The Stupid Gap

Delayed gratification might be quietly wasting your life — CJ Finley explains why discipline only pays off when it's aimed at the right goal. A world-class delayed gratifier who spent five years pointed the wrong way, CJ breaks down how to know when you're on the wrong path, why your work should feel like play, the "4 out of 7 days" framework, and his AAA framework for accomplishing almost anything. A conversation about identity change and building a life you don't want to escape.Connect with CJ: Instagram @cj.finleyI Offer Personal Skills & Mindset Coaching: https://thatryangray.com/Connect with me on Socials: https://www.instagram.com/thatryangray/

Finding your own path means walking away from the one someone else laid out for you — even when that path looks perfect on paper.This is a solo reflection on my conversation with Jack Lesser, and the line of his that's lived in my head ever since: the opportunity is coming, and when it gets here, I'll kick the door down.I get into three things that conversation pulled loose. First, what it takes to get off someone else's path and onto your own — and why the moment you're finally on the right path is the moment the tracks disappear and it's just you. Second, the borrowed voice running the narration in your head, and how I've learned to quiet it long enough to hear the one underneath that's actually mine. Third, why presence, agency, and accountability are muscles — they build, but they atrophy the second you stop using them — and the creative pilgrimage I took to rebuild mine.This isn't a story about having it figured out. It's about sitting in the tension of not knowing, doing the work anyway, and finding some balance between who you are and who you're trying to become.The Stupid Gap is the space between who you are and who you need to become in order to build a life that you don't want to escape.Watch the full conversation with Jack Lesser on YouTube. I offer personal skills and mindset coaching to help you connect to your purpose, build agency, and navigate your own stupid gap — book a vibe check at https://thatryangray.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatryangray/

Breathwork pulled Jack Lesser out of burnout and into a life he barely recognized — and this conversation is the whole arc of how it happened. Jack walked away from a "golden handcuffs" corporate job, got dragged to the floor by his first breathwork session, and went to a 5-day retreat in Costa Rica that took the person he used to be apart and rebuilt him. We get into identity change and the fear-based decisions that kept him stuck, what a real breathwork experience actually feels like, why focus is the superpower of 2026, proof of work as a way to live, and the strange moment he realized the intention he'd written for himself was almost word-for-word this show's tagline.The Stupid Gap is a podcast about identity change — the space between who you are and who you need to become to build a life you don't want to escape.Did you know I'm a personal skills & mindset coach?If you want to know more check out my personal website below.🌐 thatryangray.com🔗 Get in touch with Jack: https://jacklesser.me/

How do you build real agency in your life? This is what Marcus Fein's story taught me about courage, fear, and starting over.This is a solo reflection on what stuck with me after sitting down with Marcus Fein — a man who spent 22 years in addiction and found the courage to start over. His story isn't the subject here (that's the full episode, linked below); it's the mirror that made me look hard at where I'm acting with courage and where I'm hiding from it.I get into why agency isn't something you're handed — it's something you build, one act of courage at a time. I unpack how courage is a skill rather than a trait, why awareness (journaling, meditation, self-inquiry) is what lets you catch your own growth and turn it into fuel, and the harder question underneath all of it: where am I living in alignment, and where am I still numbing, avoiding, and running from my own life.If you've ever wanted more agency over your life but didn't know where it actually starts, this one's for you.The Stupid Gap is a show about identity change — who we become, and how we change, in order to build a life we don't want to escape.▶ Watch the full conversation with Marcus Fein: HERE🔗 Work with me — book a vibe check: https://thatryangray.com📲 Follow on socials: @ThatRyanGrayIf you or someone you know is struggling with substance use, the SAMHSA National Helpline is free, confidential, and available 24/7: 1-800-662-4357.

Life after sobriety means relearning everything — what you like, how to connect, who you actually are. Marcus Fein got sober in his late 30s after 22 years of drinking and using, and discovered that quitting was only step one. In this conversation, he shares how childhood trauma he didn't remember until age 30 shaped two decades of addiction, what finally made him ask for help, and what rebuilding your identity after sobriety actually looks like day to day. Now an actor in Austin, Marcus explains how acting, meditation, and daily structure became his tools for starting over — and why, at 40, he feels like a kid seeing the world for the first time.The Stupid Gap is the space between who you are, and who you need to become, in order to build a life that you don't want to escape. New episodes weekly at thatryangray.com.Follow on all socials: @ThatRyanGrayIf you're struggling with substance use, the SAMHSA National Helpline is 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7).

I sat down with HYROX Pro Robin Perségol. This solo episode is me unpacking three things that hit hardest — about relationships, athletic standards, and what happens when you stop running from your pain.Robin is someone who performs at an elite level across multiple arenas — pro sports, business, and a strong committed relationship. The throughline isn't talent. It's the conscious choices he's made about who he surrounds himself with and how he deals with what's broken inside him.In this episode, I share what that conversation stirred up for me — personally, honestly, and without the polish.In This Episode:Why your choice of partner is the single most important decision you'll ever makeMy own path through avoiding commitment, exploring ENM/polyamory, and finding clarityWhat Robin's level of athletic discipline exposed about my own excusesTurning pain into fuel — Robin's story about his father, and mine about abuse and abandonmentThe cost of numbing yourself — and what happens when you stopWhy "one percent better" is the goal, and why grace matters when you fall short🎧 Full Robin Perségol episode: https://youtu.be/wV8qxj-2CLw?si=Y4aOTSQCQwXcU_iB🌐 Personal Skills & Lifestyle Coaching with Ryan: thatryangray.com00:00 Why I'm Making This Episode 01:00 Robin's Relationship: The Real Cheat Code 03:00 The #1 Life Decision Most People Get Wrong 05:00 My History With Relationships (ENM, Polyamory, Fear of Marriage) 08:30 Learning to Move Slower in Love 11:00 What Robin's Athletic Level Did to My Excuses 14:00 Stop Letting Tiredness Win 16:00 Turn Your Pain Into Fuel 19:00 Robin's Vulnerability: Father's Neglect, Insecurity, Growth 22:00 My Own Story: Abuse, Abandonment, Numbing 26:00 Stepping Into the Light 29:00 Why I Started This Show 31:00 Subscribe & Links

Robin Perségol thought he was one of the good ones. A failed marriage forced him to look in the mirror and shook him to his core.This conversation goes well beyond sport. Robin is a HYROX pro athlete with multiple Sub-60 finishes and a top-20 finish at the Pro World Championships. But that's not what this episode is about. We dig into what happens when the sport ends and your identity goes with it, what it looks like to use fitness as a crutch instead of a cure, and what it actually takes to become someone you respect.In This Episode:Losing your identity when rugby ended — and the years of drift that followedUsing CrossFit to numb instead of healThe divorce that forced him to look in the mirrorWhy your romantic relationship is the most important arenaGoing one layer deeper — understanding why you react the way you doWhere "I'm not enough" really comes fromHow to create space in high-emotion moments instead of reactingAdvice for anyone who feels completely lost right nowFind Robin:📸 Instagram: @RobinPersegol🏢 RPG Design — Gym Design & Architectural Consulting👉 https://www.rpgdesign.co/Books Mentioned:📖 Clarity and Connection — Yung Pueblo📖 Before and Laughter — Jimmy Carr

JP Cleveland turned pro in 2023 and has been grinding the mini-tour circuit ever since — building his game one tournament at a time. But the most important work JP has done hasn't happened on the golf course.In this episode, JP opens up about the voice in his head that told him he wasn't enough — a narrative he traces back to age 12 — and the years it took to stop running from it. We go deep on depression, therapy, the burnout of chasing external validation, and what it actually looks like to rebuild yourself from the inside out.JP is also a passionate mental health advocate. His personal battle with depression led him to co-create Move For The Mind — a community movement in Austin that raised over $1,500 for the Sims Foundation. He's the kind of guest who makes you want to go do the work.If this conversation resonated with you, please subscribe and leave a review. It means more than you know.─────────────────────────────────────────IN THIS EPISODE- The narrative JP built at age 12 that told him he had to perform to be loved- Burning out six months into professional golf with no one to celebrate with- Hitting rock bottom and finally deciding to change the voice in his head- How meditation built his muscle of self-awareness- Reframing nerves as excitement under competitive pressure- What manhood actually looks like to him- Creating emotional safety in relationships- His work with the Sims Foundation and the Move For The Mind event─────────────────────────────────────────FIND JPInstagram: @PCLE6522SUPPORT THE SIMS FOUNDATIONInstagram: @simsfoundationBOOKS MENTIONED- Before and Laughter — Jimmy Carr- White Mirror — Tinkered Thinking- The Secret Language of the Body — Jennifer Mann & Inna Segel

Yash Chitneni grew up between two worlds — an Eastern household built on sacrifice and survival, and a Western culture that rewards individualism and risk. The tension between those two worlds shaped nearly every major decision of his life, and for a long time, it kept him stuck.In this episode of The Stupid Gap, Yash walks us through the full journey — from growing up in a top-10 ranked high school in Cupertino where the pressure to perform was relentless, to being forced into a computer science degree he hated, to showing up on day one of his corporate job at Fidelity already planning his exit at 30. He talks about picking up a camera, building a podcasting business from a gym in Austin, getting cheated on and choosing accountability over bitterness, and what it finally took to have an honest conversation with his family about the life he actually wanted to live.This one is packed — risk, identity, emotional intelligence, the sunk cost fallacy, mimetic theory, the FIRE movement, and one of the most honest takes on infidelity and personal responsibility we've had on the show.If you've ever felt the weight of other people's expectations pulling you away from who you actually are — this episode is for you.📚 Book left for Yash: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck — Mark Manson📚 Yash's recommendation: White Mirror — Tinkered Thinking (Twitter collective)

Seth spent six years too scared to touch the thing he actually wanted. Here's what fear was really telling him — and why none of it was true.Full conversation with DJ Father Glass on the channel.I Offer Personal Skills & Mindset Coaching: https://thatryangray.com/Connect with me on Socials: https://www.instagram.com/thatryangray/

A night that ended with him held hostage over money he owed. A fridge full of beer he poured down the drain. This is the moment Seth stopped negotiating with alcohol and chose to live.Full conversation with DJ Father Glass on the channel.I Offer Personal Skills & Mindset Coaching: https://thatryangray.com/Connect with me on Socials: https://www.instagram.com/thatryangray/

Getting sober was supposed to be the hard part. For Seth, the real work started the day after he put the drink down.Seth — known around Austin as DJ Father Glass — spent six years too afraid to chase the one thing he actually wanted. When he finally started DJing, the same fear followed him into the booth, and so did the drinking, the all-or-nothing thinking, and a run of relapses that cost him gigs, relationships, and nearly his life. In this conversation he walks the whole arc: getting in trouble with the law as a kid, going in and out of sobriety for eight years, a night that ended with him held hostage over money he owed, and the small window of willingness that finally made him choose to live.We get into why community beats willpower, why he books more shows sober than he ever did high, how he lost 39 pounds rebuilding his life around structure instead of chaos, the idea of building your "boardroom," and the one skill he credits for all of it — the willingness to actually look at himself.The Stupid Gap is the space between who you are and who you need to become to build a life you don't want to escape. Honest conversations about identity change, fear, and the work of becoming.I Offer Personal Skills & Mindset Coaching: https://thatryangray.com/Connect with me on Socials: https://www.instagram.com/thatryangray/CHAPTERS0:00 Who is DJ Father Glass2:04 From San Francisco to Austin3:23 Six years too scared to start7:25 Fear, the stupid gap, and not getting started too late11:00 Why community beats doing it alone17:28 Checking the ego and stepping back20:11 AA, ego death, and helping the next person24:16 The moment he decided to get sober26:58 Relapse, willingness, and pouring out 100 beers28:38 The sober toolbox: coaches, schedule, accountability34:46 Looking at yourself honestly38:28 Surrender: admitting alcohol won41:00 Being a sober DJ in nightlife46:57 Fitness, depression, and losing 39 pounds51:35 Setting real goals and flexible structure55:41 Building your boardroom58:34 Self-awareness as the master skill1:01:34 Spirituality, prayer, and being "religious curious"

Most people wait for the perfect moment to make a big change. Alexandra Schoenborn didn't. At 21, she packed up and moved to Italy alone — no plan, barely any Italian, and no guarantee it would work out. What followed was three and a half years of immersion, self-discovery, and eventually, a path into Zen Buddhism that would reshape the way she understands her own mind.In this episode of The Stupid Gap, Alexandra walks us through the moments that changed her — from sobbing over pizza in a Roman hostel on night one, to sitting in silence for a week at a Buddhist monastery, to a simple but powerful shift in language that transformed how she relates to her emotions.We get into solo travel and how it forces presence, the difference between expectations and intentions, why meditation isn't a quick fix, the role of ritual in building a mindfulness practice, and how to reframe your experience so that it creates space between you and your emotions.If you've ever felt stuck, anxious, or like you're waiting for permission to go do the thing — this one's for you.📖 Book recommendation from Alexandra: The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat HanhChapters00:00 Intro: Alexandra's Journey & What Brought Her Here01:43 Moving to Italy at 21: Renaissance Studies & Finding a Purpose04:40 Solo Traveling for the First Time: Taking the Leap07:28 The Rush of a New Idea: Excitement, Anxiety & Wanting Change11:56 Mentors, Planning & Overcoming Pre-Trip Doubt15:38 Crying in Rome: The Reality of Solo Travel vs. The Dream18:14 How to Survive the Overwhelm of Solo Travel20:44 Failing Forward: Why the First Rep Is Always the Hardest24:02 How to Stop Yourself From Backing Out of Hard Things28:37 Finding Community & Why Accountability Doesn't Have to Be Loud30:31 What Is Zen Buddhism? A Beginner's Overview35:10 How Alexandra Found Buddhism: Breakups, Books & a Silent Retreat39:28 Life Before & After Meditation: Anxiety, Therapy & Real Change44:07 Why Meditation Isn't a Quick Fix (And What It Actually Is)46:00 Expectations vs. Reality: How to Hold Them Loosely48:37 Intentions Over Expectations: Controlling the Controllables54:16 The Power of Ritual: Using Your Senses to Get Present57:56 Training for Hard Moments in Easy Ones01:01:12 Recognizing Emotions Before They Become Reactions01:05:03 "I Am" vs. "I Feel": The Language Shift That Changes Everything01:07:10 Witnessing Your Emotions Without Becoming Them01:10:54 Closing: Life as an Experiment & Book RecommendationKeywordsmeditation, mindfulness, mental health, intentional living, zen, zen buddhism, buddhism, solo travel, female solo travel

Protection and dominance aren't the same thing — but they're not unrelated either. In this clip, Ryan Gray breaks down how a man can be a protector without becoming controlling, and why building a space where someone can fully be themselves might be the most mature expression of masculinity there is.

What does healthy masculinity actually look like? It starts with being willing to go first — opening the door so others feel safe enough to walk through it. This clip from The Stupid Gap gets into the real cost of men not talking, and what it means to be a genuine safe space for the people around you.

In this episode of the Stupid Gap Podcast, we explore themes of personal growth, self-awareness, and the importance of connection among men. We discuss the challenges of small talk, overcoming fear of rejection, and the significance of compliments in fostering positive relationships. Our conversation delves into the dynamics of masculinity, vulnerability, and the role of brotherhood in men's lives. We also touch on the journey of self-acceptance, the balance of masculine and feminine energy, and the importance of intentions versus expectations in life. Ultimately, we unpack the need for support, mentorship, and the power of positive reinforcement in personal development.TakeawaysStarting a podcast can be a fulfilling creative outlet.Personal growth often comes from self-awareness and curiosity about others.Small talk can lead to meaningful connections if approached positively.Overcoming fear of rejection is essential for personal growth.Compliments among men can foster a supportive environment.Uninformed optimism can lead to personal and professional growth.Navigating entrepreneurship involves managing self-doubt and expectations.Brotherhood and mentorship are crucial for men's mental health.Positive reinforcement can significantly impact morale and motivation.Balancing masculine and feminine energy is key to healthy relationships.Chapters00:00 Introduction to the Stupid Gap Podcast02:49 Personal Growth and Self-Awareness06:06 The Art of Small Talk and Connection09:08 Overcoming Fear of Rejection12:07 The Importance of Compliments Among Men14:51 Uninformed Optimism and Informed Pessimism17:48 Navigating Entrepreneurship and Self-Doubt20:48 The Role of Brotherhood in Men's Lives24:00 Mentorship and Support in the Fire Service27:12 The Impact of Positive Reinforcement29:49 Navigating Masculinity and Vulnerability33:01 The Balance of Masculine and Feminine Energy35:49 The Importance of Self-Discovery39:08 Expectations vs. Intentions in Life41:58 The Protector vs. Predator Dynamic45:06 Building Healthy Relationships48:06 The Journey of Self-Acceptance51:05 Champion Mindset and Self-Confidence53:49 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsKeywordspodcast, personal growth, self-awareness, small talk, fear of rejection, compliments, brotherhood, masculinity, vulnerability, self-acceptance