When you talk English, you don't, you don't sell like a person who can fuck. But then when you talk Spanish, I go, that guy can fuck. So I was like roller skating. So I was like, maybe it's like a long, another guy.
And you're like, I'll know what to do. But then you realize there's some pros out there. There's some really good, yeah. It's so weird at what you like.
I know. And people were like, how do you know this guy? I'm like, I fucking, we just mess up. You know what the fuck it did?
Well, yeah, we hung out. I would definitely come in my mouth. I'd come all over my face. That's it.
See you. Hey everybody, it's a brand new episode of Two Bears, One Cave. And I'm here with West Side Tommy. Hey, how's it going, man?
Back from Columbia. I never went there. But I did go to Mexico City. You want to Mexico?
Yeah. I went to Lima, Peru. And was it Chile? Oh, I know.
It's exactly again. And Buenos Aires. I'll shoot Mexico City. Do you know what it is?
So I thought it was a beat. It's fucking high. I know. I worked out in the park in the park.
They have like a park that's bigger than Central Park in Mexico City. I had no idea. For real? Yeah.
Is Mexico City nice? I've been to Mexico City, by the way. It's impressive. It's impressive.
Yeah. I think that's it. It is enormous. It's enormous.
It's enormous. I'm going to soccer games. You're going crazy in that part. You ever play soccer with the Mexican guys in the park?
I did. And let me tell you. You did. Little fat dudes are bollars.
There are some real guys. You forget how bad you are. You've never played soccer? Because soccer is a sport, soccer is like jerking off.
It's a sport that you think. I'll probably be great at this. And then you go, I don't know how that's like jerking off. I don't know how it's jerking off either.
Because we've been jerking off really well for a long time. Yeah. Soccer is like roller skating. Maybe it's like blowing another guy?
You're like, I don't know what to do. I think I would be remarkable. I think there's a thing, if there was a wall-mounted version of my dick and you were like, give yourself head. I'd be like, everybody pay attention.
Like if you get a magician's box and then it cuts off my head and cuts off my things and it puts them together. And I can suck my own dick like that. What do you do an amazing job? I would, I would take my time with it.
I'll tell you what, if I was sucking my own dick, my heart is the hardest part. Yeah. You were just eating a second heart. You would just be like, oh my God, I can't wait to get going.
I'd be like a little foreplay. I'd be like, I know. I'd just be breathing on it. Like teasing yourself.
I would love to suck my own dick. Would you start with your balls? I would spend so much time down there and eat my ass. Yeah.
Eat my ass and suck my dick and put it in my balls. Yeah. I'm gonna pinch my nipples. I'd be licking my taint.
I'd do it all. I'd be like, you're not ready for this. I would definitely come in my mouth and come over my face. Oh my God.
It's not gay, right? If you do it like, no. Oh my God. Oh my God.
You don't think it's Christian? Yeah. You know how hard it would be to... Oh, so I was messing with this.
Oh my God. I'm gonna pass out. Oh, I was messing with Rachel Ray. You did?
Yeah, I think I did. You went there with her? I did. We went, uh, we went, uh, repelling.
Uh-huh. And, uh, remember, I told you a joke about it. We went, uh, I had a bodyguard because it was dangerous back then. Yeah.
And they said, um... Well, by the way, back then, it's still fucking dangerous. Oh, for real? Yeah.
It's still Mexico. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know if you can follow the news, but Chick is wild there. She, uh, I said to Rachel, um... Is that you? Yeah.
Look how skinny I am. Jesus! What do you weigh there? 186 pounds?
No. I think so. You mean for real? What year is that?
That was... It's gotta be when I turned 40. So 10 years ago you would 186? For real?
I was in great shape. Um, I gained it all back. What do you mean? Very quickly.
I gained what back? All that weight. I lost it and then... You had lost it and then...
I went down. I went on my 40th birthday. The week of my 40th birthday. I was in the road.
I didn't do any things. And I did a cleanse with Leanne. And I dropped like fucking 60 pounds in the cleanse. And that's when you are here?
Yeah. That's right. That's gonna be right after the cleanse. I think when this was like 2013?
Uh, oh yeah. Yeah. But I put it on pretty quickly. The, um, the...
Rachel Ray. The joke I wrote is, uh, she gave me a bodyguard and I... I can speak a little bit. So I'm 13?
I said, um, I said, yeah, it's 2013. It's probably right when I look at fucking skinny. I'm so skinny. Look at my face.
My face is weird. Looks like I have a huge fucking head. Yeah. I wasn't looking at my face either.
I always look at my face back then. Oh my god, your face is so big. My face is fucking tremendously big. It's so big.
It's ridiculous. I look like a fucking wee boy. I look like a fucking... Oh my god.
Look at how big my fucking face is. Holy shit. That's fucking unnerving. It's too big for your body.
Oh, wait. That shirt's too big for you. That's probably a large. This is...
I remember this trip. She sent me to Oscars and I got the best fucking mustard of my life. Mustard and smoked cheddar. Is there audio to this?
Yeah, it is. Oh, you might get flagged for it. You're right. You might get flagged.
Your voice doesn't sound the same. I know, because I tell you that talk like this. We ended up doing this talk for modern art. It sounds so like you.
It sounds so mean. So we went to Mexico City. You look great there. I don't want to be that size again.
What size do you want to be? 220 Jack. 220 Jack. 220 Jack.
You're on your way. I'm on my way to Jack. Yeah. I love when people touch me and they go, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you working out? Yeah. That's what I said. Is that a tricep I see?
Yeah. It's amazing gaps. We went to Mexico City and I kept saying to my body guard. I took him out.
I said, what can I do with this guy? I said, do you want a beer? And he said, no. And I said, okay, do you want something to eat?
He's like, no. I was saying this in Spanish. I said, do you want a cigar? And he was like, no.
And then I realized I was saying tennis instead of... Oh. Do you want kiddos? Oh, yeah, yeah.
I was saying, do you have a drink? And he was like, no. And I was like, do you have it? And Rachel goes, when did you find out?
I go at the end of the night when I said, I wanted to say, do you want to go to bed with me? I said, you have to go to bed with me. That's hilarious. She was drinking a sheet of bodyguard too.
The sticker body guards are the beach bag of fight. She's a great comic. Sophia was open for me there. She's great comic, super funny.
She sends me this thing. They don't talk about being Mexican down there, do they? Sometimes. But she goes, she's like, hey, I'm going to work out tomorrow at the park.
Do you want to go? And I go, yeah, sure. Let's go. So I meet her at the park with her trainer.
And she's like... Where did you perform in Vegas? That's at the Chelsea, at the Cosmo. Oh, fucking beautiful.
Yeah, it's a... Keep it on thread. It's rad. Who left you that fucking mammoth of a comment?
Who the fuck? Oh, that's a psycho. Yeah. Nobody here.
Go pace through the... Who the fuck? It's a... It's a quote from a video.
Yeah, this place is rad. It's a really good venue. It's a beautiful theatre. Yeah.
Okay, so I meet her there. And she's like, she'd seen me post in gym. She's like, yeah, we're not... It's not going to be...
It's not gym. I was like, yeah, it's cool though. I'll just do whatever you guys do. The trainer's like, are you ready to work?
And I was like, yeah, let's work out. You know, I've been working out quite a bit. Let's go. Dude, we just start doing bodyweight jumps, like frog jumps forward over these little hurdles.
And like, I mean, a couple minutes in, like, are you all right? And I'm like, yeah, and then he goes, you know, the altitude here is like significant, right? And I'm like, I'm starting to fail it. And I mean, a couple minutes into this thing, I'm like fucking gassed.
We had to work out a little over an hour. And it was just like, no weights. No weights. No weights.
Bodyweight mobility stuff. And it fucking destroyed me. Did you remember? And she put on a 25 pound weight vest today.
Wait, let me see the picture of this check. Sophia, S-O-F-I-A. We're in Latin America this week. F-E-N-O.
N-I-N-O. Daughter. D-E. R-D-E.
Yeah, if you go to her IG, you'll see. Yeah. Yeah, that's her. Did you open her?
Yeah, I mean, she's a headliner or whatever, but she'll go. She'll go. Yeah, that's the park. She's probably working out there at the park today.
Yeah. That's the park? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I mean, and, you know, she looks like she works out, but not, you're like, God damn, this shit was wild.
No, she killed it. She killed it on stage. So they don't do like, they don't do any like my Mexican mom things. They make jokes about us leaning like our culture, right?
Yeah. You know how we are. She had a bit about traveling abroad, so you know, she made a word. Well, what are these?
This is the kind of shit we were doing, man. Like, I know this was killing me. But, I mean, no, this is like a dance. We didn't dance.
But, uh... We didn't fucking dance. But, uh... We didn't dance.
We didn't dance. But, and she was on my ass too. She's like, hey, you still have like 10 more to go, I got to stop to talk to the trainer. But, yeah, no, she's great.
But we did, um... Yeah, so she had a big reference, but they're not like, you know how we are our Mexican... They don't do it like that. Yeah.
They make references. It's for them, it's just their mom. Right, right. Everyone's got Mexican mom.
Right, but they go like, you know, we were abroad, like we were in South Africa, you know, you know, we are always looking for the free food or whatever. Like, they make reference to their own culture, but not like, not the way you would in the States, you know. And in Chile, the same thing I had, you know, openers there and in Argentina too. But, um, yeah, the shows were fucking incredible.
English. So what I would do was, the openers would do 20 minutes in Spanish. They'd open the show that way. Then they would...
I would go on stage. I would do an hour in English, and then I would close with 20 minutes of Spanish. So that was the, all the people that came obviously are bilingual. So I could, you could like just end on the English good night, but then I was just like, I would just switch, I'd go, how about we just Spanish now?
And then just, and they would go, what material were you doing in Spanish? I would just pull, I knew, I had working on that Spanish hour. So I just pulled like what I thought was the best 20 from that. And so I did, it was basically bits of...
Yeah, because you're doing a Spanish speaking Netflix hour. Well, I mean, we were supposed to do it in 2020. So I toured and then the pandemic kind of threw it off. But what I ended up doing was, I went back and I listened to some of those sets and I was like, this is the best material to pull from it.
It was all like based on like, I had a chunk about going to Peru as a kid and going to school and getting bullied. I do that. And I had a bit about studying Madrid and like going to Tunisia and I tell that story. And then I had another bit about it.
It was all like stuff that I thought would register really well with these crowds. It was so much fun. That's fucking, that's so, when I was in Germany, I thought that feeling. I thought when I was in Germany, I was like, this is where I would have lived.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, by the way, in doing it, like, everybody's like, you know, they're the same, you're exactly like, you're pacing, you're the way you do it. It's like it's very you. It's very Tom Sager.
It's just in Spanish. We didn't know that it would be real. It's exactly how you are in English. Sweet.
You're, oh, that's great. Cause you sound like, you sound like a different person when you talk Spanish. Your personality does kind of change. That happens by the way, across the board to human beings.
It's everywhere. Wait, so do you speak Spanish? I wonder if you're Spanish to be like, huh? All la.
All la. Tom, all la. Is that a flattering impression? Tom, when you talk English, you don't, you don't sell like a person who can fuck.
But then when you talk Spanish, I go, that guy can fuck. Really? No, but in Spanish, you sound like a guy. You know what I'm saying, Rachel?
You should ask the girls this week Spanish that I've been with. So I'll get you some phone numbers. No, I really enjoyed it. And it made me think of it.
So where do you go? You went Mexico City? I started in Buenos Aires in Argentina. Then Chile, Santiago, then the Mepru, then Mexico City.
I'll see you right where you're right. I did a little bit. Can I tell you something? I forgot until the day before to remind myself how fucking far Argentina is.
I was like, oh, when's our flight? And then they're like, this? And it'll be about 10 hours. I was like 10 hours.
I forgot how far down. Who are those people? Who are those people? This guy right here is a super fan of soccer.
And I saw a viral video of him. And we became, it went viral in Argentina over 10 years ago. And I was so obsessed with the video, I would play it all the time. What is the video?
You should definitely see it. And that was his friends? If you go back to the guy to his left, if you go back to that, the guy to his left is Nicholas, he's a comic. And the rest are like the other guy's friends.
Then there's, if you go to the... So do speak Spanish? That's in Argentina. Do you speak Spanish every one all the time?
Pretty much, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Are we dreaming in Spanish? Yeah, by the fourth day.
Yeah. By the fourth day. Are you going to teach your voice band? And we're trying to.
And you know how you go, I need to talk to someone about this thing. Because I got to address the fact that we're leaving on Thursday. You have those, when I talk, when I see Peter, I got to make sure that I started to do that on the 34 day in Spanish. So like things that I need to do in your head, you start doing them in another language.
That's my cousin Juan Luis, that's a Lima. That's an uncle and aunt. That's an uncle and aunt. I think they hear about it.
That's a Lima. That's beautiful, right? They don't have any frame of price. That's at Central, like it's a three star Michelin restaurant in Lima.
Shout out to Víquillo. What kind of food do they make? Just proving food? Yeah, but it's like one of those, they're like, we got this, you know, these herbs that we curated in like, you know, sea urchin and now that it's all like, you know, gastro high level, restart stuff.
Yeah. So what did I say? Oh, you got to look up this video. Okay.
I can't believe I'm showing you this. He's going to left this. T-A-N-O. Space.
Just do that and see if it goes to, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one to do it with. Yeah. I saw this video years ago and then it's just him watching his favorite soccer team and I went crazy, right?
So this is his kid setting up the camera to watch his, to record his dad watching his favorite soccer team. Okay. That's how I met this guy is watching this video. Do you have arthritis in your leg?
Yeah, I think it gets, then he, by the way, he's saying, what is he saying? What is he saying? He's actually saying, they put motherfucker? Yeah.
He's not saying motherfucker. He's saying, la puta que mepario or la puta que te pario. It's the whore that gave birth to me, the whore that gave birth to you. The whore that gave birth to you?
Yeah. That's the literal translation. They're saying motherfucker. But anyway, I was so obsessed with this video.
I was playing it on podcast all the time. Yeah. And one day he messaged me and we started going back and forth. What's he look like now?
The far left. The far left guy. That's him. Yeah.
He looks better now. Well, he had to go under like heart medication and shit. He asked me out there. He said that.
So I was like, um. He's so weird at what you like. And people were like, how do you know this guy? I'm like, fuck.
He was a fucking ditter with you. We hung out. We had lunch for them twice. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I was so happy. Your friends are so bizarre.
Yeah. And you're Ricardo and him. No, I, uh, yeah. I fucking, I love that video so much.
I watched it so many times. And, uh, yeah, he's saying he's saying la puta que meparo. Like the whore that gave birth to me. Like mother.
Que? Que? Me? Me?
Pario. Yeah. And then he was like, you're going to fucking die. Like seriously.
So they went to the doctor and they're like, you need to take this thing. And so the family was like, are you allowed for you to watch the next soccer game? Can you get like a doctor's note? Are you serious?
Because they were scared that they were going to lose him. So the doctor gave him volume, but he gave him like four in a day. So he's like, the doctor was like, take one at like nine a.m. Take another at noon.
Take another at like two 30. And the game's at four. And he's like, he was watching the game. He was like, I couldn't get fired up anymore.
Do you follow? Um, one of the things that, I mean, first of all, one of the things that, uh, I love is men getting dressed men getting dressed. Yeah. Have you been following this trend?
You said clicked out link and I sent you there's men that they get dressed. It's, it's they get dressed and they tell you what they wear and they show you what they wear and they do it. It's a really big trend. I've seen it everywhere and I so badly.
I'm going to start doing it for myself. Okay. Tell me this. Yeah.
Yeah. Find his Insta. Okay. There we go.
Man, just telling you what they wear. Yeah. So this guy's name's Damien Brok, Broderick, Broderick. Broderick, Broderick, I don't know.
Go to the middle. That one right there. Yeah. Okay.
Okay. I've seen a new, um, quite a chess piece, bro. Yeah. Jesus Christ.
He's fucking served time. What is that thing all about? It's pretty elaborate. He's going to pick a watch at the timepiece and a cent.
Juggers for our cent. We go with Calvin Klein, eternity for our timepiece. We will go with this one from Rachel. Okay.
I like it. Well, then I'll get a jacket. Nobody wears a hat. Nobody wears a hat.
Now there's a strong chance I will regret this jacket because it's no deal. It's very cold. Although this looks good. I'm going to change it.
We've got this shirting bummer. I'm like, how do you do much warmer? Now all these trainers are comfy. I don't think they much the boy that did you.
I don't think they do either. We'll swap them for this chunky chassie goo. You're into this. I do think.
It's a good way to go too. I'm sure he's not wearing a hat. I'm not going to put a product in the hair so I think we'll put on a hat. I told you.
I know. I know I look like I could be storming the beaches of Normandy. Yeah. It is a very throwback thing.
I'm not throwing it. Is this everybody else? Yeah. Yeah.
Everybody else. And there's a bunch of guys like this. Like here, go scroll down, scroll down. So go to go to I go to I can start posting these.
Hey, everybody. I would love if I love you. Do this. I'll start doing this.
I'll do this once this episode. There's a bunch of there's a he's he doesn't all every day. He shows you what he wears every time. What does he do?
I mean, he's wearing. Thank you. I think he sells clothes. Oh, that makes sense.
Like, oh, hit the link tree there. Because this is a social media star. Okay. That's right.
I'm just gonna talk. Does he have like a oh, so Earnshaw was a type of watch. Maybe that's his company, you know, because that was the watch he was. What's that?
I feel like he goes he goes to the shop all the time. He says I'm going to the shop. Here go. Watch.
Go to the go go back to that one. Go to the yoga one. The yoga one. Oh boy.
Oh, we go back. That was his cock. Go back. This is why I posted that video of that cock video.
Yeah. It's because I watched this. Yeah. And you saw the outline.
And I was like, I'm doing that. Yeah. So that's interesting. So there's no plans to be the monastery today.
So I was in yoga. So sweatpants or track bottoms. T-shirt. Seeing us.
I'm not leaving the monastery. I'm not there. We don't particularly need a 20s, but we wouldn't feel ourselves. Whatever scent.
I've actually seen what's crazy. He's cool though. He's had a bit of it. But it's you learn about style.
There's another guy who's got literally ink all over his chest. And it's all like diagrams. Yeah. But I'm obsessed with these.
And I can watch him over and over and over again. I was just dudes getting dressed. Yeah. I bet I'd probably enjoy women.
You're looking in the suit. You're like the suit. You're like this one. Yeah.
So my friend Danny was opening the new barbers. So I'm going to go to hair coz. Trezors. Yeah.
Short. You could do this. Yeah. There you go.
This is for a haircut. Yeah. Jesus. One of these toys is a link in my braille.
I'll leave. Oh yeah. Please tell me. I think he sells stuff.
I think he has a fucking store. Okay. And he has a solely closed arm. From my own collection.
And they are hand packaged by me. You get a hand on. He's hand packaging the thing. He's the guy who is fucking president of the detail.
Yeah. Well yeah. Look how he's getting dressed for a goddamn haircut. I mean.
I'll go to the link in my story. Okay. I saw it's so you to find a rabbit hole like this. I'm super I watched 100 hours of this.
I watched him get dressed so much. Really? I knew that when they were like those room faces. We got Tom Ford.
He's got a lot of different fucking. He's had so much shit dude. Yeah. It doesn't.
And also like how misleading is this closet? I feel like he's got the biggest fucking closet. It looks like he's got a studio apartment. You'd like this.
That's a nice coat. That's a nice coat. I love the one who puts on hat. And then give me one.
Give me one. Give me one. Get me out of here. I had to leave a store because they were trying to.
They saw that they had a marking me. And they started bringing stuff out. And I was like I got to get out of here. Really?
Yeah. They kept bringing in. They knew. They could see how I kept like being a suit.
I almost bought a suit. I almost bought a suit for Vegas. Really? It was right next to the suit brokers or something or suit.
Suit supply. Suit supply I think is the name. And I was going to get a green suit for St. Patty's Day.
It's so you. You have to go against type sometimes and just show up in a suit somewhere. Because nobody expects. No one would ever own you have a suit.
Actually I hate suit. No. Leanne bought me two suits but they fucked up the. They fucked him up.
Okay. Like the pockets are fucking. You should get a tailored necklace. I got to wait first.
I think first I'm going to do. I wonder if I can just get to it. I do 30 be a great fucking way for me. Yeah.
You can do that. I look fucking. I look time. I had with my body.
Yeah. Two ninety six is two. I'm supposed to be. I know.
Me too. What are you right now? Like two hundred. Are you floating around two hundred?
Yeah. So can I ask you a weird question? Yeah. So are we going to be on testosterone for the rest of our lives?
No. Not necessarily. We're on low dose. It's not like you're on some body builder.
I feel it. I feel it going through my body. When I do push ups, I almost explode off the floor. Jesus Christ.
I feel it's so good. Yeah. You know you sound exactly like a kindergartener. I mean you describe some of the things you feel.
Like I feel like watching you jump. Like that's how like my four year old is like watch this. And he's like I was going through the ceiling. Yeah.
I saw that. Yeah. I feel like that. I know.
I know you do. It's really cute. It's fun. I wonder.
I'm just like flex sometimes. I just feel a shake. I just wonder why that was why that was so good in bed. Because you have your testosterone.
I'm fucking like a high school kid again. Actually I can do it that good in high school. Like was it like last long or you were just powerful? It lasted long and I was powerful.