Tanya Hallett - The Narcissistic Bully: How to escape their trail of destruction

They're charming to leadership, devastating to their team, and almost impossible to catch. In this episode, Tam Callaghan sits down with workplace expert Tanya Hallett to talk about narcissistic bullies at work: what they actually are, why organisations keep missing them, and what to do if you're dealing with one.  Tanya breaks down the key difference between a standard workplace bully and a narcissistic one, why the second category is in a completely different league, and how the DAVO pattern (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim Order) leaves targets confused, doubting themselves, and unable to articulate what just happened. She also covers what gaslighting actually looks like on the ground, why documentation matters more than you think, and what your real options are if you're in the middle of this.  This is one of the most practically useful episodes on workplace harm the show has done. Whether you're a leader trying to understand what's happening in your team, or someone trying to survive a difficult situation, this conversation gives you real tools.  In this episode:  The difference between a bully and a narcissistic bully, and why it matters  The trail of destruction: what happens to teams when one arrives  Why narcissistic bullies are so hard for leaders to spot  DAVO explained: deny, attack, reverse victim order  How gaslighting erodes confidence and psychological safety  What leaders should actually be watching for  Thinking like a lawyer: how to build your evidence  Practical self-protection: documentation, written follow-ups, limiting verbal contact  Your options as a target: cope, escalate, or exit  The real cost to organisations that ignore this  Do Yourself a Favour is available on YouTube: https://linktr.ee/doyourselfafavour_podcast  Join the conversation! Do Yourself a Favour is on Facebook LinkedIn: https//www.linkedin.com/in/tamaracallaghan/  Do Yourself a Favour is recorded at Tailwind Studio: https://www.linkedin.com/company/tailwind-studio  Formerly known as the 50/50 Podcast.  ———————  Chapters  0:00 Intro  0:09 What People Mean by 'Narcissistic Bully'  1:06 Trail of Destruction: Team Impact  3:14 Core Traits: Fragile Ego, Charisma, Managing Up  5:34 Why Leaders Miss Narcissistic Bullies (Red Flags)  6:42 DAVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim Order Explained  9:11 Gaslighting Effects: Confidence & Psychological Safety  11:01 What Leaders Should Watch For (Patterns & Evidence)  15:33 Think Like a Lawyer: Building Your Evidence  19:21 Documentation: How to Record Incidents Safely  20:57 Limit Verbal Contact & Use Written Follow-ups  24:08 Maintain Professionalism — Don't Stoop Down  26:40 Compassion as a Coping Tool (Perspective)  29:00 The 'Ick' Factor: Confusion After Interactions  31:26 Manager Responses & Possible Outcomes  33:58 Options for Targets: Cope, Escalate, or Exit  36:28 Cost to Organisations & Leadership Accountability  39:34 Closing Remarks & Thanks  ———————  #NarcissisticBully #TanyaHallett #TamCallaghan #DoYourselfAFavour #WorkplaceBullying #PsychologicalSafety #Gaslighting #WorkplaceWellbeing #DAVO #Leadership #HRPodcast #WorkplaceCulture #Narcissism #SelfProtection #PodcastAustralia