SwCA Episode 153: They don't want me here.

SITE: http://www.courtneyanderson.com/swca-episode-153-help-situation-spotlight-series-they-dont-want-me-here.html SHOW NOTES: In our HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT™ series, we shine the light on challenges that community members have shared. This episode is, “They Don’t Want Me Here.” Rejection. Isolation.  Shunned. Ostracized. Despised. Reviled.  When we are somewhere that we are not wanted, it may hurt. We all crave acceptance, support and being embraced by others. In our families, in our social groups, with our romantic partners and friends we must be treated with affection, attention and acknowledgement. We design and choose (as adults) all of these relationships that we engage in on a daily basis. As we have discussed in many other programs, people who positively care about us, who are our friends all pass this test, “Our happiness is their happiness. Our hurt is their hurt. Our disappointment is their disappointment.” If a person is happy when we are hurt, they are not our friend and are not deserving of being in our close community of caring comprised of family and friends.  Outside of our community of caring we interact with a very different population in terms of being wanted (i.e., at work and when dealing with the general public). The general public is not our community of caring. They (ideally) all each have their own community of caring as we do. The general public most often does not notice us. This is normal and expected with over seven billion people on our single planet! Of the small group of the general public that does notice us (we are coworkers, volunteers at the same organization, etc.), the majority of people are agnostic about us (i.e., they have no opinion about us at all). This is normal. They are not invested in our lives and although they may know our names they don’t think much about us at all (we simply are the person that sits at the front desk or brings the files to the meeting, etc.). There are very small general public populations that actively engage with noticing us and having a desire for us to leave (the office, the group, etc.). Remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it is disinterest (they don’t care abut us at all). Thus, on a positive note, those who don’t want us to be there do care about us.   Definition of ‘Want’: “: to desire or wish for (something) : to need (something) : to be without (something needed)” Want. (n.d.). Retrieved July 20, 2014, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/want Relating to the situation when “They Don’t Want Me Here”: 1) How do you know this? Make sure you are not simply projecting your own desire “not to be here” (i.e., telling yourself in your thoughts, “I’m not good enough. No one likes me. I am a failure.”, etc.) onto other people who actually do not either notice you or do not care about you.  2) Why do you care? Why would you give any weight to your decision to people who don’t notice you or don’t care about you? If someone does care about you in a negative manner (they are jealous of you, they don’t like you, they think you are an idiot, etc.), take it is a compliment that the are spending their time thinking about you but do not spend your time thinking about them.  You have your community of caring who support you and embrace you. The general public is not your community of caring. You would be a narcissist to think that in a competitive (and at times complementary) world that other people would defer their desires and wishes to your desires and wishes. If someone else thinks that you will defer your wants (to be here) to their wants (that you are not here), they are misguided narcissists.  3) Do you want to be there?   If you want to be here, be here. If you don’t want to be here, don’t. You decide.   © Courtney Anderson Enterprises LLC  CourtneyAnderson.com   [email protected]