Setting Internal Boundaries

Boundaries can be one of the hardest areas in recovery for both the addict and their partner. Addicts and their partners only have one thing in their control during recovery – themselves.  Setting up both internal and external boundaries is key to a successful recovery journey. In this online webinar, therapist Debbie McRae discusses internal boundaries.    TAKEAWAYS: [:25] Common boundary mistakes that are setting recovering couples up to fail.  [2:10] What safety boundaries are (and aren't).  [4:05] Internal boundaries define what you will and won't tolerate from your partner. [6:28] 'Thinking' boundaries allow us to challenge our negative thoughts.  [12:47] 'Emotion and feeling' boundaries allow us to decide if and how to move forward. [15:35] Choosing to respond rather than react. [20:11] Internal boundaries that focus on healthy actions and behaviors.  [27:15] Appropriate boundaries around betrayal details.  [31:40] The best place to start is with yourself.  [36:40] If the goal is connection, boundaries are essential.  [37:15] My partner doesn't even know what they're feeling. Where do we start?  [44:01] My partner refuses to put in the work. Now what?  [47:52] How does neurodiversity affect our relationship and recovery?  [52:35] My partner lied about his therapist. Where do I go from here?  [56:08] I need help setting reasonable boundaries.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "Boundaries are about keeping the good in and the bad out."  "Internal boundaries allow you to question the facts without getting triggered into distressing emotions."  "I can approach my feelings as opportunities to learn about myself and my partner."  "The more time we spend getting to know our internal boundaries around our actions and behaviors, the better the outcome is going to be."