What is up? That's not a sound of distress. It's K-Day. It's Taylor Swift Day.
Today is Taylor Swift's birthday. What a fun episode. Luna Bell have its stuff for you. A raw impression celebrates Taylor Swift's birthday.
Get psyched. Get psyched. Also time person of the year, Taylor Swift. You're psyched.
I'm so psyched. I have a cake with sprinkles on it. A birthday cake. You bought a cake for Taylor today.
Did you ever think you'd be celebrating Taylor Swift's birthday? No. Absolutely not. I'm like those people on TikTok who look with the wilderness and their eyes like, I don't know what happened.
I just was living my life normally moving along and the next thing you don't, bam, I'm a Swiftie. Help! You guys, I'm a Swiftie. I mean, you might have figured that out by now, but I'm like, I would say legitimately.
You're legitimately a Swiftie. I'm legitimately a Swiftie now. She just gets, she works her way in into your heart. And she gives.
She fucking gives, man. Yeah, she gives a lot. It takes a lot to get into your world. You're like, I actually have pretty limited, I don't let that much in to be perfectly frank.
It's especially music. I'm really, really picky. Very particular. There was quite a while there where you were saying that she she spoke instead of saying.
I know. And now I'm like, she's an amazing singer. She's a poet. She's the voice of a generation.
I'm fully invested. I am fully invested. I think about her in a motherly way. I worry about her.
I, yeah. You've been kind of chomping at the to do another Taylor episode. You tried to turn our last episode into a Taylor episode, and I kind of resisted. Not because I don't love Taylor.
Not because I don't understand. Not because I have any problem with it. I just wasn't ready for another Taylor Swift episode, but now I am. Now I am.
You're ready too. Yeah. I mean, and Abby Barlow, Lou's baby sister, who's, she's not a baby. She's a grown up.
She's taller than me. Is she? Wait, did we figure that out? Yeah.
Okay. Yeah. We did. What's this?
Okay. That's not true. She's named after James Taylor. Oh my God.
Oh, four track. Folks. Four track man. Come on.
Four track man. You're the guy who's supposed to keep me on track with my special relationship to the truth. Yikes. Holy cats.
That was a wild tale. That's not true, right? Andrea Taylor, named Taylor Swift after James Taylor. According to my little golden book version of Taylor Swift, which we have.
We have Izzy read it this morning for her homework. She read the little golden book about Taylor Swift. Yes. One exists.
Yes. There's also one about Dolly Parton. We have that one as well. It's very good.
And there's also one for Paul Bunyan and all sorts of other shit. Paul Bunyan is not real. There's some fun for Paul Bunyan. I'm just saying, okay.
And babe, the blue ox. But there's little golden books, like put out all sorts of books as you know. For a very long time. Yeah.
Yep. They've got cute little like golden little spine. Gold leaf. Gold leaf spine.
Gold leaf. Yeah. Real gold leaf. No.
You know what? I was almost ready to believe you. And I was like, no, no, no. Of course I wouldn't be gold leaf.
How embarrassing. You're such a naive Nelly. My energy level's been a little low. But I have to say, I wasn't expecting a whole lot from this episode.
But already, I was like, wow already. I'm just saying for myself, I'm just saying my own my own energy level. But so far I tricked you twice or for track man for the first time. Yeah, who you are him.
And then I just tricked you, saying that gold little golden books are actually made. No, you didn't know you didn't know you didn't know I was about to believe it. And then I was like, did it? That's that's ridiculous.
How about maybe they did? How about that? How about maybe one time in the past there was, little gold leaf? You don't know that.
No, I don't know at all. You're just, okay, you're opening up lose truth, notebook, your fact notebook. Do you have a fun fact about Taylor in there? No, look at this.
Oh, it's blank. Well, you could write down my fun fact I just gave you that she was named after James Taylor. She grew up on a Christmas tree farm. Everyone in Reading, Pennsylvania, West Reading, is that?
Yes, that's a place. Right? It's a place. Reading Pennsylvania, there's a lot of.
She likes Christmas. There's outlets in Reading, Pennsylvania. I used to have to go to the outlet malls, the early outlet malls, the ones that were like in these. She from Ohio?
Oh, you drove there? No, from Michigan. From Michigan, yes. And into New York State to go to other outlets, like Oneida Silverware outlet.
Oh, oh, that sounds like a deal. You could do a whole track. You could do a whole track between Massachusetts and Ohio of just outlets. What's the other one you were telling me about there, New York?
Is it the Pyrex? No, no, not Pyrex. Corning. Corning where?
Corning. Oh, yeah, the trail of tears I like to call it. Dragging your kids through these outlet malls. I mean, they were just, godly.
It's painful to think about. You're decaying buildings that you would just endless racks and following your mother into the clothing racks and racks of things. Corning where? Things on racks.
Silverware. But boy, my little hurt skips would be thinking about it because that all sounds fun, but not as a child. Not as a child, I understand. Izzy's really not welcome on most shopping trips yet.
Love her. She's not the best shopping partner. So she's got other things to do. Yeah, you really put your foot down with that.
It's like you're not shopping with Izzy. She's not right there. Well, because I keep trying and then she keeps letting me know. She's like, no, no.
She keeps letting you down. I'm not going to say that. I'm gently informed that she would rather be other places. So god bless, fair enough.
But tonight, she's going to be really excited. Oh my gosh, one of her besties is coming over and. You're going to watch something. Well, Eris, her live concert film, is going to be streaming, which I haven't even checked the TV yet.
So that'll be your job, dad. You're going to make sure the streaming's all set up. I'll take care of the streaming. I'll take care of the streaming.
I'll put you around the format. Let me choose the platform. Yes, yes. I'll do that.
Let me gash. So yeah, Taylor's 34 today. And Eris is going to be streaming. We've already seen it in the movie theater.
It starts streaming today on her birthday. I believe so. I believe that's what Abby informed me. Abby Barlow.
Is that coming over? Yeah. Oh, god. Your mom might stop by, too.
Wow. And Kathy, Abby's wife. I don't have to watch Eris today, do I? What?
You're not going to watch it with us? I was saving it for the airplane. Oh. I think it's going to be on.
I'm pretty sure. That makes me so. How are you going to hang out with everyone if you're just going to ignore us? I'm going to be.
No. I'm going to be working on finishing this podcast. Oh. Yeah.
OK. I may be hanging out with Hendricks. You know what I mean? You never know.
You never know. You might really want to just drink it in. I think he might get 10 minutes. OK.
I don't know. I'm just saying that he might drift. Got it. If he drifts, I'm going to follow.
I'm going to follow. I'm going to follow. Fair enough. If you're going to follow upstairs, well, you don't have to edit the podcast.
I do. Y'all are listening to and enjoying, right? So far, I don't have to edit anything. This is absolutely great.
I know. So far, perfect. So far, so good. A plus.
Yeah. Well, yes. So we're going to watch Eris. I am making meatless crumbles tacos.
It's like ground beef, but not. I don't really know what they're made of, but rubber bands. Rubber bands, basically. They're basically rubber bands.
They're tiny rubber bands just chopped up. And then they've been put in some brown dye bath. And then that's what. Trackman has a tailor.
If I'm that. Let him know for track, man. Let him know. Thank you.
I will. Thank you. I will. This childhood pet was a kitten named Pickles.
Pickles fell ill with a renal infection in 2009. Taylor was worried, but through cutting edge that Mary science, Pickles lives to this day. Pickles is considered the oldest living domestic tree line. OK.
You can't get to these Taylors on that. It's her birthday. I'm actually so thrilled just thinking about Taylor and Travis. That's her boyfriend, everyone.
Travis Kelsey. I'm excited to picture them. Maybe they're going to drive and listen to this episode. And they are going to be laughing so hard.
I almost said her husband. Not yet. Her boyfriend, Travis. He has a podcast with his brother, too.
I think they talk about football stuff. They're both football players. I know literally nothing about football. But other than it's like, I just think about head injuries, right?
It's like your head. You got to protect your body. Yeah, they're all. They figured out that football is bad for your brain.
No, I know. So maybe Travis will play a few more years, you know, but then he'll retire and have some good sponsors. Or I don't understand how that all works. But anyway, maybe he'll transition to being like a newscaster or something.
And so he'll get out before his brain will just be mush. They're laughing right now in the car guys. Don't worry. Pickles is on Taylor's lap.
She does not have a cat named Pickles. What position does he play? You don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. I'd like to know that I could have filled my book with Travis, fun facts, but real ones. But I don't know. I'm still OK.
I'm totally cool with this relationship for sure. Yes. He seems nice from the snippet of the podcast that we watched. Yes.
Seems pretty cool. He does. But I'm still not that interested. OK.
You don't have to be. It's not required. I'm not saying you have to be interested. She could probably benefit from one less person being interested in her personal business, to be perfectly honest.
But that being said, she also simultaneously appreciates my loving kindness and my support. She does. Yeah. And she fucking does.
She loves her fans. And I'm one of them. Oh my gosh, you guys. What's happened?
Who am I? Oh, one minute. You're listening to the breeders and the next thing you know, you're like, evermore. They aren't explicit to each other.
They're not explicit to each other. They're all blending. It's just music. I like music.
It's just music. I like music. It's so just Taylor. What's that song?
I'm not saying you can't like the bleep, the bleaters. God, the breeders. Wow. It's not an either or situation.
Did you know that Taylor Swift first banned? She actually had a before she went country. She had a spunky little punk rock band. No, she didn't.
No, you're making this up. She did. And guess what the name of the band was? Don't even.
How many edibles did you eat today? One and a half. Clearly. That's the one time you.
I'm down. You're on the downward. I'm over. I'm over the slope.
Got it. So and her spunky punk band was? The bleaters. Oh my.
You can listen to the bleaters, the breeders, and Taylor Swift. All in one little mix, guys. I listen to this is totally off the subject. But speaking of being all over the map with your music, out of curiosity was when I was driving to pick up Izzy from school yesterday, I was looking at my pool party playlist for in the summer when we go swimming at Abby and Kathy's house.
I like to make little mixes for the pool. Why is this news to me somehow? Hello. Nice to meet you.
I'm your wife. And I have made mixes for the pool. So newsflash. And on one of the mixes, I had I think it's called Miami.
My Will Smith. You all that song? Welcome to Miami. I don't know if it's called Welcome to Miami, or just Miami.
Remember that band L? L. M. M.
M. M. M. M.
M. M. M. M.
M. M. M. M.
M. M. M. Blapping my fucking ass off.
What? That band that I do with his duo. Yeah. What was their song?
They had a song. It was like, fuck you M in Miami or I'm in Miami, bitch. Jeez. Why'd they got to say that?
OK. Yeah. One of the members of the band was like Barry Gordy, the guy who started Motown Records. It was like his nephew or something.
What? Holy shit, another Taylor fun fact. On December 13th, 2017, Taylor celebrates her 80th birthday by performing a medley of her entire catalog in reverse order for a worldwide audience. Now, that, now, Fort track man might not be so off with that one.
You never know. Mm. Gosh, I like thinking about Taylor as an 80-year-old woman. That's sweet.
Chances are I'm gonna be dead for that one. I know that's not in your plans. Adele tells me... You're gonna live to be 115, at least.
Yeah, you tell me that often. It would just work out nice. I'd like that. I'd like you to be extremely healthy the entire time, too.
And then when you finally do pass the threshold, or whatever that is, you're gonna be laying gently in bed, and I'll be sitting next to your bedside, because I'm gonna live for approximately 10 more years after you die. Anyway, I'll just be holding your hand and you'll just kind of gently pat my hand and go like, goodnight. There'll be no pain. It'll just be so sweet.
Maybe even this little aura around you. I'm gonna hold my breath forever now. I shit, be exhaling. Oh, you won't be shitting anymore.
No more using the bathroom. You're done then when you die. That's weird. I think when I die, chances are that I will have been constipated for at least a week before passing.
I wonder. Yeah, you were old-body be able to process, or you just have little rabbit poops that come out of you, like little really hard little balls. And you'll be like, I think the time is near. It's the only thing that I might still have a colon.
Mmm, see, well, I told you, you'll be very healthy. And you're just like I said, you're just gonna be like, I'm done. Girl, since I've made it as long as you told me to. I've fulfilled this contract.
I'm done. I didn't know that Tade, the episode would end with my death. I didn't know. I didn't know about your bowel movements in the last week of your life.
I didn't know we'd be talking about my final moments on Earth. Well, this is the end of the episode. I don't know. What else I have to tell you?
Oh, so I'm making, I didn't get to tell you about my tacos. So anyway, I'm making meatless crumbles tacos. That's because Lou and I have discovered that while we eat beef, we don't like ground beef. But we really like meatless crumbles.
We do. Yeah, we love those little rubber bands. Mmm. Is Taylor Swift a vegetarian?
No. Or one of her favorite foods is a cheeseburger and fries. Still? I mean, I can check in with her later.
She's 34. She's 34, yeah. Who knows? I mean, god, I don't know what the regimen she has to do in order to maintain that like stamina.
I know a little bit about it because of the time article, but it didn't get into like what she has to eat. But I'm sure it's all very carefully figured out so that she can have the most stamina on stage for those shows. Yep. I mean, you figured out what helps you with your own stamina on stage.
I do. You've got your little food routines down that you're like, this works for me. I like that. So, for sure, she does too.
I like a container of blueberries. Actually, you're almost vegetarian when you are performing. Eight ounces of smoked salmon. Okay, except for that.
You're a pescatarian. I think that means you eat fish. I do eat fish. Yes, you do.
I ate some sea flake salad today from Foster's. Foster's lost in time supermarket on the corner of Conway and Allen Street in Greenfield, Massachusetts. Foster's supermarket in Greenfield, Massachusetts. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. How is that? Do you like it? I don't...
I do like it. I have no interest in eating sea chalet. It's imitation crab meat with some like little bits of lettuce in there. So it's not even seafood.
What is it? Imitation crab. Yeah. That's fish.
It is? It's a white fish. Oh, it's a fake fish or it's a fish pretending to be another fish. Well, not a fish, a crustacean.
Yes. It's fish pretending to be a crustacean. What's the fish? I don't know.
Haddock? Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's a must to be mild, right? I'm shrugging.
You are shrugging. You're hatching your hands right there. You're lifting my hands up. You're laying on my shoulders and I'm saying Haddock?
I really don't like white fish too much. Unless it's in fish tacos. And then it's halibut, which I like. Halibut?
I doubt it's halibut. That's just expensive. Yeah. Whatever it is, it's kind of a trash fish.
No. A white trash fish. No, no, no. I see you eating that little salad and I'm like, that does that.
It's really not good for you because it has red dye in it because they dye it. Geez. The white fish to make it look like crab. Yeah.
So now you're also adding red dye. There's like kind of low-grade mayonnaise in there that's certainly sweet. Oh, coming from the third white cows. Certainly sweet.
Eggs, chickens, is there milking mayonnaise? Is there milking mayonnaise? No, it's eggs. Guys, I don't know.
Oh. Milk. It's creamy looking. Smagamma.
It's eggs. It's all just sad chickens. Yeah. Well, I am making chicken enchiladas too.
From a rotisserie chicken that I pulled apart. With your bare hands. With my bare hands. Remember when I used to do that?
I knew. Remember when I used to be sort of somehow related to the cooking process in this house? Remember how I would make attempts here and there to do that? Hey, you know what?
2024 is just around the corner. If you want to go like, okay, I'm going to once a month because I think that's a realistic amount because you're busy. You travel a lot. So saying once a month actually isn't giving you off the hook.
I mean, you're really only home like maybe two weeks out of the month or something. Anyway, you could plan and make a meal. Maybe you could get Hendricks to help you with it. He's pretty good in the kitchen.
Yeah. Daylir. Happy birthday, Taylor Swift. We're going to toastie to her tonight.
Toasting to Taylor. Toasting to Taylor. Hmm. Thank you for listening to The Raw Impressions Taylor Swift's 34th birthday collection.
Thank you for listening to The Taylor Swift's 34th birthday episode of Raw Impressions. Give me all your Taylor Swift talk. Thank you for listening to The Raw Impressions Taylor Swift's 34th birthday collection. Daylir.
Thank you for listening to The Taylor Swift's 34th birthday episode of Raw Impressions. Give me all your Taylor Swift.