Welcome, welcome to Rob's apartment. That's right. We're in the same room. This only happens once a year.
It really seems to. Well, you know, as I think I mentioned on a previous episode, I did have an on fire car situation, which has been resolved. So now I'll be commuting here twice a week. Nice.
Yeah. So you got a new car? Yeah. Not on fire?
Not yet. All right. We'll see what happens at the end of this. And given the insurance payout I just received, it is incentivizing bad behavior.
Cut that. Cut that. We got to cut that. Yeah, I can't keep insurance fraud in the episode.
Definitely can't talk about insurance fraud two minutes into the episode either. Well, it's the sometimes readers, but a one off. A one off? Oh, I'm Dan.
I'm Rob. You know that. Let's be honest. You know that.
Yeah, it's a one off because we are watching Chowly. Yeah. It's sort of like a king-me-adult, right? We do the king-me-babies.
Right. Where we, in one episode, we'll discuss a short film and then the short story that short film is based on. But this. Mm-hmm.
Too big. The diaper we need. Adult diaper. That's right.
So this episode we will be discussing Jerusalem's Lot. Mm-hmm. Short story Jerusalem's Lot. And then on this Friday.
Yep. Nice. Yep. I'm better keeping schedules when I'm in this apartment.
Yeah. This Friday we'll be talking about Chapelweight, which is an adaptation. Have you started watching Chowly yet? You could say I'm Chowly waiting till the last minute.
Okay. I was thinking about a quiz for this one. Oh, yeah. Chapelweight or Chow, Chow Quiddick.
Oh, right. We did talk about that. And maybe I also said this on my put. Chapelweight, Chappellweight, don't tell me.
That could be the name and I guess the theme could be Chappellweight or Chappellweight or Chappellweight or Chappellweight. Sure. We're Chappell. We did talk about Chappellweight.
Okay. All right. Well, we're not doing that today. No.
And it remains to be seen if I'll put together another one of my famous quizzes. The famous Dan Quiz. That's right. It happened once.
We all loved it. We all loved it. We all loved it. We got all those emails clamoring for more.
We all learned about a certain Hemingford home residence. Yes. Yes. Yes.
But no, no, it's, it's time to talk about Jerusalem. I keep wanting to call it Chappellweight. Yeah, I've been doing the same thing. I've been Googling Chappellweight full text PDF all day.
And getting nothing. Actually, Google is familiar with this issue with this user error. So I found it no problem. That's good.
Yeah. First published where? First published. Here's what's going on.
I brought myself, I didn't bring a computer. So Rob has to do all of the looking things up. Dan says a thing and then I look it up. I say jump Rob says I'll Google how high.
First published in Night Shift. Oh, really? 1978. Well, there you go.
Night Shift, a collection of short stories which we've drawn from several times on this project. Oh, yeah. A lot of heavy hitters in there. Yeah.
I mean, it's mostly bangers. You got corn kids. You got night surf. These are favorites.
Gray matter. Trucks. Ever heard of it? I have.
Ever heard of the fucking lawn mower man? Oh my God. Yup. Real quick.
Yup. Chappa real quick. Something that only happens to Rob is happening to me. I'm a very jealous man.
I feel vindicated. I feel justified. This is good. Rob's a little cat gizmo.
Right. The giz. The giz. The subject of many editions of Giz Watch 2023 is here walking around on the table.
Yeah, like she owns a damn place. Like she owns my damn face. She's rubbing up against my beard. Yeah.
And I couldn't be happier. You see how her whiskers are like pushed forward? Yeah. That means she's happy.
Really? Yeah. That's a cat thing. You're a happy cat.
I don't know that. That's good to know. Yeah. And as soon as I start recording she's like, oh, what's this?
My big break. Here's the thing. Is she very vocal? Not super vocal, but she, you know, I speak up sometimes.
Because I do be having a cat that looks like this. And I think they're just like very social. And when you start talking, they're like, what's up? What are we doing?
Yeah. What are we talking about? Let's party. I have opinions.
Oh. I shift. I'm the giz. Yeah.
I really like the lawn morm. But no, no lawn morm, right? She's so distracting. I know I really.
I can't stop looking at her and really made it worse for myself. Okay. Yes, Jerusalem's a lot. Jerusalem's a lot.
Hmm. Didn't we read a book with a very similar title to that similar? Did we watch two plus? Movies with titles very similar to the books now.
Yeah. Yeah, we did watch three movies actually two plus. Yeah, two plus I'm edging my bets. Yeah Yeah, yeah, this is I mean this is like this is kind of like a this is the first story in his first collection Mm-hmm.
When did when did the dam uh, Salem's lot come out 75. Yeah, so Salem's a lot of 75 This is 78 and it's a bit of a prequel. It's it's entirely a prequel. Yeah, and I gotta say I love it Yeah, like soon as I realized it was not just a vampire story.
I was like, oh fuck. Yeah, it's not just like where did Kurt Barlow grow up? Well, he comes from a family of moisture farmers Yeah, he's like I need it. I gotta be farming something even moister than moisture human blood Well next to Moises Aloo So you love this story, I really liked it.
Yeah, I really like it I'm not willing to say how much I liked it in case you liked it less and then I feel Inferior intellectually sure you love you're like this is the best I ever read and then I point out its flaws and then you're like I take that very I Like it yeah, we're not I used to like this I think I what I meant when I said I liked it is that I liked it when I was in diapers When I was just a baby Oh, no, when I said I liked it I meant it in the triumph the insult comic dog sense that I liked it to put for me to poop on rough course And we I think we all knew what you meant when you said that well, you know, he's got it. Yeah, such a Widebody of work. Oh triumph. Yeah.
Yeah, he's pooped on a lot of different stuff sure Yeah, and also he sometimes he kid he just make a little joke. He joke with you. Well dog. Well joke.
Yeah Yeah, what is it you don't see triumph all that much did he get canceled? Um, I don't think I think everyone's just like all right We get it. All right, that's enough. Yeah, my thing is like why do we need triumph when we have Jimmy Glick?
Sure, right? Yeah, it's like a better version of the same thing kind of yeah, right? Yeah, aren't there I feel like there's always like the one It's triumph. It's Jimmy Glick.
It's like Ali G. It's somebody who is you know Pretending to be somebody else interviewing somebody to mock them somebody pretending to be somebody else. Yeah acting Mm-hmm. But yeah, there's always like a character that is kind of detached from there any IP.
Yeah, you always you constantly have to be Introducing new new characters like that. Yes. I mean everybody knows who triumph is right. You're not gonna There's no gotcha element there.
Of course, you know, he's not gonna get me Zach Elphinakis between two ferns another exactly probably the most recent example of that Yeah, I think Z-wei tried to be that was he way I forget her last name She's a comic should have shown like HBO that okay was very like oh insulted her guess oh boy, but it was not very good of course what I've heard yeah, although a lot of talented people worked on I'm sure z-way z-way z-i-w-e I never again. Yeah. I should say I never actually watched it. Okay.
I think it got canceled after one season, which is not an indicator of quality So maybe I decide for yourself. Oh, I know this person. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. She's also on succession as like I think that's her It's a succession I think she the talk show that Kendall goes on in season three when he has like the full panic attack in the like your room You are correct. Yeah, she's like playing like a fictional version of a similar persona that she has for that show sure I mean, I guess personas fictional. Yeah.
Yeah. Anyway, Jerusalem's lot and Jerusalem's lot What is the story about we go now far far away from the hustle and bustle world of the roy family and the End up to New England and also 200 years in the past. This is taking the temperature of Jerusalem's lot The amount of just gobbledygook they generate for Ken It's so great. It's it's so impressive and like the Just like that as its own sort of temperature check to let you know that he is fully out of control of the situation 100% So good.
It's so good. I love it. Oh terrific show Yeah, I thought it for a long time because I was like there's just no way it's as good as everybody says it is and fully that good fully that Where are you? I'm sorry season three.
Okay. Um what's going on there? The shareholder meeting just happened is pretty crazy Was that where Logan forgot his pills? Yeah, yeah, like a UTI or something that made him crazy So that just so that just happened Yeah, cuz I guess that's a thing now and I think that's where I left off.
Okay. Yeah, good show. It's good show We should be a succession podcast when we're done. Yeah, I mean the show's over now, which is kind of perfect for our whole thing Yeah, well actually we should wait two more years until everybody has fully forgotten caring about that's right But when like 90% of the planet is on fire We're like and we're like remember succession from three years ago sit down at our computer to go hit record Joe Just Gordon Levitt here.
Yeah, well, yeah, what better way to introduce the irrelevant subject matter than to talk about Joseph Gordon Well, yeah, so Jerusalem's lot. Mm-hmm Charles Boone Seaboon not to be confused with his descendant de boom de boom. Yes So first up the whole this short story is written in letter form. That's right correspondence best for people That's right, which I really enjoy that I do too.
It's very Very abandoned ship in a sci-fi or happens a lot kind of thing. Yeah, there's a like Dracula right Bram Soaker's Dracula is written that way Dracula heard of him heard of him. I heard of him. Have you heard this guy?
Have you seen this guy have you heard of this guy? Which makes sense No, you know Stephen King writing a prequel to his like vampire story he writes in correspondence like I'm a smoker and here's the thing about Stephen King. Yes, the one thing he loves writing old timey Oh, he does he really really does the man who wouldn't own shake hands forget about it guy loves a style exercise He's pretty good at it too. You know, I feel like for someone as just like naturally verboses him This really lends itself because it's just sort of like people had some people said more.
Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, there's a comedian but like You you go back and like read letters from like Civil War soldiers to back home. Oh, yeah And like a 16 year old is like the greatest writer whoever lived yeah It was like I can't read too good, but I can write words now sometimes and then yeah It's just the most beautifully written letter that with like so like just pathos and yeah, it's so much behind it I've definitely heard that before I mean it maybe it might be a great draw a bit but I get it was like a you know my dearest Clarissa War has made animals And now it's just some guy being like hey Megan Hey Caitlyn yeah, you know, I miss you tits and don't fuck nobody while I'm gone So Jerusalem's lot Jerusalem's lot Charles Boone yes one generation before D-bone right Stanster reasons sure mostly where what now go on I was gonna say he's mostly writing to his friend bones bones We're the bone daddy. Yep. My dearest bone daddy Bones grandson.
He's got a first name. I forgot to write it down, but who could give a shit is yeah I'm good. I'll just call you bones. Yeah, that's cool.
I'll stick with bones. Yeah, he's a sickly writer He's gone south to the slave struck land of Florida He's a Charles quips that it's funny that he'd end up in a slave state because he himself does not care for slavery right how how How how droll Positively droll Charles it seems like this is like a sort of algonquin round table situation here Yeah, like these guys seem like they're part of like a literary community. Yeah, something like that right There's like allusions to other writers. Yeah, some names get tossed off one point.
He writes to a guy named Richard Maybe that's bones his first name and it's just the same guy maybe we also get a little bit from the perspective of Calvin who is a Man-servant slash boyfriend right there's a bit of boyfriend action. There's boy Yeah, there's a moment where he's just like he says something about how Calvin like peaks him P. I q u e I was like Boy, oh, yeah And so yeah, I mean we just it's told over the course of like a month right it starts in October 1850 The last letter comes in like November. Yes, and it's Starts off pretty innocuous just like hey, I just moved into this new house.
It's my family's house my Half, you know, it was bequeathed to me by my estranged cousin Mm-hmm, and by the way his whole side of the family died in here under mysterious circumstances But probably nothing to worry about aside from the from that and the slight mill doing On some of the fixtures I am feeling pretty good. I love the part in like I think it's the second letter We're just like there's 23 rows of this hat like this punch you gotta see this place It's fucking wild guys kind of a fucking idiot Like I also love whenever Calvin is like I don't know if we should do this and he's like and I assured him that I was good Yeah, like several instances of that I love I love that dynamic of like, you know It's usually like a hero and a sidekick or something But it's just like just all bravado from from the main guy and then the sidekick is just like I don't think that's a good idea Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a bit a kirk and Spock a little yeah I'm like I'm more kiff and zap rannigan from future on future. I was what we were gonna say. Yeah, yeah Um, so that's our that's our cast of characters.
I would say yeah, and yeah like you said things start out pretty chill We get a little bit a little bit we Charles mentioned he under you know, he suffered from a touch of brain fever Listen, you know who among us As it suffers from a touch of brain fever. I have a quick question. Yeah, I might get towed for parking in this parking lot No, okay, there was a sign up in a different parking lot. I drove through that was like don't park here Oh, that's mostly that's for like a you know, like a beach goers.
Yeah, that's fuckers. All right. No, you're fine. Okay Anyway Cut that if you want but I'll make sure to cut that So brain fever after his wife dies yes who could blame him.
Yeah, um his cousin Steven as we mentioned died in the house It's said that his tastes seem to have run the gamut from unacceptable to the downright horrific Yeah, what was this guy into yeah? Should I mention diapers for the third time? Oh, no, he was he was like one of the earliest Hyperfettishes he invented diapers just to wear them and even then I was like that's weird Would that be better for a baby? He's like oh, yeah, I guess I mean you can use it's kind of suppose Big for a baby.
Don't you think I mean I don't I certainly want to give any of my Baby Anything I think they should go on older people people my agent up right probably probably I should because it would make sense for me to keep wearing them I got older right also is anybody gonna fucking change me anyway? Anyway, anyway, that's the horrendous smell they smell when they go in the basement. Yeah, it's diapers It's it's cloth diapers of your yeah, all right. We have a bunch of cloth diapers and no washing machine.
Okay I should have done did a washing I did this out of order. Oh, now I got a full diaper. I don't want to do anything So then we got chapel way chapel which is would you say sort of a character? Yeah, it is sort of character.
I was I was waiting for like a so what its preachers corner is where chapel weight is yeah That's the name of the town it like overlooks preachers corner. Yes And it's also like on the border of Jerusalem's lot. Yeah, right? It's not the Barlow House is it?
I'm not sure at all either my but I think it might be I think it might be too it would make sense Um cuz I as far as I can remember we don't get like a full history going back this far in Salem's lot right? We just hear about the previous owner. Yes who killed himself in his wife, right? Okay, I think it's gotta be the same house right or like I mean if it's not it's like right around the corner It's right down the street.
It's gotta be right down the street The only thing that made me think is it not the same is the fact that this house is described as like overlooking cliffs sure I don't remember that I don't think that was in Salem's lot. Maybe the ocean tried up So But yeah, it's fun. It's cousin cousin Stevie Mm-hmm done on himself in the basement. That's right after also killing his daughter.
I think so. Yeah seems like that's how it went Yep, and you know Charles is just writing bones. He's like bones. This is get a little bit this my cousin fucking this guy And then when does he start talking about the rats in the walls?
Oh, that's just my favorite bit of something Do you believe it? Yeah, it's the sec. It's the second letter from October 6th. Okay.
I have a note here that says rat watch 18 to Yeah, well I stood in my late cousins upstairs bedroom I could hear the rats scuttering behind it and big ones They must be from the sound they make almost like people walking there. Yeah, I should hate to ever encounter one in the dark Or even in the light from that matter. I am hilarious. That's right.
He also notes that he's seen no droppings right where's that rat shit? Rats have diapers too. What's my cousin Steven not to fuck me here? There's no rat shit anywhere?
I I love the whole the idea that like I can hear rats scratching them off. They sound big. Yeah, right? You don't know what story you're in, but I know Buddy you gotta get out of that house.
Yeah, and that's where he says 23 rooms. Yeah, very um That moment in Ghostbusters when Dan and Fred's like you've got a poll. Have you seen this whole right? Vank that he got or trying to negotiate and he's just like this place is the best we should just get it right we should stay here tonight Yeah, you know try it out It's great.
I don't love that movie. I love that joke. You don't love Ghostbusters fine. It's fine I I I agree.
I think that like all of the the wild Ghostbusters love all of the you know zero sense to me That's crazy. I don't understand what people are like. I got to yeah, it's it's a fun movie I think I mean, you know everybody loves you know Bill Murray and that movie but fucking Harold Ramis. Oh, yeah is Crushing absolutely every scene in that movie he is holding down the force Yeah, if that movie was just Bill Murray the most annoying fucking movie of course Yeah, I think done So yeah, the letter to Richard Richard is a different guy different guy so after after Ratwatch begins He he sends a letter to Richard 10 days later.
He's like hey Remember that historian Bigelow who makes a habit of memorizing all the history of my town that I happen to live in Do's do something I be yeah, or maybe great grandpa my dearest Charles I fear I cannot put you in touch with mr. Bigelow for he is currently engaging in a European sojourn The nature of which is most ribald I will spare you the specifics, but need it not be said that many eyes were crossed Yeah, so that's it he's getting a little suspicious and This letter is the same he sends that letter at the same day as his first encounter with like some of the first like real encounter With some of the townspeople I think Calvin's maybe already gone into town or it's this day Yeah, I think yeah, it's this day he goes into town right and right that's when I guess Yeah, Charles hears about how everybody in town is like I don't like those boom that boom family. Yeah, they're a bunch of I don't know what they're up to They got evil in them. Yeah, that's pretty much it and like you know, he hires like a troop of cleaning ladies To dust and he like 23 rooms is a lot 23 rooms 23 rooms And he mentions that like they all seem very on edge while they're there He like rounds a corner into a room where one of them is working and she screams And eventually he talks to mrs.
Chloris the most reasonable lady in town he did he deduces yeah, and She basically gives him the rundown. She's like yeah, this house is definitely cursed your family is fucked This is like a bloodline problem. Yeah, you can't do anything to change it Yeah, you're fucked, but you're probably gonna try and that's your curse right? I'm sure that last bit, but that is that is yeah He's doomed.
He's a bit doomed. So yeah, they have that kind of conversation and Calvin has also gone into town at some point and put in like a An order for firewood for the winter. Mm-hmm deals with this real yoke. Oh, yeah This is a real this is a town town.
Yeah for sure. I forget his name Thompson. I wanna say yeah, that sounds Right Cal Thompson the pulp logger and uh, basically he's like hey, can you bring up some firewood? He's like, I'm gonna send my son to do it And I'm gonna he's gonna take the sea road in the light of day.
Yeah, I'm not coming. I'm saying my worst son I have too many songs. Yeah That's why you had kids back then like cuz they're old diamond shields. Yeah, I mean she'll for color on it and what have you This one's dying very fucking outside So all this is happening everyone fucking hates these guys.
Yeah these guys So yeah So they kind of like they exchange notes a little bit too. Mm-hmm. They being like Calvin and Charles. Yep, and that's where we get oh never mind.
I saw the word peak in my notes I thought that's when he sprung a boner, but he uses the word peak more than once. Yeah, so pretty Yeah, but they exchange notes and they're kind of like this place is definitely fucked up, right? Yeah, this place is creepy as hell, right? Yeah Yeah, so What is this one?
Oh dear gentlemen edition catalog home yada yada title ratsby Yeah, so well, there's also the incident with the hole in the bookshelf which I think comes next. I was up next Okay, yeah, so I'm Calvin basically like here's something fucked up He says there was a kind of he says it wasn't rats He says there was a kind of blundering thudding sound from behind the bookcases and then a horrible gurgling horrible horrible and scratching As if something were struggling to get out to get at me. All right, everything's about you Cal right So they they do like a little hardy boys investigation and they find false books Oh, oh God You I would love to have a secret room that you can only open with like a false book that would I mean That's the dream right you got like a little closet right there. Yeah, that's so you just go stand in it I could close my eyes while you do it.
I go where's Rob? I'm just in there peeking through the little slap through the blinders. Yeah, yeah peeking peaky blinders. Yeah, what does that mean?
Peaky blinders. Yeah, it's it's a cocking right probably Peaky blinders well, so I'm sort of a Charles and you're more of a Calvin. I guess I am kind of killing me Yeah, and well that makes me dip shit It's uh The name originated from the gang's practice of stitching razor blades onto the piece of their flat hats Okay, so they like those old-timey like caps. Yeah, so they're calling the brim up blinder.
Uh, yes. Yeah, okay I'll watch the show. I'll get back So behind the false wall We got a worm folks first. Yeah, the first of many worms I was really surprised it was a worm.
Yeah wasn't expecting a worm at all Yeah, I mean I was expecting a vampire story, but a worm come on so they find a map and then written on the map You know, it's like a map with like five points indicated on it one is chapel weight Mm-hmm and then in the legend it says the worm that doth corrupt all right you know are we talking about Interdimensional beast or hunter Biden's Worm This is a dumb cat. I gotta say oh She's very cute. She's so cute. Look at her faces all smoosh.
I like she's got a little chocolate milk mustache. Yeah, you know, that's cute It's drinks a lot of chocolate milk. She should I was giving her a shot the other day Yeah, and I accidentally jacked myself with a needle. I didn't I didn't inject myself Did you think about it?
Injecting myself? Yeah, just to see what happened and it just bled everywhere and I was it was like it was a tiny Pimp rick, but I must like was it like a very pretty no like a diamond cutter. Yeah, just shoots through the wall It was blood I got blood on her. Oh, yeah, it was a disaster.
Oh god. You gotta throw her out I know and you let me pet her well. Yeah, I had to I mean I had to bleach her to get all the blood stains out You could give her these shots or you could differ in bleach. Yeah, um, okay.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah Story as long as I was it is long as I was a long fucking story. I don't time actually We are at about 40 minutes. Maybe we should take a break okay and Reconvene over on patreon.com slash king we pod we do that all right We will be right back if you want to hear the rest of the episode and you're on patreon That's so great But if you're not going to patreon.com slash king me pod five dollars a month gets you the rest this episode and so much more Okay, bye bye