Sex Communication: If You’re Not Talking, You’re Guessing (ft. Elizabeth Ashford)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with certified holistic sex educator and Beyond the Beez founder Elizabeth Ashford for a deeply practical, funny, and no-BS conversation about talking during sex—and why silence, shame, and faking orgasms are some of the biggest barriers to good sex. From dirty talk and giving direction to toys, lube, boundaries, aftercare, and post-sex debriefs, this episode is a masterclass in how communication transforms intimacy, pleasure, and connection.In this episode, Alexa and Elizabeth discuss:Why silence during sex creates insecurity and confusionDirty talk vs simply communicating during sexUsing your voice for pleasure, direction, and curiosityWhy most people struggle to talk during sexCultural shame, lack of sex education, and sexual confidenceFinding your sexual voice and understanding your desiresWhy dirty talk looks different for everyoneTrauma, shame, BDSM experience, and comfort levels with dirty talkBlending dirty talk with practical directionGiving feedback without killing the moodStarting with positive reinforcement before giving directionHow safety makes sexual communication easierHow faking orgasms reinforces bad sex habitsWhy honesty leads to better long-term sexThe orgasm gap and why penetration alone isn’t enoughWhy partners need to genuinely care about your pleasureOral sex as a baseline expectation, not a bonus“Non-eaters” as a dealbreakerCuriosity as the foundation of good sexSex worth having vs sex worth avoidingStarter phrases for people new to dirty talkKeeping dirty talk simple and naturalCompliments during sex and feeling desiredPost-sex communication and debriefingAftercare beyond cuddlingTalking about what worked and what didn’tPorn, audio erotica, and learning language for desireErotic menus and yes/maybe/no frameworksBorrowing phrases instead of reinventing dirty talkThank you, Beducated, for making this exploration possible. Take their quiz to start your journey: https://beducate.me/pd2602-alexaThank you Splash Blanket for keeping me and my guests cozy ◡̈