Stop trying to be right

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/david-sammel?utm_term=QPvEB8wy8 I think this is one of the most helpful changes I have made in my life. When I was younger I tended to be a little bit arrogant because of my belief and conviction that I was right in the solutions that I was offering. I actually believed I could help others run their life better if they took my advice and whilst sometimes this could be true, it is a dangerous assumption because no one can truly walk in another person’s shoes, we can only strive to understand. When I learned that helping people is more about asking the right questions and for them to decide for themselves the right course of action, was a game changer. I no longer saw it as my mission to persuade people to do what was best for them. This humility was also liberating because when someone does what you tell them to do, you become responsible for the outcome. This is far different from facilitating a decision. I have also learned that the obvious solution is not always the best solution and equally if I must be able to clearly explain an argument for a decision to avoid buying into my own biases. When it comes to conflict or arguments my three key learnings are: Define the disagreement exactly by writing down both sides and clarifying with the other person that they agree to your interpretation of their position. Frame the other person positively. In other words, go into their position and ask yourself “what if this was the correct position?” How would I argue this? This way you get an even greater balance and depth to their position. Once you've done that, you can then ask further clarifying questions. Go back to my previous podcast, episode 15 based on the three golden words; curious, fascinated and interested, which are great to help discover more information in a respectful way. Rather than looking to be right and winning an argument, you can start to come to an equitable conclusion that is helpful to both parties. I think it's really important in business or in teams to reward dissenters and encourage others to think outside the box from the collective psyche and then ask everybody to argue in favour of the dissenter, which will often prove their argument incorrect, but then it's easier for the dissenter to understand it. And if the dissenter’s argument is proved correct, it is easy for the collective to accept because in front of their eyes and during this process the favourable path becomes obvious. In any conflict the key learning is to talk in a way that never invalidates the other person's feelings but rather challenge them with questions which stay away from any condescending rhetoric, as long as the questions are not condescending. We are all emotional beings doing our best in each situation to figure out what is best for us so, when we make poor decisions it's rarely because we haven't thought about it, it is just our reasoning that leads us to a decision. This is why it's so important not to attack the decision. Rather, question the reasoning behind decisions. Lastly, I'm going to put a JustGiving link at the bottom of the notes and I hope that you will join me in helping Ali Oumarou, a coach in the Ivory Coast who I have supported for 10 years in his final step to achieve our dream of helping young underprivileged tennis players progress to tournament levels and beyond, hopefully becoming good enough to change their lives infinitely by earning college scholarships. We are 11% of the way so please contribute what you can as every bit helps. The full story is on the JustGiving site and on my pinned social media. https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/david-sammel?utm_term=QPvEB8wy8