Surprise Party 1 - One Fellowship To Rule Them All

It's another episode of Smash Metafiction, featuring the debut of a new experimental game -- Surprise Party! Drawing from fictional characters across the multiverse, the Smash Fiction hosts build their own adventuring parties of fighters, rogues, mages, clerics, and bards (not to mention the dreaded "dumpus") and see whose team can best complete the trials and tribulations of a previously existing story. In the inaugural episode, Dan guides three cobbled-together character coalitions through the plot of The Lord of the Rings, scoring them from best to worst in a series of contests that will, ultimately, determine which party successfully casts the Ring of Power into the fires of Mount Doooooooooooom! Will Sauron be defeated (by Claire's commitment to Jedi pacifism)? Will Middle-Earth be saved (thanks to a bunch of weirdos that only Miles has ever heard of)? Will Kit show up with any characters that are human and/or have the ability to speak? There's only one way to find out: Listen, you fools!