I think I like what I'm having sex with her. I'm having sex with the Mexican part of the show. Yeah, she's like, she's a hobby. Why did I prop that?
I don't want to do that. I retract my knuckles. God. Thanks.
Okay. Welcome to the show. But okay. I, yeah, because I see your face to two things.
You face looking at my cat. I mean, I don't like the way you look at my cat. And then also I have an intro that says that I'm a king of the west. And you find that to be offensive.
Yes. Because what? Because I make it look like I think I'm all that. Yes.
Maybe I am all that. No, I say that. I was also loving thinking that everyone's done so much work. We're sitting here, driving the livestream going and everything going.
And then your only job is to sit here and then you just press one sound. I do this. I can't even take what's upstairs. You're right.
Welcome back. Yes. Princess Nova Scotia. They call you.
Yeah, so they call me the princess of the fucking no. You should get an intro. I said that on your pocket. I know I got one night.
I had a queen of jerk it off. That was nice though. That was nice. People involved.
I was like, it didn't matter what I felt, but I was listening to it. You know what? I always think these cats look at penis and it's sitting right where your penis is. So just it's a touch.
No, this side of my data is a cat. I'd rather have to penis on the cat. That's that. I don't want more friends.
I mean, it's okay because you're a girl, but it's still it's inappropriate. It is inappropriate, but I just we are. Yes. We both want to come.
Let's get a little hair. With other people that aren't here and that's just not a problem. I wouldn't be sexual. I'd be like medical.
Well, then check it out. It would be like the way I pet the cat. Like I wouldn't be like one finger. Yeah, that's how I get on the again.
Oh, I don't like it. It's skinned. Oh, my grandma had a really loose skin in her hands and her veins always like fly out and gross me out. Do you like dogs?
Love dogs. I have the same skin. Yeah, but I can't see it. Oh, yes, those raccoons, but it doesn't really matter.
Yeah, you see the ball raccoon? A lot like it looks like it's crazy how much animals we know here look exactly the same. Like they all look like the same thing. Where are you seeing both raccoons at?
On the internet. I'm going to chuck off to it. Actually, speaking of jerking off a guy last night at the store, I asked people's kink and he said pouch play and he's Australian. Oh, yeah, we're not cut.
And he said no, he meant like he watches like a kingle rooze. Oh, I'm putting things in a pouch. I'm a king of all patches. I don't know if you know that.
Well, here's a king of a lot of things. Get a button for it. Yeah. I was like, put it in a bag.
It's okay. It's true. I'm a king of a lot of things. King of all patches.
50 M&M's in my foreskin. Really? Yep. I've doubled the...
The peanut of the chocolate. Peanut. They got you know an allergy. No.
I would have been a bad place to find out. You got a peanut allergy. Stuffing. So you've stopped them at number four.
Yeah, it was how I got on the Howard's don't you? He's the king of the pouch play. I'm a guy that's the one who's the king of the pouch. Yeah, I didn't think of this.
Not really worth it, at this point. Well, is it? You're on the show. Four times.
Every time was you like, try to get 51. I think the first three times. How about snow caps. What can you do with that?
I think... God, sure. Was it ever time I was on the stunt show and I didn't take my penis? I did.
Maybe once. I think it was one time. And then after that time, they never had me back. But they knew what you were coming to do.
Why would they have me back? They knew the dick was coming out. I think that's what I'm saying. The fourth one where I didn't pull my penis out.
I had nipple clamps all over it and George the guy that's the guy that started I he patted my penis and you're a friend that I want to pat your penis I'm not offended by it. I'm a thing that you don't like my cat. It's too loose. It is it's like balls It's like a big one ball balls are great They're constantly moving and that's a thing that I never knew until I was like 14 Moving on to without me telling them to they're just like what are we gonna do now?
I'm just like quivering around you know that Give it a gander. I'm looking at Jefferson's balls. Give it a gander for more than 10 seconds and watch them start to think of things They're like a lava lamp. Oh really?
I realized the whole thing. Yes, that's the same mesmerize Oh wake up and watch the balls wake up. Yeah, I have the big time I did watch them. That's it It's fun, especially if you didn't know like as a guy that was in a bath one time and I was like what the hell And I was like that's it in a mean like an alien in my balls and then I was like wait no in the bath How much can you say you sitin up?
Balls I was like kind of like back like that and I was like my balls and I was like wait When you're in a bathtub your balls are pretty much the most interesting thing to look at are they floating up now you wait Yeah, it does It looks like somebody who drowned it's just sort of like Yeah, like after they fill up with water and get back up Yeah, yeah, like a dead guy on the bridge. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah The body just comes off just fucking fish them out and the balls are the crocodiles still holding on to the bottom Still moving still moving still moving, but it's like they're like this like He can stuff undulating. I think it's the word Oh, I'm so sexy.
I know it's a good word. I'm Gileting. Yeah, maybe when I throw up. I lost my mind on the way here.
I almost beat up a mother and her children Why didn't I touch the children? I wasn't anybody she she pushed it for me. I was reversing on my driveway. It's school hours I live by school.
I know slow down. Yeah, usually I was a normally I back out of that fucking bad at hell I don't look I'm like a school time so sorry back I'm back. I'm socially I'm looking I'm looking I come out I see the family and I stop I go oh she goes like this I say sorry She knows she goes like this Put your hands up offers roller rolls rise ago. Huh?
So I'm going to go excuse me and she goes go I go no no no no no no no I just reversed out very slowly What can I do differently next time for you not to behave like this? Yeah? She goes fucking no she's a fuck she goes ah and I go fuck you and then I drove off I peeled out like crazy boyfriend came out. She thought something happened.
Yeah, I was just bad as I thought you were gonna But I was here five kids who has five kids well I thought about fuck herself and I was like I was trying to be nice You know what's five kids really rich people and really poor people. Yeah, she's poor. Yeah weird. Yeah, like I don't know money Let me have at four more, you know It's like it's greedy it is really because now one kid isn't getting enough things that they probably need another Unless not to mention all the poopy and the toilet paper go to the toilet your food your trash the water With like the environment, you know the world God made this great world And then you brought four extra shitheads into it to destroy and you're dumb Which means the chance of them being smart is very low so you brought four let's say let's be honest five morons I was like five more than she had really bad teeth.
I was coming to be a kid. I should have hit you so your teeth could not Didn't a little bit. You know I can't close it. I can't close everything now because I hate her I was like so annoyed yeah, I was trying to be nice.
You have an anger problem I think wrong especially when I was like what can I do like I was gonna be like if you was a gesture for me like to honk When I reverse or something like I don't know what it is you tell me what I can do differently here Yeah, but you know to behave like she was privileged No, you're close to the shit a privileged comment to you driving your car you are you how else do you get your car out of a driveway? You've got it. It's got a role that's how it gets out on also I have a gay that rolls very slowly over so you had the whole role are you not paying attention to your surroundings? Yeah?
When I have a nice and I was like she saw it roll open and Dan proceeded to walk in front of it Yes, she also didn't even walk I have a fucking backup camera. Nothing was behind me I love she was just annoyed that I was coming out of my fucking driveway Yeah, well in her defense. She has five kids and they make you like annoyed at the world They were also they seem like they're well behaved though. They were all standing like that staring me like none of them ran out There was no urgency here.
There's your eyeball any of the kids when you Know Fuck off and I feel that real feel that I feel that I was pissed I was past you think it if she said what's up, bitch You would have got out of car and had a fight honestly, yes, I she got me so fucking mad I'm like and she wouldn't have honestly this story. It's not I thought that she would have done more I wanted to have some triggered. I don't know why was so triggered. Oh that way you were like hell no sounds like you brought something to that I didn't you know what pissing off is gonna do anything I understand if I backed into your kid or I almost take your stroller or something to behave in this way where I've like ruined your whole life But when you do something so nothing was done and to be like treated like that It's bizarre.
I think I was over people being just completely disregarding the rude people for no reason I guess what it's like it's something no no yeah, I'm with you because you just trick it I just remember the other day I was leaving the airport and I'm coming down the street and there's Intersection with the light and the light goes red and these people gonna walk across and I come to the light And the guy walks out under the cross intersection with his hand up to stop me like I'm gonna barrel through this like I'm like shut the fuck up like I've come to a stop put your fucking hand down What are you what are you making a fucking citizens arrest? I'm coming to a stop like I'm so confused no no you you there Stop and I'm like shut the fuck up gotta hate you and then if you ever said really good I know I wouldn't go out. I don't punch people anymore. I just was like if I'm also offering a solution I have a job yes like in school or like an adult no an adult not sure the face I thought she stole my cell phone from which she didn't she I found after I was so drunk I went like this I went oh to my back pocket and I clocked her like it feels good Well, it was there was already a fight.
I already got jump by three girls So there's a dance party. I got jumped out my eyes are three girls scratching me one of their guy friends punched me in the fucking side Oh, yeah, so the security guards pull everybody off It's in Toronto Andy pool hall shut out any pool over there my sister's getting held by two security I'm kicking I'm gonna bathroom. I sure it's completely ripped. They had like what was it?
I did that I think she like knocked into my boyfriend at the time and I went excuse me and she went excuse you and then Shove me and I was like here we go, but just like then it just turned a huge thing and punch that chick that is Again to punching so I had to go in the bathroom. Oh, like she was also the first time I got a big fight They were just scratching me. Yeah, I'd rather you hit me cuz I had like cut marks and like nail marks I was ripped my clothes like what the fuck and I was like my phone She's so my fucking son this big great when you got iPhone was like the first iPhone So I ran and she was just what to leave the security on header So I had perfect eyes and then we somehow so got to stay the bar they kicked them out Sorry, that's not punching her be accidentally didn't steal your phone. She assaulted you she does not me yet I was like no, I Have my phone but that would I be like my bad.
I have my phone in my pocket and also hell Yeah, I punched you in the face you dumb bitch. Yeah, that's yeah With their friends, you know, like if you want to fight fight me Yeah, one on one if you have that if that was a one on one it probably would have been I mean she would she wouldn't have Never been a guy. It's like my friends. Hey, man.
Let's beat this guy I'm like you beat him up, you know like what it you need me for you guys guy You're the one take care of it if some big guy is gonna beat up my friend and you're a little guy I'd be like hey big guy don't beat up a little guy that ain't fair and then he goes to beat up a little guy All right, maybe we're gonna go a little okay But if it's if it's like hey, huh? If you've been in I mean I got beat up a lot when I was a kid This is how everyone thinks cuz I look like this that I was a bully but I got beat up in school constantly I never want to find I just got beat up even if I it doesn't know way no I got punched one time, but I totally deserved it. Okay. What did you do?
I just like made mother jokes to somebody I just didn't read the room at all. He was a friend of a friend I thought today we'd be like hey, what's up? But I just like I said something about his mom being a slut or something and I swear to God people so touching about that right? Which bizarre are they I see I've never really believed I mean strange right you can be like you're ugly Okay, I don't like your shoes.
Okay, your mom's work. What what what it's like why it's such a strange everybody feels this responsibility I respect it. Look at my other eyes your mother. I'm not Punching you over that's crazy.
It's obvious. I need those mother you're almost so fat I was like you never seen a mom she's actually put them like that would that make you angry I don't think so because maybe your friends the guy that you said maybe you're he she was a slut Yeah, maybe a man's a man's like that's usually like that's the one that could be the triggering Like a massive whore she was a girl scout leader. It would be kind of amazing if she was getting a bunch of the Oh, that'd be perfect. You get all the dads right all single dads.
Oh, yeah, I swear. That's why my nose is crooked It's the only time I've ever been punched and my nose is good and I think I went over one I definitely lost that fight, but I also didn't know I was in one like he hit me and then I was like wait What just happened like serious? I'm not trying to break like what just happened and then it happened again And then somebody was pulling off me and I'm like were you punching me like I'm just a drunk guy making dumb mother joke Yeah, but ever since I know I look well my nose looks a slightly different way it does yeah No Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's early 90s. They get a band-aid early 90s, New Jersey when men were men Yeah, but now because of this guy I'm always afraid I'm getting into fights I never used to think about getting attacked by sharks or getting into street fights, but it's just he planted now every time I go into Ocean I'm just like what yeah, he's right.
I mean they are out there. It's statistically like I have a better chance of getting blown by Mermaid right now than I do of getting attacked by a shark, which also just real quick I wouldn't do that because a mermaid has fangs you gotta roll Get away with it. It's a mermaid because if she bites it off Yeah, she can swim faster than you you ain't catching her and if you do get into a scuffle with her she'll take it down to the deep blue sea Okay, and drown your ass dickless. Okay, dickless.
You've got no dick Okay, I've always thought about that recently because I'm street fighting and people biting stuff and like monkeys bite people's genitals I don't know if you know this but monkeys by humans feet hands and genitals That's where they go because I've always had this thing that maybe monkeys would take over the world because the Macuckus is a Species in Pakistan in India Which is in Pakistan and they pushed the president of Pakistan off of Elkhani they killed him they killed him also There was this monkey that was like a monkey friends with this couple and then a couple put the monkey in a sanctuary because they were getting too old And then he lived in a sanctuary and then they came to the sanctuary to visit him and give him a cake for his birthday He ate the dudes genitals hands and feet and even touch the cake. Yeah rude what a waste right? But that made me realize yeah when you fight in the streets because I fight in it I like fighting in the ring with my friends or you mean anybody that wants to fight in the ring But it's friendly. Yeah, if you have an argument fight, I don't like that I don't want to punch anybody and hurt them when they're mad.
It's like a emotional fight. I'm like I hate that I don't like I want to be I want to shake your hand firmly I don't want to be in trouble. I don't like when people are sad around me like I got issues from like childhood stuff Where like if people are very angry or very sad, I'm like I gotta go But I can't so I say and I get real uncomfortable So if you're gonna be in a street fight then the honor is out and to me when I'm once again my childhood I've seen people get punched weird. They might have died I don't know I was like ran, but they might have died So to me if you're gonna fight me in the street I really don't want to fight because if we fight I'm gonna bite your dick off like I'm gonna bite your jugular and rip your veins Over here, this is what you do like this is like you bought you you kick him and you get him and you put your thumbs in their eyeballs You pull your eyeballs out and then you bite their penis off because if you bite a guy's penis off It's it's so hard not to grab where the hole is where they beat your dick off So then you've got both hands on the dicks are now the guys not defending his face And that's when you pull his eyes out you start like this a lot and now he's blind and dickless and you get to live You get to run away, especially helpful for like weaker people like you know women Wow, that's where he went I was by his dick off right now.
Have you seen the movie with teeth or teeth? Yeah, but the brother would be teaching it You know the genot teeth. Yeah, but Jane dell dintata. Yes every time she gets like assaulted by a man her pussy like no If you see the one with the rubber's got teeth, I don't think I have it's pretty good to put the rubber on and eat his dick No, no, how he dissolves it It's not a stomach with the rubber of lives and like travels and eat sticks.
What the hell is that? It's a French movie French. You're pretty good when it comes to that stuff good. Yeah, I find that stuff Define good Like sure American movies just like let's do another Batman, you know French people like not that means yeah Batman has a rubber It's dicks so much cooler.
Do you know I saw a thing today that 90 8% of men think they're Batman That's a lot of men. No way that that person seems too high 90% of men are like I bet it tick tock doesn't lie tick tock like oh speaking of the monkey thing Do you know for him or you know? Yeah? He was talking about how monkeys rip off people's like button stuff, but they get so yeah, they get like enraged and they'll just rip off like Cheeks they can take it.
I think they don't know faces. I'm like that's scary. They're very sure I'm trying to just wrap my head around the logistics of an ass Coming like a handful of hands. Yeah, let's go in and then just rip it off.
Oh, it is gross thinking about that I mean, how do they get them exactly off with the face off like I don't hear my what those monkeys that escaped in um, Research facility. Yeah, and then they found something like hanging out like close by so they're like still talking with it They're still locked up, but they're like leave like there's honey people there like leave the monkeys don't imagine You see the video where the guys like the ground monkeys like touching his hair whatever and then I don't know where he just Sculpting oh God, that's what's so crazy about them because they're they're capable of so much and but they don't use it all that often I was in Bali and there's just like places where you go to a temple and there's monkeys there And you're just like walking along and they'll be right along the path and it's just looking at you and I swear to God You can see in its eyes. It's like I could rip off your whole ass right? I probably won't I'm just sitting here I remember like we walked away from that and ten minutes later my wife just like pulls out her phone apps It might look we all do and some lady selling trinkets on the street 30 yards away is like put your phone away I feel it.
Yeah, like they'll run over and grab it and got in and they might rip your ass off accident Yeah, yeah, we don't sweat monkeys, but we sweat sharks because most of the time sharks are pretty friendly Are they okay this person? I know that sort of tiger sharks and she pat them and they come up and say a little worse She gave one a cake and it didn't eat her genitals. Yeah, so you're pretty good with those Siberian whatever they were Until they weren't yeah, but it's like the grizzly man. He was good with the grizzly's until he's idiot.
There's a difference There's a moron yeah, but that's the baby because he was a moron you wouldn't eat me you're all right and I wouldn't push it Because guess what I'm a moron. Oh, that's it. I'm staying out here like shut up idiots He poking him. I'm washing the bed today like dude.
Don't watch the bed a bit of it Hug in the bear They don't like hugs hugs feel like headlocks and now they're retaliate He was always rubbing up on him like they were fucking koalas, you know, which also not to be fucked with people are koala And I'm like yeah, maybe not do you see them all your home? I used to they got they got now They're not extinct, but they're when I was a kid They were everywhere and then when I was always you know They don't America and I come back over America come back and it was super apparent to me because I would only go back for two weeks of The year and every time I go back when I drive to the bush because I was like the thing I love to do when I go Australia and there's this road one you road and if it's dusk you always see kangaroos You always see koalas you always see one bats and then every year it'd be less And then it was like one year I was like I didn't see one and now it's like Committee they killed him as far as fires because they smoke literally eat gum leaves So they just like they're high and then they see the fighting like I might forget about it I'll probably miss me trip on that bro. Yeah, burn This is a tough man one time I was attacking a koala like I was like a kid frustrated youth and I was thrown stuff at him in a tree Fell like 50 feet and land on the ground boom shoulder block ran straight up the tree like nothing and they made crazy balls sounds at me We all ran like terrified little children. Yeah, they're really walks Yeah, you cannot like you like oh look at that also video I've seen videos from jumping from tree to tree chasing somebody that had a gum leaf branch sold on YouTube the other day They can leave crazy clothes.
I made up a story to get laid when I first came to America drop is there was koala bears had rabies So they would drop out of trees and land on your face and rip your face off It's not true, but I used to say that that was a thing that I lived with and goes oh my god It's so cool. This is a dangerous attitude. It's about a match. It's not big deal to me And then they would blow me that was your story.
Mm-hmm. Let's get laid all the time then one time a woman or desperate. Yeah Yes, right You know well, but it was like a different world like we used to believe in same things about other countries because I had a Knock less connected. Yeah, like I literally remember hearing people say only half jokingly that like Asian women's vaginas are sideways I heard that as well.
Exactly. That's not true Fun fact. Yeah fun fact I'm glad we're really getting to the bottom of the real facts here today Well, there's a guy my sweet long time ago when Susan was a puppy and he was like a big big white guy I don't know where the I think it's my main year something I've been accent and Susan was a puppy and she jumped up on his leg and he got startled and I laughed so hard He's like, what the fuck what the fuck? I was like, sorry, man.
I'm like you're a big guy my puppy startled It's really funny. Yeah, and he's going over my fence and I'm like, excuse me He's like, I'm gonna fuck you up like you're gonna beat me up because you just jumped at my puppy Yeah, and it was a crazy and then like I watched him walk and I saw his like what was kid look like I was like I'm gonna remember this motherfucker because you scared the fuck on me. I used to make the kid I was like, I know you're kidding. I was like, if everything if you ever think I was gonna make how would you like I'm doing this is the one who was going to say something like that but freaking out I was like you were gonna fucking fight me because I and he jumped so hard It was a funny thing was like go put your golden retriever puppy startling like this jack man.
Yeah, Jack man gypsy's white guy I don't like white guy. I don't like white guy. He's a Romanian, right? I don't know he had a bit of an accident.
I don't know anything better for a really good a big racist right now I love Romanians. Yeah, see, I'm not racist. Right. That's how many things for the world to Like Russians, right?
I don't know. I said just married one. So it's like cam. So it's yeah It's just one you like one and you like them all I see I don't like Russians Your girlfriend your phone.
I got any fun. Oh, yeah, that's my girlfriend. Yeah, okay. That is do your wife on your phone No, I have a steak a steak.
Yeah, like a mate. Yeah, wait your screen saver is of a look at that Wow, dude. There's a steak. There's crab.
There's like Christmas tree in the background. That's all year of the history It's been on my phone for like six years wait your screen saver is meat. It's a beautiful state. It's no The answer is yes, is it yes, but it's bothering me that's so out of touch first of wise like all your round your Christmas You're on the other side.
I mean same and everything thought about that way. I'm so distracted by the steak What's your Christmas? I have a nice little one of my boyfriend a very cute photo. This is the inside one.
I have my kids Okay, the first one is meat. I look at the steak a lot more than a kid. Yeah, that's It's good that you have the kids on the inside so creepos can't see them. I don't think about that either You don't think about that either.
Yeah, now the sister has a baby and she's so fucking cute She's one and I I'm on a bad side of tech talk where there's a lot of oh a lot of dark web shit So I'm like I don't put my sister baby is the kids baby in the planet. You will not see me poster on social media I do hate thinking about that. I very very very infrequently post my kids But every now and again, there's like I feel like a reason to yeah Just of course you want to they're fucking cute to think that there's like that. Yeah, I always said I've said a million times about people who listen to the show My my favorite thing is meeting 90% of them I leave everything is meeting the other 10% of them and like the 10% of that 10% could be capable of some pretty grody stuff Yeah, and I hate to think like something that I've learned over the years if you because I Google a lot of like well-known public figures Because they come on the show you put in the name it auto completes net worth wife Those are like the things people look up I don't know why and I hate to think that if it's like if somebody gives a shit about you and they're a dude They give a shit about if you say oh, I'm doing this chick They want to see her Yeah, I don't know why but people do strange so like a creepy dude like your kid would be like huh I'm a special for them I assume in the same kind of way My Instagram showed me James F.
Fields wife and I was like this chick looks like she knows James F. Field and then I Oh James F. Fields wife. Is it our money bags?
No I'm dead. No, she didn't know she was getting a tattoo. You're dead. That's a long time ago We made a mistake anyway, I followed her because I was like, oh, it's the woman behind the man Yeah, it's my man.
She makes him happy. I want to see how she does it I don't want to bone or anything. I don't think like anything like that. I'm just like oh cool It's the one that he loves the most and I love him so I kind of for the first time ever I was like I get it I'm such a fan of him that I follow his wife just because I've also see like his birthday her photos because James He's too metal to make sense.
He's my birthday. He's like I'm too metal to celebrate my birthday But she does it's the kind of like you in the scab right now No, because I he can it's if palms he can't cut open the top is sensitive and he can okay, so I let him do that Hey everybody this podcast is sponsored by prize picks prize picks is this sweet app where you can like see some sports That you like hopefully I mean you can see some sports you don't like that matter for instance a guy like me So some sports that he doesn't really like like basketball I don't really care, but I seen some famous guys on TV didn't know him for being real good at basketball And I was like I don't reckon he's that good. So what do you think about that? And then I Place a wager and bulbs your uncle you win a bunch of money Oh, you know this is the game, baby You gotta be at the win it You know what's great about prize picks is they're the only real money daily fantasy platform with an injury insurance policy Look you may know everything about the game.
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So yeah, let's go to try miracle made calm slash not just try miracle calm slash Ellis Yeah, what he said and use the code Alice to claim your free piece Towel set and save over 40% off again. That's try miracle calm slash Ellis to get yourself No to treat yourself Wow again. That's try miracle calm slash Ellis to treat yourself Thank you miracle made for sponsoring this episode Learning a lot wearing a lot of the cat legs Together do you yeah, and we're gonna more than he's like Knuzzles me okay best as friends best as friends sleep with a dog I Do my words out there. He doesn't oh allow her in the bed with us.
Oh Okay, we can go down right now because I really have my my significant other has a big dog and I have little dogs One little dogs are fine My little dogs no longer sleep in the bed with me because fur and stuff and I just like a clean bed Yeah, he's okay, but I also wash him all the time with these dirty that he can't come to bed Okay, leave the dirt stain I'm like dude now I got a wash of sheets that I like that shit she brings him in and then she used to sleep with him and she moved in with me I was like that's not gonna happen anymore and she said it's not and I'm like I grew up in a house where my mom had all kinds of Dogs and I use my favorite thing about staying my mom's house was I woke up with all the animals in my bed I loved it, but then when I got older I got cleaner. I don't like fur on my face in the morning It should pisses me off. So no, but every now and then he comes in there's a gate there that stops It's for him mainly okay comes in and gets on the bed and a couple times She's like let him in the covers and he said mice on my side and I go to get in bed And it's fur on my side and I'm like I don't want to argue about little things But wait, are you gonna freak out? Rebel beans she doesn't like you is that a first she's just not that into your room.
Just like wow if that's the way it is I guess that is sorry, but yeah, it's been an adjustment But you're okay, but I have befriended him because I I love all animals all creatures Especially like unless you're a prick and I'll catch it. Yeah, so that's different But he's a level soul and we are now friends like we brought in fight I told him that I kick the heavy bag outside and he attacks it when I kick it So that means if somebody like pucks with me on the street and I kick him he's gonna attack you I would beat you up while my dog eats you which is badass. I'm pretty much like that So down we brought down, but still the line is No, I'm too much for me. I guess but when he's not there She's up also.
There's no real room. We have like a queen and so it feels like a fucking double-ish woman She's giant. She's 85 compounds, but you know, we don't know I never I don't think it's disgusting on top on top Okay, I'm top's okay on top's fine. No, but not overnight.
We're not allowed But if he wasn't there, would you and she's there night he leaves and today's I know she will be and she knows I literally she fucking know she's salt. She's been stalking all day in the second. He leaves She's gonna be like on the bed. So does he know that she's sulking because oh, he knows anybody I also I'm very nice.
I'll clean all the fucking she's even the throw pillows all clean after she's on the bed before he comes home Oh, I'm very kind about it. Oh, that's good. I fucking loves sleeping with her and it's it's very upset I'm like what if you get a king bed? He's like no, I'm like I'm gonna kick man.
She's gonna make sacrifices for the person you love I know and I'll do this one because he's also a farm boy So we had two dogs that live outside all year round so they're Chicks are the chickens now use the dogs and beds he thinks it's fucking gross and let until he gets drunk the other day And I see him on the couch and the dogs are lying on his chest. I'm like, what the fuck is this? Right, she's not allowed the couch on the bed now. She's loud.
That is different. You're drunk It's different. No when you're on the couch is different. Catch me's grosser You sit on the couch more than you bad than you said sober and the dog can be on the couch But the dog can't be look sometimes I've had the dog in bed with me on the on the end of the bed I'm not in the covers when she gets home.
She's like, oh you guys are hanging out. I'm like, yeah, yeah We're hanging out. It's okay because he's not notice how he's not in the covers on the pillow He's at the end being a good boy respects my like my rules my house my rules. You know, he's got rules It's just a power trip really.
Yeah, the one who's going to listen to you as the dog my house my rules Look, I'm teaching in the ropes. Good. How to leave life into the fullest See my dog doesn't listen. It's actually really annoying my I she got she was getting dogs at a couple weeks ago My parents friends in San Diego and they were huge like yard and girls bad Calling her calling her calling her half an hour by she answering can't find her they're freaking the car They're driving in the neighborhood.
They think she's gone. They don't want to tell me she's at the house She's she found a set of antlers. I got to see antlers with a full head still attached to it, but that's fun Wait, I get that I'm not wait antlers with a head attached You're kind of burying the lead She found a head no no no no no no look at least these were fucking found in Look at this it look like a deer shed the antlers your dog that is bad Oh, just this morning good morning, but just literally 20 feet away behind a bush and I'm answering yeah I back your dog on that do you okay? Because I was like what is that the mirror?
What are they going also? San Diego, what is that? What is that animal? It's a deer there's deer's rolling.
It's a very yeah Do you come do you come to town do they yeah, so they shut that's like the years normal They're alive There's somebody ate me. Yeah, that's off the bone, but I thought they shed the Do they shed their day there's a point not from the skull. That's like half the skull. Yeah, they're skull Season 8 the rest of the skull is a lot of a lot of skull there.
Yeah, that's yeah, that's a lot of skull It's a lot of fun. It's a deer. Yeah, it's a deer. Yeah, it's fucking picked out like the years to I gotta do my foot You do you do I do with your foot bizarre I don't know you know you get asking me get some tattoos and you're like what the hell all my tattoos are the powers of animals That now I possess because I'm on my skin.
Okay Do you have a tattoo you hate do I have a tattoo that I hate yeah, not anymore? Covered up. Yep. I'm in the middle of the game.
I'm covered up who was his name fat blob races pig He's it's I'm in the middle of it. It's all fucked up right now. So I'm actually getting it like removed So this is a bigger tattoo. No, I need to be more I don't even want to see you part of it So it was a taco and now it's like if anyone's out there listening that wants to get a tattoo removed Cuz I'm an idiot okay.
I was also dating the worst fucking man on the planet earth So it is love taco it is almost gone so you can see it looks disgusting So I'm getting it off but lasering doesn't work as well when it's so far away from the heart because that's a pump Into the bloodstream that's how it gets absorbed in your skin and that's how you get rid of tattoos Boom shit. That's what I've been doing. No, it's like it's like it's like wicked laser removal. It's like a go It's working.
Look at it. So it's so faint now. It's not so sketchy. She went to town.
I always tell them what he did I'm always like he did bad things and they're like really hard to leave a hard way. Okay. No, I'm getting I have two more sessions. I'm gonna get a nice big thing over top it.
Okay. What's yours covered up? Oh, no I have lots of covers. What do you do?
Oh really names? Yep. Yeah, and then my new girlfriend I got her name added You can't stop no well every new girlfriend. You're like fuck it.
Damn it. Oh god. Yeah, what the hell I'm 53 I've had three significant chicks in my life. Okay, so it's not like every six months.
I get a new girlfriend No, but it's still like three and they're doing I do I do I like to do a decade Okay, and then they can't take it anymore Okay, yeah, I'll see you girl that I had a dinner decade with and reach out to me my first love She reached out to me and tell me how much he loves me So yeah, so how the tables have turned and you covered her name up? Yep with a dog It's a wolf and she used to tell people she could cover my name with a dog and I was like it's a wolf And it's not you like calm down all about yourself Just covered it with a wolf cuz I like wolves and I wanted covered where is it on my hip? Okay, one there and then this one on my face I got that I had a for my ex and cuz I was like cuz I had no control over my my private parts Like I can't not if you want to sleep with me I'm like I don't want to but there I will and then I go oh no I hate myself So I don't I'm not a dog. I'm a dog, but I don't I'm not a malicious dog I don't go hell yeah, like who can I bow now?
I just slip on people's vaginas That always had been a high-end I can be like a good like bone everybody behind your back suck it I thought bad. I don't want to do it. I'm just a whore Where was the A with a love hide around it for her? And I was like if you have an A on your face and people go what's that I'm like that's my wife's initial nobody's gonna bone me Well, yeah, I did what I was like what's a shot so then you know I had to get that covered So what someone didn't ask you about it that it was easy to cheat you're like That's what happened yeah, yeah, did it ever work once?
Yeah, yeah, totally work. Yes, you're fully worked several times Where I was like what's that for? That's my okay initial and they're like, oh, okay, because there are nice women out there They don't get off on that some of it go. Oh really interesting.
Do you want to see me naked and I'm like yeah? So did you ever knowingly hook up with somebody in a relationship? Yes, yes, yes, I did and I'm I don't I regret it at the time But I know why not because I look back at how bad the relationship was I had with this person no, and there's there's was bad to okay I think we both were in a situation we don't get out of so we did a little bad thing you couldn't I also I did it and then I broke up with him the next day. I like we live I Do that to revolve the band I don't Because that's my biggest fear of my boyfriend.
She hit me. Uh-huh. It's all I think of cheating on somebody in like the last week of a Relationship is like a whole different kind of cheating than cheating right in the mix and then you get right back into the flow like it Never happened, but I think sometimes I'm not saying it's right, but sometimes you do it to like kind of demonstrate to yourself I'm all that's already over this. Yes, I just told them yeah That makes sense and I think it was that we got a huge fight and I was like crying and I was like what is this?
I'm sleeping the couch. What am I divorces dad? What am I doing right now bizarre? But I feel like now I just feel like I'm so open and I'm like if even if he has an inclination of like thinking of cheating I'm like you have to tell me just tell me before and then we'll break up because the break up's fine It's not fine, but I'm like I do the idea because I don't like to forgive somebody for doing it now So she now works on like 23 at the time.
Yeah matters age. I'm like pushing 40. I'm cheating I'm like I'm an adult like me like this isn't working that's it we should move on that's what I would hope It's a respect thing. I think it's point to like I was respectful back then now I'm like no this is a respectful thing we live together.
I want to spend this my life with him if he doesn't want to know maybe it's just age I thought was God no, it's probably age Makes more sense, but I just feel like I got cured from God. I don't know how else to explain it I don't have I don't care about your vagina good and it used to be so Impossible like I was like a few if no one's here. I don't want to but all right now my right why Or if you find the right person maybe it might be age because it's just like I go tomorrow It's kind of to me. It's the same.
It's just like what my addiction is the same. It's weed is alcohol. It's drugs It's sex. It's the exact same thing.
Hey, man. You want to smoke some weed with me? I'm like no man. I don't smoke weight and they're like yeah It's a little bit like what about just a little bit nobody knows I'm like, I know and then I'll wake up tomorrow And this hell and I just never had that when it came to sleep with people I'd be like I probably shouldn't but okay, and then when as soon as I finished then it would dawn on me that I'm gonna regret it Okay, yeah, but I don't know if it's like it's a dude the testosterone or I don't know what it is But now it's just clear it's never been I'm so happy that it's it's just like shit right no way It could be I mean I've got girls on my list where my magic is super hot and I've always thought she was hot And if she called me tomorrow say hey, what's up?
I'd be like, oh man, that's so flattering, but you gotta be me Miss shot. Yeah, it's not way And not go oh I Could I I could I guess I'm gonna get scared like I don't care like yeah, it is definitely anything was not caring I also think if you like you love your girlfriend so much you love your wife I'm sure you people think of other people you know I'm like I am so obsessed my boyfriend, but I'm like I don't even I like when I watch porn I picture his face now Just crazy like I never did that the girls on the girls I can't watch women I can't watch male porn. It's not shit I've been so busy and I haven't what I the last time I watched anything was probably three months ago And it's I was one girl cuz she masturbates and over time like I think it looks like mine So I can relate to more whoa, but I don't watch men and porn make me fucking sick They're so disgusting. They are they have like weird I can't look at their faces.
I can't see the guy when they're pulling their shirts down Slapping out the women are you fucking hard at the wheel of words? How fucking hot they are how fucking much they work out their bodies are fucking tight as hell What the fuck am I doing? There's slops. There's like four guys who are like actually fit that I can watch him Yeah, and then I'm like I actually cannot believe this woman is touching this man's penis I'm gonna throw the fuck up the problems.
I know a couple of those guys and that is a media deal breaker Oh, yeah, what Nate Bronson I do you know Hey, you know what Nate Bronson? He's one of the younger younger but good looking guys. I did his podcast and I'm like I can't watch you now cuz bizarre so to connect it to you yeah Stranger I was like watch this but now I don't even watch you may be a sandwich. I can't watch this I don't care I Really it's like really tired and I'm like I was gonna blast one off quickly I can't even think of like a fun memory.
I'm like fuck it. Yeah, a lot of times It's just like I have like 13 minutes like not enough Yeah, I can also look at my boyfriend's around like I'm on planet I've also been in it and I'm like I don't feel like you're I can tell I'm like you're not having that much fun Yeah, or you know it's or I'm surfing for the one where they're both hot and they both actually enjoy themselves Oh, I'm just gonna do my own. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's my favorite genre is they're enjoying it Yeah, yeah, we're done.
Yeah, we're all those good. You said those links. I interviewed one Porn star and she told me that actually we kind of feel better about watching something that sometimes when you are working with someone You like so much you fuck on an off screen. Yeah, like you so like that where's that something that like of them knowing that they've been fucking this whole time And they're in and out doing it instead of just like having some disgusting man walking you're like that guy I have to yes, no, those are the stories that made me Like a nice story.
I was I didn't want to be part of it. There's points of you at the other Probably not I mean I'm out, but I did do it. So I'm sure there's somebody still person stuff unfortunately You never try to look hell. No, I don't want to see it.
I don't know about it. He's the star of American history triple X That would have been great into that speaking a super hot dudes people magazine has their new sexiest man alive I think it's hard for them to go with a new one here. Who do we got who is the sexiest man alive the guy that your people say George Clooney I don't know the secretary of defense. He's really hot Really Wow, that's crazy.
Okay, it's a gumpy looking mother. Yeah, this is interesting. I mean, okay I mean there they're really posing him well. I mean there.
He's never looked that good. I love him. I love the office That's a bad guy. I'm just a guy, but I'm like, okay.
I mean it's like if a chick breaks up with Ben Affleck They go out with him because he's like the nice not dick version. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's also not that He's really funny though, and that definitely helps Ben Affleck is harder than him, but he's much funnier so my opinion is hotter. I'd rather fucking the Ben Affleck Yeah, he probably that's because you know Ben Affleck sucks.
Yeah, well that's part of the police sex. He's woman alive Yeah, let's get to the meeting. Let's see this they do that. What do you mean?
Do you guys just people magazine to the sexiest woman alive? I don't think they only women read people. Oh, yeah, I mean, no, who's this? That's a Found Shit I don't even know oh, you know, I think it's really hot anymore The new model she looks fucking great again.
Yeah, she comes and goes but she's back. I think she looks fucking great in person does she look That great I don't know I feel I follow guy on Instagram who designs all her stuff and they do like candy videos and stuff She looks like a hot as hell. Yeah, she's like that. I don't like that her age You fucking kidding me that to me.
That's when you would stay this good looking this long where I think she was hot I think she's hot now, but I think in real life. She's not that hot. She's also and I don't say this to Defend her bad photos. That one right there the main one.
What is how does hell right? Yeah, oh, yeah But it's not realistic for a woman to even aspire in the best circumstances to look like her at 60 or 65 That's a lot without a ton of work. Yeah, that's no too much. That's a bad so that's a real question.
She's just a much work You're gonna have to yeah, see her in the 80s. I don't tell the 80s. We're talking about She's like Princess Lazy. She's so pretty.
It was a big I mean, all right. She's pretty hot, but she's not that bad. I don't know what about Selma Hayek I guess you got old so she's not anymore. Oh, you know what I said, but it looks bad now.
She's like wait She fucked up. She fucked up bad We can you bring her out? I'm like so upset because he was like so Canadian she was like every fucking guy in Canada's thing And now it's like I think she's ever looked but when she was young. Oh shit.
She looks so crazy now Yeah, they look like her. Oh my god. Who is that? She said that and Jessica Beel too.
No, not Jessica Beel. Oh my god. What happened? It's like these new things where they got like all the touch Oh Christina Aguilera looks like a whole different person And she's never looked harder and then there's Jessica wait.
I don't know who it is feel Simpson She was she was the vampire in the where the werewolf people turn away wolf. Hmm. Sir Michelle Geller No, she like off the building and lands in a stand in a vampire stance Okay back in Sam yeah, she was hot and now she's got a new thing where she looks even harder You know what this looks like it looks like people who get filler Yeah, and it doesn't go away and they go it's fading and they're like no it's still in there and they add more and it's not adjusting properly Your faces is too much stuff in there A new face to Gwen Stefani looks better I think you know what always this is what's this is a pretty oh my god In lips in lips they're there babe alert I always think that Jennifer I like this is my reasoning for not getting white women. So it is Nice to me again, okay I like the illusion That's nice I'm having sex with the Mexican part for sure.
Yeah, she's a hot B. Why did I drop that? I retract my knuckles Fuck speaking of women and you may or may not have had some work done Megan Fox is having MG case, baby Yeah, it's good so I don't tell together right I don't know this what I thought they were but I'm gonna baby He's hot she's so fucking hot agreed she's not that he's like pulsated Alumgated now he's so hot he's what is that very lanky and yeah, he went to heck with a man and you know I think the husband and plan is John ham I I've had the hot search on him for quite some time because he got a big tool and his face, but you just said and oh I've looked at pictures of Google John ham sweatpants. I wear a wet Check out what comes up John ham sweatpants get with the great pictures and come first So you like a moles look at that.
I like the moles. Yeah, I do I like molar and all the distinguished you make me feel better About me and I don't think you think I'm hot I just think that I'm looking at that one the best in the best in the best Look at that in the middle of the middle of that fucking thing look at that look at the size of that dog just casually taking out He's probably got a huge dick, but sweatpants can bring out the best in a man They can but yeah, cuz if you go a little small Wow John ham what is that zoom is a guy side on yeah, what the hell is that profile picture? That's creepy magic. That's so funny if somebody made their profiled your just their fucking rock art dick is my face He's also just like he loves very funny, and he loves comedy.
He's a very handsome man. He's a handsome gentleman Yeah, okay, I'm over Brad pick guy, but that's probably because you know I think I like darker hair. I'm really not I think Brad Pitt looks good better now than he ever has because he was too pretty like a lady And I'm like I don't like you look like bitch. I want to punch you in the face, but now you're like ruggedly handsome I'm like into it.
Okay. I mean, I'm not into it. I'm okay. Here we go.
Okay. You're not you know you're not into it You don't like man. I don't I never have Just come on people and I regret it. Oh boy.
I think women are very beautiful I mean to them I like looking at them, but I wonder them especially when they really pretty so I don't want to give them the You know me the props. Let's say all of you everyone always looks at them and I'm not doing it. Okay one It's creepy too. I don't give you the power.
I mean for the girl last night and everyone was not on my side She's like a broad public and I was like oh, it must be nice be that company where brought up and she's like don't Wait, she was annoyed by me bring it up people. This is what you wanted. You're a Britier in public You want people to lunch to her I was annoyed. I was like whatever shut up.
I'm like you're parking up I like to think so I was like get a car. Yeah, I don't know immediately. I just like this person Yeah, yeah, yeah, such such a such a compliment. Okay now the cat's being cute.
See that's cute. I had to decide now I'm on board. Yeah, I know I think I'm sitting in cat thing they still dander. No, that's something else.
They're just unclean room You know, maybe feel bad, but I'm not I'm a clean person. You're a person you've discussed it several times you're clean It's for the animals you have in here. It should be a fucking zoo You mean like honestly, it should wreak like ass when you come in here, right? But I clean a lot.
I'm clean person. He's a clean person. I wake up a clean. I clean before I go to bed I'm constantly cleaning it slightly annoying actually.
Yeah, I know I'm thinking you're gonna have all the like mold of my showers I've been waiting for two weeks. I came showering filter. I think Rose man. Oh, I need a clean shower I was freak me I was with a guy when I let it was hooked up and I was sitting on a toilet and I was like don't do it don't do it and I open his Shower now, you know that pink mold what I was like it's a whole thing was pink It was hairs and just I literally got up.
I literally I left. I was like, oh my god. I can't believe it's up to you So gross telling my I just I just left and I never talked about again. It was so bad.
It was you know I know I'm missing nothing about it was so gross ladies. Do that. Oh man, too. You check that's gross Yeah, I don't understand why you don't make the effort like especially So many they're not even expensive or just like you could clean it's not that hard like the thing that you've done in your life You got a job.
You know you paid your taxes cleaning a shower is even easier than that. What about have you ever cooked food for yourself Channel that energy into cleaning the bathroom, please. That's literally put aside 20 minutes Yeah, 20 minutes get a fucking foaming spray Music I play music I play on law and order as for you blaring in the background. I'm peeking at it I'm scrubbing.
Is that the heart of gay one? Yeah, Chris. I'm only maybe I'm taking back my sex. He's man I think I love mologna.
He's been on the show. Oh, yeah, he said that I was a an acting What why have we been talking about this all time? I'm obsessed with the lones usually we lead with this Why did you lead with this because we mologna's been here? He said I'm not here.
He said what's the place I said I was a he said I was a beacon. He said you're beacon an acting beacon an acting Maloney or was that a space for Jurassic world? Oh shit. It was a file.
Okay. It is a few. He's a few no, but not Maloney Why he's the people I mean with all due respect to Maloney's money's on to go. Yeah, uh, come on.
Oh, yeah A bunch of stuff he's a guy he's a black. That's the alien he pulls his help head. It's an offer. Yeah, Vincent an offer.
Yeah, I know it is Really? Yeah, I love he's a legend bad ass. Yeah, like what if it's a mass is money? I'm obsessed with it.
Wow big juicy ass Chimpanzee with a hard time ripping that ass off. Hello, that's what I'm looking for in a man. I You know, I like juicy asses. I guess here here here here You know apparently I do now because I hate Well, I think some guy lost his ass a guy died after accepting a bet to sit on a box of fireworks That's what did he really need to be here anymore?
You know, it was not it was in a more desperate part of the world serious ways his his Speaking of the Lord working in mysterious ways a guy declaring himself Jesus showed up at a monastery in Spain and beat up seven monks I don't know that's not funny cuz I know he's mentally ill but it's kind of funny. I thought monks were tougher than that You're thinking of like Tibetan Like one Jesus versus six months now. These are like tapas eaten Spanish monks Oh, yeah, there's guys with their chompa michay go the monks are like Ben Spears on their neck now Those guys will fuck Jesus up. He's got no magic powers You see the one where the Jesus called the cops and said hey, man Jesus.
I just like broken a pizza place got myself a cheese pizza Oh, yeah, that was actually hilarious. That guy's cool. Oh, okay. Yeah, I just funny I dig that guy If he's not a broke in that pizza, sorry, he made himself a pizza, which is pretty cool.
Yeah, it was it was being respectful Clean up after stuff if you owned a pizza establishment what would you call it fat pies? Nice, would you work there or would you just take the money? No, I'd work there is my my business Check in I'd be making sure it's clean a woman live for 18 years with a vagina What a what a needle sowed inside of a China what yeah, she gave birth and they dropped it and no it's crazy No, no, no syringe or a needle no, this isn't real. Yeah, no There's no way there's no fucking way it's in Thailand No, yes, it does no, there's no way you cannot have it Just sensitive It was if I take out a tampon that's kind of dry I want to kill myself There's no way in God's green earth this woman had a needle in her fucking pussy sitting fucking standing sleeping There's no way was it inside the hole?
Down she's 36 they accidentally dropped a needle while stitching her up after childbirth 18 years ago the doctor tried to use his fingers to achieve the misplaced needle but he couldn't get it so he said so we get out yeah Which it's not so if you're in the room when they have when they deliver babies They every implement that they use has its own little like cubby Literally so that they come in and every cubby is full and before they walk away they go that one's full again that one's full again But it still happens I was remembered there was not like in the break room not in the coffee room in the hallway It was like four millennia doctors have been accidentally leaving things inside people don't let it happen to you doctors Oh, God and I brought it up with our OBGYN. I'm like did we need to see that right now? Yeah, what's so it is like an ever-present concern for medical professionals, which is to say it's you know I mean it's bound okay I can see like maybe some gauze being left in there or something But in your vagina specifically having a needle sitting in there I've had a needle once my vagina because I had HPV and had to go in there and burn the cells off nice that feeling that needle I'll never forget that my whole life. It was a waste in my entire life So the idea that this one had one loitering in there It's not gonna happen in a little bit of a lie.
It's too. Wait what someone had gauze left another woman Gause makes sense. Gause you and feel as much my sister had a UTI No UTI IUD Is that a bomb I would use the thing that goes in it goes in a copper single copper thing that goes in and Plastick and goes in and stops you from being pregnant. Yeah, so the woman who put it in it was an nurse practitioner She put it in too far.
Oh and it went into her body and roamed around her organs So my sister felt this thing every fucking minute every day she's something's wrong something's wrong I'm just gonna find she's something's in my body I can feel it they went in they had like a they had like a camera look to it. Oh, yeah Something's like behind your test times like what the fuck is that? I told you IUD went in and they like surgery move but she felt that the second when she said no something's wrong Every day she's like I got her something's roaming my body So I'll let this woman has no feeling from her like waist down So gross there right now. I know how long we going here.
I was like I gotta go. I'm like this Thanks for being on the show if you want to be grossed out even more check out her podcast Yeah, Jason was just on it. It's that infection. Yeah, it's a infection.
It's fun And of course comedy dates go to it's gonna be Instagram. That's it Follow me on staff to love one of the funniest human beings alive last chance. You sure you don't want to touch the cat I kind of do now That's cute. He's fun.
He's a great guy. Oh my god I'm not giving you the lights down. You're like I got it for lightholders you guys. Yeah, I got the lights.
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