S4 Ep3: You're Not the Coach in That Car

Your kid gets in the car and asks you the question. What am I doing wrong?And most of us answer it. We say you're too slow, or you need to get lower, or the coach has favorites and there's nothing you can do. We say something. Because they asked, and they're upset, and silence feels like we don't care.The reality? A lot of us have no business answering that question. We've never played the sport. We've never coached it. We're guessing, and our guess lands on our kid as gospel — sometimes in direct opposition to what the coach just told them in the gym.I brought in Dan Mickle for this one. He's a Division III volleyball coach, a sports psychology professional, and someone who's been coaching without a break since 1992. He also happens to be the person who harassed me into finishing my PhD, so we go back. We disagree in this episode, more than once, and I think that's the useful part. He'll tell you the car is a missed opportunity. I'll tell you most parents don't have the emotional regulation to use it well. We're both right, and the gap between us is where the actual work is.What we agree on: your job isn't to have the answer. It's to teach your kid how to go get it from the person who does.My book, Before You Blame the Coach, is available for preorder now: https://jenfrytalksyouthsports.com/book