Relational Trauma in the Workplace

Think about the things you may hear when you’re in a toxic personal relationship. Would you say those same things to a friend in a toxic employment relationship? And what do you tell yourself? “You’re making this up. It can’t be that bad.” “You should’ve done more. You should’ve acted differently.” “You shouldn’t complain because they’re so nice in other ways.” “It’s ok for your boss to yell at you because it’s your boss.” “It’s professional to just suck it up.” “In the workplace I can be treated as less than human. I get a paycheck and somehow that is enough.” What does that do to you in the long run? Employment relationships, the relationships between human beings and the organisation they’re in, are in fact very much like personal relationships. And when an employment relationship turn dysfunctional or even toxic, relational trauma can genuinely be the outcome. Stuck in a relationship because someone makes you believe it’s too risky to leave. Eating away at your self-esteem. What’s happening for you, how you respond, how it can stick with you and inform the way you react to what happens in your next job, and the next. It’s a natural human response to trauma, rather than you being incompetent at work. We’ve been conditioned to believe that somehow in the workplace these things are excusable. Just because we’re getting a pay check to be there, we can be treated in ways that in a romantic relationship or in friendships we know shouldn’t be putting up with. Somehow, workplaces have been given an escape card for far too long. People have been given permission to get away with bad behaviour, even been promoted for it. But bullying has nothing to do with leadership. It’s useful to see the parallels and look at this differently, honestly, to see what actually happens. When uncomfortable and dysfunctional turns into traumatising. When to set boundaries, or get out. When to get the support you need. How not to perpetuate the cycle. Lisa and Marjolijn both get personal in this episode. We share our own experiences with relational trauma at work, and our recovery. Hope this helps you, or someone you know, on your journey to prevent or heal. More about us: Lisa Dempsey – https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisakdempsey/ - https://www.leadershiplabs.eu Marjolijn Vlug – https://www.linkedin.com/in/marjolijnvlug/ - https://www.marjolijnvlug.nl/?lang=en Reach us both at [email protected]