Relationships and the Need to Feel Connected – Second of the 5 Needs Areas

The second of the 5 Needs Areas is the attachment and relationship need. This is the need to feel connected, that you belong to a group. The groups could be a family system, a school system, or a classroom. When kids are lacking in this need area, they will seek ways to connect and belong. For example, a child may be overly kind and loving or needy. An opposite behavior showing this need may be negative attention-seeking actions. The child may do a wide variety of actions, to get attention in any way possible. It’s important to know, this is a subconscious reaction in kids seeking more connection. They often don’t realize they are acting this way. Also, some kids naturally need more attention than others. Their level of need can be based on environment, genetics, etc. Why does this happen? Typically, this cry for attention comes from living in unsafe or inconsistent environments. We often assume this need is caused by a bad living situation, but it could be related to chronic stress. The issue could simply be inconsistent time and attention. For example, maybe mom and dad parent differently which is inconsistent for the child. Other examples are also discussed. Be mindful when behaviors are occurring to find the root cause.  Several items are discussed on what to do when behaviors are occurring and how to meet this relationship need. A few examples: Observe and get curious. Look for possible replacements to help meet the need.Seek out little things to feed the need. “Check and connect” can often help with transitions.Teach more appropriate ways to get attention.The 5 Needs Areas are discussed in great detail as part of the Emotional Intelligence Blueprint program developed by The Behavior Hub. It’s a 4-step program Lauren uses as a guide when teaching schools, families, and organizations about emotional intelligence. The framework of this program is simple, easy, and can be applied to anyone’s life without a lot of extra work. I answer this week’s listener question during the episode: It is difficult to engage some parents in the programming (or strategies) due to socio-economics, language barriers, and lack of training in which to use at home and their overall environment. What can I do? Try at home tip: Meditate before going to bed.  Several of our blog posts and podcasts discuss similar strategies:Podcasts - Why Behavior Occurs - 5 Needs AreasBlog Posts – 5 Reasons Behaviors OccurThe First Step to Emotional Regulation (categorizing emotions/zones)Do you have a question? I can answer it in a future episode! Email questions to [email protected] or send via text to 717-693-7744.Subscribe to our mailing list and find out more about the Emotional Brain.Check out our Facebook Group – Raising and Teaching Respectful Children The Behavior Hub websiteThe Behavior Hub blogAre you struggling with behaviors and not sure where to begin? Let me help! Schedule a free discovery call and let me be your Guide.