Serial Learner: Outside Auditors - We Need Feedback

today's episode of the serial learner podcast i'll be discussing outside auditors outside auditors are necessary for growth and learning because we all have line spots what is an outside auditor an outside auditor is simply people who observe us externally and can provide us with authentic feedback an outside auditor could be a friend a spouse a co-worker a mentor a therapist or even a customer some may hear this and begin to think they don't need an outside auditor or that they receive enough feedback in their lives i found interesting that psychology today did a survey and this is a niche example but illustrates the point the survey said that 96% of people think they are good listeners so as far as self-assessment goes we're killing it everyone's doing a great job pat on the back the science actually tells us that we retain about 50% of what's said and that's not like three months from now that's immediately after hearing it like i said this is a niche example but in this niche case there is quite a bit of dissonance between the statistics and the self-assessment and i believe that this is true for many other areas in our lives feedback from external sources is crucial to preventing complacency and stagnation in our lives i promise when we don't seek feedback because we might think we have it all figured out we will end up staying in the exact same spot people can see things in us both strengths and weaknesses that we can't see in ourselves this is so crucial because when we have the recognition of these strengths and weaknesses we can seek to magnify our strengths and make adjustments in the areas where we might be a little bit weaker there is a cost to not having outside auditors and there is a cost to a lack of self-awareness simon sinek a prominent thought leader he's done many a ted talk he's written quite a few new york best new york times best-selling business books he told the story of a conference that he attended where he was adjacent to a yoga teacher and this yoga teacher at the conference was simply head down locked into her phone simon says he tried to give the benefit of the doubt thinking she could be taking notes or dealing with some sort of emergency but he quickly realized that she was simply scrolling social media the conference continued and the topic switched to the importance of being present and at this time the yoga teacher pops up and shares how she loves yoga and loves being a yoga instructor because it helps her to be more present in her life now when simon tells the story he's very blunt about his mental reaction he just thought you're an idiot you don't get to decide when you're present you can't make a comment like that because he was able to observe quite the contrary in this case the intent of the yoga instructor was not reality now if you're thinking that's a little bit of a harsh judgment by simon he tells a story where he's on the flip side and he believes that he is a fantastic listener so going back to the statistics we talked about from psychology today and if you listen to his work you would think yes he's got to be a fantastic listener so much of his research and his talks that he puts out are surrounding this type of topic but someone very close to him in his life expressed that he is actually not a good listener at least from their perspective this took him as you can imagine quite by surprise he was shocked to hear and he said after some more digging and self-reflection he actually realized that he tends to be a really good listener to people he's never met before but when it came to people who he has a more intimate relationship with more familial members that he actually was not good at being a listener in those scenarios which really shows that even experts are not exempt from blind spots these stories illustrate the titles that actually matter are conferred by others they are not self-assigned you don't get to decide if you're a good friend good listener good spouse good leader again those titles are conferred by others not self-assigned i recently completed the book by ryan leake how to work with complicated people fantastic i absolutely recommend to anyone i love that in the beginning he frames it in a very specific way he knows that with the title how to work with complicated people certain people would be purchasing this book with a very specific co-worker or family member in mind and he addresses that doesn't say that's wrong but it probably took some readers by surprise to recognize the very first step in quote working with complicated people is to recognize that we are our own version of complicated it's not simply that we happen to be the one working with all the complicated people and we're not complicated at all we need outside auditors in our lives to get a better 360 view now what we learn what an outside auditor is we learn that they're important we must seek outside auditors in our lives and we must value them if they give us feedback if they want to have discussions that should be where we invest time and energy again these auditors can include friends spouses co-workers mentors therapists and even customers without outside auditors and authentic feedback stagnation and complacency are inevitable i promise you you will end up staying in the same place and you won't progress alice ramosi in a podcast shared that he believes entrepreneurship to be one of the greatest routes to self-improvement why because the market provides brutally honest feedback and if you don't implement it then your company will not succeed this isn't a case of may not succeed it is a case of will not succeed it does not matter how much you love your own product if no one else does you don't have a company in this case the customer is the auditor so in this case of entrepreneurship taking feedback and implementing it is crucial to survival this is a niche example in the world of business but i believe this applies to so many areas of our lives that in order for us to survive so to speak we need outside auditors we need to value their feedback it's ironic to me we must often look outside ourselves to discover internal truths