Remembering Ryan | Late For Band Practice Ep. 15

All right, here we go. Yeah. Here we go. Hi, my name is Shane.

And I'm Kyle. And we're late for practice of a band. Band practice. That we once were.

Hello. Hello. Hi. What's up, dude?

We probably should just get right into this. I'm sure anyone who's listening to this, it's probably top of mind for everyone. There's a lot going on right now. And I'm sure people are wondering if we're going to talk about it.

But we probably should because it's going to go down in history. So we should probably talk about what's happening. And of course, I'm referring to Lamb of God changed their logo. And I'm pissed about it.

Dude, it is on top of everyone's mind right now. I cannot turn on either NBC or Fox News without them talking about Lamb of God changing up their logo. Yeah, have you seen it? I have not actually.

I need you to Google. This is news to me, actually. I need you to Google do this. New Lamb of God logos side by side and pop that up on the screen.

Because I want you to see. All right, give me one second here. New Lamb. OK, hang on.

Hang on. Lamb of God. Old and new logo side by side. All right, let's go ahead and go back to what am I doing?

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. What am I doing here? OK, OK.

Oh my god. I don't know what I'm doing. I need an adult. I need an adult.

There we go. I hate to break into you. But you are an adult. All right, images.

Is this it right here? I'm looking. OK. OK.

Hey. So. OK, so the real one is at the bottom. And I want you to look at that.

Look at all of the design that went into that. Someone had to create that. The little things are like the upside down cross on the D. It looks like it's, yeah, it's papyrus font, whatever.

But you have to remember these guys came out back in the early 2000s, right? You have to think of the name Lamb of God is definitely a poke at the Bible. Where does the Bible come from? It comes from Jerusalem.

Where is that part of the world? They use papyrus paper. So the name and the way it's written all kind of feels like that vibe, right? So in an interview, Randy Blythe said that they changed their logo because they thought their old logo looked like a falafel restaurant.

Yeah, falafel restaurant menu. But I'm like, hey, guys, no one thinks that. And you get a pass because your Lamb of God, it fits the feeling of what your band name is. But instead, they went to, that looks like some cybersecurity or like some new workout.

Like, honestly, did the graphic designer just close his eyes and scroll down the drop down menu and pick the first name? Because that's so close to just regular times, new Roman. I can't believe that they went, yeah, that's it. That's it.

It is weird when bands that have been together for so long changed their logo. You know, imagine Metallica changing up their logo. You know, this is what I don't understand. And I wonder how much of this has to do with, we've been talking about this this past three episodes, but I think it's real.

I think there is a social disease in everyone's mind because of social media and how everything has to be new and exciting all the time. I think that they got their head like, we've been around for a long time. We need to freshen this up. What can we do?

Let's change our logo. How about keep the logo the same? What can we do? Let's make some new music.

And that's what they're doing. And the new record sounds fantastic. They did a really good job. I just don't understand what they're, who's this demographic for?

Like, first off, it is weird. It is weird, like, who out there was like, given Lamma God shit for their logo. Because I'm never, like out of all of the, you know, like the rumors and the things that you can make fun of, any of the bands that we listen to growing up, this was not on the forefront of my mind at all. Like their logo was cool, but it was never controversial.

And it was never controversial enough for me to like, fun of it, you know. 1,000%. I don't even think about it. I like, I don't know what they're doing.

I hope this member, remember when I hop, tried to change the I-Hob, the International House of Burgers, remember they tried to do that? I hope this is one of those things where like in a month or two they go, that was really stupid, huh? Maybe we should go back to work. This comes off the heels of a, remember when like, I don't know, this happened recently, like Cracker Barrel tried to change their logo?

Yeah, nice. And I became a huge controversy. Leave it the same. Nobody cares that much about what your logo looks like.

And I think too, I think you're touching on something too. I think there's a thing where it's like, I'm noticing more and more that people are just perpetually attached to the internet and X and Twitter. And they're like, you know, this is a thing that we've been talking about for a while. And it's just like, is that real life?

Is Twitter real life? I don't think Twitter is real life. No, it's the funniest thing for real life. And so I think, you know, all these companies and corporations like glob onto what people are talking about on Twitter.

And maybe yeah, maybe there is, you know, a hundred thousand views on one particular person's tweet about Lamagod's logo or whatever or a logo. That doesn't mean that the overall consciousness is leaning to the direction. You know, like, who's, I think still, I think, you know, I think overwhelmingly, I think most people are not perpetually online, right? I would have to think they're not, or maybe a lot.

There's moments, Shane, where, because I work out of two gyms, you know, like I see clients, there's moments in this gym where I'll look around and I'm not joking you. Everybody is sitting on the machine with their head down looking at their phone and nobody's working out. It feels so dystopian. I'm like, what are you guys all doing here?

It's very strange. It's very strong. Maybe I'm just old and not. I think we're different.

I think we're different because we've seen both. We grew up with and without it. Speaking of which, I think in that topic, I think I'm done with social media, for real, for real. I think a lot of people are.

I mean, I have, like I don't use Twitter, I don't use Facebook. I don't, you know, and I have my own Discord because of my live stream and everything. And that's where people can get in touch with me for like stream scheduling and what I'm about to play and stuff like that's the best way that you can understand what I'm about to stream. But that's pretty much it.

I don't want to make this sound bad. But I've never been that type of person that's just like always on his phone, just like looking through comments, looking through mentions and looking through. Like I just get lost in that. And you just, you know, three hours have gone by.

And what have you done? For real? For real. Yeah, I feel bad when that happens.

Cause then you look outside and like, oh, the long needs to be mode. Oh, the paint is chipping on my house. Like I got shit to take care of. Like a real shit to take care of.

And I'm not saying that other people don't. But that's just me. Yeah, no, it's crazy. It sucks because though on the one hand, how cool would it be if like our parents had social media where you could sign into your dad's like Instagram account and see how he was as a kid, you know?

Like, oh, wow, look at all the things he did in his life where he traveled. Like it's kind of like a living like photo book, you know? Or videos like we don't, we don't get to have that. But like people that have kids in our generation will be able to one day sign into their dads, whatever Instagram would be like, whoa, dad, you're like in a band?

Well, like, oh, you travel that school. Like look how my like, look at my dad used to dress like. I think that's kind of cool. And you like, we can look back.

You're like, I remember that trip and that's kind of neat that that lives online. But past that, I just like, I'm so over the amount of time it takes for my actual life. Like I think of all the things I could be doing and getting better at or like excelling in, like the amount of hours that I've wasted on my phone doing, absolutely nothing except getting like angry or it's crazy. Or that don't hit.

It's like it's either anger or dopamine. That's why I'm laughing one minute. And then the next minute I'm looking at Lamigod change your logo and I'm pissed off. It's like, what am I doing?

It's like so stupid. Yeah, it's so dumb. So, and I, it's so true too. Like if you, if I were to delete all my social media, like never get on there again, I'm gonna absolutely disappear to some people.

I won't exist because that is existing to a lot of people. And the only people I'll exist to are the people that have my phone number. You, Trevor, Iki, and Aaron, Jordan. You know, like those are gonna be like my only actual friends and I'm totally cool with that.

I don't need all of these like parasocial fake friends that don't actually check up on me. Just because they like a story or a post I make doesn't mean they're my friends, you know? Yeah, I have friends that have, I've met, I've friends that I've met through the live stream that offered to help me with like Mod, and you know Mod, live stream and everything like that. And out of the kindness there because they like my stuff, and it's really cool and they're really great people from the asset, but it's like that weird, you know, I only know these people through the internet.

You know, it's like that separation there, you know, that you know only through the internet. And that's like through DMs, that's through Instagram, that's Facebook, you know, it's just like, it's weird, right? It's a very weird, like parasocial phenomenon that. Yeah, like I start struggling.

Yeah, into thinking we have like all these people in our lives and we actually don't. But what we do though, but we might, you know, because I don't know, like maybe it's not really tomorrow. Like if you stop streaming tomorrow and you got rid of your discord, you'd never see or hear from those people ever again. I probably would.

I probably would, because you know, they follow me on TikTok and everything like that. Like no, I'm talking about get offs. Like you don't have an online way anymore. I see what you mean.

I see what you mean. Like if I completely just went off the grid. Yeah. Yeah.

They wouldn't check it because they don't, not that they don't want to, but their lives are going to move forward and they're not in your inner circle like that, which is interesting. It's just interesting to think about like we have all these relationships now because social media allows us to be more connected than ever, but like I would rather have quality over quantity any day. I'd rather have like no connections with our outside people in just this connection. I think too.

I think the human brain is not equipped for the amount of relationships that you can sort of create through social media. It's just too much. Not at all. Isn't there like a statistic where your brain can only like have so many close friends?

And then after that, it just kind of bleeds into just subconscious. And then you're only reminded of those people if you see like a picture or something like, Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's an actual like scientific number. I think it's 150 people you can keep top of mind.

And I think that's that goes back to like when we were in tribes, you know, there's only so many people you can look out for and know there's actual name for it. Something's number like it's a it's a last name. It's some Russian scientists number Vlad's number Demetri's number. I got you.

I'm going to say hi. Oh, pig. Hi, Mr. Man.

He's he's the star of the show right now. What's up, player? You're on the internet. Did you know you're on the internet right now?

Say something. Good point. Good point. He's like, get me out of here.

Yeah. Well, you know what? This is a great segue because we're talking about we're talking about meaningful, meaningful, real relationships and the ones that you form when you're a young man. Yes.

And we talk about this all the time. And I've had other people that have hung out with us that weren't even in our group of people tell me this that we we are a friend group, like no one's ever experienced. Like we're there's something special about our friend group. It was like a like a little family.

And it was it really was. Yeah. And you know what's crazy, which we'll get into while I was looking through these videos, but we this Saturday will be the third year anniversary of one of those really close friends passing away. Ryan, we've talked about them on this podcast before, but I know we kind of want to dedicate this podcast to him because it's coming up, but it was wild.

We have we have these videos, changes to record everything. We've got 36 hours of just nonsense. I mentioned 36 hours of band practice going out to restaurants, fighting in the streets, playing pranks on each other and Ryan's and a lot of those. So I kind of went through and was looking for some videos and there's there's three things that really stuck out to me in those.

Number one, we used to laugh so much. It's pretty much just laughter. That's all our life was was laughter and making music. It was I was like, wow, I don't know if I laugh like that anymore, which is kind of sad.

Like I don't I'm not like, we just like, oh, it's just so funny to watch. We cracked each other up so much. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, between you, me, him, Mikey, Johnny, like, you know, and then Aaron and Jordan, like there was there was like it was like it's a connection that you just don't get in a lifetime. I don't think at least with that many people with that group, like that many people in one tight knit group so much so that we moved states together. Yeah. Like, yeah, that doesn't have no one just like if you were to explain that situation to someone else, compare it to their friends, like I wouldn't like they would say that I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't go to college here. That was my plan, you know, but none of us had that plan. And everyone had we were all on the same boat together and we were all going to go travel the boat across the United States to move to Nashville, Tennessee, from Las Vegas. We were like, pilgrim sonar, yeah, but yeah, but back to Ryan, like, you know, like you when I grew up, it was such a like serendipitous kind of moment meeting him because like I remember, well, first of all, let's let's let's I'm going to share a few pictures here.

I want to share a few pictures that I found in my photo album here. Um, so we can get like an understanding of who Ryan was. Um, so there's, yeah. So there's my dog Reggie.

There's Ryan. I think we're like 16, my 16 or 15 there. Yeah. You gotta be some time.

Yeah, dude. Um, let's see. I have another one. Uh, was that Duffy?

Yeah, Duffy. My mom loved my mom loved Westies. Um, here's, here's one that I found that was crazy. Cause I haven't talked, I haven't talked about, uh, remember booger?

Oh my God, dude. Uh, right. Look how tall he was. Tuh dude.

Ryan was so tall. Like, and he wasn't that tall. Like he kind of hit a growth spurt, like 15, 16, like he just grew like 17 inches. It was crazy.

Um, there's that picture I found. Um, what a terrible nickname. I know. I, I refuse to call her that after, after a while.

I was like, I'm not calling you. I don't call anyone else now. Like that I can't, I can't, I can't in good conscious call my girlfriend booger. Hey, how are you?

And the reason, you know, the reason why she was called that was because she died her hair green. Like, how dumb are we? All as a society. That hair.

I remember that hair. Yeah. I was right there. Yeah.

I thought that was pretty original. You know, everyone was spiking their hair up. I want to spike my hair down. Yeah.

But yeah, dude, like, you know, there was a time there, you know, Ryan was insepar. because he was my next door neighbor. Yeah. Like, you know, he didn't watch his house in 30 seconds.

And so how I met him was on the school bus. And I didn't know he was my neighbor yet. So it was a new year and new school bus and everything and new school. And so I get on the, I get on the bus and he sits next to me and he introduces himself to me.

And we just like hit it off. Like it was, you know, he touched my hair, like I had spiky hair at the time. And he just wanted to touch my hair, whatever. And it just like just blossom from there.

I, you know, we talked every day on the school, on school bus and, you know, found out where he lives and we just started hanging out. And this was at a time where you and I kind of like split after you and I were like inseparable as children for a while. Like we started a band, right? Yeah, this is before we started a band.

So you were doing your thing and I was doing my thing. We were kind of, you know, I think this is right during, this is like middle school, I think. And so seventh grade. Yeah.

And so he sort of like filled that gap of like you not being there, you know? And so he was, he was your replacement friend. He was my, he was, he was, yeah, he was my shoulder friend while I was taking a break. You're not right.

And so like, you know, we just hung out together so much. And it was, you know, what, with me and him, like his humor was so close to yours and mine. Yeah. And so like we just like, that's why we hit it off.

And that's, you know, as we, and then when we started hanging out again, I was like, you got to meet my friend Ryan, like my, you know, and then we all three got together and it was just game over from there. Oh, game over. We had so much fun. You know, and what was funny is Ryan was like, it didn't matter what was going on.

We could be tired. We could be sad. We could be happy. We could be any mood.

Ryan was, he could always find the humor. Everything was funny. It didn't matter. Like luckily we never had to experience this.

But like if we went to a funeral with Ryan, it would have been hilarious. Like he's just so funny. He was just, I don't know if I've ever seen him not smile. Right.

Ever. Yeah. Like he was always smiling. Like his cheeks must just fucking hurt at the end of the day.

He was so funny. He was so funny. He was so, um, what I really loved about Ryan was like, when we would go into social situations together, you know, when you go to a party and you don't know anybody there. And it's just that weird, so that weird awkward socialness.

Yeah. You're just kind of like your, your guard is up. Yeah, a little bit. Whenever I did that, whenever I went to a party or something like that or a shindig with Ryan, he was always able to cut through all that social bullshit.

Like he was always able to take the room without taking the room in an intimidating fashion and not in like a performative way. It wasn't performative. You know how those people just like, I'm an actress or an actor. You know, you know, they perform.

Um, he wasn't like that. He was able to take a room just by his like quick wit and, you know, at a certain point, satcher, cause he was like six foot tall. Yeah. Um, he's like, you know, when you go to a party and just like the whoever's house, it is the dog walks through the room and everyone's like, Oh, it's a dog.

And they pet it and they love it. That's Ryan had Ryan was up here. So like a dog is like dog is just, they just give love. Ryan was the human version of a dog.

That's why any room he walked in, people were just like, I love this guy. Who's this guy? I just want to like talk to him. Yeah.

Ryan was like, he's like a conduit of joy. Yeah. Him and him and Mikey have that same energy. Mikey's exactly the same way.

Um, wow. Everyone loves Mikey. Everyone loved Ryan. Like it was just, you know, and, you know, I have a lot of, you know, because of Ryan, I, you know, we bonded so much.

I'm like, I remember he had a, he got an Xbox and we started playing Halo. That's my first foray into Halo. I didn't play those kind of games before. And he, I remember we would just play Halo constantly, constantly play Halo.

Um, and we would trade video games together and like, I have a lot of fond, fond memories of just the deep, deep in here of me just going over and sitting over at his house. Oh, yeah. So fun. Him, him arguing with his sister all the time.

Like it was so fun. It was so awkward and weird because I don't have brothers and sisters. So I would just sit back and just like, whoa, this is like, whoa, this is like, literally fight each other. Like, you know, so funny, which his sister's a bad ass.

Now she's like a, she's an MMA fighter. Yeah. Yeah. She's, you know, maybe maybe Ryan sparked that in her.

I don't know. I mean, we sparked, like, I remember, I remember seeing him again. Um, one of the last times I ever saw him when I was just like listening to, he was still listening to metal and stuff like that. And I remember we were the ones that introduced him to mud vein and, you know, and I, you know, there's this, there's this.

Every time I hear that mud vein song, um, I can't remember the name of the actual song, but it said, what song is that? I don't know what song it is. But I can't do it. It's their second record, right?

Yeah. It's their second record. Black. I can hear Ryan saying that part.

It was just like to see his face. Yeah. What I love about Ryan too is he didn't care what he had to do. And any situation to put himself in to be funny.

You don't even like, if he knew it was going to get a laugh, he was going to do it. And no matter how embarrassing, like, do you remember the time that he put on that thong and work, and then painted like a black mask around his eyes and he, we, we dropped him off at the front of Walmart. You know where the people come in and we, there is video, there is video somewhere. We have to find it.

He's running full speed. There's this like tall, lanky blackhead in a thong and a cape running full speed down the front of the busiest Walmart and women are like, pulling their children to the side. Like what he's having a, we are dying laughing. And then we lost him because he ran around the building.

Where is he? Oh my God. And we pull around the corner and he's sitting like, like Superman with his hands on his hips on top of this big dirt mound and this, because there's cars driving by and it was, it was so, here's an example. Here's an example here of him stuck in a door and a doggy door.

I don't even know how this happened, but this is a very sad house. Yeah. I can't hear it. And the funniest part was, is that we previously, I didn't show this on the video, but we previously opened up the door and slid him across the floor and we pulled his pants off.

So he's completely naked on the other side of that. And then we shut the door and what's funny is Aaron's dad was coming home. So we were laughing because he was stuck completely naked and we're just imagining what Aaron's dad must have seen, like his garage door slowly opens and he sees just this bare ass talking to her of his house. Oh my God.

It didn't happen. He finally pulled himself through. But that's what I'm talking about. Ryan was always doing stuff like that together, man.

It was just so it was just, oh my God. Like he, he just, he, yeah, he always just was the life of the party. He was just like, I'm going to do this and it's going to get a laugh and it's going to be hilarious. And it was every single time, every single time.

God, it was so funny. When did we lose touch with him? Like when was it? Well, on the subject of like people being perpetually online, I remember like he, for whatever reason, went off the grid and I couldn't reach him.

Like he like changed his number and I tried to reach him and he wasn't on Facebook or anything. He never got on Facebook and anything like that. At the time. And it was just like he just kind of went off the grid and I moved to Nashville and he stayed in Vegas and it was just kind of like, well, if I can't reach you, then I have no way of contacting you or whatever.

And I remember I would text him periodically and I would never get a response back. So I figured he would have just changed his number. But then I don't know what happened. I think maybe he texted me one day and I don't know.

Like he was like in Nashville or something and we actually got together and you know, talked and reminisced and everything. And yeah, this is great to see him. Yeah. You know, the last time I saw him was at that Thanksgiving at your, at your house.

He was there. Like we hadn't seen him for a while and he came back because he, to see his parents because he lived on the street and we were having things like a Thanksgiving party or it was like a holiday party around your, your, because your parents always have one. And I remember it was me and him, we were sitting in the living room. You know, you have that table that could pull up and become a table to eat up.

We were just sitting there eating and he was just like, tell him his life. Like what have you been doing? We're like, what have you been doing? Where have you been?

That was the last time I ever saw him. Yeah. And then I think this was like the last time I actually saw him was with Mikey. He looks the same.

Yeah. Looks the exact same. Yeah. Well, where was that?

It was in front of the bar. Yeah, in Vegas somewhere. It was, it was during, I think it was the NFL. And it fell play offs and yeah, Mikey and Ryan was there.

Look at them. Yeah. Mr. boy.

And then people always look at me weird when I say this, but I don't really care because it's not really for them and Ryan would get it and you were going to get it too. But the way he even died is so Ryan. Like it's like, you know, it's like who gets smashed by a tree? Like it's so like, oh, of course, like I like to think it knows just me just dealing with the trauma of it.

But I like to think that if we could show Ryan a third person video of like the tree falling on his car when he was in it, he would probably laugh. You're like, what the? And I got like here. Yeah.

That's one of the things that made like your, our relationship so special was we would have like seriously dark humor, like stuff that would cancel any three of us today. Like it really would like, and we got to think too, this is early 2000s, you know, 90s, you know, and stuff like that was, you know, dark humor was was the thing like the darker you could go like babies in the oven kind of stuff, you know, that would be on rotten.com and we watched Nick death and all that stuff. It was the, it was the Wild Wild West. So don't get, you know, like Kyle is 100% correct.

Like, you know, Ryan had a, and it was so funny because like it was mirror. It wasn't a dark, the reason why it was so funny is because he was so light-hearted. Like, you know, and it's like whenever he, because that's what comedy, a good comedian can do that. A good comedian can give you the darkest, most effed up joke.

And then you end up laughing because, you know, at the end of the day, this person's heart is so pure. Right. Yeah. At least it's like, yeah.

Imagine like a little kid, like little kid purity energy telling you the darkest thing you've ever heard in your life. You're like, what? It's so funny. And do you remember, and you know what else?

He was really good at prank calls. He was the master of prank calls. Oh my God. He was the master of prank calls, man.

Prank calls need to make a comeback. Oh my God. Yeah. You're so funny.

You forgot. You left grandma Walmart. And they're like, who? You left grandma at Walmart.

People are so confused. And then the people on the phone would get concerned like, oh my God. Like if someone actually hit someone actually leave a 98 year old woman at Walmart, do we need to call the police? Or do you call people and yell at them about their kids being on his lawn and he's sick and tired of it.

And he would use some choice words. Man. Oh gosh, that was yeah. We did the prank calls.

I totally forgot about the prank calls, man. Well, that's what you did when you were bored back there. There was no there was no there's no cell phones. No internet.

Yeah. We just had to fuck with people. Oh, man. And get Antonio's pizza.

Ah, this is my pound of fries and ranch. It's my, yeah, it was my favorite. Favorite moments. No responsibilities.

No. No. We just have those sleepovers, especially when your parents are at town. We had a baby sitter.

We just get pizza and watch like frickin headbangers ball till four in the morning and steal your parents alcohol. Yeah. Jamie Joceau. You're a big girl.

No, dude. Yeah, one of these days we'll have to like, I don't know how we just need to get everyone together and just put those DVDs on and just watch. Oh, I have to do that at one point. You know what's crazy?

I was kind of talking about this before we started talking about Ryan. So I was going through the DVDs to kind of look at footage. Do you ever feel this way? I know that I lived that.

Like I lived that time in my life, you know, when I think about it, there's certain memories that are in my head of how they were, you know, when we all have those, but then you watch these videos of you living the thing that you know, that you lived and somehow it's different than how you remember. So then I start to think, Oh, like my memory isn't even real. So I don't know if my recollection of the past of these memories that I lived are truthful. Cause then when I watch the video, I'm like, Oh, that happened different than I, than I remember.

So it's, it's almost like, God, is there going to come to, is there going to come a point later on in life where those memories continue to get less and less true and fade more and more? Because as I was watching these videos coming through, looking for Ryan, I would watch something and then all of a sudden, all of these memories would flood back because I'm watching it like, Oh my God. And then yeah, I remember like this happened. So it's weird.

They're in there, but it's almost like, they just get unlocked. Yeah, it's crazy to think like, Oh, so you can't, oh, you can't access them, but they're in there because when you see something at Jog's it and I'm like, I'm thinking about things and people I haven't thought about in forever, just because I watch those videos, it's crazy to me. It's like, wow, sometimes I, sometimes I wonder if it was like just a dream, sometimes, you know, like it does feel like a dream sometimes because like, you know, you fast forward 20 years and it's like, man, so much has happened. And when you look back at such a different time with a different circumstances and a different environment and different goals and different, you know, people around you know, the world was different.

Like, it's just, I found this video. I come up to you with this bewildered look on my face. I go, Shane, have you seen the new $20 bill? I remember this.

I have this, I have this burned into my brain. Yeah. You said it's right out of smoothie king, right in front of the other side of the king. And I was like, have you seen these new $20 bills?

I was like, it looks like fake Monopoly money and it's like a normal $20 bill that we're so used to. But I was like showing you all the intricacies. I was like, you see how the 20s are printed in all these different areas? They can't replicate this.

It's like, I guess they, it's such a different world to think that like, Oh, yeah, people used to pay for things with cash. Yeah, there was no Venmo. There was no like Apple pay. And the great and the coolest thing about all those videos is nobody has a cell phone because like we had cell phones, but they were all flip phones, but they were always in our pockets.

Like no, there's no texting. Texting was, you had to pay for it. Yeah, it didn't exist yet. So we're all just like, I sense a text.

Yeah. No, no one's on their phone. No one's taking photos. No one's trying to get the perfect angle for their Instagram.

No one's going to places just because it looks like Instagram worthy. We're just out there. Just hanging. Yeah.

It's crazy. And whenever we went to Kilroy's, like it was just like we went there to hang out and no one took pictures of the food, you know, we would completely destroy that. Oh, that's on, that's on those tapes too. There's so many times we went to Kilroy's.

And just eating. Yeah, man. Like it's just interesting because we were so free in those videos because I didn't know anything else. Like there was no such thing as being perceived back then.

No one was, there was no thought of a camera capturing you. There was no even businesses didn't have cameras, you know, like that technology wasn't it didn't exist. Yeah. That whole thought of like, I got to get this for the gram or I better not be caught on the gram or something like that.

That was not even a thing that entered our mind. The only thing that was in our mind was the people that were in front of us. That was awesome. That's what I'm trying to get back to.

That's why I'm like, I just want to kind of disappear for social media and only interface with things that are real and people that are real in front of me. Yeah. I mean, it's hard. I don't think we'll ever get to that again.

I don't know. It's hard, right? The cats for sure out of the bag. But damn, man, it's crazy watching those videos because you're like, wow, life was.

And it's not just life, the world, like everything, the fashion, the cars, the, the, I don't know. It's just, it feels like I can hold that time in my hand, like it's tangible. And now everything here in this world now feels in the cloud and ungrabable. Everything feels fake.

Yeah. It doesn't, it doesn't feel tactile at all. It feels like it slips right through your fingers. I feel like life is just one big subscription now that you don't own and it goes away as soon as you stop.

And you know what's crazy is like, I was thinking about, I know we've talked about AI and we're not going to go down this rabbit hole again, but like, even with the AI stuff, like I'm using chat GBT all the time now. And now I'm just kind of like, you know, I remember when we talked about the iPhone last episode, you know, like I remember being just completely like amazed by this piece of technology for a long time. Like just like with AI, I'm just kind of like, eh, that's cool. Thanks for, thanks for doing the most complex thing that you could possibly do in 30 seconds and perfectly packaging it for me.

Thanks. So just so, we're so, just so spoiled. This, you know, we are, this generation is so spoiled with everything just being handed to you now. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like I just think about all the things. I say this generation, I'm including myself in this, like we're just so spoiled.

Yeah, there was no Amazon when we were in those videos. Like if you wanted something, guess what? You went to the store. Right.

I remember going to get music CDs, like I actually went to Best Buy to buy CDs and collect them and I had a CD holder. You know what else is crazy? You're going to remember this too. As soon as I tell you about this, it's, it's, it's in the first or second disc.

When we had just started the band where we took plum and toy and put them together, we went over to Aaron's dad's house because we were getting to record our first CD and we all sat in the living room and we each played a song by a band that we liked the production on, whether it was the drum tones, the guitars, the, the, whatever. And it's, it's so crazy to hear the records that we put on. That we thought were amazing. Like I put on disturbed for the guitar tone tool, which I still listen to to this day, which is crazy to think that I still is in the same music.

And we all unanimously agreed that our favorite sounding record was given by Taproot. Oh my God. Wait, the greatest sounding like we loved it. We were like, all these little drums and guitars and Jordan was like, I love those drums.

And Johnny was like, this is my overall record. And Aaron was like, this is sick. It's so crazy. Wow.

I know. It's so weird. I, I, taproot's actually been popping up on my feet lately. I know, you know, like the new, the new metal resurgence is coming back and, you know, seven dust is making a comeback now.

And, and you know, properly. So seven is a sick band and have been for decades. Like they're so good. The drummer is probably one of the most underrated drummers in all of metal.

Oh, especially for that genre. He was, dude, he was a goat. No, and no one talked about it, which is weird. But now looking back on like old performances and videos, I'm like, this guy's so fucking good.

He's so good. He's, he's still is good. He's in the 60s now. And he's just like, you know, and he's twirling the sticks and doing all this crazy stuff.

And I'm like, Dan, dude, he still got it. He still fucking got it. They have a new record coming out like a couple days. I, it's so funny that you say seven dust because when I think of Ryan, I think of seven dust because they played at his funeral, they played that angel song from seven dust in his like video collage thing that they did, you know, all the pictures and stuff.

So it's so funny. Yeah. I, I, when I think of seven dust, I think of Ryan. Yeah, dude.

It's just fuck, dude. I'm going to miss him. I, you know, it's funny. I think about him pretty often.

I don't know. Like maybe, maybe three or four times. A year, like every quarter, I kind of just like, Oh, yeah, Ryan, I think it's, I mean, he is the only close friend that I've had die so far. Yeah.

Um, I can't think anyone else. Yeah. And I think, you know, I can't help but feel guilt, you know, for not having, you know, because I got, you know, I think it's, I think that's natural when, you know, you move away. And you just kind of like grow far apart from one another.

And, you know, then something like that happens. And you're like, man, I could have, you know, spent this amount of time, like trying to reconnect, you know. Yeah, because I know he kind of went through some hard times and had some serious like addiction issues, you know, which ultimately led him to his job that he had with that addiction center, which was the reason why he was in Northern California when he died to help other people. But yeah, I think about that too.

I'm like, man, what if like you can, what if forever, but what if Ryan moved with us to Nashville, you know, would he have gone through that same kind of hardships if he had the support system around him, you know, well, you know, it's funny that you say that there was a moment there. There was a moment and I'll show that show this picture here if I want to get like super serious here for a moment. This picture here like gets me. And like, because this reminds me this is obviously California or somewhere near the beach or something, but this mountain kind of reminds me of loan mountain a little bit.

And we would climb loan mountain, you know, and I remember a moment with me and him. And it was right before it was about like a couple months before we had actually had to move. And we were talking about just like, I remember this specifically because it was a poignant moment in our paths in life where I was set to move to Nashville and make it music and, you know, go with you guys. And like that was where my calling was and his calling was, you know, he was going to military school and ROTC and that kind of stuff.

And that was his direction and college and you know, because he was really, really fucking smart too. He was a straight A student and everything like that. He was a special kid. And so he had his, you know, his path and we were we climb loan mountain and we're looking out over Vegas.

And it was just like this moment that I'll always remember and always cherish and every time that I can remember to I can climb loan mountain and just sit at that, you know, I don't know exactly the exact spot where we were at. But, you know, just looking down over Las Vegas and just being like, you know, I'm going to miss you, you know, because we just both knew that our lives were growing up, you know, like this is going to be different for the rest of our lives. And yeah, it was sad to think about, but you know, I am grateful to have that moment with him, you know. Yeah, good.

That's what that that picture reminds me of. Yeah, I love that photo. I don't know where we got that from. Was that from his funeral?

That's from his funeral. Yeah. That's one thing I kind of regret. I wish I knew his family more because I only knew Ryan.

I never really I met his dad once and his mom once twice and I met his mom for the second time at the funeral. Yeah, but yeah, because every time we're in Vegas, I just I wish we could go visit him, you know, but I don't know where he's at. He's at his apartment if I remember correctly because his mom kept his place the way that it was kept his room. That's where his ashes are, right?

That's what I mean. I want I would love to go there when we're in Vegas. I don't know where she is or who she is or. Yeah.

One of these days, I think I still have Amanda's number and then we can, you know, next time I'm in Vegas, we can try to make a make a stop and texture and be like, hey, because it's a possible we can go visit Ryan. Yeah, like go get lunch with her and just say hi, you know. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's yeah, it's the March 21st, the three year anniversary.

Yeah. How did you find out? Because I remember I remember when you called me his sister. His sister texted me and called me.

Also, how did she have your own? She probably looked through his phone somehow. I don't know exactly how. But it was so funny.

Not funny, but like it was so weird. When she texted me, I just kind of almost immediately knew. Yeah, like something's wrong. Like something, because she never like we hadn't.

Converse in like multiple decades. Yeah. You know, and so I immediately knew something was wrong. I have to call you.

I knew. That was shocking. Yeah. It was weird.

I like almost didn't believe you. I was like, no, he's not. There's no way. It's weird.

It's weird. It's like, I don't like, I kind of feel guilty about this, but it just feels like he's not gone. And maybe that's like, it just, it feels like, and maybe that's just a fragment or a phenomenon because we weren't so close at the end. And we weren't as close as we were.

And so it's always been that distance. Like Ryan's always going to be there, you know, he's always here in my head on memories and everything like that. And so, you know, I feel bad because I, you know, I feel like, you know, should I feel like he's gone? Like, because I don't feel like he's gone.

I think that's a good thing. You know, I feel like he is always here. Like he is always here in my, in my thoughts and in my, in my memories and like just, it's totally grateful for, because it's, you know, between you and him. You guys were like the people that really made me who I am.

You know, my, my sensibilities, my comedy, my, my, you know, my love for music, like everything like that. Yeah. I don't, yeah. It's, it's almost like I feel like if I go back to Vegas for Christmas, I could text him because I, I know he's probably in town and we could go like meet up at a bar with Mikey, you know?

Yeah. That's what it feels like. Oh, let's text Ryan. Oh, yeah, wait, Ryan.

Yeah. It feels like it's in heaven. Yeah, dude. God, man.

It just doesn't feel real. It just does not feel real. And yeah. Yeah.

It's, it's, yeah. I guess there's no closure, right? And I think that's what it is. I think it's, there's no closure because, you know, we weren't as close to him at the end.

And yeah, I just, I just feel guilty for that. Just not being able to like take the time and effort. And I think it's, I think it's a lesson, you know, and I think this, this podcast that you and I do, I think, I think that was a big lesson. I think that's, I think it's an offshoot of that lesson of like, Hey, you know, because we're so far away, we should, you know, try to make time as best we can.

And so I think this podcast is a way for us to make time and talk about life and talk about shit and talk about, you know, what's going on in the world and, and just reminisce and all that shit. Yeah, I have friends on. Yeah. Try and pop on the screen.

Hey guys. It feels like at any moment, at any moment, you're just going to call the FaceTime me. You know, and try to get as much time in before, you know, Iran kills us all. Yeah.