Smoke, Not Fire: What Your Child's Meltdown Is Really Trying to Tell You with Dr. Jacqueline Jacobs Tynan

Guest: Dr. Jacqueline Jacobs Tynan, licensed clinical psychologist specializing in attachment-based therapy for children, families, and parents, trained in Child-Parent Psychotherapy (CPP) and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT).In this episode, Dr. Courtney sits down with Dr. Jacqueline to unpack why kids' big behaviors are rarely the real problem — they're a signal. They dig into selective attention, the difference between a tantrum and a trauma response, and why repairing after we get it wrong matters more than never missing the mark.What You'll Learn:Why behavior is the "fire alarm," not the fire — and how to find the sourceThe real difference between selective attention and ignoring your childWhy giving in to stop the crying can unintentionally teach kids their feelings are unsafeThe "vending machine" metaphor for how kids learn which behaviors get their needs metHow to use selective attention earlier in the behavioral chain instead of at the peak of a meltdownHow to start telling the difference between boundary-testing and trauma-driven behaviorWhy getting it "wrong" about 70% of the time and repairing builds more trust, not lessHow labeled praise and connection can shift a child's whole sense of self over timeResources & Links:Learn more about Dr. Jacqueline Jacobs Tynan's workWhat is Circle of Security?Postpartum Support InternationalIntegrated Behavioral Health: integratedbhs.comLegal Disclaimer: While this podcast may provide information that is educational in nature, it is not intended to be a health care service, psychotherapy, or the practice of psychology. This podcast’s main purpose is to provide educational insights for all stages of child and family development. We will not provide diagnoses or specific recommendations for your family. At no point is a therapeutic relationship established by way of your unilateral participation by listening to these episodes, and we cannot provide advice or privileges associated with a therapeutic relationship. We recommend that anyone who is seeking a therapeutic relationship reach out to Integrated Behavioral Health at [email protected] to begin the interview process of becoming a client or receiving a referral. If at any point in your listening or engaging with the content of this podcast, you experience an emergency, please immediately call 911 or go to your local emergency room.