Teach rather than save

Saving people from situations or problems may seem like a wonderful thing to do but very often it is an ego trip, a deflection from a person’s own problems or to create a form of control through dependency. Good teachers from caring parents to coaches understand the importance of care and guidance to help others, especially young people who learn so much better through their own experiences and by doing things for themselves. It is essential to not fall into the trap of caring so much that you feel like you must bail children out of every difficult situation and prevent them from making mistakes.Give people the tools to handle their mistakes and to learn from their mistakes. It is so important not to consider yourself as somebody who can prevent others from making mistakes. People only learn resilience through making mistakes and having to bounce back. I think too often in society right now there is a tendency to try to short circuit all potential hazards. This has been described as helicopter parenting and when this happens it is doing young people a disservice. Owning and taking responsibility for mistakes is an important part of the maturing process. When you can own a mistake and learn from it that is powerful. As teachers, parents or coaches, our job is to question people, helping them to conclude that possibly a decision needs to be different, either this time or the next time. If people work things out for themselves that is really effective. For sure we can bring our experience and expertise into the conversation to give pointers, ideas, comparison and perspective which is especially powerful if we do it through stories.Learn how to ask the right questions and not allow people off the hook with soft questions. Saving people is an ego trip because that means that they need you. And when people need you, that massages the ego. It somehow puts you in a position of power above them. And that is not what we want. What we want is for people to be open and to learn how to challenge things and challenge other people with good questions and inquiring minds no matter what their position.Thanks for listening. I respect the fact that you have taken time out of your day to hear these nuggets and take the responsibility of giving you all I have seriously. My hope is that in a small way I can shift your thinking about a topic that helps you in your life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices