How Solo Travel and Silence Rebuilt Her Identity

Most people wait for the perfect moment to make a big change. Alexandra Schoenborn didn't. At 21, she packed up and moved to Italy alone — no plan, barely any Italian, and no guarantee it would work out. What followed was three and a half years of immersion, self-discovery, and eventually, a path into Zen Buddhism that would reshape the way she understands her own mind.In this episode of The Stupid Gap, Alexandra walks us through the moments that changed her — from sobbing over pizza in a Roman hostel on night one, to sitting in silence for a week at a Buddhist monastery, to a simple but powerful shift in language that transformed how she relates to her emotions.We get into solo travel and how it forces presence, the difference between expectations and intentions, why meditation isn't a quick fix, the role of ritual in building a mindfulness practice, and how to reframe your experience so that it creates space between you and your emotions.If you've ever felt stuck, anxious, or like you're waiting for permission to go do the thing — this one's for you.📖 Book recommendation from Alexandra: The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat HanhChapters00:00 Intro: Alexandra's Journey & What Brought Her Here01:43 Moving to Italy at 21: Renaissance Studies & Finding a Purpose04:40 Solo Traveling for the First Time: Taking the Leap07:28 The Rush of a New Idea: Excitement, Anxiety & Wanting Change11:56 Mentors, Planning & Overcoming Pre-Trip Doubt15:38 Crying in Rome: The Reality of Solo Travel vs. The Dream18:14 How to Survive the Overwhelm of Solo Travel20:44 Failing Forward: Why the First Rep Is Always the Hardest24:02 How to Stop Yourself From Backing Out of Hard Things28:37 Finding Community & Why Accountability Doesn't Have to Be Loud30:31 What Is Zen Buddhism? A Beginner's Overview35:10 How Alexandra Found Buddhism: Breakups, Books & a Silent Retreat39:28 Life Before & After Meditation: Anxiety, Therapy & Real Change44:07 Why Meditation Isn't a Quick Fix (And What It Actually Is)46:00 Expectations vs. Reality: How to Hold Them Loosely48:37 Intentions Over Expectations: Controlling the Controllables54:16 The Power of Ritual: Using Your Senses to Get Present57:56 Training for Hard Moments in Easy Ones01:01:12 Recognizing Emotions Before They Become Reactions01:05:03 "I Am" vs. "I Feel": The Language Shift That Changes Everything01:07:10 Witnessing Your Emotions Without Becoming Them01:10:54 Closing: Life as an Experiment & Book RecommendationKeywordsmeditation, mindfulness, mental health, intentional living, zen, zen buddhism, buddhism, solo travel, female solo travel