Sex & Performance Anxiety: What’s Really Going On with Dr. David Rowland

If you’ve ever felt your body shut down the moment sex begins (your arousal just disappears, or you become consumed with worries about your performance), this episode will help you understand why.In part one of this series, I talk with researcher Dr David Rowland about what sexual performance anxiety actually is, how it develops, and what’s happening in your brain and body when anxiety takes over. We unpack why pills can help penises but not people, why avoidance keeps the cycle alive, and how cultural expectations fuel shame.You’ll learn:The three ingredients of performance anxiety: expectation, evaluation, and consequenceWhy anxiety and sexual arousal can’t coexist in the bodyWhat happens when you avoid sex to “protect yourself” — and why it backfiresWhy thinking you're going to fail, increases the likelihood you willHow and why the brain can sometimes create a preferred response toward anxietyTimestamps:00:23 – Introducing Dr. David Rowland01:24 – Dr. Rowland’s Background03:29 – The Need for Sex Education05.25 – How Medication for Erectile Dysfunction Changed Our View On Performance Anxiety06:14 – Pills vs. People: The Limits of Medication06:34 – Why Sexual Anxiety Still Exists Despite Pills06:57 – 3 Aspects of Sexual Performance Anxiety09:14 – The Function of Anxiety11:21 – The Brain and Anxiety Response13:19 – How Anxiety Affects Sexual Response15:00 – Anxiety, Masturbation, and Sexual Function16:40 – How The Brain Can Develop A Preferred Response To Anxiety20:01 – Avoidance as a Coping Mechanism22:18 – Over-Preparation and Mindfulness25:30 – The Role of Anxiety in Sexual Problems31:00 – Cultural Ideals and Male Sexual Performance33:33 – What to Do About Performance Anxiety47:54 – My Sex-Therapist Take On The Impact of “Soft” Sexual Problems48:18 – Pleasure, Productivity, and Underfunding50:00 – The Brutal Cultural Ideals Surrounding "Performance"51:33 – What to Do About It52:19 – Closing Thoughts & ResourcesThe study discussed in this episode is A theoretical model for sexual performance anxiety (SPA) and a clinical approach for its remediation (SPA-R) by Rowland & Kirana, published in Sexual Medicine Review.Interested in my services? Check them out hereJoin my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link