EPISODE · Mar 23, 2026 · 45 MIN
Standards Or Control
from we are NOT the SAME · host Heather Gardner and Lacey Joseph
Send us Fan MailThe fastest way to start a relationship fight is to call a demand a “boundary” and hope nobody notices. We go straight at the question most couples dance around: where’s the real line between having standards and being high maintenance, and when does a “healthy boundary” slide into control?We break down the difference in plain language: boundaries are about what we will tolerate and what we will do next, not rules we enforce on another adult. From there, we get into the modern stuff that makes this so confusing: social media boundaries, following exes, Snapchat “secret conversations,” liking other people’s photos, and what it means when a partner won’t post you. We also talk about why feeling hidden can trigger real insecurity, especially if you’ve lived through emotional abuse, cheating, or being treated like someone’s secret.Then we move into the gray areas: location sharing for safety versus tracking for reassurance, password access versus phone searches, and how “therapy speak” can be weaponized to justify toxic behavior. Finally, we play High Maintenance Or Healthy Boundaries and argue through daily communication, splitting bills, opposite-sex best friends, and more, with plenty of “it depends” and a few hard no’s.If you’ve been wondering whether you’re asking for respect or asking for control, this one will hit. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review. What’s one boundary you refuse to compromise on? -Support the show
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Send us Fan Mail The fastest way to start a relationship fight is to call a demand a “boundary” and hope nobody notices. We go straight at the question most couples dance around: where’s the real line between having standards and being high maintenance, and when does a “healthy boundary” slide into control? We break down the difference in plain language: boundaries are about what we will tolerate and what we will do next, not rules we enforce on another adult. From there, we get into the mod...
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Standards Or Control
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