we react to it. And depending on your personality, you're gonna react in a lot of different ways to strong emotion.
And so it's important to name that some of us will actually not self-regulate in our emotions at all. And so somebody has a strong emotion of mourning, and we fully give ourselves over to the emotion that they're having, and we can't tell the difference between where their emotion ends and where our start. And so as you're reading this passage, you're going, ooh, I'm good at mourning. Some of you are like, I am good at celebrating, and I'm good at mourning, and it's because you actually fully give yourself over to live through somebody else's emotions because you can't differentiate.
Everybody say differentiate. Differentiation is really important to one. I want everybody to know it. This is, listen, for all of you singles, you need to know this.
For all of you married couples, you really need to know this. Okay? All you parents, you really need to know that. Okay, differentiation, I wanna read the definition.
Differentiation is the ability to be connected to your thoughts, emotions, and feelings, while also being close to somebody else. Okay? The ability to be connected to your own emotions, while also at the same time being close to another person, which is the opposite of you have an emotion, and now I fully have the emotion, and we, I've got myself doing this in counseling. So it's like, this is something that I've learned because in counseling, this came up, and I was like, ooh, that's unhealthy.
Where the counselor will also, will go ask me a question about how I'm feeling, and do you know what I'll say? I'll say, we are feeling. Uh-oh. Because I'm seeing everything through the lens of we, because maybe there's not a healthy division between Katie and me emotionally, right?
And so I'm thinking her emotions are my emotions, and my emotions are her emotions, and that's not healthy. Okay? So in relationships, if you're not differentiating, then that's going to create unhealth, and it's gonna create codependency. So I was, we're talking about rejoicing with those who rejoice, and mourning with those who mourn, what I'm telling you is that the ditch is to actually make other people's emotions, your emotions, but we don't see Jesus doing that all throughout the gospels.
Jesus, when he's in the boat, and his disciples are fearful, he doesn't take on the emotion of fear, that the people around him have. When his disciples are like, how the heck are we gonna feed the 5,000, huh? There's 5,000 people here, 5,000 miles, and that's just the men. What are we gonna do now, Jesus?
And he's not taking on the anxiety. You see that, he's differentiating, and he's going, I know that you're thinking that that's a big problem, but I don't have to think it's a big problem. Oh, right? Jesus' mom and his brothers are coming in, and they're on the outside, and they're upset.
And what somebody that is not differentiating, because it can get really intense when it's apparent, and they're upset with me, and I can fully wear the stress and take it on myself because they're stressed, and now I'm stressed. Do you see? This can get unhealthy. And so the Lord is helping us to see that when the Pharisees are angry, Jesus is not angry because he's differentiating.
So, you're free, as a qualifier, differentiating, it's like a qualifier that, listen, some of you, you need to know this, because you're guilty. Like, Jesus has washed your sins away, you're guilt-free, but listen, I'm telling you, okay? This is something that you're doing all the time. And the Lord's going, hey, let's be aware and noticed when we're wearing other people's emotions, all right?
Okay, let's get into rejoice with those who rejoice. Are you guys ready? Rejoice with those who rejoice, threats to rejoicing. I wanna talk about a couple of threats to us actually celebrating and rejoicing with our brothers and sisters.
The first one is this, cynicism, oh no. The cynic, the wet blanket. Oh, the person that's like, hey, let me make sure to round out your celebration with some rationality. Seems like you're really excited, let me bring you down to earth.
The cynic's like, hey, good can only last for so long, right? Don't worry, things are gonna get worse soon. Just like, no, it's time to party, it's like, should we party? Because I see six months from now, this is not gonna go good.
You know, cynics actually take joy and they like completely dash it against the rocks with hopelessness. Just like, you shouldn't be excited about this. Don't you know that you're gonna get betrayed soon? Don't you know that the joy that you're having right now is actually deceiving you into thinking that you should have excitement when the reality is that you're gonna just get let down again and what it's coming from is personal pain.
The wet blanket, the cynicism is because we've gotten burned by life. We've been burned by, I had my hopes up, things were going really well, and then I got hit with the brokenness of this world. I got hit with my circumstances. And so what the cynic does is they go, I'm never going to get hurt that way again.
And so a self-protection measure, so that they don't get hurt again, is they go, I'm not gonna get my hopes up anymore. I'm not actually gonna get filled with hope. Instead, I'm gonna be in self-protection mode. And it's actually the cynic things that they're being loving by trying to help you to not rejoice.
Cause they're like, I'm protecting me, I need to protect you. Right? And so we deceive ourselves thinking, no, I'm helping out so that they don't get hurt, but the reality is you're totally in disobedience. The Lord's going, hey, rejoice with those who rejoice, and you're like, let's round that out a little bit, Paul.
We want them to be safe. And the Lord's going, let's throw safety to the wind emotionally and let's give ourselves to joy. Now that feels a little, I just said that. And it felt a little like, is that true?
And maybe that's a good question we should ask. Does the Lord go, hey, fully embrace joy? I don't know. You should process that out if that's something that you struggle with.
All right, are you guys ready for the next threat? Comparison and envy. Oh no. Ooh, comparison and envy.
That is a big threat to you rejoicing with those who are rejoicing, right? Because when you've got the lie that circumstances are going to make you happy, man. And then when somebody else's circumstances are awesome, then you get hit with the reality that yours aren't. And you just totally following the footsteps of the older brother of the prodigal son, right?
The father's running out to be the son. He's so excited. Let's throw a party. He gets home.
And there's this party with all this singing. And there's this dancing, right? And then the older brother hears the party outside. And he's going, are you serious?
Are you serious? He didn't do that for me. And that's a threat. And the enemy to rejoicing with those rejoices.
What about me? What about me is envy and bitterness, not only to the Lord, thinking that he's micromanaging all of your circumstances. And he's holding out on you. But it's actually this belief that I'm entitled to every bonus that anybody else gets around me.
I'm entitled to have that happen to me. And how dare life treat me this way? The Lord's going, hey, hey, hey. Could you just know that my father, like my fatherly love for you is enough?
And that your joy isn't defined. See, happiness is defined by your circumstances. Joy is defined by connection with God, right? And so that's what the father says to the older brother.
Older brother, you've got, you get me. You've gotten me the whole time. Everything that's mine is yours, older brother. Look, we're together.
I've been here the whole time. I'm the reward of your heart. I'm the reward of your soul. All right.
We've bought the lies that fortune, fame, and things are going to make us happy when we struggle with comparison and envy. Steel so much joy. All right, the next one, next threat is silence, or just like not being around because you're so busy. Just like really great things happen to friends and family.
And there's just crickets. Because you're not there. You're so self-consumed that you're just not present. So I think we should get good at celebrating.
Look, what if one of the greatest missional strategies for the American Western Church was us just getting really good at throwing parties? Like good wholesome parties. What if we just got really good at it? When I think about Jesus, he was just always at these gatherings.
It was always a house party. Like you can look at Jesus' life and it's like house party, house party, house party. Wow. Maybe he's onto something, you know?
And then the father's like feast, festival, feast, festival. Let's eat a lot. You know? I'm just wondering if there's something on it.
And I don't know what the strategy is. I don't know how we structure it. We probably don't. But we get to as a people go, hey, when there's something we're celebrating, like what if we picked up the chair and threw it over our head?
You know? Like that's one of the things that I loved about the YWAM crews of like circuit riders and firing fragrance. It was like somebody met Jesus and it was like chairs are getting thrown, you know? Like we're just like standing on chairs holding up chairs at the base we're doing it.
We can't do it with a pew. But we'll do it. OK. Let's be the best at throwing parties.
Let's be the most lively bunch. Let's have fun with it. It's OK to find excuses to show joy and celebrate. Those who refresh others will themselves get refreshed.
And some of us are just like, oh, let's just keep it here. Do you know? This is true. And I feel this.
When someone is really demonstrative in their celebration and it kind of just like you blew past self-respect. You know what I'm talking about? We need more of that. OK?
Because we're so self-conscious. Isn't that right? But we love the person that just presses the limits on like, was that appropriate celebration or not? Right?
It's like it's OK to get a little wild, you know? And so OK. Morn with those who mourn. The other spectrum, OK?
And it's godly to cry. And it's godly to grieve. And it's godly to mourn with those who mourn. The hindrances to us mourning with one another.
Number one is this lie that I want to call it as a lie. And I don't think I'm even going to walk it back. Is I'm going to give them space. I think that's a lie.
I'm just going to give them space. That's usually the reaction when tragedy hits. We hit our heels and we back away as the American church. And I've been inspired by watching Katie do this time and time again.
I remember when one of our close friends, there was a suicide that was close to her. And I'm thinking like phone call, text message, we're praying for you. And she's thinking, what's the next flight from Colorado to Minnesota? We're buying them and we are already gone in the afternoon and we're already there.
And it's like time and time again, she's the one that's setting the tone of this is what love looks like. Love draws close to the pain. And listen, it's not natural for me. That's not maybe you're like me and you're like, oh, no, no, no.
That's like I don't want to go there. It seems like a lot. And she just keeps on loving people. It's inspiring to me to run to the front line when the battle is the most intense and when the pain is most dramatic.
And that's what our tendency is as the people when the tragedy happens, when the trauma happens, our tendency is to give space. But most of the time what people need is someone in the room. Because you can't do it. You can't mourn with those who mourn through social media.
And you can't mourn with those who mourn when you're texting. And you can't really mourn with those who mourn when you're just like DMing each other. That's not how it works. So let's leave that lie behind of give them space.
Now, there's a qualifier there. You need to be self-aware. If it's like there's not even any relationship here that we have, if you haven't had a deep conversation with that person, then maybe don't show up on their doorstep. It's just be socially normal.
Gosh, you've got to say those things. And it's unfortunate. But I had to say it. Second problem that hinders us from mourning with those who mourn is bandwidth.
So our bandwidth, this generation, when I say generation, I'm talking about everybody that's alive right now, has we have this going against us. That we are constantly getting bombarded with tragedy and grief and things that should not be. And so we're hit with the global tragedies in a way that no other generation in history has been exposed to through social media, through media, through news outlets, all those things. You know what's like 40, 50 years ago?
It was in the newspaper. But now it's moving images in color in real time right now, all the time, when you're on your bathroom break. And so we leave the bathroom having processed the most tragic things that we would ever see. And it was just because we went to the bathroom on a break.
And we have to understand the reason why we don't have bandwidth is because we don't have capacity to carry it all, emotionally. And the Apostle Paul is saying, I'm not talking about carrying for the whole globe's problems. He's going for the people that you know their name, and you have relationship with. Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.
Listen, psychologically, psychologists say that you can only hold about 200 names in relationships in your brain at any given time. There's about 1,000 in our community. So I'm so sorry if I don't remember your name, OK? But the reality is, I remember Heidi Baker saying this at a conference in the Twin Cities.
I remember her for 10 to 15 minutes going, we are little, little, little, little, little, little. Some of you might have been there. She just said little, little, little, little, like we are little, little people. She said it for 10 to 15 minutes.
That's like a large part of her message was saying, we are little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little. Listen, you are little. You don't have brown-eyed shoulders. And so then you come to church.
You come to church. And then the pastor says, we're believing for the Somali community of the unreached people groups in our city. And then we're believing for Israel and Gaza, for God to encounter all the IDF soldiers and Hamas. And we're believing for God to raise up an army of counselors.
You should be passionate about. And we're going to have Francis Chant come in. Francis Chant, he's going to talk about the orphan crisis in the early, and in Kenya. And you're supposed to be taking the wisdom of care class because it's going to help you be trauma-informed as a parent.
And then you should be very passionate about prayer and worship because prayer and worship is the thing. And then you should be passionate about sex trafficking in the Twin Cities and in Indonesia. And you should really give your life to that. And on top of that, you should give to the poor, and you should have accountability, and you should meet with your community every single week.
And you should be consistent in your study of the Bible. Spend an hour a day with the Lord. Open up your Bible. Pray, worship, do all this stuff.
Come on, start doing this stuff. That felt good. I think I needed that. I said it.
And we're like ADD as the body because we're like, all the visionary leaders are like, vision for this, vision for that. It's the kingdom. Be passionate about this one too. And we're going like, I'm just trying to pay for rent.
Just trying to wake up on time, and my kid keeps on waking up in the middle of the night. I want us to be aware that you can't hold it all. We're going to talk about this in the coming months. Katie and I have been talking about this.
We're going to start getting in our lanes as the people of God because you can't do everybody's calling. You're a little pinky. And then there's an elbow, and you're probably the elbow. And I'm the earlobe, OK?
And that's just like, we're little people. You can't do it all. You can't hold it all. You don't have the bandwidth to solve and carry the global crisis of our hour.
You can't do it. And so the pressure's off to hold that. All you have to hold is the friends and family that are closest to you. When the tragedy happens, you step toward them, and you're with them.
And when the good thing happens, you get out of envy and jealousy and all these things, and you just go, I'm so happy for them. Like, let's celebrate. Like, I don't think we've adequately celebrated yet, right? All right, bandwidth.
Next threat to mourning is when we minimize the circumstances or emotions that are attached to a tragedy, it doesn't help when you try to just minimize the pain. And it doesn't help when you minimize, well, is it really that bad, isn't helpful, all right? The other thing that's not helpful is to have all the answers. Oh, man.
Do you know when the person that has experienced a tragedy and they're crying, you actually made it to their house? Like, you killed it. You showed up. And they're sitting on the couch with you, and they're crying.
And they're crying the question, why? That is not your moment to have an answer. It's actually a rhetorical question, OK? That is not your time to have a doctrinal theological dissertation around the problem of pain.
That's not helpful. Do you just want to acknowledge with me the Apostle Paul didn't say mourn, like with those who mourn, give them answers. Didn't say it. He didn't say, tell them about God's sovereignty.
Christians are famous for giving God credit for tragedies because they feel like they need to give an answer, rather than just sitting and listening and crying with people. You don't need to have the answer. That's not helpful, OK? Because when you have an answer, a lot of times, do you know what Christians have said for years in the midst of tragedy?
They've said things stupid things, stupid things, like, well, God need another angel. No, he doesn't. That's not actually true. He doesn't need another angel.
And he's not the one that was responsible for the killing and stealing and destruction. So let's not try to answer for God and let's not try to solve all the world's problems in that moment. Let's just be with a brother's sister. I just cry with him.
That's the answer that I want to give you, like a next step is just sit with him. I'm like, what do I say? Say things like, I'm so sorry. I think cry with him a little bit.
Or it was never supposed to be this way. Are you looking for phrases? That's a godly, biblical, compassionate, and empathetic thing that you could say it was never supposed to be this way? Because in the very beginning, God creates and he calls it good and Adam and Eve sin, and everything completely falls apart.
There's a fallenness of the whole world. And it was never supposed to be this way. And that's why our brains, as psychologists look at our brains, our brains cannot process trauma. Like biologically, we weren't created to process trauma.
Your brain wasn't created for it. So that's why short circuits your brain, and you don't know what to do with it. And it's because you weren't created to process it, because it was never supposed to be this way. So when you say that statement, it's a true statement, but it also is empathetic to go, this is so wrong.
That's another phrase you could use. This is so wrong. I'm so sorry. And you're just present with people.
Man, if we could get this as the body, this would bring so much healing to souls and make mourning a holistic journey and process. It'd be really, really valuable. Because the reality is we live in a broken fallen world, and many of us have experienced hellish things. And many of us will, in the future, experience hellish things.
I'm not speaking that over us, but that's just the reality. And we live in this broken fallen world, and I can't wait for Jesus to come back and make all the wrong things right. And we don't grieve and we don't mourn. As those that don't have hope, as Thessalonians talk about, talks about, but we have to, as a people, carry grief the way that Jesus carried it.
If you just picture Jesus, he has hope, knowing the end of the story, knowing the future. But he's with Mary and Martha. One thing I thought was so interesting is that with Martha, he allows her to lead where things go emotionally. Because Martha isn't crying in their conversation.
And so he's not leading out with emotion in that setting, but Mary comes weeping, and Mary comes with a whole entourage of people that are weeping. And he actually, even in his differentiating, he makes the choice, I'm fully going to be present in emotion, and I'm going to weep. And as he weeps, that word weep, when it says Jesus' web, it's like sobbing, it's like vocal weeping, like sobbing, nasty, like snot everywhere, type weeping, God in the flesh, standing and weeping uncontrollably. And it was godly and it was good.
And I want to, well, one of the things I want to finish, what I just said about Martha, sometimes we're going, I got a morn with those who mourn. And then in inappropriate times that feel unsafe for the person that's in grief, you bring a whole tidal wave of emotion. And we just kind of follow their lead. So if someone is in grief and in mourning, it's not helpful sometimes to see them.
And then they're in a public setting, and just like, oomph, emotion. And sometimes we need to be aware, for those of us, that go un really good at crying with people. Sometimes you can be self-consumed with your emotion and not be aware that the person that's in mourning now has to start comforting you. Because you bring so much emotion, you bring so much emotion that now they're having to just, it's okay, comfort you.
Listen, that's not helpful. You can use self-control but be present with emotion. You can do that, okay? You can be a blessing when you're mourning with those who mourn.
I'm giving you these practical little things because these are the things that get lost in translation because we didn't see these things get modeled. Most of us only have a couple different pictures of what it looks like to mourn. And it was like one tear going down our dad's face. It's like, oh, that's what mourning looks like.
Yeah, I saw my dad cry one time. That is not healthy. I'm gonna say that again. It's not healthy that you saw your dad cry one time in your childhood.
Being emotionally present to the pain of life is healthy. It's not like, wow, he's really a man that he never cried. No, it's healthy to actually go through a tragedy and allow it to hit your soul and not just stuff the pain. I'm tough.
No, listen, it shows humility and tenderness on the soul that actually be present to pain as it surfaces, okay? Man, I know that I just came at some of your dads and I just, I love your dads. I love your dad. I love dads, okay.
One of the things that we've learned as parents is this tool that is a well-known tool in early childhood development called mirroring. And what that means is when a child is expressing an emotion with their face, you actually mirror the emotion that they're showing. So if a child is really excited, you know how many of you know that children, yeah, they can have that big spectrum of emotion, right? So the child is like very excited.
There's a lot of joy and you just mirror their joy. So Nazareth walks in the room and says, I'm home and I go, right? And I'm mirroring her emotion. What that is doing, or maybe it's anger and she's feeling very angry, right?
And I'm going to mirror and you're like, really? I'm going to mirror her anger with a furrowed brow and I'm going, huh? Yeah, right? And I'm present with her in that emotion.
Or when she's sad, I'm going, did that hurt? I know, I'm so sorry, right? And what I'm doing as a parent is it's helping her feel known, it's helping her feel seen and understood. And what it does is it creates healthy attachment and connection with the child.
And it creates an acceleration of their emotional intelligence. And so that child will grow up and as they grow up, they will be an adult that's emotionally resourced well and have emotional health that's actually strong. And as we do that as parents, I want to encourage you to do that as a parent, I'm aware that my world is not falling apart as she's freaking out about the fig bar not being unwrapped, right? It's like the world is ending because the fig bar wasn't unwrapped and I'm like, I know that the world is not over and I'm holding that for her, but I'm being present to her.
And what that's doing is as adults, we do the same thing, we're mirroring, but we have to differentiate. And this is what happens, I don't know if you're like me, but we can get stressed because there's a person that's stressed around us. Have you noticed that? I can get angry because there's somebody else angry.
I can get worried because there's somebody else worried. And I just want to name that. Usually what happens, and this is a repeat because this is the point, this is like one of the main points of this message that you have to get is my tendency is if Katie and I are in a conflict, do you know what I do? I go, okay, she's upset with me.
I'm upset with her now. Oh, you're upset? I'm upset. All right, I take that on.
It's usually the other way around. So it's like, I'm upset and then she's upset, whatever. It's like we have conflict, we're a real couple, okay? So all of you are like, wait, the pastors have conflict?
Yes, okay. So we're having a little scuffle feeling angry and now do you know what I do? I multiply that anger with I see all of these kids. I'm angry, I'm angry at her now.
I'm going to multiply the anger and I'm going to be short with all of my children. Do you see how we do that? That's just me? No, okay.
Listen, just because someone is stressed doesn't make you have to be stressed. Just because someone is frustrated, that's more like, we can, oh yes, I'm frustrated. It feels more approachable. It's like, no, you're mad.
You're angry. It's like, no, I'm frustrated. Very frustrated. Seems like more digestible, frustration.
Just because somebody else's frustrate doesn't have to make you frustrated because you're a powerful person that can differentiate between your emotions and somebody else's emotions like Jesus. But there's moments where we have to go, I want to be a people that rejoice with those who rejoice and I want to be in the mud and in the tragedy and in the pain and I want to actually fully embrace the moment of grief and I want to be present to it. But that doesn't mean that I enter into sin because somebody else is angry. I don't have to be angry.
And as a people, I want to call us higher into emotional health to go, I can actually fully be like wild in celebration, but not be emotionally unstable. And I can be fully present to grief and not have it ruin the next week or two or three weeks. But I can actually be a person that goes, I'm gonna hold these emotions and I'm gonna be present. But then there's a time and a moment where I go, this is not mine to hold and I give it to the Lord.
This is not mine to carry and I have to hand it off. But I can be present and love my brother and sister in all of those moments. Let's all stand. We're free to not carry the stress or the worry or the anger around us.
And you're free to not carry the bitterness that your friend has. Misery loves company and you don't have to enter into the misery of bitterness and resentment. You don't have to bow your emotions to worry and anxiety. You don't have to adopt shame and stress as something that you're just living in.
You get to actually be present to emotions that are surfacing with the Holy Spirit. Emotions are not bad. Celebrating and rejoicing is healthy and grieving is healthy. It's a rightful response to the brokenness of our world.
And it's a rightful response to celebrate that which is good. So Lord, as a people, we just say that we want to rejoice with those who rejoice. As a community, we wanna get really, really good at celebrating. We wanna be the most wild bunch.
We wanna be the ones that have the most joy and the most laughter. We just wanna have a good time because we know that you're a good time. Lord, we thank you that in the Father's house, as there's many rooms that your house is filled with laughter, your house is filled with joy. We want it to feel like that for us as a whole community.
Help us to connect within communities so that we're not isolated in our moments of pain. We wanna be a people that love well. You're gonna just tell the Lord, Lord, I wanna love well. Teach me how to love.
Teach me how to love. Teach me how to love. My brother or sister is honored. Teach me how to love when my brother or sister is suffering.
Help me to get good at it. So I'm just commissioning out all of these sons and daughters. Lord, I thank you that you love them. And for so many years, you've just been celebrating and rejoicing over them with dancing.
You're just wild with your celebration, Lord. And Lord, I thank you that there's been so many moments where you've mourned even moments where they didn't have the emotional capacity to, that you were God that was actually present to the grief of those moments. Lord, I thank you that you're raising up this community along with the whole church of the Twin Cities to love our city, to know when it's appropriate to grieve with our city, and when it's appropriate to celebrate with our city. Lord, help us win tragedy strikes for us to be emotionally present as your people.
Help us to practice with one another so that when our city is in turmoil, we can actually be present emotionally and online. Help us with our bandwidth issues. We love you and everybody, amen.