Roddy Bottum on writing anthems to gay love and sex—now and before it was cool.

For those who may be too young to recall how weird the 1980s and ‘90s were to be gay, you’ll definitely want to read Roddy Bottum’s debut memoir, The Royal We. In it, the musician details what it was like growing up in Los Angeles before moving to San Francisco and forming the band Faith No More. And, believe me, it’s a really gay book! He recently joined me on The Queer Love Podcast to talk a lot about his loves and losses, as well as his relationship with his boyfriend and bandmate Joey Holman. They formed the band Man on Man in 2020 and have since put out two albums. If you haven’t seen their video for “Daddy,” then you don’t know what you’re missing (and we discussed that controversy near the end of our chat).Some of you might remember that Roddy wrote Faith No More’s first internationally recognized song, “We Care a Lot.” He also was behind one of the greatest anthems to blow jobs, “Be Aggressive,” before he revealed he was gay in a 1993 interview with Lance Loud for The Advocate. To put it in context: This was before Rob Halford of Judas Priest had come out; before Michael Stipe of REM or Bob Mould of Hüsker Dü discussed their sexuality openly in the media. Plus, Elton John was only toying with being bisexual and Freddie Mercury never came out publicly before his untimely death in 1991.Roddy also went on to form the band The Crickets, with JD Sampson and Michael O’Neill, and you might also remember his ‘90s band Imperial Teen, with that hit song on the Jawbreaker soundtrack, “Yoo Hoo.” We also discussed his relationship with Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain, including his “good-bye kiss” with the Nirvana frontman. As Roddy reminded me, his Imperial Teen song “You’re One”— with the chorus lyric “You take it like a man boy”—was inspired by Kurt. To kick things off, I told Roddy how much I appreciated his frankness. Not only does he share details about his younger days cruising men in the bushes and toilets of Los Angeles, he writes such short and beautiful lines such as: “I didn't realize what a privilege it was to be gay until so much later.”We also discussed his first boyfriend, Jim Olson, and how that played out since, as Roddy writes: “Our sex was secret and incredible, but I was smitten with his intellect.” He goes on to explain:“In prison there is love. In the classroom. In the workplace. It happens where it’s not allowed, and it happens where it’s encouraged. Jim and I were in love and in the throes of growing up in a secret place where no one knew that it was…”Although we didn’t discuss it directly during the podcast conversation, I also wanted to quote this section from the end of Chapter 24 (you can find it on page 154 if you have your own copy): “What is love when you don’t want it? When you’re scared of it and need to keep it under wraps? What is gay when you don’t want to be? The tedium of not knowing who I was took a toll… What if the hiding place is so good you’re never found? … what if the hiding place is dark and dank and hard to breathe in, and you discover the lid of the box you’re hiding in locks from the outside? The panic. The horror. Being hidden was what I thought I wanted.”Luckily, Roddy did survive this time and has had an incredibly creative and productive life. As he explained to me during the podcast about that first relationship: “There was a regularity and a specialness to that particular relationship and to the insanity of what that person was and the drama that it brought to my life. It kind of did form my opinion of what love is, or was, in that context. Love to me was a lot of drama, and I’ve had to sort of readjust my take on what love is in today’s world; in my relationship now. Does it have to be these crazy peaks, these screaming matches and differences and ups and downs? I’ve had to sort of adjust from an early age of what it was to me then and what it is to me now.”We ended our chat on a positive note, with Roddy urging people to get off their phones and to show up in person to support one another. “It's always a good decision to go outside and be with people. Even as challenging as that is. And that's what these events that have been happening, the book events that I've been doing, have been about. I always say at every event. ‘Thank you so much for just showing up, for being here physically, for speaking and listening and being in the flesh."‘ It makes such a difference.” Thanks for listening, reading and supporting all we’ve been doing with The Queer Love Project. Let us know if you have any memories from concerts or events that helped you. Leave it in the comments or amplify this however you prefer. See you soon! The Queer Love Project is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to The Queer Love Project at queerloveproject.substack.com/subscribe