S2 | E15: The Healthy Side of People Pleasing and Perfectionism: From Pleasing Others to Pleasing Yourself with Nicole Bernardo

Did you know there's a healthy side to people pleasing and perfectionism?On the surface, yes, they are rooted in trying to make others happy or trying to accomplish an illusionary standard in order to prove that we are capable and deserving. In a nutshell, that is what we know people pleasing and perfectionism to be. However, if we peel back the layer on both of these, they are actually rooted in desire. We have a desire to be someone who makes others happy. We have a desire to be someone who feels satisfied and acknowledged. We have a desire to be someone who goes farther than most people are willing to go or someone who embodies high standards for herself. Where we get tripped up is the underlying energy and beliefs for why we are doing the thing we are doing. If we’re doing something so someone sees us and validates us, and we use their acknowledgement as proof that we are enough, then it’s people pleasing, and derived from disempowering beliefs. If we are doing something for the sake of needing it to be exactly right or to go exactly the way we want it to in order to be deemed qualified, then it’s perfectionism, and also derived from disempowering beliefs. When our underlying energy and beliefs for why we are doing the thing we are doing comes from a place of wholeness and inner knowingness, then that’s the healthy side of “people pleasing” and “perfection.”My friend and owner of Cornerstone Virtual Partners, Nicole Bernardo, does a really beautiful job of speaking to the healthy side and unhealthy side of people pleasing and perfection, and that’s why I asked her to be a guest on the show today.Nicole was raised by a father with a militant way of being, instilling in her a drive to be perfect and to please both him and herself. As an adult, she took control of her own life and pushed to prove herself, leading to a successful career. Despite hitting a glass ceiling, she decided to take a leap and became an entrepreneur. She persevered, working hard to acquire clients, and ultimately, her former employer wished they had her back at a rate they couldn't afford. Nicole was proud of the cards she had been dealt and continued to play the hand with determination. By the end of this episode, if you consider yourself a people pleaser and/or perfectionist, then my hope is that you will walk away knowing that you don’t have to completely stop these tendencies; it’s not about you currently doing anything wrong and needing to quit cold turkey. No! It’s about shifting the underlying energetics and beliefs underneath these tendencies where the magic and freedom is. To connect with Nicole, you can find her on LinkedIn and the Cornerstone Virtual Partners website. To go deeper with Charlsey and play in her world, check out Be THAT Girl and Unstoppable. You can also follow her on Instagram.Support the showLove what you heard? Share your thoughts with me! DM me on IG or shoot me an email at [email protected]. Don't forget, you can also leave a review right here to let me know what resonated with you the most. Looking forward to hearing from you!Talk soon,CharlseyCONNECT WITH ME:Instagram: @charlseychildersYouTube: @charlseychildersWebsite: www.charlseychilders.comDid something in particular resonate with you? Would love to hear it! Just leave a review right here and I'll be sure to get back to you.Talk soon,Charlsey