Skills 360 – How to Influence People (2)

What this episode covers

Free Resources: Lesson Module | Quiz & Vocab | PDF Transcript Transcript Welcome back to the Skills 360 for today’s lesson how to influence people . The power to influence can allow you to do many wonderful things, such as lead people, change their minds, motivate them to action, and negotiate successfully. These are abilities that can help you in life and in business. Now, it might seem like some people naturally have more influence than others, but that’s not always the case. Many powerful people have learned how to influence people using specific techniques. In our last lesson, we had a look at what you should talk about and how you should talk about it. Today I want to take a closer look at some language techniques that can open the door to greater influence. And these techniques all help build rapport or trust with the person you’re talking to. Let’s start with one key habit that really makes a positive impression on people: using their name. Dale Carnegie, who literally wrote the book on influencing people, said that “a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” And this doesn’t just mean when you first greet them. Drop their name into the middle of a conversation, or in the middle of a sentence, like “So, I’m wondering Susan if we should try something a bit different here.” You can probably think of someone you work with who does this habitually; next time you talk with that person, think about how it makes you feel to hear your name. Not only do people like to hear their name, they like to hear their own ideas too. For that reason, it’s a good idea to echo what other people say. On a basic level, you can just repeat a single word. So if Bob says that something is “essential,” you can use that word “essential” in what you say too. That will help Bob connect with your ideas. But you might use more than just one word. You might repeat an entire idea, like “So Bob, you think that it’s absolutely essential to increase our workforce? That’s definitely something to consider.” Bob will feel heard and validated simply because you repeated his idea. And besides repeating what people say, you can mirror how they speak. If someone is speaking informally, you can speak informally too. If someone leans in when they speak, you can lean in too. Sometimes we do this without even knowing it. Whether you’re aware of it or not, mirroring can help build rapport. But a word of caution here: mirroring is effective with peers, or colleagues, or people in the same position as you. But mirroring across lines of seniority can have a negative effect. And don’t try imitating someone who is very different from you. You don’t want to come across as mocking. Now here’s another little language trick for increasing trust and rapport: instead of saying “I” and “you,” try saying “we.” How can you do that? Well, if you’re giving an opinion, rather than saying “I think that maybe…” try saying “Maybe we should…” And instead of saying “you need to come up with a solution,” you might try “we need to come up with a solution.” You might mean “you,” but using “we” makes it feel more collaborative. The word “we” brings you together with the other person, while the words “you” and “I” separate you from others.

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