Super Bowl Sadness cured by AI Love Bots - February 13, 2026

The Bad News Network is back with another dark dive into the week. Who needs good news when you can laugh at the dumpster fire? Losers are getting louder. The DHS budget brawl heating up in Congress. Grim measles update: the U.S. is in the grips of its worst outbreak since 2000, with over 900 confirmed cases already in 2026 (and climbing fast across 24+ states, led by massive clusters in South Carolina). Mark Kelly vs. Pete Hegseth drama. EV write-downs after government mandates ignored basic reality: people don't want overpriced, under-ranged cars without chargers. Norwegian ski jumpers busted for "Crotch-Gate" suit cheating (yes, aerodynamic bulges) Gen Z officially dumber than their parents thanks to screen addiction Dating apps (because robots fix romance) $650B in AI data centers dwarf our roads and bridges Olive Garden cook's terrible meal Epstein files disgust Classic Florida Man torching his car on the highway for date night. Tune in for your weekly dose of dark comedy news—because the world's burning, but at least we're roasting marshmallows. New episode drops now!