Stop Praising Your Kids (And What to Do Instead)

You love your kid. You want them to feel confident. You want them to know they're capable and amazing. So of course you praise them. But what if the way we've been taught to praise our kids is quietly getting in the way of the very self-esteem we're trying to build? In this episode, I'm unpacking something that can feel almost heretical: why traditional praise doesn't actually create confidence — and what does. This isn't about being cold or withholding. It's about shifting from evaluating your child to truly seeing them. There's a difference. And once you understand it, you'll never say "good job" the same way again. What We're Talking About Why external praise doesn't actually change how someone feels about themselves The accidental messages praise can send (approval-seeking, fear of mistakes, performance-based worth) The difference between praising a child and delighting in a child Why attachment — not affirmation — is the foundation of self-esteem How struggle and failure build confidence more than compliments ever will What to say instead of "I'm so proud of you" How to help your child develop self-awareness instead of approval-seeking The Shift Instead of: "I'm so proud of you." "That's amazing!" "You're the smartest kid I know." Try: "I noticed how much time you put into that." "You seem really proud of yourself." "How did that feel?" The goal isn't less warmth. It's less evaluation. When we stop positioning ourselves as the judge of our child's worth and start facilitating their self-discovery, something powerful happens: They stop looking to us to tell them who they are. They start knowing. The Deeper Work True confidence comes from: ✔ Secure attachment ✔ Being seen and understood ✔ Being allowed to struggle ✔ Knowing you are loved regardless of performance ✔ Discovering your own internal compass This is self-actualization in parenting form. And yes — it requires us to loosen our grip on being the authority on our child's goodness. That's not easy. But it's transformative. If this resonates — if you want to parent in a way that builds grounded, internally secure humans instead of praise-dependent ones — this is exactly the kind of work we do together. Working with me isn't about memorizing scripts. It's about becoming the kind of parent whose presence builds confidence. If you're ready for that shift, book a consult. Let's talk. And in the meantime, pay attention this week: Are you praising… or are you delighting? There's a difference.