Right, so I need a go. I know some girls. I don't really know any girls. I know a couple girls I'm gonna say I'm in the self-serve pumping.
I think it'd be weird for me to find a go to pump here Like I'd be weird. Yeah, cuz you you're better than are we going right now? Oh, yeah, well, wait It's great to be here. It's all good.
Yeah, right. Oh, man. We can change the name of the It is a it's a pretty epic intro. You guys have it really is I know you guys all do podcasts and guest on other ones, and you know it, you know, you got a pretty epic intro Yeah, it's the rest of the show that's Fucking epic that at all Yeah, I was like I got a great intro and then I just oh god I just went somewhere Here we go.
I'll get back to the rest of it. Yeah, I mean we do world's greatest Wednesdays and that's a great Wednesday, right? Michael, that's one of my favorite Wednesdays of the week, right? I see what you do You almost died we haven't had you on and you died you could have died and I love you dude And you could have not been here and I would have you're like I know it's we're new friends, but you're a really good person I know people I know a piece of shit.
I know a lot of people shit And I know good people when I meet them and you're one of those guys and you had because I listened to the other shows that you've done Where you've told your story a little more because I feel like you and I are like like hey, man You can you do the show to my kid or you're like hey man? Can you just shut I go yeah, and then we'll talk on the air and like you good yeah, you're good You spoke some weight. Yeah, let's look the way can I interject I actually don't know what I was talking about you I don't know what you're talking about you were almost no way almost no longer with us. Oh dude You don't know anything okay, this is gonna freak you out.
Well, it's a I've told it a million times I don't mind telling it to your audience as well, but first of all I want to say this I almost hit you up right before the surgery and asked you if you'd ever done this before I really did I was like if there's anybody I know on earth that's been beat up enough to probably have done something it would be you Yeah, I was like I'm not gonna bug else about this. It's a three hour I was to go in for spinal decompression Or excuse me spinal suppression decompression whatever surgery supposed to be three hours in and out there was a complication There was like a small tear and it was bleeding inside it was filling up instead of going down So they said now we need you to lay down for the weekend it could take care of itself and it didn't so on Monday He said come on in we're gonna open you back up. We're gonna sew it check it out It's like a spinal fluid kind of thing. Yeah, all right So I go back in and they fix it and but I mean again like the ordeal of getting even back in there through the ER at Cedar side night it was pouring down rain that day and All the homeless people shelter inside the ER so they'll up there crazy that day so they get dry from the outside and they're in there And they're yelling at everybody they're asking for loose change and people like no one's got that anymore You know they're they're yelling at people for a dollar to go soda And I'm just in a wheelchair being like six hours It took me to get in there like getting panhandle when you just got shot and I'm just sitting here and they're gonna We'll be over to home.
I told that turn over told that lady like copy that did I already do it? Okay, I tell that I'd look over and I'm like ah don't we owe me over here. What are you talking? It's like five people are like ah you and they have a six hours Six hours the best yeah before they even took me back for the surgery they do the surgery I wake up they wheel me into this like gen pop area and they're like you're gonna be here for a maximum three days Let this heal boom you're out here still a long time it is three turns into four six eight And the whole time I'm telling them I have this genetic blood disease that I've talked about a million times It's called factor five lightning.
I got that you really friends in my family I'm at risk my sister has been diagnosed. I'm good development and listen it is Yeah, so this is a very important thing so especially if your family has it so laying still for us We're taking time bombs right and I know this and I'm not on blood thinners And I only know it because in 2016 I clotted it almost died And they didn't give me any help they kept showing me out of the hospital There's nothing wrong with me and I end up passing all these clots with no meds no doctors I'm like they're like you're lucky you're here now That's when I figure out that this is what I have so now I'm fully aware that I have this I'm like don't let me lay still and they let me lay still and They come in on it was a Sunday was the night before MLK day and they say okay You need to excuse me Saturday You need to pass these occupational therapy test to get out of the hospital order to go home And the first thing you need to do is since you've been laying here for eight or nine days to sit up And just sit on the edge of the bed and just see if you don't get nauseous And if you don't then we'll get up and we're just gonna do a circle with the walker and they're like you know Everything's gonna hurt even laying you know everything's been laying on you inside I get up. I'm nauseous and I can't do it and I'm pissed because I just want to go home You know what I mean? I'm now there I'm three times there longer than I'm supposed to be and they say all right lay back down We'll do it again tomorrow.
I'm like can I just dare like no we'll do it tomorrow come back the next day I'm able to sit up. I feel good. I get on the walker. I do a little lap I walk up a little bit and I'm talking about just next to the bed right here and the guy goes This is great.
We'll we'll do your stairs test tomorrow and I go come on do this is it He's like this is it because I know that you think this is nothing But yesterday you couldn't even get up out of this bed and now today you're walking on a walker and in my world That's great improvement. Just we'll pass the stairs test tomorrow hospital days are so long So now it's Sunday night. They're gonna move me in my own room And I'm telling them don't even bother I'm getting out of here tomorrow. I'm getting out of here tomorrow They're like now we're gonna move you so they move me and they put me in my own bed And they're like just get a good night's rest tomorrow morning You'll pass your stairs test and then you're out of here and the only reason I had to pass the stairs test is I have stairs getting into my apartment Thank God and it's MLK Day and I'm laying in bed It's like 5 30 in the morning and I open my eyes and there's this the foot of the bed There's this black figure and I can't it's not human I can't make out But it's a silhouette of a person and that thing reaches down and it grabs my right big toe and gives it a little tug like that And then it moves off to its left and I was like what was that go to sleep whatever I wake up?
This nice occupational therapist comes in I still would love to find this lady because this lady had a day I had a day I don't know what it was I think about it a lot. I don't know if it was death Oh, I don't know if it was like my father who died from this very thing being like yo about to get bad You know what I mean, there's a lot of fault Didn't think about Whitney did not want it didn't look like her it didn't had you recently something to Candyman Right did you say Candyman 3 times in my phone though cuz I couldn't get up it might have been the Candyman I do it. That might be a problem. That might be it.
I'll tell Michael So anyway, the Candyman is that Shandyman touches my toe and bounces right occupational therapist nice lady comes in and She gets me up and she brings this little stair thing in and thank again, too She's like the stairwells are locked I want to take it to a stairwell with her locked right now and She puts this little stair thing down and she's like I just want you to walk up it down And I do that no problem and she says to me before we start how are you feeling and I said, you know, I just feel different today I can't put my finger on up. I feel different. I don't know what it is and she's like you want to do this I go yeah, I want to go home So then she says grab the wall want you to walk up them sideways grab onto the rail like this as if you're going up sideways I go up I go down I do that and this woman says mr. Sickler as your occupational therapist I can say that you have successfully passed the necessary test to go home and I fall back on the bed collapse and I say I'm clotting and she's like what I go I'm clotting this has happened to me before I'm clotting she calls for some doctor This dude runs in he's like what's going on I said I'm clotting I feel it.
I know this feeling He said what do you feel and I said I'm feeling three elephants on my chest He's like keep talking to me starts doing my blood pressure He's like keep talking to me. What do you feel now? I go here comes the heart attack 101 symptoms I've got the pain in the jaw down the left arm and he says you might be clotting and having a heart attack And then that's when I blackout that's death for me that would have been the last words I heard and when I woke up there was this little cute little Filipino older nurse standing over top of me It wasn't Whitney it was definitely not Whitney Houston. Okay, and She looked at me and I you know you just say things and I just looked at her I said am I still going home today?
And she said no your discharge has been canceled Okay, that's when they wheeled me to see T scans and they tell me that I didn't have a heart attack But my heart swelled massively. I also have pulmonary embolisms with her blood clots all over my lungs and That I am I've got a 48 hour window and I could stroke which I had even thought of when they said stroke Gas but I was like listen at a board up there and I made them right. I said stop. Tell me what could happen I don't want to hear anymore of it.
I never even I wouldn't even look at it on my phone I refused to I live like I was in the 80s dealing with doctors I just listen to what they had to say I did not go here and dive into reddit threads and this and that's in Q&A fuck that so Then they tell me that It's touch and go for like 48 hours, and then I should call some loved ones I was like we're there and I like we're there so I do I make some calls and And I kind of keep it quiet because I don't really know what's going on You know what I mean by the way Thank you again You sent me flowers and I know you said you were trying to be funny with the eye mask but that eye mask was money because You know you're in there and I had a lady right next to me was one of the if you've ever been in a hospital for a little bit There's always like a growner or a loud one she was next to me Oh Doing that all day and all night and you can't rest even the nurses will tell you the one thing you need is rest You got them coming in every three hours for vitals every four hours for medical shit now. They're like fuck your spine We're trying to save your life. So I've seen a spinal surgeon, but I also have a cardiologist I have a pulmonologist. I have an oncologist and I have a hematologist all these people coming in bangba And then they're taking my lunch.
They're taking my breakfast. They're cleaning the room You know I'm not sleeping at all and dude. They put me on fucking deluded man Yeah, and they put it in my IV and I'm not a drug guy. I'm weed.
I'm not a Jackson's joke. That's it. That's it Yeah, and Tully I'm telling you bro, you'd be talking to me and I would see chunks of your face fall right off onto the table and the threads of And the threads of flesh hanging in there and your cheekbone vividly and I finally I called the nurse over and I was like You got to get this shit out of my IV now. I don't care.
It's definitely helping with the paint and I have this dream I'd be like zombie. Oh, man. That's what happened. I had the dream where I was in this finished basement and there's a group of people at the end of this Wait, what's my happiest place on a room that's been set up to live in or in Finland?
It's interesting. No, Ed. All right, however not not to live in there's like a you know a wood panel little shitty 80s bar You know the parents had back there. I may have such a basement.
I'm not sure you know what I'm talking about I think they might have called them club basements to club. Yeah, we're gonna put table down here We had an unfinished that's why I fucking know the difference. Yeah, but I'm there and then I'm trying to yell to people that I need help and Someone grabs me and they throw me in the back of this like old Toyota to sell on the floor And then they start piling bodies on top of me and I'm screaming that they're throwing these dead bodies on top of me And I'm screaming to try to get out of the car and I can't move my back I'm in so much pain and I am fighting and I crawl and claw out through these ed bodies and I get myself out of the car And now I find myself outside the hospital in front of the hospital on a dream of course And I'm showing them my wristband like I belong in there I'm trying to crawl back and I finally fucking wake up and I immediately hit the nurse button and she comes in I go I know you heard me. I was so upset.
I go. I know you heard that she goes what I go I was yelling so loud. I woke myself up. I'm physically in pain from all the movies.
She goes oh my god We thought it was the lady next to you yelling and we didn't pay any To be if you can cry for that many days. Yeah, like no boy. It's like the last two hours before I die I cry no more letting me hit deep sleep was another rule because I'm seeing the worst shit and there's another guy too I learned this was pretty wild. So when I was in Gempop and the whole time by the way, I'm just on my back I don't get hired in 30 degrees.
I'm in there for the month of January and there's this guy in the regular area first Who's just a real piece of shit? He's yelling at everyone. He's treating people like shit all the nurses disrespectful Because he wants his morphine as soon as he gets his morphine is like oh Jason you're the nicest But it's not like I guess piece of shit. Well, then why not just give it to him.
So well here's what I'll tell you Yes, because this guy is all put together from my mind. Okay, my ears and my mind this guy is screaming for morphine over and over And so finally the doctors come in and I they have it's he's right here So it's curtains just like this but I get everything and they tell this dude like listen. We're giving you the law Did we're giving you everything we got the kitchen sink is going at this thing Yeah, and if that doesn't work then we may have to take your foot So what's going on is this dudes are junking? He's been shooting his foot up and it's so infected that the law did in the IV is not helping and if it doesn't They're gonna do one more thing and then foot's gone and I'm just laying there.
Holy shit Got it. I know and you know what they're gonna try what where they cut it off. What is medieval shit? They're gonna do Oh Goddamn maggot therapy.
Yeah, they'd like like in gladiator. Yes. Yeah, but maggot in there and they eat it out. That's what they told Yeah, maggot's are back, baby.
Yeah, that's cool. That's a nice. I believe that's what you're eating right? It was mag and I'm looking at it on my phone and I'm like oh And I start looking up infected foots and shit.
Oh my god He doesn't even know what I'm going. Oh my god and they they're talking to him about it And they tell him if these maggots can't get in there and eat the infection. It's audio is fucking foot So cool this dude is the biggest asshole So it's about day four and he's been yelling every day and he's just so disrespectful And then the cool nurses are coming in talking to me too like we're laughing at the guy like this always want to Like this. Yeah, yeah, and someone brings him it's dinner and somebody brings him his turkey burger Whatever this dude loses his he doesn't like he didn't want the turkey burger.
He screamed. I told you I wanted the tilapia Nah, and that's what I lost my shit because I yelled how the fuck do you know we get tilapia? Like I was over like how long have you been in here? How many times that you know tilapia Tuesdays is what we get right?
And it's such a specific fish to know that you get the god damn tilapia We'd want to watch and I say all the time now too Like that moment was a little bit humbling because I have a kid and I realized that I don't know anything in life The way a junkie knows the system. Yeah, no the every second of the system and I don't know anything in life like that Yeah, so I don't know. Oh, so the guy's girlfriend comes in. Yeah You'll like this these junkies man and what I keep hearing is ma'am ma'am.
You can't share the bed You can't share the bed. I'm like, okay. Yeah, she don't want to go sit in six hours Or what I just had to get in here She just wants to split the bed with him So now they're trying to share a bed a little bit and then I hear ma'am ma'am You can't take your own medications And now I know that because I brought three days worth of medications with me because that's how long they told me I was gonna be there and when I got there like you can't have yours We're gonna give you exactly what you have it just has to be administered through the hospital And then you'll get yours back when you leave you just can't take your shit because we don't really know what your shit is That's all fair and they're telling that lady you can't take yours. We're gonna give you what you have right there But you can't take yours this just took I mean a grip of pills all of them at one time They had had security back there and then everyone starts screaming.
Oh my god. She took all the pills She took and so now apparently it's a crime so security is like we can no longer deal with it It escalates the police damn Vancouver show and I'm laying on my back dude I'm like you ain't gonna believe this shit dude. Oh, we over here is about to get back It's on his foot his girlfriend's trying to share a bed She just ate all the goddamn pills the cops are coming and he at this point He has seen me on the delauda talking about my he's one day He said I told him he had a tail. I don't remember any of that It can be true and he does not know what to believe and what not to believe also because I'm just laying on my back And the next thing I know he turns around and my curtain is like a solid curtain here But it's got a little mesh at the top, you know and I go what's going on?
I say for Ontario means more police and prosecutors making sure my car doesn't get stolen It means building new jails to keep criminals behind bars And it means there's no need to wear me when I play at the park We're making every corner of Ontario safer to make all of Ontario safer. That's how we protect Ontario for all of us Learn how at ontario.ca.com Pay for by the government of Ontario He's like Jesus Christ there's there's nine cops out here right now I can only see one because he was tall enough what he walked by and they're in there grabbing her ass and they are It's extensive like it's a lot of cops. Yeah, they drug her ass out there and she's not dying again So that's that I go to my mate. You died again.
That was all gen pop stuff I went back track so then I go to almost dying and I call my my some family and friends and Then I delay there and they tell me like if your lungs don't get better There's this procedure we can do where we take a tube the size of your pinky and already don't let any time They tell you the size of something you know, it's gonna be stuck somewhere, you know, it's not comfortable like we can go right through your groin pussy that's I wouldn't even feel that Right Things that size and our holes for fun. I'll say thank you Michael listen. I'm not against it I know you're not against it. I'm gonna be my ass I'm gonna be in the groin in the skin between my balls and my leg.
Oh and then they go up. Oh, yeah I've had that into your lungs. I had a A-fib hot and they went in my balls. I'm in my chest infused a fucking velvet my heart doctors, man They are skilled.
They're like we can do that. They do a lot of stuff They have this little pump and they're like we can clear your lungs out and you'll be walking to them out of here tomorrow I said don't say that then they go they tell me that they can't do that that this procedure is a risky procedure because of the factor Five I could brain bleed I could become a vegetable basically you got two days Is this the last day I have to lay there and wait and see if my body did it get the news get better in the second day Or was the second day they were like, oh you've still got one you're 24 hours more or what was that like that was the problem was It kept being like well once I clotted it was immediate blood thinners through the IV And they told me until you can take oral blood thinners. You're not going home. You're here and I was like great This is exactly where I want to be and they tell me that also that I there's four surgeons to come in differently at the times of that day And tell me that there's no reason I'm alive.
I should absolutely not be here I'm very lucky and I'm like man, and they're like you don't understand me I said why do I would have failed I would have if I would have passed that test yesterday I'd be home and I would have definitely called 911 for the pain I felt and they said you would have but you wouldn't made it they said paramedics are just they're enough to get you to the hospital They don't even know that you've got one cloths in that amount of time you'd be dead this particular hospital He said you know the hospital where you had your daughter great great hospital have a baby not good for lungs I said yeah, they're the people who kicked me out the last time and he said this hospital this particular building on Earth has a Program that deals with exactly what you're going through and you're in the exact building You need to be in and then also you come in with this genetic blood disease. That's an outlier So now, you know, I've become this is my term I've become their case study in the sense that they tell me I'm not allowed to leave the hospital until every single surgeon signs off on it And I said great because if you're one of 12 you say I don't know I mean I don't care what these people would say I care about what you have to say So it became that and it was the problem was they say okay You're gonna get out tomorrow, but every night they want to test my blood to see my results and if there's anything different It's automatically a two-day more stay because now it's a 12-hour fast. They'll come in the morning They'll do the blood I won't get it till the evening and every day something different every day And then I start to lose my mind because now I'm three weeks in I haven't seen my daughter I can't even answer my daughter's mother's questions like what the hell's going on when you're gonna be I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I had to call her and I was like I don't know almost died I don't know and then you just lay there and you wait to see if your body is gonna be a ticking time bomb and kill your And I'm every ping and pang you feel inside you I get it Yeah, and that's what your body starts making them up to yep Yeah, I had a hot monitor thing that it would if my heart went down because I have a low resting heart rate and the monitor Does this thing where it beeps if your heart rate goes under a certain amount of whatever beats and it would do it And then someone sometimes I'm like can you like take a couple of deep breaths like you're making your heart rates going down And that makes me panic. I'm like wait It is you know means everything and then that you were saying sleeping I couldn't sleep because if I got relaxed my heart rate would go down and the thing would beep and it would wake me up And I'd be like oh no I'm dying again Am I gonna have a stroke because that was the whole thing that they couldn't get my heart out of a fib And then there was I could have a stroke any minute so then I would just sit there and one of them went for a couple They couldn't get it out.
They had to like Shock me like knock me out in the electric cube my chest really I had like battles I had been Did you really they did burn marks? Yeah? Hair you could see all the hair I was gonna say they burned the flag it did burn my skin I had you know that I had them the Triangle burn marks. Yes.
Yeah, it was yes. I spent all of a time worry this year in the hospital Fighting stay alive. Hey fight this day alive. I get it man.
I mean I seen a lot too lately. It's just the other day I Mean I want to say how do I say it in a way that isn't offensive? Okay? It's gonna offend somebody so it doesn't matter exactly I footed somebody That that's what it fainted hold on one sec Can I just interject for a moment here?
You're worried about saying fuck it when you're gonna talk about fucking someone with your foot whoa what dude? Is that not what foot it is? I was hoping that nobody would yeah, but I was hoping to you can't say that into that I was just like foot foot letting inner inner Putting your foot inside our body. Yeah.
Yeah, okay. Yeah, I do it. I have to be more offensive than just saying that word No, I didn't know if you the word you said made it bad. Yeah, that's right.
We're right you would talk it you in three years I'm sorry. You made love to someone with your foot. There you go. Yeah, I would love somebody Well done Wow I'm really want to hear about this and it was it was like actually pretty cool.
I never knew the giver yeah, this is shit dude I'm not you know about no I just think it's really funny Jason's mind. He goes. Oh, yeah Yeah, it's interesting that you almost died and saw the face of death itself because just the other day I stuck my foot inside a human sex organ It was like it's like it's right in my in the front of my mind. Let's hear about it How do you mean you can't just say you footed someone and then leave it at that I was kicking ass Yeah, I don't do that I don't wanna do it anymore just picturing the logistics.
It's gotta go sideways. Of course it does naturally Yeah, can't go straight on why would you well? I mean why I tell you why I thought about it But then when you think about it and they're like you gotta keep watermelon It's kind of like you know when they give those monkeys tests to put the blocking the bright thing, you know, right? So I think I think I'd be pretty good at that.
Yeah, right of all the monkeys. I think I'd score pretty high But yeah, it's more about it. It's you've got it. You gotta get your knee out sideways.
I was excited about my pelvic thrust the loud Oh, you're definitely not allowed to do this. I I Want to take a moment to talk to you about a G1 do you know about it? I'm a fan of a G1 It's tasty. It's easy and I believe it is legitimately seriously nutritious a lot of products make that claim But a G1 has 75 different kinds of goodness And there's a word that they're very happy to talk about that I'm happy to talk about as well that word is bio availability if you drink stuff and it goes right through you Congratulations friend You have just purchased a whole bunch of very expensive you're an AG one you put the good stuff in it stays in it helps your body I don't really know anything I just heard people drink green drinks I started doing it seems to work pretty good And then this one doesn't taste like crap because green drinks usually taste like dirt mixed with leaves and this like doesn't taste like that So it's like not painful when you drink it and you know I like to pretend that I'm like an athlete still so if I have a glass of that I feel like I did something good If you want to take ownership of your health try AG one and get a free one-year supply vitamin D and five free AG one travel packs With your first purchase go to drink AG one calm slash J.
E. S. I'll tell you what I love you I'm gonna ask you a question because you're a fighter you're you know MMA boxing all of it Better Your foot fucker The people that are listening up patreon got to enjoy it. Yeah, patreon wouldn't be a problem with any of this stuff Now they live for this For fuckers they are this in patreon is it's important because the way YouTube and all these other channels are doing us It's gotta be that way.
Yeah, I'd go over there and pay for it to hear what the hell you really want to hear Yeah, but I'm starting to point the pot I'm starting to try up the podcast is like when you're dating somebody That's like going to meet the parents Yeah, it's like you but putting on your little bow tie right and then when you're done with that you go back to patreon Oh finally your dad's got the pussiest handshake. Yeah, exactly. You really do go ahead But just after like I'm still on I curled 45 pounds for the first time the other day Which made me feel like a person, you know what I mean? And I'm starting to use real weight because when I first started doing PTO I was just breathing just learning how to breathe and walk right and stuff, you know Which is wild that we don't even know how to walk my pelvis tilts all these things so I was in Manhattan I was in Austin I was traveling to promote the special watch my special lefty son available on YouTube now and I'm just getting jostled around a little bit and I was like man I can't defend myself like I normally can you know what I mean like also God forbid There's a gunman or any bullshit that goes down.
I can't run I can't hustle you know what I mean like at the airport when I see the shuttle coming if it's too far I'm like I'm missing that one. I'm missing that you know what I mean so that's time when you go through these surgeries and things like that Especially being a combat fighter. Do you feel you know what I'm talking about like how vulnerable? Do you really feel when you know?
Oh well like you mean like when I think I'm so hurt that if it popped off right now I can't defend myself I don't think about it at all never never cross my mind I think the only time I've crossed my mind is if it was family and I'm somehow in a dangerous area where I have felt like Katie or The kids and I've made a huge mistake and we're in an area and I go wait my leg doesn't work Yeah, cuz that's the only time I have foot what if there's somebody wants it in their butt? That is the first thing that I asked myself Yeah, I don't it doesn't worry me. Yeah, I feel like don't go to Tijuana with your Couple of months you'll be fine don't go to Berlin on crutches. Yeah, it doesn't come out because it's not real You know like it's really not that don't go like maybe like I don't want to get in any situation where I might need to do Defend myself with a broken leg or a broken arm.
I mean broken arms different. I forgot a broken arm I'm gonna break. Yeah, I'm talking about a back though. I can't well I mean I that's like these reconstruction and there was a time there where If I sat down in a in an aggressive manner, I was in agony So it was like I was like gloss like I remember one time a friend offered to pick me up off the couch and then when I reached He took his hand away and I fell back down and I was like I might not speak to you for like a week That was insane what you just did to me because it was that so I was glass man I went on a field trip with my daughter's class just a couple weeks ago And that's crazy and I loved it because you know Did you get the stroller no, but we almost die you're like you want to do shit You know what I mean like I quit wait I'm like oh my god get to go on a field just my first one is how things I had gave me yeah Yeah, like it gave my brother passing away gave it to me But then me being on the table and they go and you're having a heart attack and throw us and I remember looking I was like I don't believe in God like I'm like My dad didn't is not my friend and I was like I'm not asking you for anything and I was like Stevie I don't know if you're there like can I not go yet like I got kid like I'm not done yet dude Like I haven't figured I'm supposed to do something don't not yet and then I Like you're gonna live and I was like okay.
So do some stuff, you know do do something help somebody be honest That's why I don't care like I suck the hell yeah, but like come at me. Okay, so he's a bit right I'll do whatever I want once you get past the Everybody that I put my foot in You get once you get past the whole I'm I don't want to die and all that I got to a dark place too because I'm there for so long I start thinking of like people I know they're garbage human beings Uncle Terry Reminded me of somebody really bad that I met in my life recently like some this giant freakin turn of a human that did something that I'm telling you know I'm like still probably quiver when we hear them I forgot the person's name It was such an insignificant turn but that turn tried to rock the boat and kind of accidentally did in a way where it changed the show forever And I was like in the end it changed it for the best because I didn't need that in my life anyway It turns out but at the time I was like wow what an unbelievable asshole Somebody reminded me of it in the other day and I was like oh and then I went Idiot it's over like it's been over it was over like three seconds after it happened 15 years ago like who cares those drugs Those drugs really mess with my mind in there really really really changed me as a No the steroids made me angry But also I'm getting frustrated too because I'm like what is going on what tested what's different today? What's different so you got to stay what what's different? Some of them couldn't some of them couldn't and that's the other thing about nurses like I would say I dealt with a hundred people and 97 I'm more phenomenal.
They really were there's always a few assholes But you don't see the same nurse anymore. I hate I'm seeing you today you tomorrow Hey Katie I just got used to her and there right and and and she got used to me. Yeah, we like you know is my medicine I get it she knows I mean that she knows when I need it whatever but when it's a new person every time Yeah, they don't remember if they gave Gary at this hospital over here this meds You know what I mean? There's so many things so many numbers going through their head and stuff They can't remember if they gave it to you if they gave it to you properly or what it is and it's just no longer Is there this nurse that works on this floor?
It's a hired gun and they're coming from Pomona. They're coming from Valencia They're coming from you know Fontan where ever they're all different people coming in from different places and I'm like shit So you really have to be an advocate for yourself You really have to know about your health and your body and you really do need to speak up there were a few times I barked at some people I had a two hematologist come in this lady came in and at this point my veins are Ladies this one was trying to be like what is it? Yeah, yeah, she was a lady. What does she know?
This one didn't know anything My veins are tapped from blood blood blood blood blood and she goes to hit this one over here and she misses it She said I'm sorry. Oh, could you not miss this one? Yeah? Oh, you said that okay?
So you've already been well one which is fair. We're in a hospital. What do you do for a living poke veins? You took the good ones announced those little ones That's pretty hot, but I'm like so no it's not hard.
That's our job and she misses again And I'm like dude and I give her the look here and she's like I'm so sorry I go listen don't miss again. Please don't miss again. Yeah, it hurts Yeah, she puts it in and she just looks at me and I want you missed it Yeah, she goes I did it. I said go get someone.
Yeah, that's how to do the job. It's okay Go get it go get it now. She did not try and stab you bro takes her hand off of it blood shoots up on the wall I go there goes the plug be fun There goes the plug we need it so she goes out she gets this guy this guy comes in he's going on this arm now So over three over here, and I say dude, I've got good juicy veins like you don't even need to tie me off Yeah, I'm like just hit this one see where my IV is and this vein here Yeah, just hit me in this one. Yeah hit the blue line big blue line.
Yeah the one he goes Okay, and hits me over here on the small one. I go what are you doing? He goes it's easier for me I got don't care if it's easier for you. It's less painful for me, and it just got missed three times Do you ever think about asking the junkie in the next?
I would have got it in there. He would have taken a little bit for his troubles He was a little bit mad at the other side. You'll say I'm out of guy age of most of the lot of you So he misses and it's four of these now don't miss this next one that's fair, and he misses the next one Wow Where to God you punch him? Where'd you bury him?
Look at you did you tell him no, I lost it and he was a pog, I'll go out and this lady comes in and she right away She goes I just want to apologize and I go listen I do to you know I'm common there I'm like I do too. That's not my character, but I'm telling you and I'm laying here and I'm sick of getting poked and prodded Especially with no purpose. I said that was five needles for nothing I'm in pain and she's like you don't need to apologize to anyone. It's their job They have one job here not to check your vitals not to give you pills not to do x-rays They just do your blood and it pisses me off that I have to come behind them and do their job And I'm like oh you're a supervisor yeah, and I go please she goes don't even worry about it Yeah, and boom go right away right away and I go could you please take two of these?
Just so you got another one nice. I'm way ahead of you got to I'm right here and just so you know this blood actually last I think she said it was 12 hours upstairs They don't need to be coming and poking you in prodded you as much as they are I was like thank you very much. Yeah, and that was that was it and then right at the end there was another nurse I yelled at but she was so arrogant and so disrespectful and She was like this Czechoslovakian chick Attitude attitude attitude at least bitches are terrible so I was instructed that if I saw anything different I was to tell my team of surgeons and then they would assess it and tell me what was going on Czechoslovakians are like related to Dracula. Yeah, they're evil bitches.
Yes. She was not I Finally because I'm not shitting they're giving me pain kill The poop I don't know shit. Yeah, so I finally shot out of the huesons. I finally shit and it's funny that we're allowed to say that We're I finally shit.
Well, no no wall So I see blood in it now. Yeah, I see red blood in it So I know you might have to beat you it could have been a hemorrhoid it could be whatever But also they are pumping these so full of so much I don't know and I sit there any good blood thin is for a good five minutes and I debate I've been in there a month. Do I tell them about this blood because if I do I'm gonna be here for another week, but I Go with caution. Yeah, yeah, and I say listen.
I know it's not a big deal in your world But there's blood in the in the toilet. I know that black feces means there's blood in my feces. It's not black It's red. I'm not sure what's going on.
Maybe I pushed too hard, but did I just blow a stitch out back there? I don't know what's going on you got anything so I got asked and she goes it's nothing Wait, but she's an evil wish and probably want you to die like everybody in Czechoslovakian and I say I know it's nothing to you Or in your nurse world, but after everything that's going on with me. I'm just gonna listen to the surgeon So I would like someone on my team to know that you don't take any advice from Ivan Drago Drogo over here Shut up bitch like that way anyway and Dan Vancirks air witness in the book. She's like don't even worry about it Like I must break you because they're telling me I'm going home today.
I'm going home. So I'm fired up I'm finally going home right I'm finally going in books But now I might not be because of this stupid blood. Oh, yeah, so She refuses to tell that she goes you want second opinion. I go yeah, I could tell she's getting that back and I go Yeah, I do she probably had really pink nipples.
I don't know check us about you I don't you gotta picture that to calm yourself down. You don't do that sometimes when ladies are being mean to me I picture what color they're nipples are so then I don't get mad at it. It's not appropriate to get mad at ladies Especially when you look like me so I just go hmm. I think they're dark and then I don't feel mad all right I'm gonna try it next time.
Yeah, anyway, can you try when they're not mad at you also? That's just so enough to work So she gets mad and doesn't want to call someone yeah, and I'm like you better call somebody about this right now Call this and any I said listen. There's 12 people all I want is and one of them I don't need everybody just wanted them to be like yes is fine So she won't do it and she says something to me and then I lose my shit unload on this lady. Yeah unload I said I know the blood is not a big deal, but I'm telling you it's something different I haven't seen it and those are my instructions boom my surgeon comes like that and he tells and this is when I find out I didn't know this the doctors don't really care for the nurses The nurses don't give it really give a fuck about the doctors and they don't know each other the doctors are like Who's this clown from van eyes that just showed up today?
You know what I mean like they don't have respect the pick nipples right with the pink nipples Yeah, so he's like he tells everybody in there to shut up and he's like right yep He's like this man is doing what he was told and he goes Ryan you can do whatever you want to do What do you want to do and I go I want you to tell me if you think that's fine or not because if it's fine I definitely want to go home and I started getting mad I was like I know y'all need this bed. I know you need this bed You know I'm doing that shit and he's like I think you'll be fine. I go great Then I want to go home That's all I needed all I needed was some reassurance and also I'm trying to explain to her like the way my father died was because of this I didn't find this I didn't we thought my dad had a heart attack when he was 42 I don't find out till I'm 42 when I almost died this that this is what he died of and everyone in the family gets tested And I'm the only asshole with it and you know, that's how math works So he gives this thing to me I find out he dies from this and now I've got this PTSD of him coming home and I was finding him dead in his bed And I don't want my daughter to find me dead in my bed She's eight and I don't want to be dead in my bed You know I'm saying this I want and I'm scared to death literally because At any other time I have this button I can push and help comes right in at home. I'm calling yeah Well, what's the blood look like, you know, and that and I'm like, it looks like I'm dead That's what the fuck it looks like so I was really nervous about going home and not having someone to buzz and come right in and Answer questions or of course and to me because I'm on bed rest still like I'm log rolling and and and I was you know Like I said, it's what are we in May now almost June and I just lifted 45 pounds for the first time like last week So I'm getting there and you can vote yeah, I've got the public for us to release Go ahead two thumbs up as a Now it'll be a minute before I get to the feet For old school yeah, just some regs, you know Training wheel brothers when you get a little better hit me up and I'll teach you how you know, it's not that hard Do you fly with the you get the socks?
I have to tell you where those I still haven't got the pain crazy Michael actually have to wear the airport Yeah, you should get it. I wear compression pants and now wear compression socks I don't get it. I don't get why people don't with those on when you go on the plane feels great Yeah, let's put me when you get a second skin Yeah, and then every 90 minutes if it's a long flight I have to get up and I'm one of the people in the back like babies stretch babies and people with you know that stuff Mm-hmm, baby after two hours you gotta get up and you gotta shake the baby, you know What what oh and to show you that's how you do In the environment look every animal is trying to kill you and it's very high burns the flesh melt swipe people And they die that's why we have to drink so much to take the pain of existing under the red heart Australian Sun and To die, you know like animals killing you and dying, you know having an animal eat you or being stung by You know pug snakes only snake that bites you and makes you go numb and then keeps biting you We know why no because he's in Australia and they just roll like that. So so it's like a numbing it just keeps it I was shook shook when I was a baby and you know me thrown against walls and stuff so that I could be tougher and handle it I see because you know I've been attacked by razorbacks.
Have you really yeah? What happens? I mean they actually if you don't do anything and you get out of weight nothing There was more like they ran over a fire that we made and they ran through it. They like stormed it was like a little Pig it's a big I mean boar like a boar.
It's a boy that has a mohawk. They're here's like super like Arkansas Razorback straight. I'm also picturing Was it bebop and rock steady from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Yeah, right?
He was a mohawk angry killer pig Oh, yeah Yeah, so I think that it's like a bunch of different ones from around the globe But our ones are the wild pigs like a you know probably it's a real big dog like they were they were bigger than Pipples and stuff like they were not a horse But they were they were way bigger than a dog and they had a big tuss and stuff and they ran through the fire and my dad's friend Who's Jack's a fucking that's how I know that you're a label? He's super evil Variable still alive and he's old and he drinks and takes drugs and he's still alive. Why how cuz Satan say Tannick Everybody knows that so yeah They I was like get up in the tree and I got up in the tree with my gun So I had a sauna shotgun because I was too young to like hold the front end of it up I was too heavy so I was somebody cut off the front and the back so it was easy for me to hold pump action to five shots And they went through the fire and he jumped out of the tree and was like Cool, so I jumped out the tree and it's like boom boom boom boom boom and I had The solids in in my like it was like the bullets have like a solid lead bullet in there and gunpowder So it's like yeah instead of like just a spray there's a solid in there as well And I mean it I'm not that good of a shot especially with shotgun and he in the back of the head hit him I hit the peak of the peak and then and now and the pig goes down like skid across the ground I'm like oh He should have shot a pig and it goes Read read start screaming I'm like oh no I did pain and then big pit dog goes running over there And he had a big leather collar with all these studs on it and he ran over the pig and right when he got to the peak It started biting him the pig got up and went whoop and it's Tusk got under the color of the dog and the dog went rag doll and do like They're here like it look like a wet towel just flew off and the collar got snapped off the dog's neck dogs fine It gets up and just starts running at me after being hit in the head after I hit it in the head So I already shot on my bullets. I had bullets I'm a bullet belt but I had to put him in there and I'd already kind of started to put him in there But I didn't think that it was gonna I didn't even think that it could see me just but it was running I was like oh my god It's running towards me and I'm like I don't think it knows I'm there But it's gonna hit me and it's gonna kill me like I really started to get scared But then I shot at a bunch in the head until it like skid it on the ground and then and then they made and then they make me But they hung it up I'd splashed legs on a tree and I and then they were teaching me how to gut it So I had to like we had meat cleaver and I had to make cleaver down in there and get early to augans out And they're like chubby's head off J So I'm swinging this thing at the head and splattering all over me and then I finally got the head off And then Jeff my good friend Jeff Czechoslovakian Jeff He was like put the head on your head on your head for a photo So then I put a giant boar's head on my head For a photo picture yeah Jeff does but he never gave it to me because at one point I had a book and I told that story and I was like What happened to that photo and I think it's like they're from the 70s.
Yeah, I feel like that photos Long gone But it's probably under a bed. I ate his kidneys With garlic salt and it was actually really tasty wait raw no on a barbecue plate But you put we got great I still have the same crazy salt cold and he used to use crazy salt I still have crazy salt in the kitchen put on stuff sometimes but even it was like kidney barbecue kidneys with garlic salt No, it's pretty good So there you go. There you go. So Ryan in conclusion.
Yeah, the one thing we sort of glossed over I'm curious to know now with some time and getting off the hospital drugs What do you make of your kind of literal brush with death the specter of death? It's an interesting question First I'm gonna go practical because I had a surgeon come in and tell me like this wasn't your fault This wasn't lifestyle. This wasn't something you were doing wrong This is a fuck up and you told everybody so it it opened my eyes about surgery and things like that because I went and did dr Drew show and he said I thought I told you about not getting surgery. I said now we never had the conversation He said maybe I talked to Ellis about it, but he said the pain always comes back It doesn't really work, you know that kind of thing and and so I had a surgery scheduled for this finger right here is I have It's called You know the defatrins.
Yeah, we got all the same stuff and it's trigger finger where it'll get locked right? I canceled that surgery. I was like nope. Yeah, I'll live with this.
I'll tape it up like an NBA player You can go fuck yourself. I'm sorry Go continue. That was like seven So yeah, I canceled that surgery and uh and also Like I didn't rule it a few honeydew's by I mean come on to shape. I'm gonna tell you this I'm gonna be I completely honest with you.
That's gonna I have never made a penny off of you or Joey DS But I made it to an is yeah, fantastic. I'm not complaining about the content I'm just pointing back if you were talking about dollars not only that you and Joey Diaz We will put you guys in the queue on Sunday for a Tuesday release you guys are you're demonetized in the queue in the queue They know who you are over there dude. I don't know if it's just about your efforts. I they know you are what did I do You they know you are over there well, you're not YouTube friendly, but I'm people friendly you are definitely people friendly The people need to know about me.
I'm a pretty pike foot all the time. Yeah, come on man. This is about the scar shit I also think it's a bit of a proof is real. It's not untrue.
You're full of shit. I Also think it's a bit of a it's because they'll say if you read it It's for no one under 18 except if you're a premium member you can get access to it So I'm like is this your way to get more people to sign up for premium? So they can hear what they really want to hear because if it's about age Would you let a 16 year old sign up and get it anyway? You just said it was inappropriate for anyone under 18 All right, and then they pulled out of the algorithm.
That's what kills you is the algorithm. I'm not suggesting it anyone Well, thanks to the Melca. We're actually back in the algorithm. Oh, yeah, yeah, all right Jason I'll show is not this episode.
Nope. No, we'll be back off again. Well, episodically you will be it But we can't get him back in the algorithm either We can't I appeal I have just we have an automatic appeal at this point And but what about the actual like that the the black shape that you saw that pulled under yeah What so real quick to also to finish your question is that I? I love comedy.
I love it But I also am not going to literally kill myself to continue to do it You know what I mean like just out there hustling non-stop It's if you don't take some time for yourself It's it's death and unfortunately the time off I spent was in the hospital figuring that out So I'm going to start slow in this tour. I'm just going out May and then I'll go twice a month That's it. I built that schedule around when I have my daughter And I don't need to be flying non-stop with these lungs in this back really But to genuinely take you know to appreciate Where the magic is I've always liked the magic isn't right here now the magic's in those basements in those warehouses and those gyms and those dirty Dungy places dingy whatever those hospitals where you realize it like that's where that stuff is so I've Really want to be more present in my daughter's life. I just hired people to do my social media for me I'm completely getting off of it.
It's ruined in my life 30 minutes at a clip the post stuff that that doesn't make it out there anyway because I didn't put the right hashtag or it doesn't have Trending music for this I'm like I don't but I it's a job. I've taken it as far as I think I can take it Now that's a job for somebody my job is to be a dad my job is to be a comedian and a podcaster those are my jobs and As far as the black figure I don't know I've had a million thoughts about it I've wondered if it wasn't a family member or or Anything and then the evil side of things like I wonder if it wasn't death You know I wonder if it wasn't something like hey, you know you better bring it doesn't seem like the kind of guy to scare people I feel like if he shows up it's that's it. That's not like a hey man. He was definitely there I should not have survived.
I shouldn't have made it. That's the other thing to hear that and then Because when you're in the moment you don't really think so much about you're just trying to figure out what's going on like okay Okay, all right. I must I but why what's going on my heart my you know I mean you're trying on the battlefield. Yeah, you're putting it all together and trying to figure out what's next for you And then you know you take a deep breath and you're like man almost died today like it's like and you have to call people and tell them that And it's emotional, you know, and it's it's nobody really cares.
It's weird almost died What's that nobody even really cared the first time I'm a start how do you know because the person that I was married to Didn't really act like it was a big deal Like cold calling and he was like well man, that's crazy felt like he kind of said so that might have been bad And then I think I can't remember if Dingo came both times with the very first time I know that my wife at the time was in another country for someone's wedding and when I came home was just like nothing happened I was like I for sure thought I was gonna die, you know, yeah And I also received the information that the doctor misdiagnosed me and said you have heart disease and you're never allowed to work out again What yeah, and then I went and saw a heart specialist Dr. David Cannon one of the greatest doctors in the world who tests me was like You don't have heart disease so you can work you can fight again if you want to like and then I went through all this stuff with him And but that's that's what I'm saying. I see her's just straight up told me like push me at the door with a thing on how to eat Vegetable only vegetables for their summer life and never work out again. She finds on the air on Monday She find them and put your foot up their ass Which wicked everybody see your special rights go to my YouTube my demonetized YouTube because of Jason Ellis actually The whole channel not just one episode like this one my whole whole entire channel.
It's going to download them money It's all my YouTube. It's called lefty Sun. It's free there. You can go watch it.
I directed it I produced it I'm very proud of it. Yeah, and then go check out my website Ryan sickler.com my tour dates are there We're adding a ton. So if I'm in your city when you're around come see me the great Ryan sickler everybody live a lot Yes, and that is excellent stuff. I love I don't like it I love it that you made it because that would have bummy out me too.
You're really cool Yeah, you would have been not right now now you'd be like nothing sorry anyway Patreon.com slash Ellis mate for plenty more shows have a good one everybody don't die