Hey guys, welcome to the sampler episode of Sandy Danto on Jeremiah Wonders. Maybe you haven't had an opportunity to listen or watch this full episode yet. Well, this is a way for you guys to get a bite-sized version of the episode and maybe hook you to go back and listen or watch the full episode. Hope you guys are digging these samplers.
Comment below. Like, all the reviews, help us very much. This episode was sponsored by Sheath Underwear. Your balls will thank you.
They got that two-part, compoutement system. And it really does a good nut-hugger of a deal on your junkies. Well, anyway, let's get into this episode of Sandy Danto, the sampler episode on Jeremiah Wonders. Sandy, are you okay with the headphones here?
Yeah, I just got a little tangled. Oh, okay. I had an entanglement, as they say. Oh, I don't think that's...
No? I don't think that's... That's not what Jada's Pinket Smith had with? It wasn't headphones.
Do you know what that is? She was sleeping with another man. Like in the same bed? Foodton?
I mean, I don't know their sleeping habits, but... Trundle? Isn't that interesting that when you're sleeping... I can't believe you're sleeping with another woman.
Baby, baby, baby, I wasn't sleeping with her. I just had sex with her. No, no, no, no. Just sexual intercourse.
We did not sleep away in the company. We wouldn't go that into anything. We're really far apart. We're actually in separate rooms.
We're actually in separate rooms. Yes, we are with plexiglass. Just in case, even though we're in separate rooms, there's still plexiglass. In case a couple of German boys come around and take a doogie on us.
Hey, guys, it's Sandy Danto. Welcome to the Shizercast where I talk in a plexiglass booth while German boys poop on me. Hi, I'm a German boy and I'm going to poop on Sandy. This is our weekly segment.
My father said I was lead at chosen. Do you want me to poop now or after I do another joke? What's your another joke? Okay, well, you know, is it Berlin?
Vol? Yes? Is it like they sponsored by vans now? Like, what's going on?
Because that vault is down. It's been off, buddy. That's things gone. I'm on an October quest for you to poop on me.
I see what it is up. I like about a few. It was an amazing feat when I figured out how to consistently spell Wednesday and diarrhea. Those are two very hard words to spell all the time.
Once you are at the adult place in your life where you stop googling diarrhea just to spell check, then things are good. Things are going good for you. You feel pretty smart. Googling diarrhea is going to be my follow up album name.
Some people identify as genders that they were not assigned at birth and that's totally cool. I identify as an age that I have grown out of years ago. And yet I have fatherly responsibilities that I carry out and execute perfectly. What age would you say you identify with currently?
Well, probably like 12 because I'm horny, but I'm still childish. I play with toys. I cry if I don't get my way. Now, with your wife in the bedroom, sometimes I put my pants.
Do you, with your wife in the bedroom, do you go, whoa, like every time you get naked together. Do you still have that child like wonderment? Sometimes she has to just, you know, the move where you put your finger in front of somebody's lips to shut them up. I'm like, please, please, please, please, please, please.
I still call it a fudge, I know. Yeah, you haven't learned how to say the hard v yet. But I've learned how to touch the hard v. Whoa.
Yeah, you have a baby, dude. I do have a baby. I should grow up. Hot topic had some cool stuff whether you're gone or not.
What were the questionable cuts? I mean, when you're a teenage boy and you get Swiss Army knives as gifts, you just want to test their effectiveness sometimes. And also, when you're a kid and you learn like the dexterity of your skin, you know, like I would do things to freak out my friends. I can stick safety pins through parts of the skin on my hands where it's thick enough.
I'm in the band slip knot. I put my finger set to my eye. Do you know what I mean? No, I don't.
Yes, it's good. I had chafing on my nipples from exercise, not wearing a shirt with gentle texture on my nipples. And I think that's a fairly common thing because there are nipple covers you can get at running stores. They're called rash guards.
Yeah. And I've used them for boogie boarding because I am a boogie border. Look at this guy. Boogie-boogie-flu right here.
That boogie-boogie. I forget the name. I got the rock and pneumonia and the boogie-boogie-flu. That's made his boogie boarding out in the Pacific.
Sandy Danto, that is actually going to be calling to talk to Sandy Danto right now. What's up? Hey, Sandy, how are you? Why are you upset?
Because Polly hasn't called me up. For me to open for him and he knows I have a baby now and another one on the way. Well, I'm sorry that that's upsetting you. Do you want me to try to put in a word with Polly?
Tell the wheeze that I've been opening for a while and I'm living deep in the valley and I really want to help with him again and just bond with him. The wheeze is cool. Come on, bro. I'm busy.
I came to LA but it was the whole thing. I'm promoting stuff, the whole thing. I try to make time for you but you got your whole family. You forgot about me.
Yeah, well because you don't have a family so I figured I might as well have a family because when you die, you got to leave my kids like nah. Well dude, your family is my family and my family is what? Your family. Hey Sandy, could you do your best Polly Shore impression?
I think that you guys should have a Polly Shore off. Bro, why are you harsh in my gig because I'm crusty, buddy? One of my first road gigs was down to this place called La Stats near San Diego near La Hoya and I rode down with you and Benji. I don't know if I've told you this or not.
I told Benji this for sure. I'm so excited for this. But I sat in the back while Sandy sat shotgun to Benji up front and on the way down I had so much fun just riding in a car with these guys because these are two comedians that I looked up to that are taking me on the road with them to do this road gig and I'm just stoked to be a part of it. I just remember this moment of you and Benji looking at each other and doing a call in response of, don't go break in my heart.
I would have been a fan of that. You're just going back and forth singing that song and I was just like, wow, this is what it's like to be a comedian on the road. So, hi, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Aphrodite. Son we've always been able to bond over pop songs from the early 2000s.
Okay, this is going to sound weird but I remember my first impression to you. I was like, this guy is goofy and I like him but I was living with Dan Madonia at the time and I remember he felt a little threatened by you. Obviously not anymore because you guys would become friends but he's like, who's this new Dan Madonia that showed up and like we don't like him. I was like, yeah, we don't like him and then we did this gig.
I was like, we like him. Yeah. Well, I at the time, both just blonde with long hair. Dan and I were both long, paired blonde tall guys which a couple gigs that I did we legit got confused by people.
I got that with Sondro. Yep. I get that with Billy Bonnell. I get that with Greg Santos.
Somebody tried to recite one of my jokes that they like back to me and they're like, dude, it's crazy that your mom does porn. And I was like, big, big, big party. What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A Jew tips.
I mean, a canoe tips that he's doing the woke versions of the job. Yes, that's funny. What's 12 inches long and why? Some penises but not all.
Tony would always yell Brad Boone. Brad, I love a Brad. There was an argument that ensued with language disparity is where I was trying to negotiate the price that was given to me at the time of entry and they insisted that I pay double that. I was looking for double the pleasure but naively did not want double the price.
Now as a Jew, a nice price negotiation does arouse me but this time it did not because when we finally got down to what I had paid for, it was just a very flaccid hand job. Oh, yeah. Oh, Eleanor. Dude, what was the last time you listened to rap?
Dude, I've got a rat control issue in my place. I've got a rat infestation, bro. Listen, oh man, I'm gonna have to sit some rat traps because guess what? Daddy's out of control.
You want me to get an opera singing like you? It's not opera singing. It's in flexion. Traumatic inflection of the King's English because I saw that movie, the King's speech and he had a speech impediment and it seems like you have the opposite because you just keep talking and running your mouth.
This insolence and insubordination will be tolerated but won't be appreciated. You're my father, King Cornelius. Well, Princeton Signis here, you just gave me full permission to keep on doing it. You just said that you wouldn't appreciate it.
So I'm gonna keep on doing it because you said it would be tolerated. Drap! 13 years ago, we decided no longer rape will be tolerated in our royal family. So it was no longer tolerated but was it appreciated?
Just when you get me all worked up in my blood pressure, so you bring it back down with a very cool way of letting me know that you listened to me. I have a poor immune system and a developmentally, I'm fragile because I am an incest baby. Yes, I incest with my second cousin because she is who I was arranged to marry and he is the result of being incest and while we are lucky that he is not developmentally challenged, he will not do as I say. So now you must do as I say and not incest.
Don't incest because it's not the best. Don't incest because I'm King Cornelius. And I'm Princeton Signis and you just watched a father and son PSA. Can I break the third wall for a second and just tell you how great of a podcast you have?
This is really nice.