100% I'm lowering my compression socks. All right. Welcome to another episode of two bears one cave is Remove his compression socks. I'm an old man now, Tom.
Yeah, I keep saying I'm a snowman in March. What does that mean? I'm dying Hey, you never look better times taking swings at me guys looking good on you man death looks good on me Yeah, I was on stage last night in Ottawa and Ottawa and I was like I was like my life is unrecognizable from three months ago I had two dogs three months ago. My kids were in LA I had no blood clots.
I had a bus I had All this shit going on and then this woman just goes what about your rosacea? Well, we should we should like discuss it because God knows you're gonna talk about it incessantly I haven't talked about yet. I don't really do a podcast this much anymore. This is the best thing It's the best life to live don't do it too much.
It's I gotta be honest with you cutting back was that my stand-ups better Take it sales are better. I think I think people were like I just want to see you on stage enough No, but let's talk about it for real because I wake up like many people did open my phone and I can't even believe the image That you post that your tour bus burned to a crisp. Yeah, so what happened? Like what actually happened?
So we were fucking Fargo. Yeah, that's how most people say it fucking Fargo Fargot as what people say Fargo gets me every time last time we slid off into an embankment on the bus and the bus got stuck And then everyone was making jokes about it. You're back to Fargo. What's gonna happen this time?
and this is what happened we get done the show Fargo we're heading to see the rapids and We had a blowout we blow out it was crazy. I live streamed it's on my Instagram But we had a blowout and the tire ripped off the wheel well as you're driving as we're driving it rips off rolls Next to the bus lands next to the bus like five feet from the actual rim the rim is bare and We're like in the middle where an hour outside Fargo in the middle of a field there's a huge no storm roads are icy trucks are flying down the road and I get out with I sit for two hours have a cigar and how many people are with you on the bus at this point? Well, so both so we've traveled three buses. Yeah, so I have one bus it's crew another bus It's crew and then our bus is me in finance Pepper sure my trainer Alex and and Kyle my sister in the driver and the driver do we and so drew do we blow out?
Do we handles it perfectly pulls it over? We sit for two hours and they're like all right What are we gonna do we can't get a guy out here? They're gonna come out tomorrow morning to switch the tires and I'm like I'm gonna stay with the bus my bed's there everything's there And then like we may not be able to get a tire in time to get you to see the rapids So why don't you get into a bunk and we'll drive you to see the rapids and I'm like no and they're like It's the best bet like that way we know we can be right there for the show We don't know when the bus will get here and and I all my stuff's on the bus I don't want to leave the bus, but I'm like we've been waiting for two hours We don't know when the tires come on like hard when you say just speakers what when you say stuff like what are we talking about? My hats your hats your hats everything I have I just done we were watching a command to and there's a scene in that command to like Ron you're making fun do on our bus and you have all these bowling balls What do you have all this stuff when he goes out?
I got a little cruise control and then they show everything flying around the bus I've done a video that day of all the loose stuff next to my dad. I have a hatchet. I have knives I have a trophy I have two trophies with all the knives I have no idea collect knives on the road I just got knives on the road and so I have so much of cumulative so much stuff I have nine gallons worth of scars three new boxes all my clothes. I have everything.
I live in this bus I live in this bus all my medications everything so I pack a bag I grab my bedding I pack a bag as quick as I can just to do the show and see the rapids we get on our buses we get in bunks we pull into see the rapids that morning They wake me up and they're like I wish I don't think women should ever deliver bad news Yeah, they don't have the heart for it, right, you know I think that all women could take a class in just one of those guys from the fifties that would deliver bad news to families We lost a kid in the war. We're just walking me goes. I got bad news. Yeah your son's dead.
You know Marcy my door manager goes, okay We're all fine. I was like what's going on. Yes, she was like it's do he's okay. I was like, what's the fuck's happening?
And she was like We're gonna get through this. I go what the fuck more I literally there's like what the fuck Marcy and then Kyle goes the bus caught on fire. I don't wait What he goes? Yeah, and then they say to me Marcy says a little smoke damage and a little water damage, but it should be fine Good it looks really good and Kyle pulls up this picture and I go Marcy she goes I haven't seen that picture yet And I'm like so always on the bus what do he was I started that morning He was on the bus waiting for the tire and he heard a pop I mean these are all allegedly only because there's an insurance claim and do I'm just telling you what do we do?
What I've heard through the grapevine he heard a pop and within 15 seconds the entire front cabin was filled with smoke And was in 30 seconds. It was all a flame. It was completely an electrical fire started We're guessing electrical fire started in the ceiling within 30 seconds the entire bus was on flames. Do we got out?
He didn't he got out he didn't have time to grab anything He literally got out and the bus was on fire in 30 seconds And we would have all been asleep in it and no one would have been able to get out without a doubt No one would have gotten out because we all sleep in the back of the bus the front of the bus caught on fire There's no getting out there's an escape I could have got there's no windows in the back the little window in the button in the back back back is too small for me to get out The escape latch which I never knew I had is in above my bed. It's cool. I know that You know, I kept you think I would have learned Tom Yeah, I got on a bus last night and we're driving across a bridge from Toronto to Toronto to Toronto Yeah, and I was and it was like windy and it was and it was snowing and I was like I should look for the escape Just copy of the water on the office bridge because that was crazy thing is like the whole week It was crazy wins so you don't have to do North Dakota and there's crazy wins So it's like God's giving you a DUI so the bus is getting pushed and pushed but then The big thing is everyone just wrote. This is AI.
Yeah, and I was like, yeah, that's what I'd use AI for not to get pictures Hot my wife and turn her into a fucking whore. Yeah. Yeah, I have the best AI pictures of Leanne I'm sure yeah, I think I've seen a few but it's crazy You know, there's no comparison. I was telling you the death thing hits So I've had so many close calls with death.
I have the blood clot in the leg that traveled my lungs that we caught You know in the nick of time. I'm on blood thinners. I have this bus I haven't drank I have no tap out so I know like I haven't been able to drink vodka and have a drink and be like wow Or I have nothing to weed know nothing for like two and a half months So but it's like I have a hard time processing that almost died part of it I think it's easier to process losing your home your hats. Yeah, my hat.
I had so many hats so many hats I had so many great hats. I'd leather pants on there when I processed this photo I kept thinking like man if you had died That would have been my machine story, you know I tell you like I would have been touring for years like when I was 46 my best friend died in a bus fire Wow My best friend died in a bus fire people be like here we go Shit, yeah, I would have I gotta be honest with you burning the desk not the way I want to go No, I want to go out I would have mind going out with that bus. I love that bus. Are you in a weird way though?
Are you kind of excited to get a new bus? No, no, can I tell you what Leanne said? Well, and by the way, she's welcome. She's here to defend herself.
Yeah, I said to her like that that day We did bus is still smoldering. Yeah And I said by the way, if you see the video of the person who drove by the bus Did you see that I think so where they like you can't park here? No, no one of those But they're driving by and they had just seen my show. I don't know where you'll find it You're just driving by my show and they just come from my show They spent the night and they're driving by and it shows you how bad the fire was there was no getting out of this bus I mean, it was Tom.
It was I have it. I'll send it to you the Kyle has I'm sure Kyle has it Kyle sent it to you But so the bus is smoldering. I say to Leanne. What the fuck are we gonna do about this tour?
I still have two months left I have two months left until we go into production for the show and then I have I'm on tour until 2027 to my special so I have like a lot of tour dates left and I said to Leanne I'm I gonna are we gonna buy another boss or build another boss and Leanne says the bus is still smoldering. I don't know How much longer are you gonna be doing this for? What might look at that look at that Tom go do it again? Look at this is the fire Yeah, yeah, I know and by the way, they knew it was me.
They didn't they're like it's dead. It's crazy They've been to my show. They've been to my show. Yeah, and they knew it was me.
Do you get so serious photo? I know you get so much press when you almost die. Yeah, it's crazy Like it's like people magazine reached out like every like TMZ was got it right away They got this is a second time. They thought I was dead Storytime show being like me and friends.
We all thought true. It's really terrible story into a toddler's face. I'll face some time Regretful every STD horrible fuck you up an amazing story. It's just gas guy.
I'm gonna stop the tears It's gonna kill us all I actually do well, you don't fucking talk to me How did I get here? I'll do this happen. That's a good question When you bring child into the world your perspective changes literally overnight All of a sudden you're thinking years ahead about childcare in school and the milestones can't wait to see and for me part of loving My family meant thinking about their future even in uncomfortable ways like what if I wasn't in it life insurance is not a fun topic It's one you need to think about. I'm so glad I found out about ethos No one wants to think about the possibility of them not being here But that possibility is a pretty big probability and the probability that your children are still be around is almost a hundred percent You want it to be a hundred percent.
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This is the four in one performance bill That's setting the gold standard We're talking two ingredients for blood flow to keep that thing pumping mixed with apple morphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain And body blue true gold dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer forget Netflix and chill it's time to Netflix and fill her up And you choose what to do that with I think this is an incredible product And it does make you feel like you're ready to go and you are make life easier by getting harder discover your options of luchu dot com You've got a special deal for our listeners get 10% off your first month of blue true gold with the code bears That's promo code bears visit luchu dot com for more details and important safety information And we think blue chew for sponsoring the podcast First time was a heart attack and I played it. I milked it really Yeah, I didn't let anyone apply to their home. Did you do it as much as you did on club shay-shay because it's still the funniest thing I've ever seen with you when he goes, so he looks at his nose He's like you lost everything and then you got it back and you went. Yeah I was like I fucking was in tears and you're like wait, what's he talking about?
You're like, uh-huh The look on my face the actual look on my face you look scared you look scared gillis texted it to me And he goes the actual look on your face is hysterical I remember I remember it happening and I remember Joe came up to me was like he was kind of a question I go yeah, he goes any problem call me the day I was taking the shit he goes he goes There it is you look so scared Wait, we have to set this up so that people know so so Joe I see Joe This isn't the night before I'm doing Joe's I see Joe and he comes up right up to me You know when Joe has like something he goes hey, I can ask you a question He was any problem call me the other day I'm taking the shit he goes to progress you lose everything and then get it all back And I go absolutely fucking not and he goes well He was on club shay-shay and he said he lost it all and got it back and I go by the way I did the interview I said so much more wild shit than that That's the last thing I think of and I went oh, yeah, and Joe goes that is so you yes It is not one confrontation and to want the guy's story to be good So I just went yeah, but I don't remember it and then I know cuz I know you when I saw the clip I see him just say this and I see you go like like what do I correct him and you just you just go like mm-hmm Because he's like he clearly just got bad information and was just like you lost it all and instead of being like what are you talking about? You're just like yeah He would play this play this play look at birds Hey, he goes the bird crusher lose everything and then get it back I go what he goes he was on Shannon sharpshoe and Shannon says to birth he lost it all And he goes to seem like it wasn't true. I go. It's not to burkel long when he goes.
Yeah Did you believe you could build it back up like now you lost what did I do wrong where did I go wrong? You know if I ever get back to the situation again, I promise you it won't happen again. I wish I was that I Was like what story do I have adjacent to that? Yeah, yeah, you know everyone's got their like hero story They tell I could see I was like what like cuz I was like I really had an eye when we were at Georgia We were broke everyone's been broke.
I didn't lose at all like I spent money But you know and then I was like and then when I when I got fired from traveling still had money But that's a good here. I was like I think I told mixture of both I that is so funny That is it can I think there's like a couple things that have happened in my life where I go I where I realize you're not my you're not supposed to like me like if you that gets you angry and you leave a comment You're like, this is why you were never supposed to like me It's that because that is who I am that is I can't I'll never be able to change that that and when I was reading prompt You're doing the Tom Brady Rose. Yeah, that is exactly where I am that I'm never gonna not be that guy So if those two things there's three though, what's the third because the third would be the official Chrysler Epstein file documents from the Department of Justice Pretty crazy. This is great.
Did you see the fluffy like I had to make a statement? No. Yeah, what did he say? He's in the RC files too.
Well, and it's the same as mine. He's just at the he was at the West Palm Improv or Burt the car Whatever. Yeah, and they were just like who's playing this week. So this let me see this You're at the bottom.
It's pretty detailed Oh my god, it's the same date as today. Is it really? Yeah, March 21st to 23rd. Oh, I'm gonna be I have a comedy central special Burt the Conqueror trip flip.
Yeah That goes into some shit you guys did but the Basically says I'm at the West Palm Improv right which who else lived in? He didn't even he didn't even reply to get tickets. He just wanted to know who was playing and who I'm a spam email of his I'm a spam to Jeffrey Epstein. He just wanted to know Bob Sagitt's in here.
Tracy Morgan's wait There's a lot of this everyone that was at the but are you in here? You were playing the West Palm Improv then no, he didn't want to go bullshit. I didn't make it dude Really Morgan Bob Sagitt. We tried we asked wait Tom's got to be in here.
It's not believe me You can search the Drew Carey Stop throwing other people under the bus. Let's talk about you Bruce Kurz new booking event These are comedy classes. These are all from the improv. What did you and him do for real?
This is your chance to come clean. I've never met Jeffrey Epstein. You see that guy that guy that they're like Epstein's alive Yeah, and then he came out. He was like, I'm fucking just a guy.
I look like I guess how fucking horrible But he did the right thing which is like don't don't get upset about it. He just kind of leaned in was like no I just have a you make a money off. How's he making money off? He's doing like parties and like oh really like yeah, the only the only fans guy died What I just started only fans and I only fit he just died today.
I knew that guy you did Yeah, well, he did a roast of me on only fans. Oh, that's right Yeah, and so I met him and I guess he died. He's 43 years old damn only fans owner. That's young dude I know 43 does it say what he why he died?
I mean at 43. It's gotta be something. You know, it's gotta be Yeah, oh cancer. Yeah.
Oh for real. That's what it said. What do you think it was? Oh, well, I guess the other stuff 43 cancer that doesn't seem fair.
That's what you rather cancer I would've been thinking about this a lot lately because the my two near-death experiences one was with Leanne right where I was and We were in the hospital room and I got bad news We had to find out how bad it was and I was like fuck this is real and the other one would have been instant I just would have died not say goodbye to anyone. Yeah, so which one do you think you'd want? I think you probably would want to say goodbye, right? Well, like push that cancer.
Mm-hmm. How was that like was that fun? Yeah, it was a great time Yeah, no, but we did did you do stuff like go for a walk in the park? Yeah, but the thing is when like This guy said long battle was he probably had a I'm assuming here like a terminal diagnosis.
Yeah, so hers was different in that One procedure revealed it was more had another procedure. Then you kind of confirm that it's no longer there. It's not spreading your system. It's more like a Wake-up sobering moment in life.
Yeah, but it wasn't a terminal diagnosis. Does it change her entirely does she drink white wine anymore? Yes, sometimes, but she definitely had a huge change in perspective really for sure. Yeah, so I mean I haven't I've had two near-death experiences and we've lost both our dogs And I and I'm and I my perspective has not changed entirely.
Yeah, but at all well I'm wondering if I should throw a party the day I can start drinking. I'm wondering what's the day you're allowed to start drinking July 11th Why is it that day six months I don't need blood damage for six months, and then you're good to go I mean, I think I mean I if they keep me on blood dinners, I will simply drink on blood dinners. Yeah, I mean, I don't know Are you still in the jab the majority? Yeah, yeah, I'll do everything's changed.
I mean, I I was if you look at my life I'm gonna change your shits. I forgot Oh, they're like this asshole just That's not good. Oh, it's they're wild and then every single time every single time and I don't feel like I have any shit left in me And if I just sit there, I keep shitting another people. I think I told you this joke I wrote this after majority know those people that can sit down at a piano and just start playing you can just do that with Shitting with toilets really I still don't throw it.
I just start playing I still don't throw it. It just happens just at any time by someone toilet right now. I'll search it So you're just ready to go at all time. That's hilarious.
Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ Jack I was born texting me and he's one of my boss But the crazy who's all the people that reached out that when you when you're when to find out like Krista Stefano for as much like as like a you know silly you do he's a ball buster He's the sweetest guy. He has the sweetest guy. He really is He's the first person to text me when my TV show came out and he was the first person to text me when my boss burned down Really?
Yeah, he was he was like he was a came out. I just saw your boss. I know how much you love that thing or whatever But just stuff. I know was the sweetest Tim Dillon.
Yeah, what did he say? It looks like downtown Austin Mark something can stop the machine. That's pretty good mark mark. I'm a new special out on Netflix I'm not too pleased Ryan sickler There's a lot of people I can't read your list say grateful you're alive tremendous By the way, I didn't take that photo.
I'm not gonna get out of you can get out of comments already comments It's another thing ever since I haven't drank. I don't I haven't looked at a comment. I've looked at online I've been very little online. Good.
Yeah, I've been journaling like crazy today I was journaling and I was saying how come I like I'm at I am Like in first class. There was all like grown-ups There's all business people that are coming down for a conference and all their finance people and their hedge fund guys and they're all big big things And and they're all dressed nicely and I'm in a nice. I'm in arguably in a nice outfit It's a cashmere tracksuit And I'm wearing nice clothes also, but I don't feel like them and I and I and they were all like confident and reading newspapers and doing getting Worked on replying emails and I'm journaling about how scared I am applying and then I'm and I just I was like well I'm not I'm not drinking none of them are drinking or I'm in coffee I'm having coffee, but I'm noticing it's making me jittery and then I'm like will I ever be like them like or am I just never gonna be like a grown-up? I think you're always gonna be just like you man But I wish I wish I wasn't I wish I have all the things I want to get rid of is mice I want to be I want to stop being afraid like I don't I'm afraid of flying and I Sometimes it goes away sometimes flights are better But like I was thinking of you and John Mayer on the plane and you said you enjoyed turbulence I like flying a lot I like flying and I like like I was on a plane Couple days ago I sat in the cockpit with the pilot and I was like he was like you want to do you want to take over the controls?
I didn't even know him and he was like I go yeah He goes go ahead and he just started reading it on his iPad and he was like hey Hey, like make sure you you know point that way and keep us at that I was like all right cool I think we can all agree that online shopping has gotten dangerously easy Especially when you get to check out and see that purple shop pay button that already has all your information locked and loaded You can say thanks to Shopify for that Cha changed Shopify is the platform behind millions of businesses around the world And 10% of all e-commerce in the u.s from household names and brands like ours here at YMH Not only is our merch store powered by Shopify We're going to trust them with her cosmetic line which may as well be per third child Shopify possesses world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory And international shipping to processing returns and 24-7 customer support Shopify will even help you get your brand out there As if there was an entire marketing team beyond you With easy to run email and social media campaigns See less carts go abandoned and more sales go touch Hey with Shopify and their shop pay button Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify dot com slash Bears go to Shopify dot com slash Bears that's Shopify dot com slash Bears a cha change This show is sponsored by BetterHelp let me tell you There's anything I've learned lately it's that you can't prepare for everything As a matter of fact you can't prepare for anything I feel like And it's the stress of the unexpected the uncontrollable The parts of life that you can't control it can be the hardest to cope with Especially when it comes to finances What seems like a money problem can turn into a mood Sleep or shape relationship problem faster than you think Studies show that 88% of Americans are feeling some form of financial stress So if that's you you're not alone and you're not failing That's why BetterHelp is a shining light And how important it is to have the right kind of support for financial stress Therapy isn't about someone telling you how to budget It's about having a place to unpack the anxiety And the pressures that come with trying to take care of yourself Plus all the people you love when it comes to life can feel overwhelming When therapy can help sign up and get 10% off At betterhelp dot com slash Bears that's better hlp dot com slash bears But I like it, you know, I don't say I like turbulence But I kind of laugh through some turbulence I've been in really really really bad turbulence that is kind of alarming Yeah, kind of scary Yeah, but for the most part like most bumps and stuff It doesn't bother it, but I think that's just person to person Like there's certain things that don't bother certain people, you know Like I don't want to be like the With the booze I don't really give a fuck about it in my life at all Like I mean if if when they said you got to stop drinking for six months Trust me like the first two days. I was like He shares my parents are in town It's still like around Christmas whatever everyone's still here I want to fucking party with it It's so funny that a guy in his 50s They go, you can't drink like my parents are in town They're like, oh, okay Can I tell you what I was really thinking? They had given me half of Xanax when I got the blood clots And uh And to get to lower my blood pressure they put me in the EKG Or one of those sonic machines And um And I thought to myself I'm gonna have a couple cocktails when I get home The Xanax is gonna kick in double And I'm gonna pass out on a sleep like a god And she was like, you can't drink And I was like, oh and I almost said But I have half of Xanax in me This is the best time to drink Yeah And uh, but I was angry like the first week Now it's like whatever I remember to think about booze I don't think about I think about Zinn's more than I do booze Or nicotine more than I do booze You can't do that I could if I want to but But there's a girl I follow who's off it for two weeks She's from Philly And I watched her That's the hardest thing to kick in the world Yeah, I'm pretty bad bro How many are you doing today? I have no idea And you're rogue, right?
No idea I have three Lucy's Lucy breakers in my bag For incase of emergency Like Chico's down I can't drink Like that's the you know I can't like There's no tap out of it Like I was had an anxiety attack on the bus When I saw the bus I had an anxiety attack Random I have no idea where it came from And I was like, whoa I like sat up where I'm like, oh I can't get out of this And then I was like, why can't I have a drink And I can't have a Zinn And I can't smoke weed And there's no Xanax on this bus And I was like, whoa what am I gonna do? And for a second I was like I'll smoke a cigar In my bathroom I guess I was like, I need something to get myself away from it Do you know what I did? I turned on porn And I was like, I wonder if I get aroused If that'll shut my brain off for the panic And it did You watched porn I watched porn In the bathroom No, in my bed I just turned on porn And then I started watching it And it's so impressive You know it's such a So much bigger than anxiety That I started watching porn and I went Well, I'm not having a panic I'm not thinking about my panic right now I'm thinking about that thing And that girl's pussy And she works behind the desk of a fucking Bodega It's a one girl I don't know, she got my algorithm That's crazy She was weird and I was supposed to be She masturbate behind this Bodega And so, but I watched it And the arousal turned me off Nicotine I think about I think about probably twice a day Yeah I got it, I don't know I should probably reduce How many are you doing today? I really don't know I really don't know I'm not exaggerating I don't know Like let's kind of Okay Let's guess Right now So right now Here at the moment You're doing breakers still?
No, hold on You're doing Oh, let me see the nicotine This is not mine Who says it? I don't know It's just here I'll go back Oh, this is empty Who the fuck was using this? I don't know Somebody, it's empty Um So it's two something right now And I've had Which I think One, two You have one when you wake up With coffee Yeah So I have one in the gym Yes Okay So hold on You put the car you put one in Three Got here Sometimes they're Like, I don't know if you do Sometimes they're You go and put one in And then whatever happens Like, oh, I've taken it out No So I would say today Let's say I'm on like five Some of them were long And some of them were like Real quick Five or six Yeah, that's not that bad Yeah, I used less nicotine When I chewed tobacco When I chewed tobacco I would do You chew? No, I did all of it I've done all of it I'd chew was my favorite Chew is really great Dip, I love But I could feel like dip Was the worst for you Dipping Copenhagen I would do two a day But one zins I'm out of it I was maybe 10 a day Yeah And by the time I did When I quit And here's why I can't start And I want to start so bad So badly I want to start Because I have nothing To replace it with When I replace it with alcohol Yeah I was like I'm just kind of a drink Every time I want to send I'm going to drink Yeah And I have nothing to replace it So I don't want to get something In my life And I can't get rid of By three loosey breakers And they just stay there Wintergreen Do you look at them?
Bang, on the plane today Yeah I'm having a fucking panic on the plane What's your panic I'm dying and it's dying And it's dying and now Like this plane's gonna go down Yeah And the air candidate I had an accident yesterday I did Yeah, they ran into a fire truck And the two pilots died On the ground In LaGuardia, yeah No shit Yeah Wow Rip both front of the cockpit off It's fire truck What? But that's the thing about death Is it just shows up one day? It just shows up And then where's the video Is right there at the top? What does it say?
It says new video Hey John, y'all We're getting our first look At the moment of impact Between that air candidate plane And a port authority fire truck Take a look at this Disturbing video You can see the truck Making its way Down one of the runways It's emergency lights Holy shit You see that truck moving straight As it begins to turn The air candidate plane Slams into the truck And the truck appears to flip Several times That's when the plane Looks like it loses control And we know from scene photos That the nose of the plane Was completely torn off The port authority of New York and New Jersey The nose of the plane completely torn off Which means How does that? Those guys died on impact How did that happen, dude? Dude, that happens You know, the last flight I had in LA We had an aborted landing Where we went down Touchdown And fucking took off again And there was a Delta flight On the tarmac that had just pulled out And we did one of these, right? Touchdown And then And then went And dude Here's the thing that I wish they did Every Now and Then Is just showed you How much power those planes have So a lot of times it takes off And this week is the anxiety They get going Say they like out of 100% They take off at like What 60, 70, right?
And then they put it at 40 And they fuck around at like 10,000 feet Before air traffic control And that's where all the bumps are That's where all the bumps are And that's where all the shifts going on And that's where I'm having panic Flying out of Tito bro Sucks dick You sit there forever Because there's so much air traffic And then you go Oh, and then they just casually get up there All that time Dude, when we touched down And took back off That thing was at 10,000 feet In 3 seconds And we were at 25,000 feet in 5 I mean, we were like this And I was like And I was sitting next to a 95-year-old woman Who was drinking And she like grabbed onto the thing And I was like, You're 95 What the fuck are you scared about? Like, this is it for you This is it And she was like, I don't want to die either Dude, that feels like That's got to be The fire truck Just being like Our lights are on just go And not realizing Like, yeah, you're not on the street, man Yeah I mean, I don't know But that's right It's like they just are cruising through A runway like that That's really nice How they not know And by the way, you've landed Like anyone who's got a fear of flying The second you land You're like Thank God And then that happens It's like the one It's like the remember the 777 Air china That was going into San Francisco And you're about to touch down And they just missed the runway By like 100 feet And clipped it And then everyone fucking died Yeah, wow I mean, here's the thing that sucks About being on blood dinners Yeah Anything like that happens And I die instantly Because I won't call it Yeah I mean, that's why I can't smoke weed Or drink Mostly is because If I fall, I just die Wait, how did How did Lynner Skinner What was that? Was that a bus? Or a plane?
It was a plane And I got the fucking real story The real story? Yeah, the folklore story What's the folklore story? Folklore story They're about They get this jet And they're flying over Miss Sippier, Alabama And it's bad weather And everyone's freaking out And Ronnie Van Sant stands up with the bottle of Jack Daniel's Barefoot No shirt on with a vest And his hat on And he goes They go Listen, we're going to We're going to make an emergency to Lynne And everyone's freaking out And the weather There's lightning everywhere Ronnie Van Sant stands up With the bottle of fucking Jack Daniel's Goes, boys If it's your time to go It's your time to go Fuck and bring her down And he doesn't get seapolded in And he dies Everyone else arrives That's not what happened He was asleep on the plane Oh I know, I talked to his brother about it You did? Yeah And then it got really real See the only one who died?
I think a couple guys broke their back I think everyone lived Ronnie Van Sant Died But uh What's the other one? Buddy Holly, right? That's a plane crash Buddy Holly, uh Merle Haggard Was supposed to be on that flight And the big bopper had a flu And he was like Let me fly on the plane So that I can get in a hotel room And get better And Merle Was it Merle Haggard? I think it was Merle Haggard Was like I'll just ride on the bus The bus's AC was out Or heat was out So it was freezing on the bus So Merle Haggard got on the bus He got on the plane Dude, life, those little things like that Like if we hadn't had to blow out I would have definitely been asleep on that bus And I would have burned Two fucking death But like, those little things like that Are crazy Aliyah, Aliyah Aliyah, too much luggage Yes She was like That's, that's I mean, that's like Yeah Apparently too They were like Telling them This is too much And they're like Go Yeah Take off That's the arrogance of fame Yeah Of just It might not have even been her It might have been like The crew I almost guarantee you it wasn't Aliyah It's what happens for me on the road Handlers It's Handlers Go Hey, don't make contact with Bert Yeah And then I'm like, who told you that?
And they're like, that's what they said And they'll talk to them And you're like, I never said that Yeah And then they're like, but they said And you're like, Jesus Christ The older you get, the more The idea of learning a new language Can feel out of reach Whether it's about a lack of time Or mental energy Babble's built to cater To your specific learning style And schedule I love it Because this app really makes it feel like You're going to learn this The way they drill it The way they make you spell words It's another level in my opinion Their courses are curated By over 200 language experts To teach you relevant words and phrases You'll actually use By practicing real life Conversations It's more than just lessons Babble offers a large collection of podcasts And offer an inside look At local cultures No matter If you learn best by listening Speaking reading or writing Babble adapts To keep you motivated And on track With personalized plans And a feedback Make real Lasting progress in no time With Babble The science back Language learning app that actually works Here's a special Limited time deal for our listeners Right now Get up to 60% off your Babble subscription At babble.com Forward slash bears Get up to 60% off at babble.com Forward slash bears Spell B-A-B-E-L dot com Forward slash bears Rules and restrictions may apply Let's talk about investing for a minute If you're looking To make your money work for you Acorns is your answer It is the financial wellness app That cares about where your money is Going tomorrow Not just where it's sitting today With their potential screen feature You can see how your money is projected To grow over time Based on how much you're putting Into it every Day, week, or month It's the all-in-one app That allows you to invest, save, and Track your money all in the same place And every person I know A pretty boy entertainment uses it Everyone I know uses it They round up And it's how they grow their savings And it's how a lot of them are saving up It's for the big buys And their life Sign up right now And Acorns will drop a $5 bonus Investment into your new account Join the over $14 million all-time customers Who have already saved And invested over $27 billion with Acorns Go to acorns.com slash bears to download The Acorns app to get started Paid non-clang endorsement Compensation provides incentive to Positively promoted Acorns Tier 2 compensation Provided potential subject of various Factors such as Customers, accounts, age, and investment settings Does not include Acorns fees Results do not predict Or represent the performance of Any Acorns portfolio Investments results will vary Investing involves risk Acorns, advisors, LLC And SEC registered investment advisor View important disclosures at Acorns.com slash bears It's like what happened with Chaperone Do you hear about that? Do you hear Chaperones? The woman? Yeah, she's a woman Singer?
Yeah What happened with her? The pony club Pony pony pony club She's that girl? She is She's the one that was wearing that Crazy dress The best dress at the Oscars Right, that one, right? The nipple rings?
Yeah Yeah Apparently, she's notoriously aggressive Cool Like across the board She has not been kind to her fans Okay And I get it a little bit I understand you guys a little bit Sober, famous, a tad bit rigid It can be somewhat tedious Sober When you're drinking, no one should complain Fame is fucking awesome You have a blur It's like someone took Vaseline over your face And just went And then everything's great Someone comes up to you I fucking love you Oh thanks I'll do why you drink Okay Right Sober It can be Cause drunk people come up to you Like duh And you're like okay Like when you're sober That's why I can understand When you're like I'm with my family I never was like that I get it a little bit Um But Chaperone Has been rough to her fans She's like just because I sing Doesn't mean you have access to me You're not allowed to come up to me And say hi You're not allowed to say That you're a fan Know your place I'm the artist You're my fan This is Are you paraphrasing? Oh I think I'm Go ahead Pull it up I mean I'm not You know I don't like I'm not a fan of her music It's not made for me though But Jude Law's ex-wife And her new husband Who is a soccer star Right? He's a footballer He's been famous for 25 years 27 years There are Jude Law's 11 year old daughter Saul Chaperone Now I'm leaning towards Jude Law's ex-wife And the husband story A little more than Yeah Chaperones Because Chaperones got damage control To do And by the way She shot her video in a bed Like the laziest She could have shot her apology video And by the way Also I have a bad taste in my mouth for Chaperone That's clear I don't like that dude You forget what it's like To not be making money And want to do the art I don't So when people come up to me As tired And as sober as I may be I make sure to give them a minute So I also do that to famous people So I understand it She forgot what it's like And so Jude Law's 11 year old daughter walks By Chaperone They're eating breakfast She sees Chaperone She goes Oh my god It's fucking Chaperone Now mind you Dad and her stepfather are both famous Very famous Very famous She just walks by the table To see if it really is her And it is And then she goes back to the table And kind of freaks out In Chaperone Chaperone's security guard comes up And chastises her In front of the family Says What is exactly? Where is she going to read this?
What does she say? In front of the girl And said Scroll down maybe Regardless the security guard Chaperone The guard threatened to report to the hotel Right? He spoke extremely aggressively The child It was just a child admiring someone Yeah Okay And so Chaperone's apology video Is like her laying on her side On a bed Not really even Like taking the time to like Sit up in the garage She's like that didn't happen It's like I would never do it She has done that 100% has done that Like not so 11 year old But she has done that That's the reason Everyone believes the story Is because you did it That's the reason That like when the Me Too Shit Happened And then you were like Oh that guy's got a reputation That's the reason Everyone feels that way Is she has done that And then she's like I don't That's not even my security Look at this It's not even my security I have of the story Of what happened today With a mother and child Who Were involved with a security guard Who was my personal security I didn't even see I didn't even see a woman and a child Like I did not No one came up to me No one bothered me Like I was just sitting at breakfast In my hotel I think these people Were staying at the hotel as well But the fact that like A security guard Was I did not ask the security guard To go up and talk to this mother and child I did not They did not come up to me They weren't doing anything It's unfair for security To just assume someone Doesn't have good Security is doing that Because I mean just to be fair You have a reputation of being upset with you Maybe yeah Yeah I mean like There's a reason When I get off stage Usually someone has a drink waiting for me But no Just because I drink You should do a video like this I was just like getting off stage And like this guy brought me a drink This guy But it's like it's too lost daughter So let's not a mother and a child It's you know I'm not a fucking idiot You think I'm a fucking idiot You're a fucking idiot You think I don't know that you know It's too lost The only reason you're addressing this Is that it's too lost daughter The only reason you're bringing this up Is too lost daughter was By the way It's too lost daughter She's not You know what I mean? Like she wasn't going to be like If my daughters saw someone they were famous And they have They definitely recognize people But they don't Fucking blow up their spot And I know due to daughter probably like It's Chappell wrote Her dad's fucking famous Her dad's father's fucking famous I don't know why I'm so fucking passionate You are really passionate About it's like It's like you know what Chappell wrote Just say hi Or I don't know It's like you know Alright you can take that down I just I don't know Yeah That's it Whatever No one gives a fuck about Chappell wrote Oh Okay I mean it's a stupid thing Our fans aren't like Tell more about Chappell wrote I really I mean Where's she from?
Here? Uh Chappell Hill Yeah Yeah American singer Okay She's from Missouri Really? As a slave state That's on her Yeah That's definitely on her They chose that too Yeah They chose that That's on her Fucking push the whole That's why we have Maine That's because of Missouri That's why we have Maine Yeah Maine wasn't a thing And they chose slaves And then we had to go like Well we went one with house slaves So like Massachusetts Can you like break off the top And give us what we'll call it Maine And that's how we have Maine That sounds like a Bert story But kind of You're right It may be I don't know I don't know Can I tell you another thing that I'm really upset about? What?
And listen I don't want to get in a beef With John Barenthall Oh boy I'll drop it Never mind You're gonna get in beef with him now? I would say he started it With you? Not with my people With your people Yeah When you talk about people You talk about whites? No No Nappers He went after nappers And a lot of people are going after nappers right now Don't take naps People that don't take naps Are coming after people that take naps He's just like naps Pull up John Barenthall napping And it's like It's the way he taught Look at this Oh wow Look at this I don't take naps I don't take naps I don't take naps Man I don't take naps I just don't have time for naps Man That's for luck first Dude This motherfucker takes naps I don't trust people who take naps He just found out he doesn't take naps He's going ass man No He did Yeah It's like dude The whole world's moving while you're napping bro It's fucking I can't fuck with naps I just don't like naps Well he just doesn't like naps And he doesn't fuck with people to take naps Yeah So he doesn't fuck with me That's what I heard I don't fuck with birt He takes naps Let me tell you what else takes naps You ready for this?
John Barenthall LeBron James Knapper Usain Bolt Knaps Uh Roger Federer Big Knapper The greatest athletes in the world Knap They all like how you're like greatest athletes in the world and me And by the way I treat my body just like LeBron James Yeah I do all the recovery I sleep I'm sleeping roughly 12 hours a day right now It's amazing I sleep I don't understand So good And I nap Every day I fucking nap I don't understand this I shut it down At like 5 o'clock every day for one hour I go to my bunk Now I go to my bunk I would go to my bed in the bus And I shut it down for one hour And I perform that night Spectacular And I achieve big things But I nap And let me tell you something Blah Blah Knapping Look Usain Bolt Woke up from a nap Before he set the world record He had been napping 30 minutes before Can I ask you this? What? Are you sleeping 10 to 12 hours a night at night? I sleep about 10 hours a night And then you still have a nap And I have an hour nap every day Look at this Bolt famously napped before his 100 meter Olympic gold medal He napped He napped He considers sleep the most vital part of his training regimen John Barenthall Is by the way Very talented actor Love everything he does I think John Barenthall is awesome Except this nap bullshit He's not living to his optimization In my opinion Because napping Is great for him Listen to Churchill naps Dude, fucking have you ever been to the countries Where napping the siesta?
In Spain Is the fucking dopest shit alive You go to a country That shuts down The country Shut You know what he just said I don't like Spanish people That's what I heard That's what you heard I don't like Spanish people I don't like Mexicans It was Spanish I don't like Well Salvador Ali Picasso Spaniards napped Was in Churchill John up Kennedy Bill Clinton napped Leonardo da Vinci Thomas Edison Albert Einstein napped Roger Federer LeBron James napped These are all fucking great people Yeah And they all napped And I'm a napper And I cherish my naps I love When I don't have a nap I get fucked up I like A nap Reset everything for me And I napped so good Tom Yeah I can I can fall asleep in a nap within five minutes Today I won't nap I won't nap By the way John Sometimes I choose not to nap Right Sometimes I don't nap Today you probably won't nap I won't nap today By fall asleep on the plane How was that? Well my alarm woke me up to get up to move From my blood clots By the way napping got me into this That's how you got in the bell Sleep on a plane Like my blood clots So how often do you have to move? Every 45 minutes I have an alarm So on my phone And you stand up I have to stand up Go to the bathroom I do 20 squats In the bathroom I do roughly 100 to 120 squats Every fight But do you nap at all? It's not like a On the road On the road Because look you got the boys here You're busy You're on the teacher bumble I think On the road I still think it's not a daily Regiment thing As much as it's like case like Certain days you go Yeah I do take like rest Right Like sometimes I don't Actually fall asleep But I'm like I'm coach right now I just want to go late out I think I think You've been to the Latin American Countries where they Institute a nap Like not it's not even like It's not a debate The country says We're shutting down It's really in my experience Like Spain Is like it's Mexico Mexico Maybe I don't know Does it do that?
Spain is like It tells all our nap Spain is definitely Spain is nap Like you can't find something open From three o'clock To like five o'clock And by the way I was in Spain Georgia was studying abroad in Spain And we went over to visitor Yeah Dude Yeah When the country tells you to nap You nap I've never napped better in my life I've never napped better in my fucking life And I just think I think John Barrenthall Is part of the old regime Of Get up at three in the morning Work out Sleep two hours a night Like that old man stuff Like the man stuff Mark Wahlberg You know Mark Wahlberg changed his story He started sleeping more Mark Wahlberg used to be like I wake up before in the morning every day Yeah Now he's sleeping like 10 hours a day The science is changing On sleeping God I've never heard you so passionate about this Chaperone and sleeping Are my two things I'm really up around Two things you fucking piss Dude If I could Leanne can't nap Really? If she naps she has to have the lights on I don't I'm not that great I have to actually be pretty Cooked to get a good nap in You know It's not like I can do it daily Yeah I'm not it's not that I want to before forget The 5k The two bears 5k is coming up May 9th In Los Angeles Pasadena to be specific If you go to two bears 5k.com You can sign up There's going to be Thousands of people there We're going to have Wild installations Well I've been happy to lose Netflix is Well I'm carrying this in Chaperone Except we're going to have a lot of fun Food, drinks, entertainment It's always a good time No matter your fitness level You can do it You can walk it Speaking of which Where are you at fitness wise? I feel I was I ran a lot I feel not Like it's that great But I keep training for it I ran a nine minute mile the other day That's great And so I think I don't know if I could run three of them But I think I can break 30 minutes In the 5k Great I think I can I'm going to do that first one I'm going to run run I'm going to run with the fans No no no Maybe I'll do the second one Are you saying you're going to Oh I'm running it twice But you're going to try to run One of them harder I was going to run one hard To see what I could get at the time Do you? It'll probably be the first one Am I talking about one of the second one Yeah So will you When you do that Will you try to just like Figure out the pace Or will you go I'm just going to run hard Until I gas out Like how will you Like figure that out No so what I do Is I only know this Because I did this outside the other day I ran three miles outside I start slow and then just build So that last mile will be sub 10 The first mile will probably be Around 10 30 Then middle mile will be 10 And then the last mile Will be like nine minutes a mile Oh so you start a little bit I'm going to start a little slow Okay And then build I don't go like Like if you go sub 10 For the whole thing Try to You're going to fucking kill yourself What you do What I do is I go for that I did that on the half marathon I did the last six miles sub Sub 10 And got a much better time But like the last six miles I did sub 10 Six fucking miles sub 10 So start not at your best No start and feel good And you'll give so much energy And like you know When you start those You have so much like Anxious energy Yeah that you really Start running faster than you think Well I've When that thing starts by the way For me I feel like I'm running scared Like I feel my heart taking off Like that nervous To start that thing So nervous Yeah I get scared running Do you think we'll get Shaq to run it?
Because I'm doing a show with Shaq That we already sold out But that week Me and Shaq are doing a show Do you think you can get him do it? Run it Oh maybe not run He takes five steps He's done That's true Do you want to tell him that? I don't take all that Just shit my pants Really? Yeah Do you smell it?
Not yet Am I supposed to get off this Monjaro stuff? I don't know I don't know How long have you been on it? I don't know Since November What do you wait now? I have no idea I stopped playing myself I just measured myself How's the measurements?
Smaller than I've ever been Really? Yeah Smaller than I've ever been Not as strong as I've ever been Yeah But pretty strong still Like What's your waist down to? Just 40 inches But we know I wear a size 36 Yeah But 40 actual inches Right right But you weren't at 36 Six months ago No What kind of pants were you wearing then? Oh it sounds bigger Much bigger How big You're not there anymore Who cares?
Other than the 40 That's a wide range None of my belts fit I can't None of my belts fit I have one belt None of my- Luckily all my clothes burn So I need new clothes I've done my jeans fit Wait so where are we with the bus? Are you getting another bus? I have five buses That they offered me That I can rent for two months If I want to buy a bus But no one's going to make the bus I made I understand And so Are you going pre-order? Are you going to order another bus?
Make another bus It took too long to make How long are you going to do this for? Can you believe she said that to me? I mean It's a reasonable point I guess How much longer are you going to do this for? Yeah Do you think you'll go back on the tour?
Yeah Not now But when? I have nothing I know I'm getting on stage tomorrow for the first time For real? Yeah What are you talking about? I don't know Chat GPT I don't know My boys You can go on stage tomorrow for the first time Mm-hmm The mothership Yeah I gotta go to fucking San Francisco I would love to stick around It won't be good But you gotta break the ice, right?
Dude, I- How do you start over when it's time to start over? So there's one story I know There's always one story I know This is going to be a great story I gotta figure out how to tell this As a news story And so I go I just gotta start working on it What I love doing is Not doing like crowd work that you see online Where people yell shit at you But really talking to the audience Yeah And that bottom of the barrel thing Is really fun That's what I'm doing Oh, so great That is the best show I always say I have one in LA I do it every single night Yeah I went to Joe's club When I first started with the material And I just went up And then I had some stuff left over There's always a couple leftovers I have one left over That I was like my starter to get me Into places Yeah And then Right now I'm at the place where I have I have too much of I have like an hour 45 And I'm starting to tell which ones are weak Yeah Like I had this great story about me And you went to that strip club And then It's a weak story It's not that great But it killed Because you're in it I had a bunch of you I always have stuff with you I had this great fucking one with you That was Are you doing an hour 45 every night? Yeah about Oh my god I know, I gotta stop I gotta stop Yeah, you gotta I do at least an hour 30 But that's also with the machine Yeah I have a theory about this though I do too And I think that a crowd would rather see 50 minutes I think If you can do tight 60 Like it's tight A tight 60 It's always better than a 90 minute show For the pen liner I have a new bit That is So good Do you know when the best bits are where you Something happens And you don't know if you're going to be allowed to talk about it on stage Does this have to do with Numbers? Yes Okay I was like what is this dude?
You're gonna have to tell me this So good It is So good And you just figure it out I went up Well it happened Well that was a bad story for a podcast But here's the thing We're not gonna really tell you You can't find me Don't do that I can't Well that's the thing I've learned Is that People don't like If you do a bit here They don't like it on special Guys that's how it works sometimes That's a crazy thing I heard you talk about it Like no shit I had two great I had two great stories About Natiya's texting me And that boy at NASCAR That was Can I take a picture with you? Yeah Two great stories I told on the podcast That murder on stage Yeah And every fucking time I see one dude One dude in the front row go I know this I know this Yeah I know bro And I'm always like dude Give me I'm doing an hour 45 It's still fucking murders Yeah yeah I have one bit that is That I just Leanne just said to me Are you doing that? And I went I was like I am And she was like I knew it I knew it And then that bit is murdering I have the greatest I have any time I have I have so many fucking stories about you I have so many stories about you But I get I'm getting rid of all of them Because it's kind of a cheat code I think Like if I bring your name up They go fucking nuts And so then And then you're a character they know Yeah yeah yeah So like They can kind of Put it together Yeah yeah yeah yeah But yeah I have too much material And right now I'm trying to skin it up I don't have anything good about the girls They don't live with us anymore So like I used to have like I used to have columns I just fill You know Like stuff about the girls Stuff about Leanne Sex thing Black guys this And right now it's just Black guys Yeah yeah Like we were thinking about Call my special Black guys Black guys is a great name for a special Dude I have I have I have an hour 20 on Black guys I taught my Boys had to play Blackjack And so they're both fucking Obsessed And they downloaded Blackjack Are you serious? Yeah And then Ella's got to be on where he's like Check it out He's like I won 25 million last night I was like oh my god dude I was like how much are you betting He's like 350 to 500,000 And I was like I'm gonna have a real fucking problem with you soon Yeah they're into it dude I wanted to see them while I was here Yeah that'd be great Yeah I have Tom this is how much stuff I have about Black guys Even when I don't have a joke about Black guys Black guys are in it Really?
You just Every joke Yeah It's I mean yeah But I'm excited for you to do So you think you'll go back on the tour? I don't think like this year No I think next year I would do it at some point Yeah I just said You think that's reasonable? Yeah Yeah It's much I just said to my agents Because I'm getting ready for my special So I said you know And I was so stressed You just do one? Yeah yeah Year and a half ago Two years ago Okay I said I don't want to keep doing arenas I want to do two shows at night So I want to do theaters And then I did They like great We'll line up some theaters Like the beacons coming up In April And then And I did two theaters I did the singer's theater in Pensacola Like two shows And I was like Fuck these Two shows at night I forgot It's horrible That is so aggressive You get so much better But it is As it was a one in arena I did one in I did this whole weekend It was all arenas And it's like It's amazing So you get so much energy You go out and you hear like Fucking 10,000 people cheering for you And you're like Yeah And then you're like Well let's fucking kill this And then you murder And then you're like That's what I'm talking about And then You come off stage You're fucking pumped You do a meet and greet You get the bus Oh And then now I'm doing Next this fall You'll be a lot more intimate shows I know It's the it's the doubles That where you are The doubles are going to wear me out I know You know Before we go Obviously again Two Bears Five K's coming up Do you have Do you want to make a statement About the Epstein files?
Yes Yes I guess so No I don't No it's going to get clipped out It's going to get clipped out I actually regret Ever talking on a podcast ever I am a spam ad In Jeffrey Epstein's email list A spam ad from my show March 21st to 23rd Oh I wasn't doing Sundays Nice you were doing well then Ah That had to be 2016 2017 That's probably what makes sense What was Jeffrey Epstein? Was he in prison already? I don't think so I mean you would know Wait what was Jeffrey Epstein in prison? A couple years later I think Because I said to someone I was like I said to Ian Finance I was like I don't even know who Jeffrey Epstein was until he killed himself 19 he was arrested For federal sex trafficking So this is right before he got arrested I was in his spam email That is it In Jeffrey Epstein's spam email Me Bob Saggot Fluffy All of us You were already doing theaters That's why he didn't have a fucking thing with you Yeah He would've loved you He would've loved you Think so?
Oh yeah Thanks Yeah You get on the private jet You're not afraid of turbulence He's like don't sit on Tom's lap You're not afraid of turbulence Then you got some fucking Charubic 15 year old on your lap Just getting your dick hard the way you like it There's that guy again Saying that stuff Hold on I saw a video today Of two guys I don't know who they are And they are honestly saying that Garth Brooks is a serial killer I've seen a bunch of those And they're like I mean the proof is out Yeah And they're like I mean Honestly Wednesday And they're not comedians They're true crime people You know like I wrote a book right There's a book It's insane Pull up the book Somebody wrote a fucking book about it A real book About him And that whole Yeah This is an actual A serious examination Into the allegation I think that's who I saw May it may have been I think that's who I saw They were on a fucking podcast Talking about it going I mean It started with Tom Segura But it's gotten so much deeper Yeah And we definitely By the way I've never empathized with Garth Brooks More in my entire life I am not In the Jeffrey Epstein files Well I'm not You are in the fight No no no Garth Me and you are victims of Tom Segura I'm Garth I love you Go to the Department of Justice website and type in bird's name Type in Tom's name I'm sure he's in there so I'm not I'm not Can someone do a fake thing Yeah they can do a fake thing Yeah this is a spam ad I met the West Palm improv March 21st and 23rd of 2017 Right before he got popped By the way Thank God he didn't come to my show That would have been fucking something Because you would have been I would have gotten a shirt Let's make sure we got the first name This guy's super rich He lives here in Palm Beach You'd be like Hey let's go to your house A thousand percent He'd be like You know what I'm gonna say I'm like Fuck yeah I'll have massage And God That was the second It was the week before Oh my God I thought you went to that one Oh you dodged this one Fluffy made like a legit statement It's so fi A legit statement I think About this He was like Jeff Jeffrey Epstein was trying to get into one of Fluffy's shows But they were sold out And then he was like What about Thursday And they're like Sold out And then Like what about Friday And it's like Sold out It's Fluffy He's fucking sells out Every show we ever does Yeah It's sold out I mean joke when it's so fine And uh And he was like And he was like Yes I am in the Epstein files And you can hear 70,000 people go Where the fuck is this going And he was like He was trying to get tickets to my show You gotta see he let him do it It's here It's pretty serious until he makes a joke In the Jeffrey Epstein files At 70,000 It was a comedy club Called the improv The improv is a chain All over the country And they had one of their clubs There in West Palm Beach Me too I would perform there Three or four times a year The email reads From Jeffrey Epstein To his assistant It says I need six tickets So he really glazed his show at eight o'clock The assistant replies The show was sold out He replies What about the next one She replies It's sold out too That's it Okay That is it That is it Because I know you guys got nervous You're like I thought it's not the only touch donuts There's a joke to this by the way Did you think it's crazy? That Jeffrey Epstein One of the most vital political human beings To ever want the face of the earth Had the ability to connect With politicians With influencers With celebrities He put people in very compromising positions He got people on planes He put people on islands He was involved in trafficking He was able to accomplish all these evil crazy things But at the end of the day He still couldn't get tickets to see Can I tell you my one take away from that? You know I love Fluffy But every time a Latino guy pronounces their name correctly It makes me want to go Start going bird Heisha You definitely should Heisha That'd be good for you That'd be good for you That'd be good for you That'd be good for you Yes The way he says it It comes from out of nowhere He's like I'm Fluffy I'm talking like this I'm talking like this And then he goes He's remembering how his mom said it Yeah And I'm going to start I'm going to go Heisha The way Gerbels would have said it Yeah Alright Well I got a secret for you Oh boy Is it about Nazis? Okay Well Thanks for watching and listening It's great to have you in town buddy Yes we are two bears My name is But Heisha This is Film Sayura We will see you next time Bert and Tom Tom and Bert One goes top is while the other wears a shirt Tom tells stories in Bert's The Machine There's not a chance in hell But they will keep it clean Here's what we call Two Bears on K