Relationship Practice

Robert is joined by Jayson Gaddis—author, relationship expert, and coach who teaches people the one class they didn’t get in school--“How To Do Relationships.” He is the founder of The Relationship School training programs and podcast. Robert and Jayson discuss the pros and cons of relationship practices and help uncover ways that we both set ourselves up for success and failure in our relationships. Together they will take you on a journey considering some of the mechanics of what goes on in our relationships that are most important to us, whether those are professional working relationships, intimate partnerships, or at home with our kids. Are there reliable ways to work towards more health and intimacy even in the face of conflict? Jayson has a well-developed toolkit for success. Show Notes 1:14 - Introducing Jayson Gaddis 4:16 - What is relationship practice? 4:40 - Listening in a way people feel understood, and can receive you 5:26 - All different levels of relationship 5:45 - High stakes relationships 7:00 - “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend the holidays with your family” 7:34 - The first step is not talking, it’s learning how to become a better listener 9:11 - “Captive audience,” “Monologers,” and active listening 12:34 - The disaster of feeling seen in workshops vs. not feeling seen at home 13:48 - “the authentic alien imposter” and setting better context 15:52 - Feedback and feedback for leaders 18:00 - Diversity, equity, and inclusion 19:07 - Feedback conversations as a habit and the “plus/delta” practice 20:11 - Positive versus Constructive feedback - coach John Wooden versus Bill Belicheck 22:58 - Hyper-vigilance to feel safe 24:09 - Some of us look for what’s wrong 24:45 - The “narcissistic partnerships” 25:29 - How do we know when to speak up about what’s not working? 27:09 - People don’t know how to get to a baseline of “good” and “safe” 28:54 - The work never stops. 29:19 - A collaborative partner with a growth-oriented mindset is important 30:55 - Getting to zero, aka a regulated nervous system 31:25 - Four ways we disconnect: posture, collapse, seek, avoid 33:06 - Zero is possible! 34:45 - Mutual power relationships 35:08 - Interactive regulation: I can help you regulate your nervous system 35:55 - How can you set your kids up for success to contribute to the dynamic? 39:02 - It all boils down to secure attachment 41:22 - Is there a core capability we can foster for success here? 42:48 - Secure attachment is created by the repair process after disconnection happens 43:07 - The Still Face Experiment with Dr. Edward Tronick 43:50 - Mom can’t attune to baby’s needs 45:40 - Box breathing: Allow your nervous system to move from sympathetic to parasympathetic 46:19 - Simple meditation— NESTR: Number, Emotion, Sensation, Thoughts, Resource 48:57 - The difference between Attachment Science and Attachment Parenting and Styles 51:09 - Kids emotions should not run the household 53:22 - Pitfall: “relationships are supposed to make us feel good” 54:13 - Pitfall: “conflict is not good” 55:50 - Importance of higher purpose 56:39 - Personal responsibility 58:21 - Gaddis’ new book: Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships More from Jayson: https://www.jaysongaddis.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/ https://www.instagram.com/jaysongaddis/ https://twitter.com/jaygaddis https://www.facebook.com/jaysongaddisfanpage/