Hey everyone, here is our official one-shot recording live from Hoover Sci-Fi Fantasy Fest 2019. This is a one-shot DM'd and written by Kelsey, where Josh and I are players, along with Justin, one of the convention organizers, and his wife, Caitlin. Super excited for you guys to hear it. It was such a great adventure, and I can't wait to share it with you all. Also want to remind you that the Tier 4 Patreon reward has some spots available on it, so if you were wanting to play a game DM'd by me, you can jump on our Patreon, there's a link in the description for this week's episode, and get your name added to the list. Thanks everyone, hope you enjoy this episode.
Okay, welcome to Kelsey Attacks, the sneak attack spin-off show where Kelsey makes the rules and the attacks. This fifth edition D&D one-shot is brought to you by Hoover Public Library, Greg Tito, and my Hydro Flask, not a sponsor. Here are the rules as they exist currently. Each character must be female. Yes, I am pushing an agenda. Two, this is not going to be super combat heavy. If you thought it would be, you obviously don't know me. Hi, I'm Kelsey. And if you have a problem with that, I'm very sorry. You might have some pent-up aggression issues that I might recommend channeling through like a gym membership or like Fight Club. All complaints go to Justin.
Or Dandy, I guess. Number three, don't talk about Fight Club. And then number four, audience, in honor of Danny, I will be crowdsourcing some proper nouns from you because there's nothing Reed hates more than crowdsourcing and Danny. It's true. This is the best setup for a game I've ever... So instead of killing Reed, I'm just going to torture him by crowdsourcing. Don't disappoint me because naming things is my favorite, so I'm going to need your best and brightest names.
Okay. I was going to find a creative way to integrate character introductions into the show, but then I realized that you should also meet the people behind the voices because they are some of my favorite people. So, players, if you could introduce yourself and then tell us about your character. The man on the left. My left will start. Your husband. Yeah, that guy. Hi, everybody. I'm Josh. And today I will be playing a druid gnome named Hanalora Musbart. She's a very friendly gnome. We all can be friends.
And she has a gnarled staff. It looks a little bit like a big stick from a tree with flowers on it. And she has a shield made of the bark of a very old tree. And her arcane focus is a nice little hand-stitched orange monkey that she's named Jash. She's also adorable and has super messy, big curly hair that has sticks and leaves in it and stuff.
Next. Great. Hi. I'm Reid. Nice to see all you guys. I'm playing a half-elf warlock named Marlena Morningstar. And she is a disgraced former entertainer who has been cursed by her patron to never perform again. And you guys will understand why as we continue. So her arcane focus is a Morningstar. Okay. Next.
So I am Caitlin, and my character, her name is Maren Articath. She is a Triton rogue. She has a bit of a sordid past, and a sad character, too. She's really sad. But she's also vengeful. She's on a mission. She has worked as an assassin for years, trying to avenge her lover that was slain. So you will see what else she has to offer. Assassin? Absolutely. Okay, good. Next. Wow, that was a lot. I don't know how I can compete with that. Do not try. She will attack you.
My name's Justin. Hi, how's it going? I play Fiora, daughter of Kord. She's an Aesmer paladin, and her dad's Kord. Don't make it a whole thing, all right? I've been, you know, I've been raised from a young age to be a soldier, and because, you know, dad needs me to kill everything. We're not used to daddy issues on this show at all. Oh, that's good, because I'm not used to it either. I'm fine, all right? We also don't talk about our feelings.
She is on a mission because the only way that she can ascend the ranks in her, because she's in a soldier unit with all the rest of her sisters, but the only way she can ascend the ranks of that soldier unit is to go out and win great battles and then come back, relating those and then making her way up the ladder. So she's hoping that she can get a good fight in, which now seems like I chose the wrong character archetype. Well, we'll see what happens. This is kind of like a guest-ception, because the three of us are guests here at Sci-Fi Fantasy Fest, and because of you guys, and now you guys are guests on Sneak Attack. We're guests of guests now. Yeah. I like each other a lot. Yeah, true. All right, so to start us off, you four are a part of a traveling agency called the Girl Scouts of Meticulous Exploring Responsive Investigation and Conscripted Acquisitions, also known for the Girl Scouts of America.
That would be M-E-R-I-C-A. Meticulous exploring, responsive investigation, and conscripted acquisitions. This is topical, isn't it? She did open up by saying she has a very clear agenda. Yeah, very clear agenda. You have been hired by the township of...
Hagglesworth, which is not what he said, but that's what I heard. So, Hagglesworth. You've been hired by the township of Hagglesworth to investigate and hopefully end some missing person cases. So since you belong to this company, you're familiar with each other. Did you guys decide if you know each other well, or is this your first time? I'm okay if I'm just joining an already established group. I'm fine being an outsider. All right. You three, what's your take on the situation? I'm terrible with names. So she probably has, if she's met you guys before, this is her first time meeting you guys now.
Okay. I mean, maybe we've seen each other around the office. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I like the idea that we're in the same company, or the same, like, America, so the... I like to think that we maybe know of each other, but might not have some familiar... I'm going to say that your direct report's name is Charlie, and within each of your departments, you are the best, and so he's brought you together to be Charlie's Angels. Oh, super crew, I think. Yeah, so it's the super crew within the Girl Scouts of America. Charlie's Angels, great. So, you have been traveling toward Hagglesworth for a few days now, so you're pretty familiar with each other. You might not remember each other's names, but, you know, the general vibe of each person. Yeah, you're the weird one and the silent one. Call me Honey, short. Easier to remember. Like, what's the bees? The nectar of the bees? Honey.
Honey? Honey? Honey? Honey? Okay. Honey? For Han and Laura? Yes. Okay. I'm not... I'm going to remember half of it, okay? So you just call me Han? Oh, yeah. Okay. That works. That would be half of my name. Can you please stop? Do you have to keep talking? No. Oh, I'm happy to just be here to help. Why don't you do that? If that is what will help, then I will be silent and you can all continue to be friends together. Why are you still talking? That hand feels so nice and warm, but also dangerous. Do you think that is an accident?
No. All right, you are finally approaching the township of Hagglesworth from an open road. So open in the field, there's lots of daisies springing up everywhere. It's beautiful. You can see as far as the eye can see. And the path has gotten narrower as it gets closer. And you're beginning to realize that the township is quite small. It's offset from any substantial town or village you have encountered before. And it is butting up right next to the forest. So that's where your eyeline stops. As you approach, you recognize that...
It being very small, it only has one tavern, one apothecary, and a post station. And the buildings are more like shacks than houses. So this isn't like a well-to-do area by any means. There are a few people out and about going about their business, whether that be errands or catching up with other townies, kids kicking stuff down the street and turning it into some kind of a game. And then, like I said, right next to the township is a forest. However, it looks uninhabited, untouched, and greenery like moss and vines have completely overtaken the outer tree line. And the ground is covered in shrubs and overgrown grass, except for a narrow single footpath, which looks like it's just been trampled down recently.
What do you do? Such a pretty village. Okay. Am I allowed to speak again? Do we know who's in charge here? Who do I have to hit? Just tell me who I have to hit to make sure we're on the right track. As you're looking around, you're approached by a friendly man, while he looks friendly, and he says, well, howdy doody. You must be the Girl Scouts of America. This is not the one for hitting. Wait. Hold on. Not now. Why are you doing that? Oh, oh, oh, you were very... Actually, we should create a safe wood. Very effective, yes.
It would just, it feel like it might be easy. Hold on, wait, please. Perhaps if we say, you know, perhaps we say butternut, and then you can attack. Butternut. Is that necessary? Did you say butternut? Can't you just let him be him? Well, okay, he's great, but so is the man who wants a bunch. Hi, howdy doody. I'm Harold. Hello, Harold. Your name is Harold. Harold, yes. Welcome to our town of Hacklesworth. I'm Hanalura. Yes. This is Marlena. Yes, okay. And our friends whose names I've forgotten. Hi, I'm Maren. Nice to meet you, yes. I'm Fiora. You two happy.
Yes, well, we're just so happy you're here. I wish you were here on better circumstances. It is really quite the quaint little township here in Hagglesworth. But never mind. We are so glad you're here. We're glad you got here safely. It can be treacherous out there. Nature is scary. Oh, nature is friends. No, scary. Our townspeople have just been chomping at the bits for you to arrive and save us all. I'm Harold. Like I said, I'm the town selectman here at Hagglesworth. That's fantastic. Can you please tell us where we're supposed to go? I'm going to take you down to the apothecary. And as we're walking, I'm going to tell you a little bit about what's been going on. So like over the past couple of weeks, some people have gone missing.
There have been some reports of voices out in the forest going, help me, help me. They're crying for help in the woods. Help me. Somebody is, not our people. But some of our strongest town's people have disappeared in the middle of the night. I'm assuming they felt the call for action, which, no thank you, there are bugs and stuff in the forest. Oh, but bugs are friends. No, bugs scary. Strongest town members, huh? Hmm. Reflexes. Oh, that is a great... That's terrifying. Anyway, so, nobody has returned, though.
No one has come back from saying help me in the woods? No, our people, oh, maybe our people are saying help me. Maybe they talk like that. Help me, help me. They didn't talk like that when they left, though. They're gone forever. Well, hopefully not. Hopefully you find them. Oh, oh, that is why we're here. Han, that's, yeah, Han, that's why we're here. Yes, yes. About how many people would you say? I would say about five to ten. That's about ten percent of our population here at Hagglesworth. Hair, hair, can I call you hair?
You let 10 people... I don't have much hair. He's a balding man? Don't talk about it, please. It's terrifying. You let 10 people go into the woods before you... I'm a very heavy sleeper. I didn't know. He seems heavy in several other ways. I like this one. I'm going to remember your full name. Yes, so I'm taking you to the apothecary. She recommended you. She had heard of you. She spent some time during her formative years in the big city, and she heard of the Girl Scouts America, said that you're very effective. Get job done real fast. What city? What city? Audience.
Hobblewobble. Oh, that is a great city. I've heard of it. Yes, yes. That's where we came from. We came from the city of Hobblewobble. Yes, yes. That's where the headquarters of the Girl Scouts of America is in Hobblewobble. Anyway, let me introduce you to our apothecary. She knows the woods. She's the only one that really goes in the woods because she has to collect herbs and things to make her potions and salves. Yes, so if you follow me. Sounds like suspect number one. I'm a fan of herbs as well. I do the herb things too. Suspect number two. So here I'll lead you into the apothecary called...
Applegrove. Applegrove. Applegrove. It's very hard to hear. I did not intend for this to happen. But here we go. We're just going with it. Really shout it out. Start thinking of weird names and just yell them. Applegrove. And he introduces you to the apothecary and her name is...
Patrice! Oh, my gosh, it's perfect, because I was thinking Patricia, so you read my mind. All right, so you walk in, and Patricia seems like she's in her 30s, 40s human. Patrice, sorry. Patrice is in her 30s, 40s human. It looks like she has a very successful business. She's got lots of colored liquids on the shelves, salves out and about. And she says, oh, hiya, Harold. How are you today? Harold says, oh, nice to see you, Patrice. These are the Girl Scouts from America that you were so excited to hire. We are here to assist in the recovering of gone people that are no longer here.
In the woods, I am Hanalora Muspat. Are you the leader? Oh, no, probably not. But these are my friends. We are all from the Girl Scouts of America. And this is Marlene and Charlie. Was that your name? That is not my name. What was your name again? My name is Maren. Hi. Hi, Maren. It's very nice to meet you. Are you the leader? Probably. Okay. I can tell. Yep. I'm Fiora. Tell me what we're going to know.
Harold says, well, I'll let you get to it. Good luck out there. Hope to see you soon. Truly, I hope to see you soon. Terrifying. Thank you, Harold. He's so fun. Welcome to our town. Harold. I'm so sorry about Harold. He doesn't have much of it. He's been like that forever. He's just scared of everything. Don't know how he got elected, but here we are. I'm sure you're all very capable explorers, but I just want to give you what you need to be successful out there and help in any way I can. Do you have any questions? I know that he probably gave you a little bit of information. Missing people, Forrest. Help me.
Help me. When did the people first start missing? It's been about three weeks now. I have some suspicions, if you don't mind. I think it's Harold. No. Oh, good. Harold takes a very heavy sleeping potion, and by that I mean I enchant him before he goes to sleep. Is that necessary? Have you met Harold? He is a little much. Didn't you see us come in together? Do you only ask questions? Yes, actually. I only speak in questions. Are you being serious? Yes. Oh my gosh, Reed. I've only ever asked questions this entire time. I know, that's why I am.
It was getting a little annoying. Wow, how the tables turn. That's the curse. I can only speak in questions. I'm a terrible entertainer. Yeah, but a great detective. Yeah, great detective. I just ask questions enough and people break down. Y'all know the worst entertainer is the one that gets up and says, how's everybody doing? That's all you can do. Can I trust you to keep something from Harold? Well, it depends. Can we trust you? Well, I hope so. I recommended you come here, so I'm going to be the one putting the bill. Oh, we're getting paid, right? Yeah. Look, I trust you as far as I can throw you, and I can throw you pretty far. Please don't. You must trust me so much.
You're like a little shot foot. I can throw you across the field. Just make sure you tuck your knees up so you're in ball shape. Well, I'm just more confirmed that we're best friends. Isn't that right, Jess? Look, okay, so just some background information. I'm actually a witch, but magic isn't allowed in the township, so please don't tell Harold. You are a witch? Yes. And using illegal magic in the village? Yes, but only to help, never to hurt. Yes. You see, I grew up here, and at the age of 13, my best friend went missing, and I was so determined to find her and solve the problem, but I didn't. So I went to Habawaba, studied, became a witch, and came back to protect the village.
Oh, that's so nice of you. Thank you, thank you. I've met several witches in the Hubblabble, and they're not as kind as you are. Well, you know, when your best friend goes missing at a young age, you kind of try to compensate for that. Seems like you've got a real mission of vengeance, and I can appreciate that. Do you have reason to believe that your best friend's disappearance is connected to these missing people? It very well might be. You see, there's this old druid in the forest. Oh, druid, wonderful. So am I. Not like you. Not in the forest. Not like you. Very different. Not all druids are good. You need to know this. Oh, all right. Okay. This is a hard pill to swallow, but I will...
Anyway, he's existed since before I was born in the forest, so I mean it may be connected to him. His goal really is to overtake this town. He does not like this town being so close to his area, and I truly believe that he's a very spiteful and angry man. So we have an arrangement. What is this druid's name? What's the druid's name? Craig!
Oh, I love it. Craig, the old druid. Anyway, Craig and I have an arrangement. I won't let the townspeople enter the forest, and he will not attack them. Those are the rules. However... Did you tell the rest of the people the rules? I have some enchantments on them that keep them from going. I tell them that they're taking a vitamin so that they know that I'm influencing their life in some way, and with that I enchant them. No one asks any questions. Yeah, they're not... Anyway... They seem like odd-looking and happy people. They're just very trusting people.
Especially since this is my home village. I'm not a stranger to them. I grew up here. So there's a druid in the woods, and you and him have agreed upon him not killing people. As long as they don't enter the forest. But it seems that something, whether that may be the call to action of the people in the forest, whatever that may be, or maybe they're being enchanted further, it seems stronger than the magic that I have been using. Do you feel that this nefarious Craig...
Craig is the one simulating these voices to drop people into the woods. That's what I worry about. I think he might be creating a loophole so that he can still rid... Oh, trick you into then breaking your deal. Yes. Does Craig sound like that normally? I mean... Do you imagine him with a grating voice? Yeah. Really annoyingly high-pitched. Sure. We'll go with that. Let me make a note of it. High-pitched voice. Yeah, he has a really high-pitched voice. Very shrill.
Wonderful. That sounds annoying. Yeah, it's gonna get real fast. Yeah, some birds with shrill voices. Is that helping? It is, um, the birds? Oh, they're shrill voices. Literally everything you've said has made me want to, and she, like, stops. Oh, are you all right? Will you please leave me alone? Um, very well, yes, of course. But, uh, I'm just yet to help. We're friends, Marilena. Why do your fingers smell that way? Do you not moisturize? No. Not unless it's with the water of a brook or the sap of a tree. Do you know what moisturizer is?
Is it not just liquid that we put on the flesh? Anyway, if there's any way that I can assist you, have any other questions, really the goal here is I need you to go find out if the druid is the one doing this. So what protection will we have if we go into the forest? Well, I think you're smarter than anybody here. And I can't go. Oh, and yes, he has the great muscles. She. We're all women here. All women here. Rule number one. All women here. And Harold's done. That's because I'm wearing armor. Forgive me, please.
I would accompany you, but per our arrangement, I'm not supposed to enter the forest. And so until I know whether the druid has broken his end of the deal, I really don't feel right accompanying you, which is why I hired you. And don't worry, you will be paid at the end of this. Oh, good. And secrecy is of the utmost importance. Definitely. They know that I hired you. They know that you're going into the forest. But please, please, please do not inform anyone that I have magic capabilities. And they're drugging them. I'm not. They're just drinking water. Then I enchant them.
Drugging and enchanting are two different things. To help, since I can't accompany you, I'd like to offer you this magical item. And she hands Marin this piece of driftwood that's about that long and maybe this wide. She says, this is an invention of mine. I call it a walk talk. Walk talk? Yes. It's when activated. You just have to shake it. Does it do a dance?
Does it come to life and walk and talk? Why would it? It doesn't have legs. Oh, forgive me. This is why she handed it to me. Oh, there's a nice piece of driftwood. When activated, you can reach me. It will work twice. The second time, it's not quite as successfully as the first time you will use it. I'm still working out the kinks. But this allows you the magic to reach me at your will. If you need anything or you have any questions or you'd like to report back, use it. But use it wisely as there are only two uses before it becomes just a boring piece of driftwood.
What is the best way to get into the forest that will cause the least amount of alarm? Well, I would recommend taking the trampled grass and following that footpath as long as you can. Obviously, that's a recently made footpath by the people who've gone missing, so I'm assuming that that will be your best course of action. And that is located where? If you take down Main Street, it's right into the forest.
Oh, that's so straightforward and simple to remember. Thank you. Yeah, it's like someone's baiting you. Have you ever thought about just cutting the woods back further and further so that there's more room for the townspeople? I worry that the druid would be a little PO'd. But it's a loophole because it's no longer the woods. Why cannot the woods and the people live in the same environment? Well, you remember how we talked about bad druids? Oh, yes, I know, but I, yes. He doesn't think that that's a thing. Right. Yeah. What a terrible druid he is. Well, he has a very shrill voice, so. I would welcome them all into the woods, and we could all be friends together. Maybe you'll get the chance to persuade him to become a good druid.
Perhaps that would be a wonderful experience. Perhaps he and I could then become friends. I'm just curious if you're just going to raise the tip picture. That's where I was going. Maybe you'll be able to convince him. It passes. It passes. All right. Anything else? No, I'm ready to go. All right. Well, I will hopefully see you later. If you need me, you know how to reach me. Let's leave the Apple Store. The Apple Store. Leave the Apple Store.
Apple growth. Yeah, that's good. All right. Are you on your way? What's the plan? I believe we would go. You said you were the leader of the four of us? I said I was probably the leader, and I think that's still correct. Who else would it be? I am probably not the leader. Probably not you. I don't know. Can you give direction? Are you doubting my capabilities? I, in fact, am. It seems that Marlene has conceded leadership to you, so you are our official leader. Is that what you got from that? Your silence says so much.
I'm so bored. Let's go, guys. All right. As you walk toward that trampled down grass, you realize that the path winds to the right. There are patches of grass, which is where you look to see if it has continued to be crushed down. Will you all roll? And you can choose survival, nature, investigation, or perception, but you have to tell me what you're rolling and then what it is. Well, good. I have none of those. So survival, nature, investigation, or perception. I have survival. Because I'm a druid. Oh, but I rolled terribly. I'm doing perception. Okay.
Whoop, nope. I did Perception, I got a 19. 19, okay. Josh, what'd you get? I have a seven. Maren? Survival for 24. Oh, okay. I got an eight.
Solid eight. Great. I'm really glad that Maren's leading. So, Reed, you notice, what's your character's name again? Marlena. Marlena. Marlena. Marlena. Marlena. Okay, Marlena, you notice that there's really not a lot of activity out here in the forest. You know, the rustles of leaves and, you know, just that noise as the wind kind of blows. And then occasionally a, ah, from what seemed to be either a crow or a raven.
Beautiful woods we're in. I'm just looking up the entire time. Maren, you also obviously notice all those things because that survival rule is. But you also are noticing some claw marks on trees along the path. Maren, does the woods not seem odd to you? I think we better stick together. Don't ask too many questions. That's good. I think that is good. Would you like me just to leave? I would caution against assuming because the woods is the woods that they are dangerous because the three of you clearly are not as used to them as I. I'd bounce my head into a tree.
We're not carrying any bodies out either. I cast Cure Wounds. Great. Great, you're full health. I do see some claw marks on the trees, though. Oh, next to the head bash. Yes! What animals do you think caused this? It was clearly something with claws. Is it something I can punch? Perhaps. Is there anything else? Are you saying I can punch everything? Yes. But not. Careful. Not yet. No, we will say that when it's time to punch. Do you proceed?
Yeah, I'm following you. We're proceeding cautiously. Oh, cautiously? Is everyone else proceeding cautiously or just... Very cautiously. Okay, very cautiously. The path now curves back to the left, kind of like it's leading you to the center of the forest. So you veered a little bit of right and then you're veering left now. Roll me another check of your choosing of those four. Come on. Natural 20. Ooh. Joshua? 19. Ooh. What was yours? What were you rolling? Survival. Okay. Survival for 15. Okay.
Bayora is shadow boxing so she rolled a six in her perception check. You're like Kevin Bacon dance fighting? Yes. So some people are being cautious but you might. be described as not cautiously proceeding. That's how I'm always described, yeah. Not cautiously proceeding. Good to know. All right. Well, Ahani, you all of a sudden now notice the ravens as well. Oh, ravens? Look at all these ravens. Can I call to one? Sure. Oh, hello, raven. Please come here. I'm using speak with small bees. Okay. Tell me more. I am Hanelora, and these are my friends. We're looking for things in the woods that you're into.
Hello? Yes. Car. It flies to you. But it's not landing. It's just going around your head. Oh, hello. Hello, my little friend. Have you seen any... It poops. Are you sure he wants me standing there? Oh. Oh, no. You now have pooped on your shoulder. No, it pooped on your shoulder. On my shoulder? Yeah. Oh, that's good. I leave it there.
Maybe like Radagast? Yeah, pretty much. Thank you for making me more part of your woods. Is that what it did? Have you seen... I'm assuming I'm talking to the... But all they're hearing is... Oh, you're speaking right then? To the bird. Have you seen any peoples that have come from the little village of...
Hugglesworth. It says scraw, which means yes. Oh, and there are claws marking the trees next to the head bump. Do you know what had made those? Scraw, yes. Oh, wonderful. Do you want to tell us about your conversation? She's just squawking. She's just been squawking. What? I'm worried that it's a serious distraction. Excuse me, sorry. I'm speaking to the crow, but I keep asking yes and no questions. You speak to crows. I speak to the forest. They are all my friends. Just as we are. Are you feeling okay? Can you not touch me? Oh, forgive me.
Give me one moment. One more question, please. Excuse me, Crow. What was it that made those markings on the tree? And it says scraw, which means yes. Oh.
Okay, I have I have learned from the crow that yes something did mark that tree and that and the people have been coming into the woods Would you would you give me a try of talking to the crow? Do you want me to just grab it? I did roll a 20. I don't know on what like for what I saw though You have noticed some more claw marks along the path and there are some blood splatters on the grass below. Okay, we'll do the claw marks Like when I recognize a creature that would make a mark of this size or in this pattern or Smaller than a bear. Smaller than a bear. Okay. I mean, I have no real woodland experience. I just happen to catch it. Do you point it out to the rest of us? Yes. Because I would like to inspect the blood splotches. See if they're animal or human, maybe. Please roll a nature. Nature? Yeah. Nature, 10. It looks like red blood. I'm living so much on this bench.
Hey, Hannah, what kind of blood is that? It is definitely blood from inside a creature. That has now been made to be outside of it. Inside blood. Can we please concentrate? Yes, for sure. Would you believe that a creature smaller than a bear made these claw marks? That sounds reasonable. I would believe it. Is that what happened? Do you think that is cause for concern? Or does it fall in with the story that we were told by Patrice?
Are we talking like a wolverine or something? Like a badger? Yes, please. Tell us what you're thinking. Just come out and say it. How large are the claw marks? Like a hand? Would a hand make them if it was like human-sized? Yeah, yeah. About human-sized hand. So they're like... Now Marin is afraid. Oh, okay. That does seem larger than I thought. Human-sized claw marks. You only think of one thing when you see human-sized claw marks. Oh, I know what could possibly make something like that.
I turn into a direwolf. Do we know you can do that? I mean, I hope so. Yeah, I hope so too. Don't be saying butternut or buttercup or whatever you decided on. And I claw another tree and then I pop out of direwolf and I go, look. What just happened?
Oh, I can do that as a druid. Is that normal? Yes, of course. Is this a buttercup situation? No, no, no. This is just a Hanalora moose spot situation. You are a situation. Can we then compare the claw marks of a great wolf to that of that on the other tree? Are you asking me? I'm asking the party. I've been terrible at discerning things. That's fine.
What do you decide this? Yeah, sure. I just yeah, I have no real way of knowing like comparing one to another so I think honestly you're the druid dude I do that like that Real science about I guess I'll roll a nature again on it 18 okay the dire wolf claw marks look deeper and a little bit thicker Okay than the original ones maybe it's smaller than a dire wolf hmm So we're back to the badger theory. Is that where we landed? Or the human theory? Are they human? Are you implying like a werewolf? I'm implying that humans were afraid. Oh, like they were running from something, trying to get away. You think the humans have become wolves? Can we please get rid of the wolf idea? Please go away. Very good. What I am suggesting to you all is that there was something in these woods chasing them. Maybe they were trying to climb. Something I can find. Should we proceed further? Perhaps.
Cautiously more answers lie ahead. Oh good question. Perhaps they do I think we should keep going. Let's stay together. Don't wander. Oh good. We're all friends feel like that was a very pointed direction Maybe don't punch fight behind everybody. You punch anything. I just gotta get a work out of it. Then I just lightly tap my dagger. Oh nice. I would like to walk up to her and um
Just as we're kind of continuing forward just go hello. Yes leader. I just want to make sure am I being helpful on this adventure? What do you think? You are here and you are you This is good news. That is how I thought that was good news. Yes. No, thank you for talking to the Raven. I can't talk to Raven. Oh, well, I'm here to assist and help us all have a good time. Maybe you could lead the way on our path. Oh, yes. Move in front of everyone. Yes. Oh, good. If that is what you want, I will do it. That would be very helpful. Just right there. All right. Up here. Away from the rest of you. Yes. In alone. That's right. Oh, okay. All right. I lean over and go, what are you doing? She's not going to make a good meat shield. She's very tiny. That's not the point. Oh, okay.
All right, I move out. Okay. How far? Maybe like 20 feet away from everybody. Are you sure 20 feet is enough? Oh, keep, you want me to keep going? No, no, no, that's fine. It's further. No. Are you three proceeding as well? Yeah. Okay, but 20 feet. But she's 20 feet ahead of us. Yes, yes. Okay, sounds good. All right, so you go along for a while, maybe like five minutes or so. And then can you please roll me a perception check, Hana? Yes. Honey, whatever your name is. Perception check, seven.
Great. You just keep on walking, and all of a sudden you are in a clearing, and it is sunny, and it is warm, and it feels great on your skin. Can the other three please roll me a perception check? Isn't this such a great adventure, Josh? We're having such a good time with our friends. I rolled a five. Eleven. And a...
15. Okay. You spot a person in the clearing, Maren. The other two just continue to walking and the sunshine hits you on your shoulders and it feels good. Wait, stop. There's a person up there. Did you say it loud enough for me to hear you? No. And the person.
Hello? Who goes there? Oh, hello. I am Hanalora Moosbath. Hello. Ah, yes, I figured I would be seeing someone soon. Things have been awry in the forest, so of course, someone has to come to me. Yes, you see me now. Okay, do we see that?
Yes. You're paying attention to Honey, I believe. Are they hidden? Am I out in the open? You're out in the open. Did you stop when Maren told you to stop? She told us to stop, so I stopped. I'm just in a javelin pose. So it's just you and me, dude? Or lady? Hello, are you the druid? Yes, I am the druid. I can tell by your piercing, terrible voice. Hello, Craig.
Hello, and your name is? I'm Hanalora Moosbart, but you can call me Honey for short. Honey, nice to meet you. Have you been murdering? Murdering? Of course not. I'm a druid. Oh, so you're not killing all the people? Life is precious and stuff. Why would I kill people? By hearing this.
That's so wonderful. I was worried that we would need to kill you if you were killing. That would be a worry as well of mine. I told them that druids are good things. I am good. Okay. Is butter not the word? Is that, can I? Yeah, you can roll perception. What would it be? Would it be insight? Insight. This person's lying to me. Oh, ten. Wonderful. Seems to be a druid. All right.
Hey, friends. And I point back to where everyone was. Hi. And I go, this is Craig, and he's a good person. No one has been murdered. Can you put the javelin down, please? Is butternut the word? No, no, wait. No. No, I don't grow squash here. No, I'm sorry. No, butternut. Nobody's throwing anything. Put it down.
His voice may sound like a terrible thing that you want to murder. Let's scoot up closer. Great. So you all come into the clearing. You notice that there are different herbs and plants growing, a nice little flower area. It's just really out of a picture book. It's beautiful. It's sunny. It's wonderful. Yes, I heard you're investigating the murders. Yes, I told him. Great. You were staying behind us from now on. I gave you one job. And I hope I've done 12.
No, I found Craig. Things have been strange here recently. I'd love to tell you more. Would you please accompany to my humble abode? Yes, that would be wonderful. Look at these great herbs that you've grown. Yes. I don't think we're interested in following you anywhere. I just keep pointing. I keep pointing at my mirror. But I would like you to tell us what you're doing here and why we shouldn't shoot you right now. This is my forest. This is where I grow my livelihood. Slowly pull out my battle axe. These are my plants.
They are wonderful-looking plants. Thank you. Maren, would you mind if I ask her a few questions? Go right ahead. Oh, you do like doing that. Craig? Yes? What do you know about the disappearances in these forests? Next question. He is not murdered. Would you answer the first? I don't. I'm going to roll an intimidation, if that's all right. Okay. And say...
Craig, would you please tell me what you know about the murders in these forests? And 25. Oh, I know that the grass has been trampled, and there are claw marks on the trees, and I live here. Are you afraid of me? Now I am, for some strange reason. Oh, Marilena, what are you doing? You're scaring the poor man. Would you let me handle this? If you want to, please do not. Would you let me handle this?
Oh, very well, I suppose. But do not be so mean. How close are you to? Walking closer. Like a foot every second or so. Just nice and intimidating. Okay. I say, can we try this again? Try what again? Would you please tell me everything you know about the goings-on in the forest for the last three weeks? Hopefully, like, by being a more calming tone, a more calming presence, Craig understands through my earlier intimidation that, like...
Nobody knows what I'm capable of, but I'm not actively trying to be super aggressive right now. How far away are you? Five feet. That's cool. Yeah. Well, my crops haven't been growing quite as nicely as they usually do, and I've heard a lot of noises at night. What kind of noises? Help me. Oh, that is what the hairy man said. Here, right here. Harold. You don't know the source of these noises. I would assume a small child. Have you gone looking for a said child? No. Why not? I don't care. Have you thought maybe this child is the cause of your crops not growing?
How can a child make crops not grow? You're the one that grows the crops. How am I supposed to know? I'm telling you that children can't affect how crops grow. So what have you done? Tended my crops. I think we should keep moving. No, do we go to this person's house, though? I'd be happy to make you some herbal tea. Why can't we talk right here?
That's great. Because I don't have tea. I would love some tea, Greg. Do we need tea? I think tea would be nice. It can help clear your mind. Somebody say butter now. Someone say butter now. Can you do it right now? In fact, have you seen any humans in this forest? Just myself. Anyone that you don't recognize come through here lately? No. That's a lie.
You could roll to see if he's alive. If you don't mind. Either me or you. We're kind of having this conversation. Okay. I'm going to roll an insight on that. On whether he's seen people he doesn't recognize? Yeah, exactly. People who've come through the woods. Being deceitful. That is a 12. Can you believe him? I just want to go up and like grab him and be like...
What do you know? Tell us right now. When you grab him, you get a smell of something rotten, and what you feel on your hands is rough and leather, even though he looks very nice and smooth and well taken care of. Oh, no, Fiora, do not hurt him. But it does not work. Do you relay anything weird about this? I go, as I grab you and shake, Fiora goes, gross.
What are your clothes made out of? Because that's gross. Clothing? What do you mean gross? Feels a little leathery. Just because druids are from the woods, it's not going to be gross. Somebody get me a stick to poke him with or something. So at this point, I'm seeing that. I think Maren is going to reach for her trident and pull it out. Okay. And I'm going to roll intimidation. Okay. 19. Mm-hmm. We don't believe a single word coming from your mouth. So you're going to start telling us the truth right now. Oh, this is getting dangerous.
Craig, they want to hurt you. As a warlock, would I be able to have any type of like inclination that there might be some magical effect in these woods? You could roll a arcana. How does he respond to the trident intimidation? I want him to roll an arcana first. But not well. 12. Yeah, something feels a little like not nature magic something. I'm gonna let you respond to the intimidation thing before I talk about it. I'd really think this would go better in the hut.
We're not going anywhere with you. Maren, do you have a moment? Don't you think it's strange that we had a clear line of sight into this clearing but did not see this individual until we stepped into the clearing? I do think it's strange. That's why I don't want to go to the hut. I think there... Perhaps there's some other things at play here? That's a question. As you're talking... Hello? Who's watching Butternut? Who's watching Butternut?
I'm butternut. I'm grabbing the druid and dragging him to the hut. You hear to your right. Will you roll perception checks? All four of you. 16. 5. Natural 20. Let's go. What? 26. Everyone but Marlena hears a crying child to the right as you're dragging the druid to the hut. Oh no. Did you hear that? Hear what?
I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. There was a cry for help in the woods. Yes, there was a cry for help. Yes, help me. Yep, sounded like the one at night. We should go. Help the person. All right. What about Craig? You don't want Craig to lead the way? No. Just hold him out like a torch. I very much not like that. Yes, thank you. Put the druid down. I slowly put the druid down. Did you not hear that child? Okay. What child? There was a child's voice. Will each of you roll me a wisdom? Will each of you roll me a wisdom saving throw? Who? All of you. All of us.
Yeah, let's go proficiency. 16. 16. 21. Okay. It's a five. So perceptive. Okay, all of you but one of you. That's an interesting way to put it. You don't think it sounds like a child. I don't know. What do we think it sounds like? Like something not real. I think it sounds like a child. No, you know it doesn't. The person on the road poorly thinks it sounds like a child. Fine, I'll go get the kid.
Sprint. Sprint. He runs off to go get the kid. Do you think that is best? Well, this is a nice turn of events. Oh, I will help him, though it does not sound like a child anymore to me. No, no, no. Are you still in their sight, or did you sprint away? Well, I don't know how large the clearing is, but I am running towards it. I'm trying to get this thing done, so if I'm going to have to go and get the kid, I'm going to go get the kid. Stop. Turn around. Okay. Maren, do you think there is some magical force at play here? No, I think it sounded like a child. Who told you to speak?
No one. This is my clearing, though, Butter. What? I can't hear you guys. You heard Butter, though. Okay, I walk back. That's a good role-playing right there. As he is walking back, roll a perception check. Oh, she's opening a book. 14. You feel a breeze rush past you, but you don't see anything.
Alright, I whip around and pull out my greatsword. I'm just like looking around like, did you guys feel that? Was that wind or? We were all supposed to roll. No, just him. What are you talking about? What breeze? We are out in the outside. There's wind everywhere. Would you believe that I agree with that? Oh, thank you, Marlena. We're such good friends. Give me another perception check, Dustin, and I'll give you advantage since you're on alert. Well, I'm going to go with the 18. Okay, and you see a long white hair.
kind of blow in the wind right in front of your face. I'm calling Butternut. Calling Butternut. Calling Audible. I swing my sword in a wide arc and I just go, there's something out here, guys. There's something out here. It would seem that Fjord has lost her mind. As Butternut has been called, I'm going to have you all roll initiatives. You don't know what you're fighting, but you're fighting something. Let's go. What did you get read? Natural 20 plus 2 is 22. Caitlin?
That's a solid five. You've had good rolls this entire time. It was the best time to get a bad roll. Josh, that's the least important net one you've ever done. I know. It feels good. Yeah, I know. I got 18. And Justin? I got an eight. Since you did throw your sword out in front of you, I am going to have you roll an attack for that, even though it's out of initiative order. Let me roll for my ring really quick. Apparently, the boss of this battle is a white hare.
But it's like it's a big like and wind right. Yeah. Yeah, it's actually hairy from the village Oh, I'm the boss It's a suspect number one. I'm pretty good. Yeah, your intuition is dead on this whole time. No one can be that happy Okay, go ahead and roll me that That's 11. I didn't hit anything, so that's but you you sure made that wide arc Okay, um Marlina
I don't see anything, do I? No, but you are in proximity of the druid. You don't know if the druid's an enemy, but you could do something with that. No, I'm not talking about Josh. What? What? Okay. I would like to cast Hold Person on the druid. Oh, okay. Tell me more. So I'm pretty sure it's a saving throw of some kind. I think I have it up here, actually. Cool. I don't know that specifically. Oh, yeah, I do. Wisdom saving throw. Paralyzed for the duration of up to a minute. Okay. That would be a 12.
Okay, that does not mean. My spell safety is 14. And I say, would you please stand still? I'll cast it. He stands still. Great. Okay. And then, Justin. Oh. You want to do a bonus action read? That's not annoying at all. That's how the game works. Yeah. As a bonus action, I would like to, oh, I can't. I'm sorry. I can't. It's a first level bonus action, which means I can't do it with the spell. Oh, okay. I don't play cast yourself. Don't want to double cast the bonus move. No. Bonus stamp. Bonus stamp. Justin, before you, appears a green hag.
Oh, shoot. And she is going to claw at you. Can you explain what a green hag looks like? She looks like what the Wicked Witch of the West looks like, only with long white hair. She's very warty. Long, sharp fingernails that semi-resemble talons. And they smell really bad. For my own curiosity, and you don't have to answer this, does it smell the same way that the druid smelled? So the claw action, I'm going to roll. If we went right past it.
I might be skipping a few chapters. Does a 19 hit? Just barely. No, yeah, definitely. We are level three, I don't know. We are level three. That is 11 slashing damage. 11? Yeesh. Whatever. Can we all see the hag now? Yes, you now see the hag up here in front of Fiora. Honey, honey. Yes. Your turn. Oh, what a terrible ugly thing that is. Okay, I would like to, I'm next to Marlena. Yes? Yes. Begrudgingly.
Okay, I would like to give Marlene a guidance. It's you touch one willing creature. Once before the spell ends, the target can roll a d4 and add the number rolled to one ability check of its choice. It can roll the die before or after making the ability check. Spell ends then. Thanks, honey.
It's no problem. We are such good friends. I didn't say that in character. It wasn't a question. I put my hand on her and say, you are guided now. Now it is the druid's turn, but the druid cannot move, and so Fiora. I am going to straight up attack. Just something I can hit now. Swing my greatsword.
Poorly. Poorly. Very poorly. That was a nine. No, unfortunately that does not hit. I'm going to use a... No, it's not a bonus action anymore. Never mind. Sorry. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. How unsatisfying. Maren. So we still see the hag in front of us. Okay. I am going to... I want to throw my trident at the hag so that the spokes of the trident pin her at the nearest tree between the two. Wow. Yeah. All right. So it's 14.
So, probably not... No, but luckily, your trident does land close to Fiora. Okay. So you missed, but... You didn't hit your friend. Yeah, you didn't hit your friend, and it's closer to Fiora than it is to hag. Unfortunately, another hag appears behind you three and the druid, and is going to... It's not the druid? It's appearing next to the druid? Yes. Because, in case you didn't know, hag covens are more than just two. Oh.
And is going to try and grab the druid. Which would give the druid. Which would give Marlena an opportunity attack. Does it? Okay. Because I'm assuming you're standing closest to. Sure. Yeah, I cast it. Okay. I'm a warlock. I'm going to use Eldritch Blast, obviously. Is that an advantage? I said opportunity attack? I don't indeed. What'd you roll?
All you need to worry about is that's a miss. Was it a one? May have been a one. You trip. Okay. Let's hope that there are no good friends around. And the hag has Craig now in her clutches. Okay. Sorry, Craig. But now it's your turn. So you can redeem yourself, however you are on the ground. Okay. All right. I'll stand up. Tots myself off. Pretend no one saw that. Did anyone see it? What's happening back there? I'm fighting a hag over here by myself, guys. Malina is throwing bolts of magic in weird places. Clearly not towards our enemies.
I say, we'll see about that. Is that a question? Nope. I'm gonna fire at your hag because I'm like, I'm gonna take as many steps back from the other hag as I can and fire in the direction of the first one. Should we name the hags? We can. You can name them. Guys. Hag number one. Esmeralda. Esmeralda. That's the one that you are fighting. And then hag number two. Tree bog.
I like that. Tree Bog. Esmeralda and Tree Bog. Those names work together really well. She got the short end of the stick with that one. Like Fiora and Butternut. It's perfect. Well, I rolled a 25. Oh, okay. To hit Esmeralda. Five damage. Okay. Where did you hit her? Just like center mass. Oh, yeah. I was really concerned about my aim being off after falling down, so I'm just like real focused. Just connect the shot. That's all I'm worried about. Yeah, you hit her right in the abdomen. She stumbles back a little bit. Excellent. Okay. It is her turn. How do you like that?
It is her turn. You're talking to me or her? What do you think? And she did not like that. And so she is going to cast Lightning Bolt on you. On me? Yeah, because she really didn't like it. You need to make a dexterity saving throw. Okay. You have advantages. You have a thing to help you with ability checks, too. I do. I'm going to guess an 11. It doesn't work, so I'm going to use my Guidance. Woo! Shout out to Guidance. Nope, okay, sorry. 12. And I helped. Okay. Did she cast a spell near me?
Yes. Do I get an attack of opportunity for that? Yeah. I'll let you do that. That's 15. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, then that does not work, but good try. You are going to take 12 damage. Me? Yes. Okay. What kind of damage? Lightning. Oh, lightning damage. Yeah, lightning damage. Okay. She was a little ticked. Little ticked. Little ticked. Okay. That was not an equal response to what I did to her. Honey? Oh, it's my turn. Okay.
I will, seeing my friends get hurt is upsetting. I'm going to yell, shillelagh over here, and pull out my shield, and my staff gets all magical and glowy, and then I'm going to try and hit the one that is next to us. Okay. Tree bog? Tree bog, yeah. Tree bog. All right, ten. Does not hit. Oh, go away, you disgusting thing.
What are you doing here? I just realized this. What are you doing here? Get out of here now. Get to the chopper. This is not what you're supposed to be. It's not a tumor. How long does a person last again? One minute, unless my concentration is broken. I took damage, so I should probably figure that out. Oh. Ooh. Yeah, rules. Remember those? Yeah. Yeah, I'm harder when you're on this side of the... It's the... How much was the damage? You don't use concentration in space, so it's, you know, like, I just... I cleverly cut out the stuff I don't want to have to keep track of. How much was the attack? Twelve. Twelve? I think that's the DC. I think you have to hit something. It's Constitution, right? Yeah. Audience, thank you. Constitution saving throw.
Nope. The concentration breaks. Whole person is filled. Okay. So for this turn, this hag is going to transform. Well, I just gave away the twist on that one. The druid turns into a hag. Surprise! It's a hag. You were not a druid the whole time. Yeah, not a druid. Sorry. What a clever deception. And now she needs a name. Butternut! Her name is Butternut. Oh, Butternut! Butternut now! Yes? I'm butternutting! As soon as it left my mouth.
Speaking of Fiora, it's your turn. We're just on a stage. Tons of people. Fiora is very angry. Butternut has been shouted many times. So Fiora, through gritted teeth, is like, I am going to get you. And so she casts Val of Enmity, which gives her advantage on the hag in front of her. And so hopefully she can hit this time. Does a 20 hit? Yes, it does. Woo! Thank you. Yes! Get some cheers for the 20, guys.
I'm also going to use this as a smite. There we go. Yeah. I rolled a one and two, but I have great weapon fighting, which means I get to reroll both of those, do a six and a five, and then the smite damage. Is she evil? Yeah, she's a hag. Okay. Well, I mean, you know. They are neutral evil. They're neutral evil, so yes. Don't I get extra damage? Crowd, as a paladin, do I get extra damage on evil? Yes. Oh, they said yes. Yeah, sure. Why not? Gosh, this is some great engagement. Yeah. All right. So that's... Let me do math.
26 damage. Let's go. Holy moly. That's why we're here. Wow. You hurt Esmerelda big time. That's good. Bye Esmerelda. Well, she's not dead yet, but it'll hurt. Okay. Is it bad that I feel worse because her name's Esmerelda? That's why you named the villains. Maren. So, how close am I to either of the hags? You are about 10 feet away from Tree Bog and Butternut because they're together right now. Standing right next to each other. Okay.
All right, so what I'm going to do then, I'm going to, I guess I'm going to throw my dagger at one of them and just try to flick to damage. Okay. I will give you advantage because they're standing right next to each other, so it's a bigger target. That seems like favoritism. They're standing right next to each other. Reed's never used favoritism as a DM. No. Mike doesn't get away with everything he does in every one of our games. No. So. I'm so glad we're on the same page.
So that's a 25. Oh, well, that hit. And two. Where were you aiming? So I want to aim at, what is it? Tree bog or butternut? Butternut. Okay. Right at the throat. Oh, okay, okay. Right here. I'm going to have you end up hitting, like, on the clavicle to the side a little bit, since it was an advantage. Because I'm just going to say you're hitting kind of, you're throwing center to hit either one of them. That's where you hit. So go ahead and roll the damage for that.
It's going to hurt the bone, really. Slice it. Bone bruises hurt. That's long-term damage. Yeah. She's not going to be the same after this one. So that's eight. Oh, okay. All right. All right. Now it's Tree Bog's turn, and she is going to separate herself from Butternut because she realizes that they just made themselves a big old target. And she's going to run at you, Marin, and try and claw attack you. Ooh.
She's doing what made the tree monster. That would be a natural 20. Oh. You can blame Josh. He bought me these dice. Yes. I mean, darn it. Sorry, guys. Josh, come on, man. Rolling that lapis lazuli. 14 slashing damage. Wonderful. So Marin at this point has just taken a very large hit. I only have two HP left. Oh. Hey. No, no, no. No, no, no. Sorry. Sorry. Math. 12.
It's a lot more than... How much? 14. Oh, no. No. Not too damaged. Okay. Good. Good. We're good. We're good. We're alive. We're fine. I told you it was called Kelsey attacks, so I didn't lie. Oh, wow. Yeah. So that was Tree Bog's turn. Marlena, it was your turn. Yeah. Okay, cool. I am going to... Who's the one who hit me? Esmeralda. Yeah, that sounds right. With lightning. Right. It's the one in front of me. I'm going to cast Hex.
Tell me more. On Esmeralda. Hex makes it, so I choose an ability skill that she has a role with disadvantage any time she needs to do it for up to some duration, which I can check later. And anyone have any suggestions on what skill I should give her disadvantage in? Wisdom. Wisdom it is. Yeah.
I don't know that I personally have any things that make them roll dex saving throws. So wisdom seems like a good blanket for that. All right, so they're hexed. Ooh, that's a bonus action. And then I can use a cantrip as my attack action. Right? Great. All right. So now I'm gonna cast Elders Blast again. Feeling pretty good about this one. Here we go. That is a 18. That hits. Okay. Oh, okay, that's not bad. That is 10. Elders Blast. Dude. Awesome. That's what I call hitting like a girl. Yeah.
I expected more cheers. Yeah, I did too. Marin hears that and takes offense to it, even though we're on the same team. I do remember when I just did a lot of damage not too long ago, though, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay. That's a force damage if that matters. Is it what? It's force damage if that matters.
No, I don't think it matters. Okay, I didn't think so. It's nice to know. You just really wanted to make sure we know. Okay, so we are going to go to Esmeralda's turn, and she is mad. She can't decide who she dislikes more. Let's be honest here, in terms of immediate threats, she has made herself quite known to Esmeralda. Yes, definitely. I'm also just in my own self-preservation right now because I took like half my life earlier. Yes, but Esmeralda is going to attempt to claw you again. Does a...
17 hit. Yeah, it hits. With ejection. That would be three damage. Wait, no. Five. Sorry. Five. Ten. Twenty-two. What amount of points do you have left? One knocks you down. Honey. Yes. Oh, here we go.
All right, Melina. Here, take Josh. I'm just turning into Arnold Schwarzenegger. There's a lot of things happening over there. I take Josh, and I stuff him in a little pocket. Do you have pockets? Sure. I stuff him in one of Marlene's pockets. What am I supposed to do? Doing that, I cast Enhance Ability, and you feel yourself get the Durance of a Bear. You have advantage on constitution checks, and you also gain 2d6 temporary hit points, which are lost when the spell ends. Let's go.
Cool, I get five. And then, bonus action. Druiding a little bit right here. Not surprised at all. I will transform once again into a giant goat. And I say, it's goat time. Is there a giant goat in the book? Yes, it is. It's in the book. It's a large creature. I feel like this is in reference to something. Thank you. I feel like you're just playing the DM, but that's fine. So it is now Butternut's turn. And Butternut is going to turn invisible. Oh, shoot.
That's no bueno. No. If you are, it's your turn. All right. Well, I'm just going to go with a good old standard bit of smashing this person in front of me. Hopefully I can get rid of them and then help my compatriots. Does a 23 hit. Yeah, it does. All right. Just a little bit. See, when I can roll two dice, it's a lot better. I'm also going to divine smite. Dude. Again. So we roll that. Nope. So that's.
Use it if it's good. Reroll it if it's bad. It was a six. Does a six count? Sure. Okay. So not as much damage on that one, but that's four, five, eleven. Fifteen damage. How much? Fifteen. Cool. Esmeralda is VV weak. Okay. I also just blow a... She blows over. She was the win for a bit. Yes. Okay. It is now Maren's turn. Okay. How far am I away from the very weak Esmeralda?
20 feet. Okay. So I am going to run. I'm going to roll for acrobatics. Oh, okay. I want to run and do a really cool spin move. Yep. Kick her right in the face. Yep. Nice. And pick up your trident too.
Yes, my trident is also over there. Try to get your trident. I was just picturing a really cool move with that, so I want it to happen. Yeah, okay, so that is a 20. Oh, modded 20? Yes. Okay, you're gonna do a really cool, like, spin-flip thing in the air, and as you're flipping, you're grabbing your trident. Okay. Yes, flipping in the air as I go down, grabbing my trident, and I want the heel of my foot just to land right here. Okay. Right in the face. Perfect. General face. Yes. Awesome. Well, a 20 hits, so you kick her in the face. Roll the damage for that kick. One?
Okay, well, she's on the ground. She's very weak. But she's very weak. Very weak. And now she feels like she's lost all dignity because she's been kicked in the face. So, like, let me know. That's the war of attrition. That's a mental game. Just beat down the morale until it's in the ground. I thought this was supposed to be a positive podcast. Is that why you haven't killed anyone yet? That's what I was told. Wow. Okay, it is Treebog's turn. And Treebog is going to claw at you, Marlena. That's fine, Treebog.
That is an 11. That is a miss, Treebog. Okay, so Treebog does not hit, and it is your turn. I feel pretty good about Esmerelda being taken care of. Yeah, she's very weak on the ground. Okay. So we have, the two of them are next to Esmerelda, and we're next to the other two. You're next to Treebog, and you would assume Butternut. Butternut has gone invisible, so you don't know for sure. Oh, gosh. I cast Hold Person on Treebog. Okay, tell me more. I don't want Treebog to get away like the other one did. Yes, yes, yes. Does Treebog need to roll? Remind me. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's wisdom. Okay. Roll something, and...
Or is it your DC? Yep. Well, she has a roll, but it's against my DC. There's an 11. 11 does not. Okay. Okay. So tree bog is held. Yeah, boy. By gravity. What? By gravity. Yeah. Holding. Magic gravity. Magic gravity. Holding tree bog. Magical gravity. Okay. It is Esmeralda's turn, and she is on the ground, and she is going to try and claw up at... I can take it. It's fine. Bring it on. Okay. She's going to try and claw at Fiora. What are you going to do? Stab me? Last bullet from victim of stabbing. 24.
Oh my gosh. I wish my dice would roll this nice at home. It's a table. It's a good table. Eight. Eight damage? Your dice will never roll as well except when you're a DM. How you doing there, Fiora? I am hoping that I can kill Desmerelda really soon. She's lying on the ground, though, so maybe we should focus on the two still standing. She did just stab me. This is like a also immediate threat. So then it is Butternut's turn, but you don't know where she is.
Oh, wait, no, it's your turn, Honey. Sorry. Honey's turn? Yeah. Oh, Vundivar, I'm a goat now. Vundivar, I am a goat now. All right, so I'm going to, how close am I to Treebog? You're about five feet away from Treebog. Five feet away from Treebog? Because you're a very large goat. Okay, so I'm going to take just a few steps away. Okay. And then charge at Treebog. Okay. And I'm going to do a ram, charging ram. Let's hope it hits. Oh, come on. Eleven. That does not hit. That's all I can do.
I'm not really sure how you missed that one. Is this the one that's held? Yeah, I'm going to give you advantage on that. Oh, this is just held? Yeah, I'm going to give you advantage, yeah. Oh, that's great, great. Good idea, good idea. I'm looking out for you. This ain't it, chief. No. It hit 17 on the page and then went three on the table. You just, you got a little. Run right, Pam? No, you got a little too excited and you rammed into the ground before you even hit her. Oh, darn it. Yeah, darn it is right. Good grief, I'm a bad goat.
Now it's Butternut's turn but you don't know where she is and she's not gonna do anything that you know of and so it is now Fiora's turn. All right Fiora is going to attack hopefully for the last time the helpless hag on the ground 22 22 hits. All right. This is not going to be I'm not doing a smite. I'm just doing regular damage. Probably wise. Probably don't need it. All right. That's 15 damage. All right. Esmeralda is dead. Yeah
Oh, that was so scary for a second. Okay. But you still got Tree Bog and no one has hit her. So it is now Maren's turn. Okay, so I'm going to throw my trident with two hands this time. Okay. And I want to again try to pin Tree Bog to the nearest tree. Okay. I don't think she can move. Oh, yeah. She's magically held. She's already held. Yes. You get advantage on the attack, but she's paralyzed.
All right, so I'm going to amend that. I'm just going to throw the trident at her and hope it does as much damage as possible. It's a good old good-natured throw. Just a little throw. It's fine. You seem to keep disarming yourself over and over. Remember, you get advantage, too. Okay, so 12. You can roll again for advantage. 18. That hits. Yeah. Okay, and 10. Ooh. Nice. Nice. Again, humiliated. You just are humiliating them left and right. They are just feeling it. Making a spectacle of them. Aaron feeds off of this.
It is now Treebok's turn, and so she needs to make a wisdom-saving throw. That would be a size. Five is not enough. Good, good. Well, I'm glad it worked in your favor. Me too. It's your turn now, Marlena. Okay. I'm going to ask Maren, do you think we should kill her, or should we try and gain information about where the other ones went? Does anyone speak goat? No, and it doesn't matter. Hold on. Marlena has an excellent point.
I think you're right. I think we should question her. Can she respond if she's paralyzed? I don't know. Can she? It's like in the thing there, the conditions are. I just don't remember if she can talk or not. I don't think so. Sorry, my computer was covering it. Can't move or speak. Okay. I don't really want to like release the hold. Yeah, wrap her up. We could do enough non-lethal damage to her by me just punching her. That's true. At any point you can say you don't want to kill her and just like continue to hack away. Yeah. Because games. Just beat her with an inch of her life. Okay, here's what I'm going to do. Here's what I'm going to do. I know I'm not going to kill her. I want...
I want you to tie her up though. I'm just gonna attack. I'm just gonna attack. First of all, with my last spell slot, I'm gonna cast Hex on her. Wisdom is the disadvantage saving throw. And then I'm gonna Eldritch Blast. Okay, so she has disadvantage on Wisdom now. That was smart. I see what you're doing. Hopefully not break the hold. Big brain play. What are those? Two nines. That makes it a 15. That does not hit. Okay, that's fine.
But you did hex, so we're fine. Yeah, that's really the most important thing. Honey? It's like I'm calling you honey. I'm going to turn out of goat form, because it just hasn't gone well. Yeah, I'm the only goat here, so. So I spit out the dirt in my mouth. Oh, that was not good. Well, you holding her? Do you not see that she is held? All right. I guess, do you want me to help with your holding? Help in what way? I could entangle her with vines. Do you not think my hold is sufficient?
Well, no, I think your hold is just good. It's a good hold. But I just thought vines would help, because they are vines, perhaps. I'll heal. That would be it. Excuse me, who needs some healing? Yep. Yes. All right. Who is hurting worst? I guess it's the aura. I'm down to eight. Oh, you look so terribly hurt. I will just walk over. You look horrible. You look just awful. And cure wounds. That would be plus my spell casting. Six. Yeah, now, do you feel better?
Is it good? I slap honey on the back and go, ha, thank you. I'm going to go kill this other one now. Get bird poop on your hand. Maren, you hear a voice in your head that sounds like Patrice. And she says, are we okay? We're hearing more child's voices during daytime. That's not normal in the woods. Sorry, I'm just trying to think about what is wrong. And you don't have to use the walk talk because she's using message. Right, right. Oh, that's right. There's a big witch back at the village.
So I just heard Patrice. What did she say? She's saying that they're hearing more children's voices from outside of the woods. Wasn't there a third one? Oh, no. Oh, the druid liar. Yes. Do you think the druid's inside the hut? What do you think, Alina? Do we have to go to the hut now? Do you think that is best? What if we take Dreevog with us? All right. Do you think that could work?
I think so. You need to feel more certain of yourself, Malina. We can do so many things together. We are all friends. I heft Tree Bog under my arm, and I'm like, all right, let's go. Just like a piece of luggage. Let's go to the thing. Did you respond to the witch? No, I didn't respond.
Fighting hags, can't talk now. You can, because it's sending her message. All right, so I'm going to tell, I'm going to just relay to Patrice everything that just happened, fighting in the woods, the three hags, and we are now going with one of them to Craig's hut. Okay. She responds and says, I will be there shortly. Oh, perfect. Awesome. We got backup. She's entering the woods. That would be breaking the druid's deal. Is that safe? The druid named Greg attacked us. I think the deal is broken. Do you not find it odd?
Yeah? All of this is odd. There's a lot of oddities. Do you not find it odd that she is this all-powerful witch? Oh, no. Excuse me. And the moment one of them disappears, you get a message from this witch. That's just because we're short on time. I'll just tell you that right now. Stop role-playing so hard. Suddenly I'm cured and I can speak like normal now.
All right, let's go! Okay, so you're going to the hut? Yeah, I open the door with the hag's head just to make sure there's no, like, trap or anything. I will say that it is a yew tree that has grown out of the top of a domed hut of rocks. So as you enter it, it was really just a large piece of driftwood propped up to close it off, so not difficult to, yeah, pretty much, with tree bog's head. Okay, she'll take some damage for that. It's a small dark hut filled with natural light through the cracks in the rocks, as well as furniture made from wood and stone. A dirt floor shows the common foot patterns within the hut to the fire pit.
and from different furniture. However, you cannot tell how much time has been spent, or you can tell not much time has been spent in creating or decorating the place. It looks really gross. There's a few bowls with herbs lying on the table, but the hut has an overwhelming smell of rotting flesh. Also, healing word, or cure wounds to you as well.
You were damaged. Yes. On our way, I'll do it really quickly. Nine. Thank you. That's a good one. Thank you so much. So there you go, Lita. Take that. Oh, I'm just wanting all the best for us. You've been very helpful. Oh, that's wonderful. No, no, no. I didn't ask you to speak. I was just telling you, you've been very helpful. Can you all roll investigation, please? She just nods her head. Investigation? Yeah. Five. Fourteen. I am holding the witch. Nine. Nine.
Four. Marlena, you notice that there is a dark cubby back by the fireplace in the corner. Well, no, there's not a corner because it's a dome, but back in the dark spot. Does this look odd to you? All right, hold on. Let me open that real quick. I use the witch to open the cubby. Sorry, the hag. It smells really bad. What is that smell? Let me see if it's alive. I use the witch to poke to make sure. Nothing's moving.
What's in there? I open it. What'd you say? I open it. Open the cubby? Yeah. Okay. You see a body of a man that looks like Craig. Oh, no. Craig has died. Is this where he disappeared to? I poke. So at this point, I'm going to pull out the driftwood. I'm sorry. I'm forgetting. Walk talk? The walk talk. I'm going to pull out the walk talk. Yes. And call Patrice. Okay. Hang on. Let me shake it violently. Yeah. Okay. That works.
So, Patrice, we have a situation. We need you to get down here super fast. Boom, she's there. She's a witch. She can messy step and teleport and all that jazz. Perfect. Perfect. Oh, dear. There's one dead hag over there. This is another hag. And Craig's dead. Does that sum it up for you? But good news, it's okay if you broke the deal. You are concerned about the deal.
Bad news, though. Let's lead with the bad news is that there's another hag that is out there somewhere. She disappeared during the fight. Well, maybe there are clues here in the hut. I'm assuming because that's pretty decomposed. They've been here for a while. Where would you suggest we look? Around. Are we all looking? Yeah, you can all roll. Investigation? No, not me. Somebody else. Nine. Eleven. This is a floor. We've had him.
We are in a hut and we're in the woods. Thankfully she rolled a 17. She's going to carry it on home. She finds some parchment and pulls it out and she goes, oh dear. What did you find? I found some drawings that I did as a child. Are they not very good? She'll get better.
No, they weren't, but thanks for pointing it out. Wow. Why would your drawings be in this house? I am concerned that maybe the hag is not who she seemed to be. Have you met this hag before? Yes, I am afraid that I've found my missing friend. From when you were a child? Yes. Is it the one we killed?
I don't know, was it? Is now the best time for that? Why are we all asking so many questions? No, I don't know. You see, when hags are 13, they become hags. They're born looking like normal humans, so I don't know what she looks like. She was a hag all this time. I guess so, and I didn't know because I thought she went missing. But it seems she ran away. And now we must kill her. Was her name a panerelda?
No, okay, okay good. So it's either this one Or the one that you say disappeared. Oh, yes. Hello. How could we've had help? Oh, that's right. Are you the friend? Do you recognize the switch? I can release the hold probably we're not there it already anyways, but I'll just like declare it. It's released Let me go. Is that what I have? Sounds like I'm okay. Let me go What is your name hag my name is tree bug
Do you recognize this woman? No, she's ugly. I'm beautiful because I have a distorted perception of beauty because I'm a hag. Oh, you clearly have read very much about hags and understand. I did so much research and it's paying off finally. It's a good thing all of that came up so naturally. It is. It's adventure. Release me. I must find my sister. Um, no. Was your sister friends with somebody? Do you know where your sister is? Yes. You're going to take us to her. No.
Patrice, what was your friend's name? Funny, you should ask. It's Marlena. Just kidding. What's her name? What was her friend's name? Francesca. For one second, I thought Reed was like a seed this entire time. I don't have to ask questions, you fools. Francesca. Okay. I'm going to roll intimidation. Okay. It's a nine, so probably nothing. But Maren is going to...
to look at her, and I'm going to take out my trident, and I'm going to put the trident around her throat. Power move. Yes. I'm going to say... Weird flex, but okay. Yeah, right. Look, it's Maren's flex. And I'm going to say, one sister is already dead. You want to keep the other one from dying? You're going to tell us where she is. Fine. I'll find a new coven. Do you have the cooperation? Remember, we're here for missing people. Guys. They're dead. Oh, well, now we know that as well. Mystery solved.
Okay, so you have the cooperation of Trevonk now. But unfortunately, we will have to reconvene someday, another day, to find Francesca before we are out of time. Thank you all for your name help and for your support through this. And this is my wishful thinking that the four of us will be together again and we can do part two to find Francesca. Girl Scouts America part two. Very clever way. Thank you. Thank you.