S4E27: Claire Rumore - From Diagnosis To Desire: Cancer Intimacy and the Road Back To Yourself

When Claire Rumore was lifted into a hospital gurney to undergo her first biopsy, she stepped aside to use the restroom first. And while she was there, she heard a quiet internal voice ask her a question: Do you want to go back to the life you had before? Is that what you want? Without hesitation, her answer was no. What followed was one of the most unusual cancer journeys in modern medicine. Claire was 43 years old. She had stage four pancreatic cancer — a diagnosis that typically affects older men, and that her medical team never actually disclosed to her during treatment. She went through two major abdominal surgeries, dropped to 74 pounds, lost her menstrual cycle, lost her libido, and lost the person she had been. And then, slowly, over the course of eighteen months, she found her way back. Not to who she was- but to someone clearer, more embodied, and more deeply connected to her own desire than she had ever been before. In this episode, Dr. Jenni Skyler and Daniel Lebowitz sit down with Claire for a conversation about the emotional, relational, and erotic dimensions of cancer recovery that medicine almost never addresses. Claire is the founder of Cancer and Intimacy, an education platform built on a three-part framework she developed from her own experience and her work with patients, survivors, and their partners. The first lily pad is erotic grief, the deeply under addressed process of mourning what's been lost: The body you knew, the sexuality you had, the intimacy you can no longer access in the same way. Claire has written a free ebook on erotic grief and makes a compelling case that this experience is not exclusive to cancer. It's universal to anyone navigating major change. The second is libido listening. The slow, quiet, inward practice of reacquainting yourself with your own body's signals after illness or loss. Claire describes learning to feel pleasure in the sheets against her skin, in the air in the room, in the gentlest forms of touch, what she calls subtle sexuality. A term she coined to describe the low, soft, sensory orientation to desire that becomes the entry point back to conventional sexuality. Claire Rumore WebsiteSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.