Rewind or Die Shorts: The Minecraft Movie Broke Us and Steve Hallucinated 7 Cartoons

Together. As adults. Jeff had already seen it once—with his kids. This was his second time. He paid twice. He has regrets. He also might be a wizard now.But somehow, that wasn’t the weirdest part of the episode.Because Steve walked into the studio with a legal pad titled "Cartoons I’m 99% Sure I Didn’t Hallucinate." From there, it all fell apart.Inside this emotionally unstable episode of Rewind or Die Shorts:ProStars – Michael Jordan, Bo Jackson, and Wayne Gretzky fight crime with exploding footballsSwat Kats – Jet fighter cats in leather jackets (we SWEAR this was real)The Mighty Ducks – But make it aliens. And armor. And… more hockey?Stone Protectors – Troll action heroes with gem abs and a villain named "Squasharn"Camp Candy – John Candy runs a summer camp because sure why notHammerman – MC Hammer has magical talking shoes and teaches social justice through danceToxic Crusaders – A Saturday morning cartoon for children based on an R-rated gorefest. Because the '90s were lawless.Meanwhile:Jeff admits he stopped watching cartoons when Bobby’s World got too psychologically realistic.Adam yells “CHICKEN JOCKEY!” during the Minecraft movie and children cheered for him.Steve says his sneakers are haunted by MC Hammer. We do not dispute this.PLUS: Chaz Razor lives. Someone made a Craigslist ad. There are whispers of a billboard. This fake attorney cannot be stopped. He is the wind. He is the meat. He is justice.ALSO— Monday’s full episode: Enemy of the State. Hackman. Voight. Briefcases. Satellites. And more running than any adult should legally do while wearing slacks.