Welcome to the Mariners Church Life Group leader podcast. This weekly conversation is designed to equip and resource youth to build a healthy life group community that studies God's word, practices spiritual rhythms and changes the world together. Welcome leaders to week six of Song of Solomon wisdom for your love life. We're here at the end of this great sermon series as we've been looking at every stage of our relationship.
How God cares for it greatly gives us wisdom that we can live out in a real practical sense. It's been really encouraging. And then of course right after this we're jumping into Easter. So this after this weekend is going to be Easter weekend here at Mariners.
We are just so excited to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus with you. I got Tim Hamilton here, our group pastor. Hey everybody, it's going to be with you. Tim, how many Easter will this be for you at Mariners?
My third. The third, Easter. And the best one yet. I mean they're all amazing.
But yes, can't wait. Yeah, it's going to be so great. I mean we anticipate lots of people that are going to be here and we celebrate that. Lots of new people who are anticipating all of us, right?
Inviting people to come with us and experience that the joy of Easter here at Mariners, which of course starts on a good Friday. But good Friday. Give you guys some hands in the Thursday night service. Good Friday actually.
Good Thursday. It's going to be awesome. So excited. It's amazing that we can watch family bring family.
When they walk at the door and you can just see the whole big group coming together to experience that weekend. It's so powerful. Yeah, that's right. So we can't wait to celebrate it with you.
And then right after Easter we're going to jump into a new sermon series. What would Jesus say? Which is a great question. And you know that might call back to some of you.
Remember that what would Jesus do bracelets? And really the statement there is we don't have to wonder what Jesus would say because he has said it is worth. Like he talks directly about issues and topics and there's things that he has. He has said so we don't have to be subjective.
Wait and wonder that we can look to his word. The questions that we have. And we'll look at the series overview for what would Jesus say with Eric. So that would be coming out soon for you as well.
But today we're going to work through the sixth and final week of wisdom for you love life. Yeah. And this one is a vision for love and we're looking at chapter seven through eight. And as we do on this podcast we're not going to read all chapter seven because we would be here for an extended amount of time.
But we're going to just pick through the passage here a little bit and give you some tips as you lead the discussion in your groups. Alright. So Eric taught this across all of our congregations or is teaching this across all of our congregations. And he talks in the message about that great book.
Is it Gary Chapman? The five love languages? The five love languages? Yeah, it's great.
It's a lean in here about which of the five languages resonates with you the most. And just reminded of what those are. Affirmation in the message air calls that tell like words of affirmation telling quality time physical touch. So the message air talks about telling time and touch acts of service and then receiving gifts.
What about for you Kim? What do you know about those language? What resonates with you? How would you help leaders navigate that first question?
I love that book first of all because it's very insightful. Mine is quality time. Right. And I like within our family we give experience gifts where we can go do something together instead of all the stuff.
But one of my children is gifts and they like to receive a lot of stuff. But that means so much to them. My husband loves words of affirmation. So learning how to communicate so the people you love feel loved is a huge thing.
And it becomes a self listening because it may not be what resonates with me. But it builds relationship for sure. Yeah, it's a real helpful framework to know not only what yours is to know what your partner your relationship with or spouse, your fiance, whatever the boyfriend or whatever that is to know how they receive. Right.
So I want to give what we like and it might not be actually what's being met. What's being met over there. Like I've known over the years one of mine is probably acts of service. And so I might show up and do that in ways expecting some kind of a brand applause.
You know, it's like, well, no, you just do it once. I've been doing it every day. Like, I'm washing the dishes, but I'm doing that all day. And so it's really helpful to know.
Like, OK, this is how I receive and also what's helpful for how to give that out. And to be able to talk about it and to even practice with friends. Yeah. Like just to start to realize how other people receive and communicate.
Right. Yeah. Maybe not so much the physical touch one with the friends. Yeah.
For sure. Yeah. And sometimes these things are seasonal too. But they're always in form and always in session.
I mean, no one ever outgrows like needing time together, needing to be encouraged through our words and certainly that they're all very, very important. Right. And we don't want to deficit any of them. But yeah, there are certainly ways that we're heightened in some of these.
That's great. All right. Then we head on to the look down and again, we're not going to read all of chapter seven and chapters eight. Then there's one question I'd like to say.
It's chapter one. How has the couple love matured by chapter seven and eight? What marks the relationship in these final chapters? What do you see again about the maturity of the relationship where it's now at in chapter seven, three?
I love the whole story that talks about how people actually end up looking like each other at the end of the rest. Yeah. I don't know if that's really true. But the part about finishing each other's sentences.
Right. That is true. It's so sweet when you see people that have been together for years and years and they're so in tune with one another they can just finish each other's sentences. And you kind of felt like that in parts of chapter eight that they kept going back and forth.
Yeah, that's right. And they're able to pick up the line for each other. Even learning I guess how to be poetic is like communicated there together. But I thought that was really endearing and the security in relationship.
There's a foundation and there is a security. There is a intimacy. There is a closeness that you can easily pick up on. Yeah, right.
Yeah. And some of this language at the beginning of the passage too about for love is as strong as death. That's a quite strong statement to make. What's being said there is it's about a commitment that's final.
Like death in one sense is final. Although we know it's not final right. But it is for amidst it's there's a finality to death and it's like yeah love is equal to that. The love that we are committing towards each other is commitment is final.
It's in it. We're in it all. We're in it all the way. There's also that statement about give all his wealth for my love.
It's like money gap. Can't buy me a love of the air. It mentions that. It's a full on investment that there's nothing more valuable to give my time to.
And so you see like there's these statements and these actions that are rooted in deep deep commitment deep commitment. And there's an intimacy that's fostered there because of trust because of commitment because of last week they've gone through we've seen conflict and how you deal with conflict. So it's not just like pie the sky. It's like not be gone through some things.
And even as you go through things are commitment is strong. Our security and trust in one another is strong. Absolutely. That's a real thing because what marks the relationship in the final chapters anybody that's been married and into their final chapters of their life has been through very rough things.
That's just part of life and that builds a union that cannot be mistaken and really can't be built any other way. Right. We may want to end it away. We're promised that throughout scripture right?
That's how we get to perseverance. It's through the trying and the testing of our faith. It's the same in our relationships. Alright we go on to the lookout.
It says on what does it look like when our vision of love is lost or misplaced. Where have you seen it? I move out this question probably in similar fashion throughout really many many of these weeks. Anything you want to highlight in the lookout section for us?
I jotted down I thought and this comes and goes probably in many relationships looking for a spouse to complete you. Definitely when you're looking for a spouse. Like on Thursday nights and the message is there. You know that's a big part of it.
What you're looking for is not there to complete you. It's somebody you want to have a union with because you bring your whole self. Right. As God made you to be.
Right. And so when your vision of love is misplaced what the thing can't look like right? It looks like a scarcity in our identity. Insecurity that can be part of it for sure.
I think maybe a hopelessness for those that you know are coming through really traumatic relationships or in the middle of a traumatic relationship or just longing just to be in a relationship. Full stop. I just want to be in a relationship. There can be a hopelessness when that vibrancy is lost.
And a lot of people have experienced this. It's been a part of a lot of our stories. When we put it almost too high on a pedestal when we put it as the ultimate thing that ultimate things that aren't rooted in who God is. God is the ultimate one.
We'll actually come back and harvest. If misaligns almost everything in your life and God is not the ultimate one. And you can easily just choose anybody. If you're looking for someone to complete you, it changes the perspective of what you're looking for.
Yeah. That's right. Good insights. All right.
Look at it. It says given what you understand about relationships what advice would you give a younger version of yourself? All right. One question there.
So give what you understand now about relationships. Looking back. What would you give your own self advice for it? And then it says are there past relational hurts or habits that you fell on to?
What would it like to receive and extend forgiveness in these places? And then the final question as impactful as relational love can be, how does the faithful love of Christ bring you encouragement and hope and all circumstances? So there's really some connection in here. How would you impact the response to these three questions?
I'm particularly curious about the one about what advice you give your younger self. That's a great question. Yeah. That's a great question to lean into and to clean from one another in a life group.
Because I think we get a variety of answers coming out of there. But I think mine would land more like what we just talked about looking for us to complete you. I would have spent way more time working on myself with my eyes in instead of out and my eyes up like just between a vertical relationship with the Lord and let him work out all the other details that he's so masterful of doing. Yeah.
Yeah. And I think there's a there's a discernment piece like in all the relationships of in one sense like don't sweat the small stuff. Yeah. Don't hold on.
Don't build up resentment over little things, little events that are probably more often about you than the other person. Their expectations that haven't been communicated that aren't met their preferences, whatever. And then at the same time too, like don't completely ignore it. Right.
So it's kind of both sides. It's learning to let go of what you can and should let go of and then learning when and how to actually address things in a graceful way and a true form and honest way. And there's really yes that there's an art and science to that right. There's there's a sermon that comes to that that has really developed over time and trust.
But yeah, I think for me, there may be some tendency to overreact to little things. It's like, okay, don't sweat those little things. And then the bigger things you might actually not call out, you know, so it's like you're there's something deeper under the surface. But rather than actually get into it, I'm going to react to the little things because those are quick hits and it's measurable and I could vent on it.
But there's actually something that's deeper into the surface. So the deeper thing is kind of accentuating the small things. Totally. Yeah.
Totally. If you, you know, for me, if I come home, you know, and things are in disarray or whatever. And if I, if I'm in a not in a great way, I can react and just write everything and try to clean things and let you notice my life knows. And I love throwing stuff away.
Like I'll go in a hurry, man. Like a wind storm or like throw stuff. We don't need to get this stuff. And I'll know there's a broken side of that where it's like a great, where do I feel like things are out of control?
Like my own, my own emotions or, you know, my vocation, if there's things that are out of control when I come home and I feel that there, am I reacting to something that's, that's deeper under the surface? And so I think it's paying attention to the deeper thing behind the thing. Behind the thing, as many, many have said that would probably advise I would give myself. That's so good.
And for our spouses, we are supposed to be aware of that when that comes out in us to realize there's probably something else going on and embrace that. Because I would have said, I think the phrase I could think of is embrace the differences. Instead of trying to fix those little things that are not like me. If I could just let go and enjoy and embrace the differences, it makes it so much richer and you're able to work through those big things.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Your partner's not someone to fix. No.
It's a love. And it is about not two incomplete individuals completing each other, but it's about, you know, a complimentary pair coming together to compliment one another and not use your differences to, you know, overcome the weaknesses of your partner. But it's a compliment and defend. Yeah.
Lots of good stuff. It's okay. So, you know, I think there's been an emphasis about the union of marriage and rightly so. But this is not, this isn't a series about enriching marriage.
This is a series about enriching our relationships at every stage of that. I love that. That here at Mary's, we take that seriously. You want to invest in every part of our, every part of our relationship.
Single married, engaged, wherever you're at in that guy's word has something to say for you to quickly admit it. That's so good. And to open up the door for dialogue where like the forgiveness can come in like we're talking about in this study. Because we all bring something to the table.
Right. The hurts have been a part of our life and forgiveness just calms our hearts. Yeah. And we're really, really good.
So good. Yeah. We'll talk through this. Yeah.
And you guys, you're not alone in it. Either right. We know we have some, maybe new life group leaders are listening to this. That just came out of the root of transition.
Welcome. We're so glad you're here. I'm part of the crew. It's amazing.
So great. And then if you heard, Linda, last week, if you didn't hear it, Linda, Vinar, Marriage Crash, last week, to some detail talking about the different resources that we have to help prepare, strengthen, and energize your marriage relationships. So you want to check that stuff out. We're really fortunate that we've got an incredible team, not just staff team, but amazing leaders and volunteers that are here to help you and coach you and equip you through the resources to help you put you along the way.
It's great. All right, Kim. Thanks for joining us. Absolutely.
Happy Easter. Is it too early? Never too early for that. That's awesome.
Yeah. We can't wait to see you here for Easter at Mariners, not just to see you here as a part of it, but to serve, to be a part of putting on the service for others who experienced Jesus. So check your lack of leader email, there's information there about how you can jump in and be on the server teams for Easter weekend as well. All right, guys.
We'll see you next week.