Hi, and welcome to La Vie Attaché, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life. I'm Peggy McKnight, and I'm continuing on with the communication series. In today's episode, I will be talking about stop interrupting. It's blocking your listening abilities.
When you interrupt others, it's not only rude, but it shows the world that you weren't listening. People don't appreciate being cut off when they are speaking. If you're someone who often interrupts others, there is no way you are listening to them. If anything, you're probably one of these types that likes to fill in words when somebody else is speaking.
That's also another rude form of behavior. When someone is saying something and you're wanting to fill in the words that they're saying as well. You think you might be demonstrating that you're engaged in what they're saying and listening, but in actual fact, you're just annoying the heck out of the other person and just being rude about it. Equally, if you're also trying to come up with things to say on the back end of what someone else is saying, it also shows how that rude behavior is really demonstrated to the other individual who is currently talking.
Meaning, if you're then thinking about what you're going to say to come back at them with, it's just a form of rudeness because you're not listening to what they're having to say. You're not really hearing them. You're just thinking about, well, I need to defend myself, so I'm going to retaliate with these words, right? We get into bad habits as kids when we carry into adulthood.
Our parents likely got into the same bad habit and that is our first exposure to them. They are our role models, whether you like it or not. Subconsciously, you will be taking in how they listen to other people as well. Interrupting is one of those habits and it's a big one.
You probably hung out with a few friends who did it. If your parents did it, it's likely you have aunts and uncles who also did it as well. So therefore, you all don't really have developed the art of listening. It really takes a conscious effort to break the habit, especially when you're older.
This is not to say you can't break it. You just have to be doing it for so long that it will take you more time to get out of that habit. And just be mindful of it. Be present to really listen to what the other person has to say.
To start practicing, put yourself in learning mode. Think back to the last time you were learning something. You had little prior knowledge on the subject, so you tended to listen more. There were no preconceived notions.
When someone else is talking, try to learn as much as you can about who they are and what they are saying. Let them speak completely before speaking. There are occasions in many conversations when you think the other person is finished, but they are only taking a small pause. Now a small pause is perfectly acceptable, but when you think, wow, this pause has been quite long, I'll, you know, start talking and the individual then speaks up and says, I haven't finished yet.
That's something else that the other individual really needs to be mindful of and develop those skills to join sentences together a little bit more cohesively rather than a big pregnant pause, right? You will undoubtedly interrupt them at this point. This is not out of rudeness. So, you know, I'll give you that.
It's just a missed cue. You don't know the person well enough. You don't know what their speaking style is like in sharing the information inside their head out of their mouth. Therefore you have to learn about them and what their speaking style is in order to not miss those cues in future.
Just excuse yourself, you know, say, Oh, pardon me and let them move on and finish their sentence. This will happen less with people, you know, more than with strangers, but always apologize if they have said to you, I haven't finished, you know, don't be rude about it, especially if you don't know the person very well. It may be that you aren't aware that you interrupt people and that's possible. When you get into a habit, it's just something you start to do naturally.
However, think back to instances of people saying, excuse me, but I wasn't finished talking. It could be a variation on this phrase. If this has happened to you on several occasions, it's a good chance that you interrupt others a lot. When you make that discovery, don't beat yourself up about it or don't be all defensive either and try and then speak because then you will have lost the moment.
You have lost the other person's train of thought because you just want to go in there on the attack to say, well, I hadn't, I thought you had finished kind of sketch. It's just not good. This is one of those habits others will forget when you turn yourself around by apologizing. They probably won't even think about the fact that you interrupted them before.
If they do, your change will be welcome to them. You may revert to interrupting on occasion, but make a conscious effort to curb this activity. So with regards to being apologetic to people, it really does speak volumes to the person that was speaking. It shows a sign of respect to them that you care about what they're saying and you really are trying to make the effort to listen.
But when people talk over you or want to have their say when you were talking, it's just downright rude and that needs to stop. You need to change that behavior because if you don't, then you will get labeled as being difficult or awkward. And that doesn't really help you in the long run as well. So there we have it, my friends, stop interrupting.
It's blocking your listening skills. Until tomorrow. Bye for now.