Respond To Your Partners Needs Not Behaviors | Dr. Cole Ratcliffe | #39

On today’s podcast of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dave and Liz talk to Dr. Cole Ratcliffe about how we often get stuck in bad behaviors in our marriage relationships. Dr. Ratcliffe explains five steps that help eliminate bad behavior and provides some tips that might help increase connection in a sustainable way. Showing our partners we love them takes time and effort, but is incredibly worth it!Timestamps:0:00 – Introduction: Who is Cole Ratcliffe?2:29 – Why are annoying and bad behaviors so common?4:42 – “Helping” is not always helpful7:10 – Why we get stuck in bad behavior10:48 – Marriage is the great revealer of weaknesses14:54 – There is no justification for bad behavior17:15 – Take personal responsibility for our needs19:25 – Recognize your partner’s needs20:32 – 5 Steps to help eliminate bad behavior25:10 – Simple things to do to improve connection26:40 – How to say I love you in a personal way28:44 – Patience is the 5th step29:40 – Investment in unselfishness is the key for a stronger marriage connection31:12 – Resources from Cole Ratcliffe31:59 – Cole’s takeaway: taking time to understand gives us traction for meeting our partners emotions andneeds32:39 – Liz’s takeaway: turn around the meaning of “but” in our apologies33:11 – Dave’s takeaway: don’t react to the behavior, respond to the needAbout Cole Ratcliffe:Cole Ratcliffe was raised in Springville, Utah, and completed a bachelor’s degree at BYU. He obtained a masters and doctoral degree in marriage and family therapy from Kansas State University. Currently, he teaches full-time at BYU-Idaho in Marriage and Family Studies and oversees their online program. He hastaught numerous courses in his career, such as human development, marriage, marriage prep, marriage skills, parenting, and relationship education. Dr. Ratcliffe maintains a small private clinical practice where he conducts individual, marriage, and family therapy, including discernment counseling. He has been married for 16 years to his wife Jenna and together they have 5 (almost 6) children. In his spare time, he enjoys spending time with his family, hiking, hunting, playing sports, and watching college football.Insights:Cole: Take personal responsibility for having our needs met.Dave: Don’t react to the behavior. See the unmet needs.Liz: We need to turn around the meaning of “but” in our apologies.Invites:Focus on the things you can control.Respond to the need underneath the behavior.Identify the things you need to stop doing. Apologize with the proper use of the word “but”.Find a few small and simple things to increase connection that are sustainable.Be patient with yourself and with others.Cole Ratcliffe Links:- https://www.Byuido.org Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:Strongermarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelifeTikTok: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:https://drdaveschramm.comhttps://drdavespeaks.comFacebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSUFacebook Marriage Group:Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book StoreWritten by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduceThe opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org  Podcast.stongermarriage.orgYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLifeTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelifeInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.comhttp://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/