Sunday 2:14:10

I shared with you last week that when Brenda and I really struggled in our marriage, we at one point had given up. But then we started trying again. Now we had tried before. We had tried for years. I felt like I had given and given to our relationship – like I was the most giving man to ever take on the burden of a wife – and was somehow the most under-appreciated man in the world. Turns out, Brenda felt like she was the most giving woman to ever take on the burden of a husband – and was somehow the most under-appreciated woman in the world. We thought we were working so hard and really putting ourselves out there. How can that happen? That you both feel like you’re putting so much work into your marriage and yet it’s not working? It happens all the time. The God who created the whole idea of marriage gives us a path to our spouse’s heart in His word. It only makes sense that the God who created men and women and marriage and who loves us so much would give us the keys to an intimate marriage. In the book His Needs, Her Needs, the author gives a list of 5 needs for men and women. I won’t go through all of those today, but one for each spouse that are most important. The great need for a man is respect. A man needs to feel the respect of his wife. Ephesians 5:22-24 Women, you all know how fragile your husband’s ego is. Believe it or not, this is common among men. Your man’s ego is not broken, it’s common. Value his opinion. Tell him the things that he does that he’s good at. Tell him the things that he does that you like. Even if he does 10 things wrong in an area, find the one good thing and praise him for it. Do you know what that will do to a man? He’ll be like, oh, you like that, you haven’t seen anything yet. Men move toward the place of greatest honor. That’s why many men drift away from a nagging wife at home and stay late at work where people appreciate and honor him. For a woman, there is a great need for love. She needs to feel and see the love of her husband. Ephesians 5:25-27 Ephesians 5:28-32 How does love communicate best? How can you show it best? There is no greater way to show love to your wife than to seek her good at your expense. Wash dishes – happily - when you’d rather watch TV. Spend time with the kids – in a good mood – when you’d rather be resting. Talk to her – patiently and engaged - even when you’re tired. There is a great book that came out a year or two ago that I haven’t read, called “Love and Respect.” It’s built on this premise that a man should love his wife and a wife should respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33 Love and respect. A man is to show a self-sacrificing love to his wife. A woman is to show a respectful love to her husband. Your marriage, especially as a believer is to be a reflection of Christ and the church. But often our marriages look like everyone else’s. Let marriage be held in honor among all – Hebrews 13:4a