Repair After Conflict and Employment Challenges-Co-host Greg Fuqua

Mona and Greg are co-facilitating a mixed neurotype support group on the 3rd Friday of each month, from 12:30-2pm EST. This is a "drop-in" group for individuals (not couples) and you can attend as often as you want, but space is limited. Everyone who registers for the April or May support group will receive a free digital download of the Neurodiverse Love Cards and the Neurodiverse Love Card Workbook ($23.97 value) The cost is ONLY $25 per session and if you would like to register for the support group click here. __________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona Kay and Greg Fuqua talk about repair after conflict and employment challenges. In addition, other topics discussed include: Repairing major ruptures. Being uncomfortable facing your failures RSD-rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Book by John and Julie Gottman called “Fight Right. Based on the Gottman’s research: 69% of our problems are perpetual and 31% of our problems are solvable. Traumas and values may impact repeated conflict. Self blindness may contribute to not wanting to go too deep with conflict. Understanding cognitive style, triggers, and attachment styles is important. How alexythymia can impact conflict and conflict resolution. Is your conflict gridlocked? 6 questions to consider asking each other after a conflict: 1) What do you believe about this issue that you’re fighting about? Do you have some values, ethics or beliefs that relate to your position on this issue?:  2) Does your position on this conflict relate to your history or childhood in some way?: 3) Why is your position on this issue Important to you?: 4) What are your feelings about this issue? (If one of you has Alexythymia you may need more time and space to think about the response to this question).:  5) What is your ideal dream here?  If you could waive a magic wand and have exactly what you want what would that look like?: 6) Is there some underlying purpose or goal for you and what is it? Having a curiosity mindset when working together to repair a rupture is very important. Aphantasia-having a hard time creating an imaginative state. Ability to compromise and honor your partners needs. When working on repair after conflict creating a bridge with your partner is helpful. Using reflective statements can also be helpful. Value each others perspective even when you’re not aligned. Understanding each other’s hardware and software. Neurodivergence in family of origin and not knowing this when you were younger. Having a growth mindset. Turn taking, slowing down and taking time to listen to your partner is critical. Challenges working to your potential and staying on a career path that will lead to financial success. The importance of boundaries.  There may be some challenges in maintaining employment because the neurodivergent partner needs accommodations at work but doesn’t ask for them or understand what they need. The autistic partner may have a black and white narrative about themselves and the world. Selling your soul in employment may lead to depression. Capacity and work schedule need to be discussed. Autistics can have very spiky skillsets. Where is the culture and job situation that fits you? Working hard at the beginning of new employment and not being able to keep up that  pace can lead to burnout. Challenges in employment can deeply impact your self worth and identity. The possibility of being parentified. Take inventory of all you’ve achieved as well as the things you’ve overcome. What if our partners are a source for our healing? You can contact Mona at [email protected] or at www.neurodiverselove.com. You can contact Greg at [email protected] or at www.gregfuqua.com