Confessions of a Parent Coach

What if your child's struggles aren't evidence that you failed them… but part of what makes them them? In this deeply personal and emotionally layered episode, Ann Kaplan explores one of the most confronting parts of the Enneagram: the childhood experience associated with each type — and why it can feel so painful for parents to hear. Ann shares honestly about her own current season of identity deconstruction, intense personal growth work, and what it feels like to realize that even the most loving parents cannot protect their children from becoming human. This episode goes far beyond personality typing. It's about suffering, ego, self-actualization, parenting, spirituality, and the uncomfortable truth that growth often requires experiencing disconnection before we can reconnect to ourselves more deeply. If you've ever wondered: "Did I mess my kid up?" "Why does my child experience the world this way?" "Can I prevent my child from struggling?" "Why does healing feel like falling apart first?" …this episode will meet you there. What You'll Learn What the "childhood experience" in the Enneagram actually means Why your child's type is not caused by your parenting The difference between your child's experience and objective reality How personality forms as a response to perceived disconnection Why the ego's coping strategies ultimately lead us away from what we're seeking The spiritual dimension of the Enneagram and self-actualization Why suffering is not proof that something has gone wrong How parents can support their children without trying to erase discomfort Key Takeaways 👉 Your child's Enneagram type is rooted in their nature — not your failure as a parent. 👉 Children with different types perceive and organize the world differently, even inside loving homes. 👉 The goal of parenting is not preventing all pain. It's helping children stay connected to themselves while they move through it. 👉 Personality is often an attempt to reconnect with something essential we feel we lost. 👉 The behaviors we develop to feel safe can eventually become the very things keeping us stuck. 👉 Deep healing often feels disorienting before it feels freeing. 👉 Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need an attuned one. Ann's Confession Ann shares openly about her own current "identity obliteration" season — working deeply with an Enneagram practitioner and confronting painful truths about herself, her patterns, and the ways ego disguises itself as growth. She also reflects on the heartbreak of recognizing her own children's Enneagram childhood experiences and grappling with the reality that even deeply loving parenting cannot eliminate suffering. Topics Explored in This Episode Parenting and the Enneagram Childhood emotional experiences Self-actualization and identity Internal Family Systems themes Ego vs. essence Why healing feels destabilizing Conscious parenting Spiritual growth and suffering Perfectionism and Enneagram Type One How parents unintentionally personalize their children's emotional experiences Who This Episode Is For This episode is especially for: Parents doing deep personal growth work Highly self-aware adults questioning old identities Parents exploring the Enneagram People healing perfectionism, shame, or emotional reactivity Anyone trying to understand why growth can feel so painful Share This Episode Know a parent carrying guilt about their child's emotional experience? Share this episode with them. Sometimes the deepest relief comes from realizing your child's humanity is not evidence that you failed — it's evidence that they're human, too.

This is one of those episodes that might sting a little… and also might be the biggest exhale you've had in a while. Because if you're a thoughtful parent—if you care this much—you've probably already had the thought: "What if I'm messing them up?" So instead of dancing around it, we're just going to tell the truth: You are. We all are. And that's not actually the problem. In this episode, I'm sharing what came up at a recent Enneagram experience—when a mom asked the question that every parent is quietly holding: "What do I do with the realization that I've hurt my kid?" What We Get Into Why it's not possible to parent without hurting your child The moment self-awareness turns into shame (and what to do instead) How your Enneagram type shows up in your parenting (whether you like it or not) Why trying to "fix yourself" fast actually backfires What repair really looks like—and what it's not The Part Most Parents Don't Want to Hear (But Need To) The goal isn't to become a perfect parent. The goal is to become a self-aware one. Because your kids don't need you to never mess up. They need you to: See yourself clearly Own what's yours Stay present when it's uncomfortable That's the work. That's the repair. Ann's Confession When I first learned my Enneagram type, I didn't feel empowered. I felt wrecked. I sat at my computer and cried because I could suddenly see how I was showing up—and I couldn't unsee it. So if that's where you are? You're not doing it wrong. You're just at the beginning. What Actually Helps (Instead of Spiraling) The real gifts of this work: Self-awareness — seeing your patterns clearly Self-acceptance — not turning that awareness into self-attack Transformation — slowly loosening your grip on those patterns And when it comes to your kids? The most powerful thing you can do is: Tell the truth without defending yourself. No over-explaining. No needing reassurance. No making them carry your guilt. Just: "Yeah. That wasn't okay. And I see it now." If This Episode Hit You Start here: 👉 Notice your patterns this week (without trying to fix them) 👉 Catch the urge to defend, justify, or explain 👉 Practice staying present instead That alone changes more than you think. Share This Episode Know a parent who is quietly carrying guilt about how they've shown up? Send this to them. Not as a call-out. As a relief.

What if who you think you are… isn't actually you? In this episode, we're diving into one of the most important (and often misunderstood) distinctions in the Enneagram: Essence vs Personality. Because most of us aren't living from our true self—we're operating from patterns that were formed to protect us. And until you can see that clearly, you'll keep repeating the same reactions, the same conflicts, and the same internal loops… no matter how much "work" you do. In This Episode, You'll Learn: The difference between your Essence (who you truly are) and your Personality (the patterns you developed) Why your personality is not the problem—but it can become a limitation How your Enneagram Type shapes your automatic reactions, especially in parenting and relationships Why awareness—not fixing—is the first real step toward change What it actually looks like to shift from reactivity to presence in real life The Core Insight Your personality was formed for a reason. It helped you belong. It helped you feel safe. It helped you navigate the world. But what once protected you… can quietly become the thing that keeps you stuck. The Enneagram doesn't box you in—it shows you what's been running you so you can begin to loosen its grip. Why This Matters (Especially for Parents) So many of the moments we regret as parents aren't about our kids… They're about our patterns getting activated. The quick reaction The frustration that escalates too fast The feeling of "Why did I just do that again?" That's personality. And when you start recognizing it in real time, you create space for something else to come through: Your Essence. Calm. Presence. Connection. Ready to Go Deeper? Join the Virtual Enneagram Retreat If you're ready to move beyond just understanding your patterns and actually experience what it feels like to live from your Essence… I'm hosting a live Virtual Enneagram Retreat. This isn't just information—it's integration. We'll help you: Identify your Enneagram Type (with clarity—not guessing) See your patterns in real time Understand why you keep experiencing the same things Learn how to shift into a more grounded, present, and connected version of yourself 📅 Live on Zoom A powerful, guided experience you can join from anywhere 👉 Save your spot here Final Thought You're not "too much." You're not "too reactive." You're not "doing it wrong." You're just operating from patterns you haven't fully seen yet. And once you do… Everything begins to change.

If you've ever felt like you're doing everything for everyone else… and still somehow questioning your worth… This conversation is going to hit. In this episode, I'm joined by my longtime friend, client, and retreat chef, Andrew, as part of the Ennea Chats series — real conversations with real people about how the Enneagram actually shows up in everyday life. Andrew is an Enneagram Type 2, and what he shares in this conversation goes way beyond "being helpful" or "being caring." We get into what's underneath that. Because for Type 2s (and honestly, for a lot of overwhelmed parents), the real driver isn't generosity… It's the quiet belief: I have to earn love. What we explore together: What it actually feels like to discover your Enneagram type — especially when it doesn't click right away Why the Enneagram isn't about what you do, but why you do it The core belief of Type 2s: "I'm not worthy of love unless I earn it" How that belief shows up in relationships, people-pleasing, and emotional triggers What it looks like in real life when a small moment spirals into self-doubt The difference between genuine kindness and seeking love through helping Why self-awareness can make you question your own motives (and feel like a fraud) The moment that really lands: When Andrew describes how something as small as being asked about a spoon in the sink spirals internally into: "What's wrong with me? Why would I do that? I must be an idiot." And how understanding his Enneagram type helped him see: That voice isn't truth. It's a pattern. Why this matters (even if you're not a Type 2): This isn't just about one personality type. It's about recognizing that so much of how we show up — especially as parents, partners, and high-functioning adults — is driven by beliefs we've never actually questioned. The Enneagram gives language to those patterns. And once you can see them, you can start to relate to yourself differently. With more clarity. With more compassion. And with a lot less reactivity. A powerful reframe from this episode: The Enneagram doesn't describe who you are. It explains why you are the way you are. Want to go deeper? If this conversation is making you think, "Oh… this is me," — that's exactly the kind of awareness we build on inside my Living Enneagram spaces. Whether it's the mini retreat or deeper coaching work, this isn't about labeling yourself. It's about understanding your patterns well enough that you're no longer run by them. If you've been circling this work for a while, consider this your nudge. Come join us. There's a seat for you. www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/livingenneagram Share this episode: Know someone who gives everything to everyone else… but still doesn't quite feel like it's enough? Send this to them. They'll probably feel very seen.

Most people use the Enneagram to figure out who they are. But what if that's not actually the point? What if it's showing you what's getting in your way? This week's episode is a little different—and honestly, one of my favorites. I sat down with my oldest son, Elijah, and we talked about the Enneagram… but not in the way you usually hear it talked about. Not "what type are you?" Not "here's how to label yourself." But what it actually does when you use it in real life—especially inside relationships, parenting, and your own growth. We talk about what it looked like for him to first encounter the Enneagram as a teenager in a really hard season… how he was mistyped… and why that still helped. And then we go deeper into the part most people miss: The Enneagram isn't here to tell you who you are. It's here to show you what you're caught in. What you'll hear in this episode: Why the Enneagram "meets you where you are" (and why that matters more than getting your type right) What mistyping actually reveals—and why it can still be useful How dysregulation makes everyone look the same (and why that changes how we see ourselves and our kids) The difference between your essential self and your personality patterns How the Enneagram can be used for control… or for empathy What shifted when Elijah realized his actual type—and why he couldn't see it before The connection between self-worth, shame, and how we identify ourselves Why awareness doesn't immediately change your behavior (and why that's not a problem) The deeper pattern: You're not your type. You're the person underneath the patterns your type is describing. And those patterns tend to get louder when you're struggling—not more accurate. Which is why so many people misidentify themselves when they're in a hard season. One of the most important takeaways: Even when you're "wrong"… you're not actually wrong. If something resonates, it's telling you something about where you are—even if it's not telling you who you are. For parents (this part matters): When your kid is acting in ways that feel confusing, reactive, or out of character… You might not be seeing their personality. You might be seeing their level of regulation. And those are not the same thing. A moment worth listening for: The part where Elijah talks about believing he couldn't be a certain type because he thought he was a bad person. And how that belief was actually the most accurate clue about who he was all along. If you want to go deeper: If you've been curious about the Enneagram but also a little skeptical—or you've felt like "none of the types fully fit"—this is exactly why. And if you want to actually experience this work (not just learn about it), I'm hosting a small, in-person Living Enneagram mini retreat. Details are in the link below. Resources & Next Steps: 🧠 Living Enneagram Mini Retreat (limited spots available) 📞 Book a Free Call Share this episode: If you've ever felt like: "None of the types fully fit me" "Why do I act like a completely different person sometimes?" "I understand this… but I still do the same things" Send this to someone who's in that space.

If the Enneagram feels like a box… you're not wrong. But you might be stopping at the part that was never the point. In this episode, I'm unpacking the biggest misunderstanding people have about the Enneagram—and why it can feel limiting, reductive, or even a little insulting at first. Because here's the truth: The Enneagram isn't here to define you. It's here to show you where you're stuck—and how to get free. What this episode is really about A lot of people resist the Enneagram because they don't want to be labeled, boxed in, or reduced to a personality type. And honestly? That concern is valid. In this episode, Ann Kaplan shares a candid confession about how she used to do exactly that—mentally typing people, oversimplifying them, and missing the deeper purpose of the work. Through personal stories, client experiences, and insights from advanced Enneagram study, this episode reframes the Enneagram as a tool for self-awareness, emotional freedom, and personal growth—not identity. If you've ever felt resistant to personality frameworks… or quietly worried they might limit you or your child… this episode will shift how you see them. What you'll learn Why the Enneagram is often misunderstood as a "personality test" The real reason people feel boxed in or labeled by it How your ego turns complex tools into oversimplified shortcuts What the Enneagram actually reveals about your patterns and reactions The concept of your "personality as a prison"—and why that's good news The difference between your personality and your essential nature How this work applies to parenting, relationships, and emotional regulation Why growth isn't about fixing yourself—but loosening your grip on who you think you are The deeper insight You're not your reactions. You're not your patterns. You're not even your "type." Those are strategies you learned when the world felt overwhelming. The Enneagram doesn't hand you a label—it hands you a mirror. And if you keep looking, it also shows you the door. My confession 💬 "I used to type people in my head. I used to make assumptions and generalizations—and I got called out for it. Rightfully so." This episode walks through that moment and what it revealed about how easily we all turn something powerful into something limiting. Parenting + real-life application  If you're a parent, this matters more than you think. Because the moment we start labeling ourselves, we start labeling our kids. And the work isn't to figure out who your child is. It's to understand what patterns they're developing to cope with the world. And how to help them stay connected to who they are underneath all of it. Key takeaways 👉 The Enneagram is not a personality label—it's a map of your patterns 👉 Feeling "boxed in" is often a sign you're still at the surface level 👉 Your personality was built to protect you—not define you 👉 Growth comes from loosening identification, not reinforcing it 👉 You don't need to become someone new—you need to become less confined Who this episode is for This episode is especially for: Parents doing deep personal growth work People curious (but skeptical) about the Enneagram High-achievers who feel stuck in patterns they can't break Anyone tired of trying to "fix" themselves and ready to understand themselves Your Invitation  If this episode is hitting something for you— that's not accidental. You don't need more information. You need space to actually see what's going on underneath your patterns. That's the work we do together. If you're local (or up for traveling), my Living Enneagram mini retreat is coming up soon. It's small, intentional, and deeply human—part connection, part insight, part "oh wow, I've never seen myself like this before." LEARN MORE ABOUT THE ENNEAGRAM HERE Or if you're not there yet, just start here: 👉 Notice where you're labeling yourself 👉 Notice where you feel stuck 👉 And get curious instead of certain Share this episode Know someone who says, "I hate personality tests"? Yeah—send them this.

Most of the arguments you keep having? They're not actually about what you think they're about. It's two people—each running a completely different internal system— trying to prove their version of reality is the right one. And once you see it, you can't unsee it. In this episode, I sit down with my sister Ren (a Seven) and we break down what the Enneagram actually reveals in real life—why you react the way you do, why your partner does what they do, and why the same fights keep happening. This isn't about labels. It's about realizing: "Oh… it's not personal. It's pattern." What You'll Walk Away With Why you assume everyone thinks like you (they don't) Why your partner's behavior feels personal—even when it's not What's actually driving reactions like control, avoidance, or distrust How you accidentally reinforce each other's patterns The Shift Instead of: "Why are you like this?" You start to see: "Oh… this is how your system tries to feel safe." And that changes everything. If This Is You… You keep having the same conversation. You're exhausted by it. And part of you knows there's something deeper going on… This episode will help you finally see it. Next Step If this clicked, the next step isn't learning more about the Enneagram. It's experiencing it. My Living Enneagram events are where this stops being theoretical and starts getting real— you see yourself in it, you see other people in it, and things shift fast. If you've been curious about the Enneagram (or skeptical, honestly), this is the place to start. JOIN THE LIVING ENNEAGRAM HERE www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/livingenneagram

Sometimes the hardest situations in life feel impossible for a reason. You can't change the other person. You can't force the situation to be different. And every option available to you feels like a bad one. So what do you do then? In this episode, Ann explores what happens when we're stuck in situations that genuinely cannot be fixed or controlled. Whether that's a difficult family dynamic, a co-parent with different values, or even parts of ourselves we wish were different. Through a candid confession about being a not-so-great driver (and the growth that came with finally accepting it), Ann introduces a powerful framework she calls your "Zone of Power." Because when we stop trying to control the impossible, something surprising happens: our actual choices start to become visible again. This episode is about learning how to shift your focus from what you can't change to what is actually yours to lead. What You'll Hear in This Episode How "impossible situations" trap us in painful either-or thinking Why many problems feel unsolvable because we're focused on the wrong goal The connection between polarities, impossible situations, and personal agency Why trying to change other people will always leave you stuck How to identify the place where your real power actually lives The three steps that help solutions reveal themselves naturally Resources Mentioned 📘 Free Workbook: Getting Kids to Listen the First Time bit.ly/kidswholisten 📞 Book a Free Discovery Call with Ann bit.ly/KaplanCall 🌿 Living Your Enneagram Mini Retreat April 26, 2026 — Denver, CO Learn more: annkaplanparentcoach.com/livingenneagram Share This Episode Know someone who feels stuck in a situation they can't seem to fix? Send them this episode. It might help them discover where their real power actually lives.

What do you do when there's no solution to a problem that deeply affects you or your kids? In this episode, Ann explores a concept that can feel both frustrating and freeing: impossible situations. These are the moments in life where something needs to change—but the reality is that it won't. Maybe it's: 💔 A parent who can't give you the relationship you hoped for ⚡ A co-parent who stays committed to conflict 🏠 A family dynamic that never seems to improve 🎒 Or a situation with your child that simply doesn't have the "right" outcome When we're stuck in these moments, our brains keep searching for the perfect strategy, boundary, or conversation that will finally fix it. But what if the real path forward isn't solving the problem? What if it's recognizing the situation as impossible—and shifting how you show up inside it? In this episode, Ann shares: What an "impossible situation" actually is (and how to recognize one) Why trying to solve unsolvable problems keeps parents stuck in stress and frustration The surprising relief that comes from stopping the fight with reality How acceptance (not approval) creates more emotional stability for you and your kids A real parenting example of co-parenting conflict and school decisions How the Enneagram—especially Type One perfectionism—interacts with impossible situations Why nervous system regulation and emotional support become your real power as a parent This conversation is especially relevant for parents navigating divorce, family-of-origin wounds, difficult relatives, or ongoing conflict with someone who won't change. Because when you stop trying to make the impossible possible, something unexpected happens: You finally get access to your real influence. And often, that's where peace begins. Resources mentioned in this episode: 📘 Free workbook: Getting Kids to Listen the First Time [https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/freeguide] 📞 Book a free consultation with Ann to explore coaching [https://calendly.com/annkaplan/consult]

What if the goal of personal growth — and parenting — isn't to stay perfectly centered… but to return again when you drift away? In this episode, Ann explores a simple but powerful idea: the practice of leaving your center and coming back to it again and again. Inspired by a spiritual chant about returning to the "land of your soul," she connects this concept to meditation, parenting, and the way we navigate life's chaos. If you've ever told yourself you need to "be more present" with your kids but felt like you're failing at it, this conversation might bring a huge sense of relief. Because the truth is: presence isn't something we achieve and hold forever. It's something we practice returning to. Through stories from her own meditation practice and a recent group coaching conversation, Ann explores why presence can feel so hard — especially when life is messy — and why the answer isn't trying harder or judging yourself when you drift. It's simply learning to come back. Again and again. In This Episode Why the practice of meditation is really about getting distracted and returning The surprising reason "being present with your kids" feels so difficult Why parenting is more about who you are being than what you're doing How children learn calm and regulation through co-regulation The difference between pushing yourself to be better and gently returning to your center Why growth isn't about perfection — it's about reconnection Key Takeaways 👉 Presence is not a permanent state. It's a practice of returning. 👉 The goal isn't to stay perfectly centered — it's to notice when you drift and come back. 👉 Your children don't need a perfect parent. They need a parent who can return to connection. 👉 The energy you cultivate in yourself becomes the energy your children learn to regulate around. 👉 Personal growth isn't about never going astray — it's about building the muscle of coming home again. Ann's Confession Ann shares how even during her daily meditation practice she spends most of the time distracted — planning, thinking, or mentally redecorating her basement. And that's actually the point. The real practice isn't staying focused. It's noticing when you've drifted… and returning again. Resources Mentioned 📘 Free Workbook: Getting Kids to Listen the First Time bit.ly/kidswholisten 📞 Book a Free Consultation with Ann bit.ly/kaplancall 🌿 Learn more about Ann's coaching Annkaplanparentcoach Parent Coach, IFS Practitioner & Enneagram Coach | Ann Kaplan Share This Episode Know a parent who feels like they're constantly trying to "do better" but still feels off track? Share this episode with them — it might be exactly the reminder they need: You don't have to be perfect. You just have to return again.

Have you ever felt like you only have two options… and both of them kind of suck? Be rigid or be out of control. Speak up and blow everything up… or stay quiet and carry resentment. Stay on top of everything… or completely give up and let it all fall apart. If you've ever felt trapped between two bad choices, this episode is for you. Today I'm talking about polarization — an Internal Family Systems concept that explains why we get stuck in these exhausting internal tug-of-wars. And more importantly, how to get out of them. I share personal stories about my history with disordered eating, my complicated relationship with anger (hello, Enneagram Type One), and what it looks like when parts of us hijack the system and convince us there are only two possible roads forward. Spoiler: there are never only two. When you feel stuck in black-and-white thinking, it's not because you're broken. It's because two parts of you are fighting for control — and neither of them is Self. And when Self isn't leading, everything feels urgent, rigid, and impossible. What We Explore in This Episode What "polarization" actually means in Internal Family Systems Why your system creates equal and opposite parts How black-and-white thinking is a signal you're blended Why "either/or" is almost always a clue that Self energy is offline How to work with opposing parts instead of letting them hijack you Real-life examples from parenting, relationships, food, and anger The Core Insight When you believe: "I only have two choices, and both of them are terrible." That's your sign. That's the moment to pause. Because when Self is present, there are always more than two options. Always. Self energy brings perspective, creativity, and nuance. Parts bring urgency, certainty, and rigidity. If you're feeling boxed in, you're not seeing the full picture yet. For Parents Especially This shows up constantly in parenting: Be strict or be permissive Hold boundaries or be warm Stay on track or let it go Control everything or everything falls apart Those aren't the only options. They're just the loudest parts in the room. And when you learn how to bring both sides to the table — without letting either one run the show — your nervous system settles. Your parenting softens. Your responses get more conscious. A Question to Sit With Where in your life are you telling yourself you only have two options? And what might open up if you didn't have to pick the least terrible one? If this episode hit something tender — if you can feel those parts fighting inside you — that's not a problem. That's information. And if you're ready to stop living inside the tug-of-war and start leading from Self, you don't have to do that alone. You can book a consultation with me and we'll look at what's actually happening inside your system — and what's waiting on the other side of this polarization. Have a beautiful week. I'll talk to you soon. 💛 Book a Parent Support Call here: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call

You don't want to discipline them. Because you get it. They're tired. They're overwhelmed. They're hormonal. They're transitioning between homes. They're dysregulated. It's not their fault. And yet… you also can't live like this. This is the quiet tension so many thoughtful parents carry: If I understand why they're acting this way… do I still get to hold a boundary? In this episode, I unpack the difference between discipline and punishment — and why confusing the two keeps empathetic parents stuck. I share a personal story about being called out on something that "wasn't my fault" and what it reminded me about our kids (and ourselves). Because here's the truth: Just because a behavior is understandable doesn't mean it's excusable. And holding loving guardrails is not the same thing as being harsh. We'll talk about: Why compassion is for regulation — not for excusing behavior The common mistake emotionally attuned parents make Why removing consequences actually creates more dysregulation What authoritative discipline really looks like in real life How to hold boundaries without shame, fear, or punishment This is about becoming the steady one. The one who can say, "I understand… and also, no." When kids know the world makes sense — when behavior has predictable, calm outcomes — they actually feel safer. And safer kids learn faster. Ready to Feel Clearer About Discipline? If you're feeling murky about when to give consequences… If guilt keeps sneaking in… If you're worried you're either being too soft or too harsh… Let's talk. Book a free Parent Support Call with me here: 👉 https://bit.ly/KaplanCall It's a real conversation — not a pitch. You'll leave with clarity either way. And if we decide to work together, we'll build a version of discipline that feels strong, loving, and aligned with who you actually want to be as a parent. You don't have to choose between kindness and leadership. You get to be both.

You love your kid. You want them to feel confident. You want them to know they're capable and amazing. So of course you praise them. But what if the way we've been taught to praise our kids is quietly getting in the way of the very self-esteem we're trying to build? In this episode, I'm unpacking something that can feel almost heretical: why traditional praise doesn't actually create confidence — and what does. This isn't about being cold or withholding. It's about shifting from evaluating your child to truly seeing them. There's a difference. And once you understand it, you'll never say "good job" the same way again. What We're Talking About Why external praise doesn't actually change how someone feels about themselves The accidental messages praise can send (approval-seeking, fear of mistakes, performance-based worth) The difference between praising a child and delighting in a child Why attachment — not affirmation — is the foundation of self-esteem How struggle and failure build confidence more than compliments ever will What to say instead of "I'm so proud of you" How to help your child develop self-awareness instead of approval-seeking The Shift Instead of: "I'm so proud of you." "That's amazing!" "You're the smartest kid I know." Try: "I noticed how much time you put into that." "You seem really proud of yourself." "How did that feel?" The goal isn't less warmth. It's less evaluation. When we stop positioning ourselves as the judge of our child's worth and start facilitating their self-discovery, something powerful happens: They stop looking to us to tell them who they are. They start knowing. The Deeper Work True confidence comes from: ✔ Secure attachment ✔ Being seen and understood ✔ Being allowed to struggle ✔ Knowing you are loved regardless of performance ✔ Discovering your own internal compass This is self-actualization in parenting form. And yes — it requires us to loosen our grip on being the authority on our child's goodness. That's not easy. But it's transformative. If this resonates — if you want to parent in a way that builds grounded, internally secure humans instead of praise-dependent ones — this is exactly the kind of work we do together. Working with me isn't about memorizing scripts. It's about becoming the kind of parent whose presence builds confidence. If you're ready for that shift, book a consult. Let's talk. And in the meantime, pay attention this week: Are you praising… or are you delighting? There's a difference.

If "discipline" makes your stomach drop because it feels synonymous with mean, this episode is for you. This conversation is for parents who care deeply about connection — and are quietly worried that setting limits might damage it. Ann makes the case that loving limits aren't just about better behavior. They're about helping kids develop security, self-trust, and a nervous system that doesn't feel like it has to run the whole show. We're talking about why boundaries are not the opposite of love — and how the absence of leadership can actually increase anxiety, control issues, and emotional overwhelm in kids. What You'll Learn Why Ann is intentionally using the D word: discipline (and why it's not the same as punishment) The real differences between authoritative, permissive, and authoritarian parenting The surprising link between a lack of boundaries and childhood anxiety How kids can become bossy or controlling when the adult isn't clearly in charge Why "good behavior" is a side effect — well-being is the goal How discipline paired with attunement builds secure attachment and healthy self-concept The Core Framework (the one you've heard… and still need) Authoritative parenting = emotional attunement + leadership Kids need both: Attunement: "I see you. Your feelings make sense." Leadership: "And I'm still the grownup. I've got this." When attunement exists without leadership, parents often slide into permissive parenting — which can look kind and gentle, but quietly puts kids in charge of things they're not developmentally equipped to manage. The Client Story That Explains Everything Ann shares the story of a mom she worked with over time — first when her child was a toddler, and later when he was seven. At age 2: Runs out of his room two minutes after nap starts → mom lets it go Throws food on the floor and leaves dinner → mom lets it go No yelling. No harshness. Lots of love. But also… the child is running the system. At age 7: Sweet, bright, and deeply anxious — especially in social situations When anxious, he becomes controlling One moment captures it all: He forgets his backpack. Mom says she'll bring it later. He panics, refuses to go inside, insists on controlling the plan — and eventually, mom takes him home. Ann's insight: this isn't about cold parenting or lack of care. It's about a nervous system that learned: "If the adult won't hold the edges, I have to." And that's a terrifying job for a child. The Hidden Cost of Permissive Parenting Not spoiled kids. Not bad manners. The deeper cost can look like: Anxiety and hypervigilance A need to control people and situations Less internal "okayness" because the world doesn't feel solid Kids don't relax when there are no limits. They often spin out. Because being "in charge" isn't empowering when you're seven — it's overwhelming. Ann's Confession 💬 Early on, Ann admits her main motivation for boundaries wasn't enlightened or philosophical. It was: "I need this house to not be a chaotic shit show." And honestly? Same. But over time, she saw the deeper truth: authoritative parenting doesn't just create well-behaved kids — it helps create well kids. Key Takeaways 👉 Discipline isn't harshness — it's loving structure 👉 Kids need to know someone else is holding the frame 👉 A child with tons of attunement but no boundaries can still develop insecurity 👉 Anxious, controlling behavior may signal a need for more leadership, not more comfort 👉 Boundaries can be an act of care, not cruelty Gentle Next Steps (No Perfection Required) If you're a parent who: Hates conflict Avoids disappointing your child Feels guilty when they're upset Confuses "loving" with "letting it slide" This episode is your reminder that limits can be loving — and that being the steady adult is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Resources Mentioned 📘 Free workbook: Getting Kids to Listen the First Time https://bit.ly/kidswholisten 📞 Book a free consult call: https://bit.ly/kaplancall Share This Episode Know a parent who's doing a ton of emotional work — but still feels like their kid is running the house and everyone's stressed because of it? Send them this episode. It's permission to stop white-knuckling parenting — and start leading with calm, clarity, and care.

If you've ever sworn, "It ends with me," and then immediately watched yourself get weirdly intense about something small… hi. This episode is for the parents who are doing the work—and still getting ambushed by old feelings in brand-new moments. We're talking about what actually breaks generational cycles (spoiler: it's not just "doing everything differently"), and why the real win is becoming the kind of parent who doesn't need fear to stay committed. What You'll Learn Why "I'll never be like my parents" is a starting line, not a finish line How generational patterns sneak in through triggers, rigidity, and over-control The difference between parenting from conviction vs. parenting from fear Why neutrality is the secret ingredient you can't access when you're activated How doing your inner work changes what your child's behavior "hooks" inside you The subtle way cycles repeat when you're trying so hard not to repeat them Key Takeaways 👉 Breaking the cycle isn't just doing different—it's being different. 👉 If fear is driving the car, you'll grab the wheel (control, intensity, overreaction). 👉 Sometimes the "small stuff" (yes, even Cheerios) is where you finally see the pattern clearly. 👉 Your child's behavior isn't the emergency—your activation is the signal. 👉 The work isn't "stop being triggered." The work is: what does the triggered part of you need? Ann's Confession 💬 I realized I had silently banned Cheerios… not because of nutrition, but because they were emotionally linked to my childhood. And that was my first real "ohhhhhh… there are layers here" moment. Client Story Mentioned 👩‍👦 A mom who felt panicked watching her kids fight—because sibling cutoffs ran through the family history—and how that fear made it nearly impossible to stay neutral or allow autonomy in the moment. Episode Timestamps (approximate—adjust once you have final audio timecodes) [0:00] Welcome + new producer era + ripple effects [4:30] The "Cheerios" confession: when the small thing reveals the big thing [12:00] Authoritative vs. authoritarian: where fear pushes us [18:30] Why "the cycle stops here" isn't enough by itself [26:00] The sibling-fighting trigger + generational fear in real time [34:00] Neutrality, autonomy, and why triggered parents can't access them [42:00] The real work: tending your fear (IFS-style) instead of bypassing it [49:00] Invitation: discovery call + what changes when you get support Resources Mentioned 📞 Book a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call?month=2026-02 Don't forget to subscribe 🚀 Share This Episode Know a parent who's doing everything "right" but still feels haunted by their own childhood in the day-to-day moments? Send them this episode. It's a permission slip to stop white-knuckling it—and start healing where the pattern actually lives.

How many times have you told someone what you want and then been frustrated when nothing changes? Whether it's a parenting conversation (put your coat away when you get home from school, please.) or a request of your partner (please don't leave your toothbrush dripping all over the counter.) or any other attempt you've had to get people to change their behavior, chances are nothing changed. Am I right? This week on the podcast, I'll explain exactly WHY no one is doing what you ask, and what to do differently. It's one of the simple, but not easy, truths of relationships and we forget it all. the. time. Working with me is about actually integrating this truth and learning how to show up differently so that you actually can help people change their behavior and respect your boundaries. Sound good? Reach out to me today and set up a free consultation. : https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call

Do you find yourself impatient to experience the transformations you're working on? Whether it's upleveling your parenting skills, managing your temper, getting a project across the finish line, experiencing less stress or anxiety....once we can tell what is going "wrong" now and what "right" looks like, it's normal to feel a sense of urgency about making it happen ASAP. It's almost like you have a little minion on your shoulder whispering, "Hurry! Hurry" in your ear constantly - which really doesn't help in the end, does it? This week on the podcast, I'm talking about that little voice. Why is it there? How does it end up sabotaging us? And how can we get it to sit tight so that we can have the space and patience to create the results its rushing us to create? My job is all about this process - identifying what you want things to look like, recognizing what's getting in the way right now, and staying with you while we do that lasting work to get you where you want to go. Reach out to me today and set up a free consultation. https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call

Do you remember when things changed in your home from "baby is boss" to "The grownups lead the way"? I have a very specific memory of the exact moment this happened in my life with my oldest child and this week on the podcast I'll share it with you, and talk about this paradigm shift that is fundamental in setting up healthy parent-child dynamics. It's a shift that happens only partially or doesn't happen at all in some families, leading to a lot of conflict, confusion and stress. Listen in to see where your family falls on this spectrum and what to do about it. Part of my job is helping families fully step into the awesome opportunity and responsibility of being the leader in their child's life. If you feel a struggle to truly embody this shift, you are not alone and I can help. Reach out to me today and set up a free consultation. Tell me all about your challenges and I'll help you get where you want to go: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call

It's not working! I hear something like this from clients every week. When we're trying something new, we want results quickly to confirm that what we're doing is working, right? But, sometimes looking for that result is the very thing stopping our efforts from "working"! When we don't see the outcome we want quickly enough, we can end up pivoting too soon, making knee-jerk changes without thoughtful evaluation of what needs to be tweaked, or resorting to extreme measures that never work at all, just to make ourselves feel like we're doing something. Listen to this week's episode to learn more about what happens when we focus too much on external confirmation, and what to focus on instead. The answer might surprise you! As a coach, it's my job to have these little tricks up my sleeve for you - to help you step back and reframe the way you look at your goals, to keep you on track in your pursuit of them, to show you what IS working, even when it looks like nothing is, and to help you identify what changes are needed with insight and intention, instead of frustration or desperation. We all need someone like this in our corner, and I happen to be a GREAT "someone like this" to have in YOUR corner. Reach out to me today to schedule a free consultation. Tell me about what's not working in your life, and I'll help you get yourself back on track: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discovery-call

No resolutions for me this year, thanks. Are resolutions the healthiest, most life-affirming way for us to pursue growth? Maybe for some, but for many of us they are either unnecessary or painful. Why not explore the ideas of intention, attraction, and openness instead? Listen to this week's episode to learn more about the difference between resolution and intention, to hear a few examples of what that means to me, and to get a little peak at MY intentions for 2026. Don't forget that right now I am honoring 2025 prices for both the 2026 retreat and all coaching packages. Reach out to me TODAY so I can help make your 2026 visions come true. 2026 prices go into effect mid-January. Set up a free Discovery Call! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Stillness. The winter solstice happened a few days ago, and in this week's episode of the podcast, I'm inviting you to do something about that...or actually, I'm inviting you to do nothing about it. Listen to the episode to explore the ideas of reflection, rest, warmth, nourishment, light, love, and celebration that this time of year offers. I hope your Winter season includes all of these things, and that you make a move right now to ensure 2026 is overflowing with these things all year long. Coaching and my annual retreat are both beautiful ways to bring this energy forward. Right now, I am honoring 2025 prices for both the 2026 retreat and all coaching packages until the end of December. Reach out to me before NYE so I can help make your 2026 visions come true. I hope you have a beautiful wintering with yourself and your precious ones. Info to help you plan: 📅 2 dates to choose from: 10/8-10/12 OR 10/15-10/19 👩‍❤️‍👩 2026 Theme: Connections 💲 2025 pricing open until the end of the year 💸 VIP and BFF discounts available. ❤️ All-inclusive 💆‍♀️ Massages 👩‍🍳 In-home chef 🎁 Personalized gifts 🥾 Hiking 🧘‍♀️ Yoga 🍷 Wineries 🍁 Spectacular Peak of Autumn color change ⭐️ Website to learn more: https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/fallretreat

The reasons we avoid stuff that would make life better... We all have them. We can tell we're stuck in a rut or that the way we're showing up is problematic. We even have some ideas for what we could do to improve things, but our brains come up with a million reasons not to do them. The most common response I get when these opportunities to try something different: "I can't. I don't have time. I'm too busy." Listen to this week's podcast episode to hear a few stories of clients who worked through their "I'm too busy" belief and realized on the other side of it that it had nothing to do with busy-ness or time management. It was all about MIND management. Are you ready to get my eyes on your challenges? Ready to move away from excuses and into a new way of being? Set up a free Discovery Call! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Have you ever received a compliment but still didn't believe it on the inside? Same. The truth is that external praise can't really change the way we feel about ourselves. So why do we keep using it to improve our kids' disposition, self-esteem, or confidence? When our kid puts themself down, it makes perfect sense that our instinct is to leap in and replace the negative with positive. "You're not dumb, you're the smartest kid I know!" But it really doesn't work in the end. In fact, external praise can sometimes backfire, giving kids the unintended message that their worth depends on others' perceptions, that if they misbehave, others may not think highly of them anymore, or that the way to feel good is to look outside themselves for praise. Of course, we don't want to give kids these messages! It's natural for kids to believe we are the source of their self-esteem - we've been the source of everything else their whole lives! And you know what? They're right! Our way of being with our kids IS the seed their self-concept grows from. But it doesn't come from our compliments or praise; it comes because we are connected to them and they feel safe with us. So how do we do that? Self-esteem, confidence, and behavior change come from a few places: • Healthy parent-child attachment. When we work on ourselves so that we are neutral and non-attached to kids' behavior and accomplishments, we can just BE with them in true connection, which is the single most important thing for kids' self-concept. • Struggling and overcoming. More important for kids than their parents thinking they're wonderful, is their parents seeing them as capable - that they have what it takes to solve a problem. Hand your kids' problems back to them with lots of love and confidence. Let them fail and receive them with lots of love and belief when they do. • Being seen. Instead of evaluating them and their work, just observe them and know them. "That painting is beautiful," becomes "I noticed you're painting a lot lately." "I'm proud of you" becomes "I can see you're really proud of yourself for that." • Self-discovery. When we ask questions, we help them discover how THEY feel about themselves and support their growth away from being preoccupied with how others feel about them. When your child says, "Did you see me do that? Watch me, aren't you proud of me? Didn't I do a good job?" Turn that into a question: "Yes, I noticed! How do you feel about the thing that you just did?" Working with me means learning to be the impetus for a positive self-concept and behavior in your child, in a whole new, healthy way. If you're ready to learn how, set up a free call with me today, and I'll show you! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Parts beget parts. Self begets Self. This is a common expression you might overhear in circles of Internal Family Systems practitioners. Essentially, we're saying that when we take time to connect with our True Selves, two things happen: we're more likely to engage in life from our True Self, and we're more likely to receive the True Self of the people we're interacting with. (Self begets Self). And, conversely, when we're all blended up with parts of our ego, we stir up more ego stuff in ourselves, and spark the egoic parts of everyone else. Parts beget parts. Makes sense, right? It's like a positive or negative snowball effect that goes on inside us and everyone else, all the time! In this week's episode of Confessions Of A Parent Coach, I'm sharing multiple stories that illustrate this concept in real life. We have so many opportunities to kick off either of these snowballs in ourselves, and it doesn't take much. Listen in to hear how I do it, and how you can too! If you're ready to take control of the snowball effect within you and see what amazing relationships and experiences await you, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Tis the season...to nag our kids about gratitude nonstop. It's Thanksgiving time, and that means lots of kids will be the beneficiaries of even more generosity than usual and will be expected to be grateful for their blessings. Remember when we were kids, and our parents nagged us about saying 'thank you' or writing thank-you notes, or told us stories about how good we had it compared to others? How much true gratitude did that inspire in us? In this week's episode of Confessions Of A Parenting Coach, I share 3 tools for actually creating TRUE gratitude in our kids (no nagging or thank you notes required). If you're ready to get my eyes on your parenting challenges and create a clear pathway to the behavior and relationship you hope for with your child, set up a free Discovery Call! I will learn about your family, help you see the roadmap to the family dynamics of your dreams, and decide if I am the person to help you get there. https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Why are some kids at their worst when they're with their parents? You may have heard it's because they are comfortable letting it all hang out when they're with their parents, which is a piece of the puzzle, but far from the whole story. The bottom line is that kids (and all humans) crave energy, intensity, attention, and interaction from the people around them, and when kids get that negatively (in the form of anger, worry, or interference from their parents, for example), we start to see negative behavior increase as a means to feel connection. Connection is king. This week on the podcast, I'll explore what that looks like and how we can use the fact that "connection is king" to create positive behaviors and relationships with our kids. Doing this kind of personal growth work is the quickest way to unlock incredible parenting for your kiddo and the most joyful life you could ever experience! So if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Have you ever done the "right thing" even though it felt like torture? Of course! We've all been in countless situations where we knew what we should do, and we were able to make ourselves do it, but it sucked. Telling the truth when it would have been easier to lie, staying calm with our kiddo when, inside, we are seething, holding a boundary when we wish we could just cave... It's so normal! But what if it were possible to do those "right" things and it NOT feel so hard? What if doing the right thing just organically happened, not because you were forcing yourself to be good, but because that was just what naturally unfolded? This week on the podcast, I'll explore what that looks like and how we can get there. It's something IFS calls "Self-Led," and I'll share a story about one client who got there in her parenting and how things changed because of her transformation. Doing this kind of personal growth work is the quickest way to unlock incredible parenting for your kiddo and the most joyful life you could ever experience! So if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

How much of good parenting is actually doing stuff? The answer is almost none. A beautiful conversation started with a client a few months ago and has continued to unfold for me in various spaces. This week on the podcast I share it with you. Listen to the episode to hear two stories that demonstrate that: If we put our focus on our way of being - elevating our consciousness and addressing the internal processes that block our ability to be present with our children - the doing part of parenting almost takes care of itself, and The things we think matter about ourselves, the things we think connect our children to us, are actually trappings and not our true value at all. Doing this kind of personal growth work is the quickest way to unlock incredible parenting for your kiddo and the most joyful life you could ever experience! So if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

But how do you really DO this IFS stuff? I just came back from facilitating the October retreats with incredible women surrounded by gorgeous Fall colors and beautiful growth moments. Internal Family Systems (IFS) was a big focus of our work this year, and we discovered quickly that we could spend a whole morning learning and discussing IFS without ever actually DOING any of it! A quick pivot helped us drop into true IFS, and everyone enjoyed an astounding transformation once we moved away from analysis and theory. It made me realize that I've done the same thing here with you on the podcast! I've recorded several episodes that introduce you to IFS—what it is, how it works, etc. But how do you really DO it? This week, I'll walk you through 3 easy steps of IFS to get you started, and you can even do them on your own without a practitioner! Doing this kind of personal growth work is the quickest way to unlock incredible parenting for your kiddo and the most joyful life you could ever experience! So if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Blame v responsibility | When something goes wrong, is your first reaction to figure out what caused it and who's to blame? If you said yes, you are in very good company. It is the most common reaction to anything in our lives, even the good stuff! Who gets the blame? Who gets credit? And our minds tend to equate blame with responsibility. Makes sense, right? If you break something of mine, you should be responsible for fixing it. But the operative word there is "should". Because everybody knows (especially parents!) that no matter who is to blame for a situation, it doesn't always turn out the way that it "should". And fixating on blame only feeds our frustration and pain when reality doesn't match our expectations. In this week's episode of the podcast, I'll break down these ideas even further and help you start to make the journey from playing the blame game to seeing life through a different lens. Doing this kind of personal growth work is the quickest way to unlock incredible parenting for your kiddo and the most joyful life you could ever experience! So if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

What even is the ego? If you've listened to even one of my podcast episodes, you've heard me use the E word thousands of times 😝 But what does it mean? Usually, an official definition only confuses us even more: "the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity." (Only moderately helpful, in my opinion). There are so many better explanations that can help us understand the ego in a very real way: how the ego functions in our minds, and both allows us to survive this thing called life, and can imprison us at the same time. Listen to this week's episode of the podcast to gain a more tangible understanding of the ego and learn effective ways to work with it. Doing this kind of personal growth work is the quickest way to unlock incredible parenting for your kiddo and the most joyful life you could ever experience! And if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

What am I supposed to DO with the Enneagram? Last week, you heard me discuss the levels of development and integration that exist within the Enneagram. The most common question I get after teaching these concepts is, So what? What am I supposed to do about it? It's really helpful to see that we struggle with certain personality constraints, or that we are hanging out in the less healthy range of integration, but how can we change any of that? For me, the simple answer to that question is internal family systems work, or IFS. IFS helps us deconstruct the attachment we have to our egos and start to gain more connection with our true selves instead. The more connections we have to self-energy, the more ability we have to work with these aspects of our personality in healthy ways instead of being controlled by them. Listen to this week's episode of the podcast to hear what that looks like and start to apply some of these concepts to your own personal work! And if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

How developed or evolved do you think you are? One of the reasons why I love the Enneagram is because it is so helpful not just in pegging personality type, but also facilitating our growth and development. In fact, when you think not just about the nine types of the 'gram, but the six combinations of our primal instincts we could have, the two wings we could have flavirong out Type, and the levels of integration we could be experiencing in our personal growth, there are not only nine types. Realistically there are actually infinite combinations that explain and decode our personalities and behaviors! In this week's episode of the podcast, I am explaining those levels of integration. How strongly identified and attached are you to your ego? Conversely, how loosely do you hold your ego and how connected are you to your essential nature and true self instead? These are the questions the integration scale helps us answer. Listen to hear about those different levels and maybe even start to identify yourself in them! And if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

How come my clients tend to be a bit older? Since tons of people have kids in their 20s, it might seem strange to hear that I don't have a lot of clients in that age range. Maybe you're thinking it's because they can't afford me, but that's not it! 😜 (I actually have lots of ways for people to work with me for free or very low cost) The real reason has to do with what is happening internally for us in our 20s. In this week's episode of the podcast, I am talking about the arc of human development and where we are in that arc when we are finally ready to undertake the personal growth work that my coaching entails. Understanding the stages of development that our kids go through, not just when they are little, but through the course of their entire lives, is so helpful in giving ourselves grace as parents, understanding how our own growth trajectory affects our parenting, and in showing up appropriately for our kids, whatever age they are! Listen to learn about those stages, and see for yourself why I don't have a ton of 20-something clients! And if you're ready to explore implementing these ideas in your own life, schedule a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

(The short answer is yes, btw) Codependency is a buzzword on steroids these days! And if you get down to it, pretty much every self-help and pop psychology thing out there is really getting at this same topic, whether it's encouraging us to "Let Them" or "not give a F-k". It's all about how codependent we are. This week's episode of the podcast breaks down what codependency is, provides examples of all the kinds of depencecy (co- in - and inter-), and gives you a bit of a trailhead to follow away from codependency. Listen to hear me unpack these concepts and get some inspiration on where to go from here. And if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Why do you treat me like this? This week's episode of the podcast was inspired by a client of mine who asked this exact question to his teenage son a while back. Like every relationship, there is so much at play here, but what I hone in on in today's episode is the answer to that specific question! Why do we receive the treatment we do from the people in our lives? The Short and snarky answer is: because we teach them to treat us that way! Listen to hear me unpack these concepts and get some inspiration on how to teach the people in our lives to treat us differently. And if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

When was the last time you were bad at something? How do you feel when you are in that kind of situation? The truth is that the only way to get good at something is to first be bad at it, and that is very uncomfortable for so many of us. It's so important that we do some work around that discomfort for two huge reasons: First, as parents, we start out bad at parenting simply because we've never done it before. If we want to get good at it, we need to be comfortable with being bad at it and work through that learning curve. And secondly, as kids, our children are by definition bad at pretty much everything in life because they've never done it before! If we can't accept the stumbles and ineptitude that are inherent in our children's growth process, we wind up transmitting that discomfort with learning right onto the next generation. Listen to this week's podcast to explore changing your feelings around learning curves and how to transmit that healthier attitude to our kids. And if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Kids and their bodies. This is such a hot topic, and I discuss it all the time with clients in one way, shape, or form. How do we raise kids... ...to understand consent and that they can say no? ...to feel good in their bodies and sidestep eating disorders or body dysmorphia? ...to be comfortable with sex and have a healthy relationship with their bodies and sexuality? ...to have healthy relationships with food and get proper nutrition? These topics are all wrapped up in one big quagmire for many parents. In this week's episode of the podcast, I will address all of these seemingly disparate topics and connect the dots for you. Listen to get some great perspective that will help you succeed in all of these areas with your child! And if you're ready to look into implementing these ideas in your own life, set up a free Discovery Call and let's see if we're a good fit! https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Do you know what you're really feeling in any given moment? There's a core emotion inside each of us. It is a big driver our personalities - our motivations, avoidances, habits and behaviors are all determined in large part by this current of sensation flowing within us all the time. And when we are unaware of that current, we show up in the world as a bundle of all those protective elements and not a whole lot more! On this week's episode of the Confessions Of A Parent Coach podcast, I walk you through the core emotions for each triad of the Enneagram, show you where they came from, how they impact us, and what to do about it! This is a powerful episode not to be missed! On August 24th, I am facilitating a day retreat about the Enneagram and how it helps us understand and address these core emotions, and more! The Living Enneagram Day Retreat August 24, 10am - 2pm Denver, Colorado If you're ready to unlock intuitive parenting and experience the deep ease and connection it offers, register for this live, in person event! https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/livingenneagram

Do you know what you're really feeling in any given moment? There's a core emotion inside each ot us. It is a big driver our personalities - our motivations, avoidances, habits and behaviors are all determined in large part by this current of sensation flowing within us all the time. And when we are unaware of that current, we show up in the world as a bundle of all those protective elements and not a whole lot more! On this week's episode of the Confessions Of A Parent Coach podcast, I walk you through the core emotions for each triad of the Enneagram, show you where they came from, how they impact us, and what to do about it! This is a powerful episode not to be missed! On August 24th, I am facilitating a day retreat about the Enneagram and how it helps us understand and address these core emotions, and more! The Living Enneagram Day Retreat August 24, 10am - 2pm Denver, Colorado If you're ready to unlock intuitive parenting and experience the deep ease and connection it offers, register for this live, in person event! https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/livingenneagram

What if you always knew how to parent your kid? Sound preposterous, and maybe so. No matter what evolution we go through, we will always be human beings and parenting will always have surprises. But on this week's episode of the Confessions Of A Parent Coach podcast, I will make the case that it's a Hell of a lot less preposterous than you might think. There are lots of intuitive approaches gaining popularity these days: intuitive eating, medical dosing, massage, therapy, teaching, listening...why not intuitive parenting? And what does it feel like to parent from that inner knowing? And what is needed in order for us to access and parent from that level of consciousness? Listen to hear answers to all of this and more. And when you're ready to undertake that consciousness-raising work, when you're ready to unlock intuitive parenting and experience the deep ease and connection it offers, set up your Discovery Call. It's been here waiting for you all along, just like the intuitive parenting guidance that has been speaking you internally since day one. https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

What is a growth edge? This week on the Confessions Of A Parent Coach podcast, my littlest kiddo, Skye, is helping me make my confession! I asked him if he could think of a time I pushed him to do something that was just too much for him, and he came up with a great example that helps me talk about the idea of a growth edge with you. Listen to the podcast to hear: · My awesome eleven-year-old ;) · What a growth edge is and why it's important, and · How to parent to your child's growth edge Coaching is all about hanging out in your growth edge, and doing this work teaches you how to know where your edge lies, how to identify your kids' growth edge, and what to do when you misjudge it, like I did in Skye's example. Ready? It all starts with a Discovery Call where you get to share your story, and I get to offer you hope and a clear path to excellent parenting. I can't wait to meet you. https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

What is your default coping style? This week on the Confessions Of A Parent Coach podcast, we're doin' it for the 'gram (the Enneagram, that is)! I'll go around the 'gram with you to talk about the three different coping styles of the nine Types: Externalizing, Repressing, and Internalizing. Understanding which is your default style is SO POWERFUL in parenting. Are you an internalizer, making everything a reflection on yourself (I'm the problem. I'm a bad mom)? Or maybe you repress your emotions, telling yourself everything's fine when deep down you know it's not. You could be an externalizer, convinced that the situations/people around you need to change for things to improve (My kid/my partner is the problem. They're driving me nuts!). Whatever your style is, I guarantee it's coloring your parenting, and there is so much we can do about it once we understand what's going on. Here's where coaching comes in, helping you gain that understanding, evolve away from your default, and bring a new level of consciousness to your parenting. Ready? It all starts with a Discovery Call where you get to share your story, and I get to offer you hope and a clear path to excellent parenting. I can't wait to meet you. https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

WAIT! This week on the Confessions Of A Parent Coach podcast, I'm talking about this acronym that has been bounced around in corporate, communication, and coaching circles for years. It stands for: Why Am I Talking? And I recommend you run it through your mind almost every time you're about to open your mouth around your kiddo. Listen to the podcast to explore: · The many answers to this question that point to a need other than talking, · What to do instead of talking, · The changes you can create with your child simply by asking yourself this question Coaching helps make this question a default go-to before getting stuck in a rabbit hole with your kid. It's my job to help you address all of the needs behind your reasons for unproductive talk with your child. The more we address them, the less they lead you to sabotage those moments. Your relationship with your child deepens and opens up as you learn to listen more and talk less. And it all starts with a Discovery Call where you get to share your story, and I get to offer you hope and a clear path. I can't wait to meet you: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

It's important to have agency, ok? Have you ever said things like, "5 more minutes of screentime, OK?" or "You can stay up 15 minutes later, but then no fighting about bedtime, OK?" This is just one example of how we find ourselves putting our kids in charge and literally asking for their permission instead of the other way around! We often relinquish our agency in subtle ways, and that can really sabotage our ability to raise kids who respect others' agency and are in touch with their own. In this week's episode of Confessions of A Parent Coach, I'm talking about the difference between asking permission for what we need, vs giving it to ourselves. Listen to hear: - The one sentence that blocks parents from getting the help I offer, - A mindset shift that helps us maintain connection to our own agency and teach it to our kids, and - A client's story of making this change for herself, and what came of it. If you are ready to have these kinds of breakthroughs for yourself, I'm ready to help you! Set up a Discovery Call today and get me up to speed on everything you've been working on. I'll give you my honest feedback, and we'll create a roadmap to where you want to be with yourself and your family. https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

A superhighway...to disaster? This week on the Confessions Of A Parent Coach podcast, I'm talking about the idea of rewiring our brains. I's a big part of what's happening in coaching, but what does it really mean? Your habits and defaults are well-trodden neurological pathways, which make them superhighways that we use to zip from impetus to reaction at lightning speed. Unfortunately, those reactions are often childish and unproductive. Better responses, on the other hand, require us to carve new paths, and that is a lot slower and requires a lot more intention. Coaching makes this rerouting easier and faster. Your coach helps you conceive of a new route and understand what different destinations you want to arrive at. They help you stay on track, to come back to this engineering project when you've given up, to point out when you get lost, and help you find your way again. What kind of rewiring would you love to have for yourself? A different reaction to your kids' behavior? A more peaceful energy around the chaos of parenting? More even temper instead of getting angry? Whatever it is, I can help and I'm ready to get crackin' with you! Set up a Discover Call and get a glimpse of some of the new roads you can lay down with coaching: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Do you have a fantasy of who you should be? Most of us do - we have an idea of how we should think, react, behave, or feel if we were the best version of ourselves. But unfortunately, that person doesn't exist. They are just as fake as a character in a novel. The person you're trying to be is as real as Anne of Green Gables or Princess Buttercup. She is nonsense. But we often have a deeper, more intimate relationship with this fictional character than we do with our true selves! Or we have a relationship with our true selves that's predicated on trying to change, force, or shame ourselves into becoming the fiction. The voice in our head is like the parent who's constantly saying, "Why can't you be more like so-and-so?" Except so-and-so is Dumbledore or Ponyo the fish! In this week's episode of Confessions of A Parent Coach, talking about this fantastical relationship and how it keeps us stuck in pain and stagnation. If you are ready to give up your futile quest for a fairy tale being a pretend person, and instead begin a love affair with your actual, for realsies SELF, I can help! It starts with a free Discovery Call where you tell me everything you've been trying to create and get honest help with what is possible and how to get there: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Parenthood is mostly unknowns. In this week's episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, I'm talking about how we deal with uncertainty, worry, and fear in parenthood. Listen to hear: • My own stumbling block when it came to this concept (I was paralyzed by uncertainty), • One tool to combat our craving for certainty and future information, and • The only thing you need to know to parent well, no matter what comes your way With this tool under your belt, you are ready for whatever parenthood has in store for you, and it becomes so much easier (and more enjoyable) to do right by your kid. If you are ready to have these kinds of breakthroughs for yourself, I'm ready to help you! Set up a Discovery Call today and get me up to speed on everything you've been working on. I'll give you my honest feedback, and we'll create a roadmap to where you want to be with yourself and your family: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Meet Stacey. In this week's episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, I'm sharing an excerpt from a session I did with one of my clients, Stacey. It's very common that a few months into my work with a parent, I have a moment like the one in this recording - where things are going SO much better than before- that we celebrate and reflect. We're so lucky that Stacey was open enough to share her celebration this week! Listen in to hear: • What finally made the difference for Stacey • How coaching has affected not only her parenting, but her marriage as well, and • A brief sidebar about coaching vs. therapy. It's a great chat and I hope you love it! And, if you are ready to have these kinds of breakthroughs for yourself, I'm ready to help you! Set up a Discovery Call today and get me up to speed on everything you've been working on. I'll give you my honest feedback, and we'll create a roadmap to where you want to be with yourself and your family: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall

Are you interacting with a fantasy or with reality? In this week's episode of Confessions of A Parent Coach, I'm sharing a concept I've been exploring with my clients and in my own personal work lately. It's the idea that most of the pain we experience in life comes from more aligned with our fantasy of life, than with real life itself. I'll walk. you through this concept, and give you concrete examples of how to use it to uplevel your parenting three ways: In TRULY attuning to your child (the truth of them, rather than an ideal they are not), In responding to their behavior effectively, and In moving past the pain and heartache we put ourselves through as parents when things don't look how they "should" If you are ready to have a deep and fulfilling relationship with the magical human your child truly is, I'm ready to help you! Set up a Discovery Call today and get me up to speed on everything you've been working on. I'll give you my honest feedback and we'll create a roadmap to where you want to be with yourself and your family: https://calendly.com/annkaplan/discoverycall