SC 53 - How To Feel Safe & Secure With Your Partner with Stan Tatkin

Do attachment principles actually work in adult relationships? How can secure functioning assist you and your partner into greater safety and openness in your marriage? In this episode I talk with Stan Tatkin, couple therapist, and adult attachment guru. I’ve been studying this guy for the past 2 years through my wife. He’s making a very important contribution, backed by brain science, with the neuro psychobiological approach to how adults to long-term relationship successfully. Get ready to “parent” your partner! Yikes! I learned a lot here and am eager to share his work with you. SHOWNOTES How did Stan get into becoming a therapist? [5:45] What is “secure functioning”? [13:00] How is secure functioning different than “co-dependency”? [21:45] What does a co-dependent dynamic look like in real life? [22:30] Are we re-parenting ourselves with our chosen partners? [28:00] What is a “master regulator” in a relationship? How to tell if that’s you. [31:30] How to avoid choosing a partner who is not a good fit for a secure functioning model? [32:30] When dating, here’s one thing you MUST do. [35:00] What is the allostatic load and how does it impact both your body and relationships? [38:00] The antidote to when a relationship goes on auto-pilot. [47:00] Island, Anchor, Wave and why they matter in your relationship. [48:00] The myth of “you need to love yourself first before you can love someone else”. [52:00] Does your therapist also need to be in a thriving partnership [55:00] Why does Stan say that “dating lasts forever”? [56:30] Stan’s big tip on how couples can stimulate their marriage on a daily basis [58:00]