Rewind: How to Build Secure Polyamorous Relationships | Jessica Fern & David Cooley

Some conversations are just too good to stay buried in the archives.This week I'm bringing back one of my absolute favorite episodes with Jessica Fern, author of Polysecure, and David Cooley, co-author of Polywise. Even three years later, this conversation feels just as relevant, thoughtful, and practical as it did the first time we recorded it.If you've ever struggled with jealousy, conflict, emotional triggers, or wondered how to build relationships that actually grow stronger through hard conversations, you're going to want to listen to this one.What I love most about this conversation is that Jessica and David don't just teach relationship theory. They share the messy, beautiful reality of living it. They talk openly about opening their relationship, divorce, becoming life partners again, raising a child together, repairing after conflict, and the emotional work it took to get there.We explore what emotional intelligence actually looks like in everyday relationships, why slowing down often creates more freedom than rushing ahead, and how conflict can become one of the greatest pathways to intimacy instead of something to avoid.One of my favorite moments comes near the end of the episode, when Jessica and David turn the tables and interview me about my own journey through jealousy. Looking back now, it's fascinating to hear that conversation knowing how much my work has continued to evolve around helping people move through jealousy with compassion instead of shame.If you're newer to non-monogamy, this episode will give you practical tools for navigating the inevitable challenges that come with growth.If you've been practicing for years, I think you'll still find yourself nodding along and maybe hearing something in a completely new way.In this episode, we talk about:Why relationships don't have to fit an all-or-nothing modelWhat emotional intelligence actually looks like in healthy relationshipsHow to recognize when repair is needed before resentment buildsThe role conflict plays in creating deeper intimacyWorking with nervous system regulation during difficult conversationsWhy curiosity is one of the greatest relationship skills you can developThe power of slowing down while opening a relationshipHealing attachment wounds and building lasting securityWhether polyamory is an identity, an orientation, or a relationship choiceMy personal journey from overwhelming jealousy to emotional freedomWhether you're just opening your relationship or you've been practicing non-monogamy for years, this conversation is full of the kind of wisdom that only comes from people who've done the work themselves.I'd love to hear what stands out to you after listening. Come find me on Instagram and let me know what resonated most.If this episode supports you, please share it with someone who could use a little more compassion, clarity, and hope on their own relationship journey.Thanks for being here, and enjoy this Rewind episode.Send us Fan MailSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237