SYPM 009: How to Set Boundaries in Parenting

My guest for this episode is life coach and reparenting expert Xavier Dagba, who is here to discuss the topic of boundaries in parenting.   We don't tend to learn much about having boundaries when we're young, because our culture teaches that children shouldn't really need or have them (and those of us who are using respectful parenting approaches are working against the tide here).  This then translates to us not knowing how to set boundaries as adults, and feeling 'walked all over' - without fully understanding why, or what to do about it.   We also talk about the limit between boundaries and limits, an important distinction as we interact with our children.   If you need more support in setting limits that your child will respect (and using far fewer of them than you might ever have thought possible - while still having your boundaries respected!), sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop.   Click the banner to learn more.     Other resources from this episode: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.Xavier's websiteFollow Xavier on Instagram   Jump to highlights 04:15 Introduction to the episode and guest Xavier Dagba 05:49 Xavier's own story: stepping away from a PhD path and the family backlash 09:46 The difference between a limit and a boundary 14:47 Why relaxing limits can actually reduce family stress 17:23 The self-sacrificing mother narrative, and where it comes from 20:08 The pendulum effect: overcorrecting for how we were raised 21:47 Fear of abandonment as the root of self-sacrifice 25:57 Why understanding alone isn't enough: the need for self-compassion 30:28 Rewiring a habitual reaction and voicing a new boundary 32:36 Reading the body's signals: resentment, anger, and shame 39:07 Enmeshment, and how setting boundaries teaches emotional autonomy 45:32 Where to start: getting curious about what's driving your own behavior