S1:E4 – DOUG NOLL "The Divorce De-Escalation Playbook (That Works)"

What if you could calm any angry person in 90 seconds—including your ex—without escalating the fight? In this episode of Divorcing Strong, Becky Sampson (Bulldog Becky Brochovich) interviews Doug Noll, a lawyer-turned-peacemaker who has trained hundreds of thousands of people to de-escalate conflict—from maximum security prisons to high-stakes leadership environments where one wrong conversation can explode. Doug breaks down why “just breathe” advice often fails in real conflict, and teaches a neuroscience-backed tool he calls the 90-Second Reset Protocol. The core skill is affect labeling: naming emotions out loud to immediately calm your brain and help the other person feel seen—without agreeing, fixing, or defending. You’ll learn how to: Name your emotions in the moment (“I’m angry…betrayed…terrified…ashamed”) to regain control Use you-statements to de-escalate someone else (“You’re really angry…you feel disrespected…”) Stop getting hooked by the words and treat them like white noise—then reflect the emotion underneath Support kids through divorce by validating emotions (and avoid the damage of invalidation) Practice safely in daily life (Doug’s favorite “lab”: Starbucks) before trying it with your ex Doug also shares the powerful story behind Prison of Peace, where teaching reflective listening and emotional validation helped transform prison culture—and why these skills can transform families, co-parenting, and high-conflict divorce. About Divorcing Strong™ Podcast:  Hosted by Becky Sampson, CEO of Only Subpoenas™, the Divorcing Strong™ Podcast is where real stories meet real strategies for surviving and thriving through divorce. Each episode brings expert insights from top divorce attorneys, family law specialists, financial planners, and healing coaches to help you protect your rights and step into YOU 2.0. 👉 Subscribe for more empowering divorce stories and strategies 👉 Learn more about working with Becky: https://beckysampson.com/ 👉 Follow Becky on social media: BECKY SAMPSON Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcingstrongbeckysampson/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/beckysampson11/ TikTok:  https://www.tiktok.com/@divorcingstrong YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DivorcingStrong LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beckysampson/ 🌺For information on working with Only Subpoenas™, visit our website at https://onlysubpoenas.com/ or contact us at this number: 650-910-6659 🌺 ⚠️ DISCLAIMER: The content on this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, or mental health advice. Please consult a licensed attorney, financial advisor, or mental health professional for guidance specific to your situation. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Support Divorcing Strong by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/divorcing-strong