Hey everybody, I got an event, Carnival of Combat. It's like Alistmania, but I've got like dumb comedian celebrities fighting each other, but I also have the usual stuff where it's like blindfolded people with electric dog collars on, and then I give the remote to like their wife, and then they get a letter to everybody, punches them in the head. It's really funny. It's November 4th, and it's in Tampa.
And you can get tickets right now if you go to carnivalofcombat.com. And there's like all kinds of different seeing VIP. Lewis J Gomez is trying to fight this dude, and if he beats that dude, then he's trying to fight me, which means I have to come out of retirement, and all these people are going to be mad at me, but don't worry about it. I'm not going to do that.
He's not going to touch my face. But I think he's going to lose. And the only way you can see it is if you go to carnivalofcombat.com right now, I'll get tickets. You're excited, right?
Yes, I'm very excited. What do you want me to say about it? That was not that. I'm very excited.
I like your confidence, but I am concerned. See me potentially die. I thought your time line was don't die. It is.
You just said see me potentially die. Jason, don't die. OK, watch me. Don't die.
There you go. That's the best combo ever. Watch him not die. Come out live in Tampa.
Thank you. I think my job is done. Yeah. All right.
Thanks everybody. I'm done home. Lights. I'm ready.
All right. Three, two. Welcome. Welcome to the show, Mrs.
Pat. I feel like I should have done that at the end of the show. And maybe you would have stayed. I've been on a few podcast, but I ain't never seen nobody do what you just did.
Desperate for attention. This is weird because you are a brilliant. You're a white man with gold teeth. I've never really seen that before.
And then I come here. You throw all this smokey. I almost feel like you're going to cut me up and eat me. I do give up that vibe a little bit.
I have a lot of knives too. And I believe you. Oh, yeah. But you've dealt with scarier people than me.
You ain't scary. OK, you're not scared of people that would cut you up. You won't cut me up. You know me.
You look like you could cut me up. Right. But you know, I would not have nice eyes. You see the friendly in me, right?
I feel the friendly in you. Like, look at my, I've been, you see it? No. Really?
You all right? I'm a nice guy. You got three gold teeth. I got one that.
I got a bunch in the back. What? This one's? Yeah.
That's all right. Every time I lose one, I replace it with gold. Oh. Because it's like in the Wild West, that's the only teeth you could get.
And it's like I got a cowboys mouth. Even though I don't really like cowboys. They seem to give up a racist vibe. Yeah, I am a little bit of a rapper.
I'm not really white. I'm a mungrel from a lot of different things. And I didn't grow up in. I don't listen to anybody.
So I'm not. I find that white people to be especially men, pretty annoying. I don't understand why anyone would sleep with them. I'm joking.
I do it all the time. You think white men? Yeah, black men too. Oh.
Yeah, you don't? Sir, I'm 51 years old. I just really sleep by myself. I'm 52.
Yeah, but I've been sexual actor since the sixth grade. I've given that point of life up. Does that mean you got more time? Like, what's that like?
Because I feel like if I did that, I would probably be way more productive. I'm married. So it's there when I need it. Right.
OK. I've been married over 30 years. Right. So you can just stay focused on everything else.
I'm trying. I'm trying. Sexually Been Married for a long time is like taking out the fine China. I pretty much.
You know, you've got it there. Yeah. And you could take it out on a Thursday, but you'll probably wait for your birthday or Christmas or so. I don't know if we're going to wait that long.
OK. What about July? Hey, so you started comedy when you're a bit older? Yeah, late 20s.
I'm going into about 21 years now. OK. So you've been doing it for 21 years. Yeah.
How quick was your rise or was there a long, a long haul of not things working or was it straight off the bat? Wow, we got to get her here and you had jobs and no. No, it took a while. I mean, I don't put my I travel for nothing.
I made nothing. Um, I've probably been. The last seven eight years has been really good for me. But what is the mindset of you when you're doing the open mics?
Like, what did you see yourself becoming or was it just I'm just going? You know what? When I first started open mike, it was because I'm convicted, felling. And it was a job that I didn't have to get a criminal background yesterday.
And I just fell in love with it. And then I kind of learned art and then I became a storyteller. So you're going to be in a bit of a storyteller to begin with, right? You had that natural build.
Really? Exactly. Yeah, like most women do, you know. But then, after a while, I realized it was something unique about me.
Yeah. Yeah. The stories that I had nobody else could tell, but me, because I live those stories. Hey, Tully, I need to stop the show for an important announcement.
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Our old friends. Yeah, we actually know the guy. We do going way back. And we are both.
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This is like, what's that guy Sam, the guy who plays Sam Elliott, the guy who plays the cowboy and everything. Yeah. This is the Sam Elliott's face of phone cases. I got a black case because I'm like John Wick.
And look, I got a black pen. Yeah. And I could stab you kill people with an FN pen. You sure can.
And we got a great box of Nomad stuff. You're looking at a 30 watt USB-C charger. I got a gang of these at the house. Never mind.
Nomad has the best phone chat. Like, they got a one where your phone sits on it. It's just way. It's like, I'm lazy.
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Right, because as you were saying, you couldn't get a normal job because you had a record. Your record, what was that for if you don't mind? Selling crack. OK.
Yeah. So I was a drug dealer for about probably seven or eight years. Did you ever have to hit somebody or did you get physical with anybody? Yeah, all the time.
But I was no killer. You know, I might slap a crack here for smoking a dope. But I ain't gonna kill nobody. Crack a gun.
You have a gun? Yeah, hella gun. You got it, right? You got it.
If you're gonna sell crack. Well, you gotta have a gun. But I wasn't a killer, but I was just keeping people away from me. You know they got new guns now?
I didn't know. But I guess they've been around for a while. But there's ones where they shoot these salt pallets out. And you can get ones that have this chemical in it.
So when the pallet explodes on you, doesn't kill you. But the chemical in there makes you not work. Like you can't walk. So you're like, um.
It's like a flying stun gun in the bullet. So what is it like? Basically like a very strong tear gas that explodes all over you after this hard pellet hit you. It probably sucks.
But it's better than killing someone. I was gonna say it would wreck you. But you live. I feel like it'd be easier for me to shoot people if I had that gun.
I think it would be easier for all of us to shoot people. Might even be fun for the show. What? To shoot you?
To shoot him? Shoot. No, if anyone's gonna get shot to me. So you're gonna let people shoot you?
For people, if people watch the show. Oh yeah. I would shoot myself every day. You didn't see me singing?
I'm desperate for attention. Oh, yeah. So you're singing. Would you let me shoot you?
Hell yeah, brother. Would you let me shoot you? So badly. Where would you like for me to shoot you at?
In the face. Well, dang. I was taking other areas. In the butt?
No, the navel. Wait, where's your navel? You didn't say your belly button? It is.
Sorry. Your belly button. Right. I feel like that would suck.
I think when you shoot people in that area, you don't call it the belly button. It takes a lot of the cool out of it. Really? Navel, I think is the word you want to use.
I don't think I've used that word ever to the point where I wasn't sure what she was talking about. It's a belly button. I also realized that I say love heart instead of heart. I don't know why.
What is love heart? I see. If I tattooed a heart on somebody the other day, but I call it. I don't know.
You take what? No, not at all. I say love heart. And I'm not sure if anyone in Australia even says it.
I think I just have like a sense of family say because my family say my family say but don't. But we don't know what it means. And we don't when you say it. You really don't hear you.
You know all that I don't have a dough. Oh, you know, but don't. And you don't know what that means when you say my whole family says but don't and I didn't really say it but don't until my husband said why do you say but don't I say what is but don't he said you said all the time. Yeah, that's pretty adorable.
It is cute. Yeah. No one's does anyone ever question you when you say that on the end of sentence they go one more time was that I'm aware of it now. And I'm like I didn't say but I don't even know how to spell but I don't mean neither.
Yeah. You see that shot right. Yeah, that's pretty gnarly. You got people did stuff to you when you're going out to.
Yeah. Yeah, because I got that no one shot me. What do you do when you was going to have a couple people? Girls of boys boys boys.
And then when I was older, this still counts, but I didn't really register it because I was 16. But two older ladies that were friends of my parents hooked up with me at the time I was like hell yeah, but when I look back I was like wait, was that? There's a little bit of a abuse thing because you can't be like 16 and they were like you know 40. Is that my last station at 16?
It depends on the state. Yeah. Was you in Australia? Yeah, might have been OK.
Is it OK over there? I don't know. But I look back looking back on it. I don't think that it was good for me.
Right. Well, like legal and OK are not always the same thing. Obviously and maybe there's some 16 year old that could roll with that but another person, different personality, different set of circumstances. Did you initiate it?
Or did they initiate it? They just come out of the boy let me say you did. At a party. I mean you wiener.
At a party at my parents house. At a party. Yeah. And then they.
I was like, oh, I'm a sister and my step-mom when she found out she made the girl call because she was like, what are you doing when she found out? And I was like, I don't know. She's just in to me. And she was like, this is I don't believe you.
Get in a call. So she called the house and my step-mom was on another phone in the other room. And she starts talking about, you know, how she wants to see me. And then my step-mom goes, listen, like just drops in and starts talking.
And she goes, get off the phone, Jason. I was like, OK. And then that was the end of that. But she still secretly saw me all the time.
Who, the lady? Yeah. For a long time. I don't know if that's I don't know what you called it.
He was on a relationship. Well, that's the damage because maybe yeah, but the feeling that I the feelings I had for her were not relationship feelings. Was you in love? No, not at all.
But you feel like he was being taken advantage of? A little bit. Did you realize she was much older and then he was grossed out? No, she's still pretty hard.
She went to the gym alone. I wasn't wasn't that it was more like when I think about how old I am and then a girl that age. How was she? Like 38, 40.
Oh, wow. Yeah, he was being taken advantage of. A little bit, but that's not that bad. But anyway, I feel like telling stories about it.
It's like it is damage and it's like a thing that if you keep going in life, then you know, good for you, you survived it. But it's nowhere near as cool as being shot or a shark attack. I really want to get bitten by a shark. I'd probably rather get bitten by a shark than get shot.
I'd rather you get bitten by a shark than get shot. And why would you want to get shot or get bitten by a shark? Because I want to get shot. That's boring.
Yeah, I know. No, I guess not really, but just sounds cool and I want to be tough. You know, I was like, yeah, I'm gonna be in my shot. One arm.
Such a sick story. Like the things that I could do with being bitten by a shark, it's just never anything stories about. Not surviving. Just I got comedy for days about shark attacks now.
You know, shark heart T-shirts and we're gonna go back. I really think you should stop letting that smoke blow in your face. I think you pre-cooking your brain. Getting shot or a shark attack is not gonna make you cool.
It's not even... Sure about that. Okay, getting shot maybe. But shark attack, survivor, is always cool.
We know one and he's pretty cool. He's got a robot on. Yeah, but he only cool to the people who see him. I mean, ask him, do he want his arm back.
I guarantee you said he doesn't. He was an other guy because he's like my whole life changed. Basically it became a celebrity. He got up front parking, which is a handicap stick.
It's an arm. He got a self security check. Do you have a fake tattoo? He's Australian.
I don't know about that. He looks like me, but put together. Not scarred. No tattoos.
Right, like if you went to military school instead of skateboarding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a skateboard? No sir, I don't even have a bike.
I'm 51. Have you ridden a bicycle in your life? Yeah, when I was a kid, when I used to steal, when it's been a while. Is it still bicycles?
Yes. For fun or to sell? To ride. Just you would take someone's bike and ride and then drop it somewhere?
Yeah, I'd take it home. Right. You keep it? What is the mindset of a girl that steals bikes wherever she goes?
What were you thinking? I was with my brother. He's like, let's get these white people bikes. And I said, OK, so we got him and rode our phone.
But more than one time he did it though. A few times for me, a lot of times for him. Right. So it was more you copied your brother.
I was hanging out with my brother. My brother was a cat burglar. What's a cat burglar? A fat person trying to squeeze through a one of the day king figure.
That might be an American phrase. I know what you mean. But they probably got some silly word that rhymes for it. Australia.
You from Australia too? No, no, no, but I'm saying I know cat burglar. But I'm not surprised he hasn't heard that. That might just be an American.
What is the difference between a cat burglar and a regular burglar? A fat person trying to squeeze through a hole that came fitting. Now I know. Yeah.
Yeah, it sounds like a tough way. He was a big boy. Yeah, he's always been a big boy. He don't steal any more.
He wouldn't have prise him. But he's good now. You get out? Yeah, he got out.
He did about 11 years. But he cleaned his life up like he's not doing stealing bikes and stuff. Well, he got a leg monster on his leg for the last four years. He can't do nothing but clean his life up.
So he don't pass the mailbox. He's going to jail. Wow. So but he's doing good like he thinks good.
Yeah, that's cool. He's working every day. He's married. He's in the way.
OK. And you would be a good influence to show, you know, like if my brother or a sister got out of there and did what you've done, it would make me think that I have more chance to do that. I think that's why some of them feel none of them. Right.
Well, they're not looking at it the right way, then are they? I don't care how they look at that. I don't look at them. Right.
Imagine a world where your own brain is not your own mortal enemy. I think at least on this show, we've been saying it for decades. Now there's no stigma. You know what?
There should be a stigma on going through your entire life, shooting yourself in the foot over and over and over again and not talking to somebody who is trained to help you with it, because some idiot named Sal told you that it was lame to get therapy in 1986. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's an old man.
What should I do? I'm like, you should ask a professional. Yeah. I'm a lunatic.
Like I said, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, like I'm saying, you know what I'm saying? You know what should I do? I'm like, you should ask a professional.
Yeah. give good advice. If you are thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.
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Visit BetterHelp.com. BetterHelp.com.com. So, is it fun being super famous and stuff? I don't consider myself super famous.
I consider myself with a lot of jobs. I consider myself blessed. I'm enjoying the ride. You know, I took over 20-something years to get here.
I work really hard at my craft and things and I put in place. And I'm just blessed. So I don't get caught up in the whole famous stuff. I'm just on this ride and hopefully, you know, the things that I'm creating.
I leave a legacy for my kids. And, you know, I'm just creating jobs for my family. What things are you creating? So I know you've got a lot of shows and all kinds of stuff.
What are we doing right now? Well, I have a book. I wrote my first book about five years ago. Getting ready to write another book.
I have two TV shows. What's the book about? My first book is about my life. It's called Rabbit.
That was my drug dealing name. Okay. Yes. The new book, I don't even, we writing it now.
So I can really talk about it. So I'm just, you know, I'm enjoying life. You know, I get to shoot. I just shot my first judge show.
I have a seat come going to his fourth season. Sometimes I still make my little girl with eight grade education from the, you know, seat of a lamp. I ain't doing that bad. It's got to feel pretty good when you're on a network doing a show and they call you and go, Hey, how about you do another show here as well?
Yeah, you know, I have an overall deal. So if I come up with any idea, I have to pitch them to BT and Viacom first. And so I walked in and I have an idea about a judge and he's like, Hey, why don't you be the judge? I'm like me.
I'm a convicted felon. But it's kind of cool. Yeah. It is kind of cool to be on the other side of the bench.
So the show's called Miss Pat settles it. What's your twist? What's your wrinkle on the judge show? I'm just being honest.
Saying the stuff that most judge shows you're never here. Like get your ass out of here. You know, just being upfront and honest. So and I have a juror box too.
So that's different. I don't want it. Is it okay to talk about it again? Shut again.
Yeah, if you want to, this is a new audience. Yeah, because I only just heard about it and I was like, wait, you got shot in the, in the booby? Yeah, sure did. I shot in the booby.
You have to get, you have to get plastic surgery. No, these things are real. No, I got shot when I was like 15 and this is went up on my arm and it came out through my area. That's about 15, 16.
Wait, it hit you in the arm up on the arm. Was it a straight line or when it was a straight line came out through my area and popped it. And did you know? No, I didn't hurt.
I didn't know until I started feeling blood coming out my side. So then I looked and it was the whole thing was just blew off. The big hole. Yeah, it was a big hole through it through the side of the level.
And so I called it analysts and they fixed it. Was they pain when you knew that was when you realized you've been shot did that do anything? No, it was too much. I think I was too excited.
Then the next day it was pain. But that day I shot after the surgery. After the surgery, right? It wasn't really a surgery.
They just went in and cleaned everything out and then they put this plastic on top and I had to let my body heal. Yeah, a plastic like a band-aid but it makes it. But you can see through it. Okay.
So I had to change them every so many times. Okay. How long before you had a full boob again? Like one you could like shake around with no pain.
I don't know. I never been asked that question. I guess a month or so. It was very uncomfortable to wear a bra for a while.
Understand. That's a very sensitive area to get shot in. I know, right? How is it now?
Do you have a feeling in it? Yeah, it's a regular one. Totally about it. Totally about it.
Like 50 cent of the one he's got in his cheek. Does it lie to that? It don't have a dimple. I got a wook down for him, huh?
I think it worked out for both of us. Yeah, it did. Well, you both are very talented. Thank you.
You got skills. Miss Pat, do you feel like you are keeping up with the trends and entertainment and youth feel celebrities? You have a big family. Do you keep up with what's going on in youth entertainment because of your kids and kids' friends and all that?
I get a lot of stuff for me. I don't really pay attention to it. I try to mind my business. Yeah.
Not too impressed with the next generation of entertainers you see. Oh, no. They cannot perform. They just so lazy on stage.
I tell my kids, I don't see what is side-jaw with these people. You know, I'm 51, so I come from an era of Michael Jackson Prince, Whitney Houston. What is this name? Luther Vangerois, people who perform.
I'm going to see Anita Baker at the Staples Center. That's a performer. They just get here and then they just twerk behind. That is not entertainment.
You could have did this on YouTube, but you could have did this on a FaceTime. Do you think that eventually, because it's the same with I'm a big boxing and fighting fan and there's the YouTube fighting stuff where it's an atrocity. The last thing I saw was I didn't even pay for it. I saw a snippets on Instagram and I was like, this is the worst fighting I've ever seen.
And then whoever wins has the worst, most ignorant speech on TV, which means kids are influenced by this turd. This isn't even real boxing. There's real people out there putting in real work and you're over here claiming you're all this and then telling kids to inspire them to get as many followers on Instagram as they can, like just a terrible person. And it seems like music, all that stuff is it's just candy.
Like it's all bullshit. There's no real talent or just flat out skill, no other catchy gimmick attached to it. But with things in life, sometimes it just flips eventually, right? Or do you think it's just going to get even worse?
What's the movie where it's all dumb people? Adiosk? Yeah, Adiosk. I don't know any accuracy, but I can tell you don't look like entertainment is going to improve for a while.
You must see when you go around comedy clubs, right? A lot of people who didn't come up doing comedy in the traditional sense who made their name on YouTube or TikTok. Like there must be times where you go into a club and the night before it was somebody who only picked up a microphone six months before because they have a million followers. It's disrespectful to what you've done, really.
Well, I don't call it disrespectful. I do call it, hey, it's an art, right? You know, they figured something out. They didn't have to take the long road like us, but time always watch those people out.
You know, it's easy to be funny for 30 seconds because you're going to edit it. You can do all of these skits and then you edit them and you're hilarious. But then you build this audience because you don't tell everybody you're a comedian and you got to go and do an hour and you don't have nothing. So the stage eventually, I mean, once they go live in a comedy club, it eventually gets real of them.
Yeah. That's kind of what I said after season one of the Kardashians too though and the other one season like 50. That's just one. Yeah.
Everybody else. Well, you know, those girls, you know, they just, they're what America women want to look like. So, you know, they're the staple beauty. So everybody said, oh, I need to look like them.
I need to live like them. I said, somebody asked me when I'm building the house and he's like, oh my God, you should get Kim Kardashian Fridgerator. I said, what? What?
Fridgerator. I looked, they show me the fridge. It's just a freezer. Now they're using like restaurant freezers inside your house so you can walk inside.
I said, that's a freezer. I got my shoes on inside my freezer. Right. I'm not doing that crap.
Yeah, that's ridiculous. But they, it's just people that don't have their own identity. Let's keep in that show home. Right, right, right.
They're just watching other people spend their money and living vicariously. And living like they could never live. It would be cool to have a cold room in your house because sometimes I get real hot. So that's not a cold room.
That's where you food it. Right. But I'm saying don't, I don't, I have a room that's a freezer and it's only, it just has a couch. And when I'm real hot, I go in there.
Are you trying to die? I don't go in there overnight. I get in there because sometimes when I work out and then I shower, I swear after I shower because my core is still hot and I need to cool down. And if I had a freeze room.
What's just put some ice on your body? Yeah. Oh, I was, I was fantasizing that I was rich enough to have a cold room. I was kind of enjoying that.
Well, if you move out of LA and go to Minnesota, you can have a cold room. But what do I do after I get out of the cold room when I'm in Minnesota? Then what do I do? You go back in the house.
What are you doing? Do you think, do you live somewhere where you don't hang out with other people? Or do you hang out on the streets? Do you know your neighbors and stuff?
I live in Atlanta. So no, I don't know my neighbors. Is that normal in Atlanta? No, I mean, I'm just busy.
I'm never home. I'm home for two, three days a week and then I'm back out. Have they ever come up and tried to have a conversation or knock on the door and give you a bottle of wine or anything like that? Yes, I live in a pretty Caucasian neighborhood where they like to bring you items.
Don't welcome you to the neighborhood. Yeah. Yeah. My neighbor did that.
I don't drink, but I still thought it was really nice of a... Mine's brought me, my new neighbors brought me cookies. Ooh. Are they good?
I didn't eat them. Yeah, you could be poisoned. I don't know, I don't know the people. So I'm not going to be eating they cookies.
If somebody gave you weed, would you smoke it? I don't smoke weed, but I would give it to my son, I think. That's what I'm talking about. You would?
My son's smoking a crap ton of weed. Oh yeah? He's good. That makes you a cool mom.
Wait, I think so. I'm not going to be giving weed. I agree. How old is he son?
23. He's grown. If he was 16, that's the way I would give him weed. Yeah, that's all.
But I think I probably gave him some gummies once. Okay. Because I wanted to stop smoking weed. For the lungs.
I've never heard anybody get lung cancer from weeds. So then why do you want him to stop smoking? Because he's weed slow you down. And you think the gummies don't?
I think all of it do. What do you mean you're too fast for society? You mean the track star? No, no.
I feel like if I don't smoke weed, I'm going to be too hyped and it's not going to fit in with everybody. I got to like stay cool. It's all free count. Well then you need to be on medical marijuana.
Yeah, that's what I'm on. I mean, I'm the doctor. You're the doctor. I prescribed myself marijuana.
Microscription. Another joint. Yeah. Uh oh.
That's like a stavary another joint. Doctor. And then I prescribed one up. And then I'm okay.
He's a lot of weed. Yeah. I don't regret them. I wish I had more.
I wish I just had the whole thing done in one whole suit. I got a couple of gaps everywhere. So let me ask you something. Because I see your head is tattooing.
What are you doing in your hair, Greg? You just keep it shaved? It's bald in the front. That's why I did it.
I was like, I'll just have a tattoo hair. So I was wondering why they look like a little tattoo hair on your head. Yeah. Then you start adding birds and flowers on your head.
Yeah, because I can't stop. I'm going to get snake heads coming up my cheeks. It's really over for me. I'm going to ride it into the right here.
Oh, you married? No, I'm recently divorced. She met somebody. Yeah.
She did. Yeah. Did you improve with him? No, I don't.
I'm it's devastating. You look like you're lying. You think I'm having a good time? You're always married for real.