S1E24 Fight, Flight, Freeze, FAWN x Grey's Anatomy x Pick-Me Girls x Consent with Therapist Megan Sherer

This week we welcome back friend of the pod, holistic therapist Megan Sherer to talk about the least-known trauma response: Fawning.THE TABOOFawning is a trauma response just like fight and flight. Women who fawn are taught to be agreeable, low-maintenance, and accommodating. But what if that ‘cool girl’ persona is actually your nervous system trying to stay safe?Fawning can also show up in intimacy: When women say yes to sex they don’t want, it’s often not consent. And giving yourself up like that can have serious consequences.LINKS + RESOURCES 📘 Book Recommendations* Sex Object: A Memoir by Jessica Valenti* Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker* Choose Your Self by Megan Sherer 🔥TIME STAMPS* 01:41 Understanding trauma responses* 03:19 Introducing Megan Sherer* 11:22 Fawn response in relationships* 16:43 Self-abandonment and consent* 21:55 Internalized misogyny and the ‘Pick Me’ Girl* 36:57 Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy* 41:14 Fawning vs. people pleasing* 47:38 Building boundaries and self-trust* 59:32 Grey's Anatomy and the 'Pick Me' Girl* 01:06:14 Megan's book and final thoughtsTHE GUEST EXPERTMegan Sherer is a holistic therapist and relationship coach, a speaker, and facilitator with 11+ years of experience leading women back to their most authentic self. She is the creator of the Love Alignment method and The Self Care Space, and has helped thousands of women create transformation in their lives and relationships.Megan is an expert in healing with training and certifications in somatic healing, hypnotherapy, life coaching, energy healing, yoga, meditation, and mindfulness-based therapy.* 📘 Megan’s 🆕 book: Choose Your Self* 💻 Megan’s website* 🇮🇪 Reclaimed Self Healing Retreat in IrelandKEY TAKEAWAYSThe fawn response is a trauma response.Saying yes when you mean no, keeping the peace, or being the “cool girl” isn’t just people-pleasing; it’s your nervous system trying to stay safe, especially after experiences of emotional or sexual trauma.→ People-pleasing is a more general personality trait, with some overlap with codependency and anxious attachment, but fawning happens in moments of perceived threat and boundary violation.Ignoring your own needs is self abandonment, and it is destructive.When you ignore your own needs to avoid rejection, conflict, or abandonment, you may feel connected in the moment—but over time, it leads to resentment, disconnection, and loss of self.You can learn to trust your body.Healing from fawning means reconnecting with your body’s cues, learning to tolerate discomfort, and practicing consent that includes you. You don’t have to perform to be loved—you just have to be present.ACTION ITEMSSome actionable things to try, based on Megan’s expert advice:* Notice one moment this week when you want to say “no,” but feel pressure to say “yes.”Don’t change anything yet; just notice the impulse. Awareness is the first step!* Do a body check-in before making a decision.Ask yourself: “What does my body feel right now …tight, tired, tense, open?”If something feels off, practice pausing before answering. Even just saying, “Let me get back to you” can be a big win!* Say no to something small, and do it without apologizing.Cancel a plan. Skip the email. Turn off your phone. Practice disappointing someone in service of not abandoning yourself (I’m working on this, too!).SOURCESInternal Family Systems Institute This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit micahlarsen.substack.com