Teaching tidiness to kids

Why are kids so messy? Is it nature or nurture? And is there any way to make them pick up clothes? Katy Gosset considers how to cultivate the clean gene.Why are kids so messy? Is it nature or nurture? And is there any way to make them pick up clothes and toys? Katy Gosset considers how to cultivate the clean gene.Subscribe free to Are We There Yet? on iPhones: iTunes, RadioPublic or Spotify. On Android phones: RadioPublic or Stitcher.'The bane of our existence'. That's how Johnny* sums up the impact of daughter, Rosa's,* mess."Oh, she's terrible, she can be terrible sometimes.""In terms of her room, you can't find anything in it and then she'll come in and ask you, "Where's this and that?'"And he doesn't think he's alone."I think all parents are dealing with it."Plenty of parents are going slowly mad with all the mess but not all for the same reasons.Clinical psychologist Catherine Gallagher warns temperament, anxiety and an inability to meet parents' expectations are all in the mix."Sometimes parents can worry so much about untidiness that their standards are not realistic and are impossible to keep up with. So if it's impossible to keep up with, why would I even try?"High standards might also make children hope that their parents will take up the slack instead."They may know that, although there's a lot of noise and threat, Mum or Dad will eventually find it intolerable to have a messy room and will clean it out if I wait long enough."Ms Gallagher said for others it was a straight out compliance issue."Tidiness might be just one of the many battles they have with their parents on a day to day basis."And anxiety also played a role, causing some children to be over tidy."Parents might go 'Woo hoo, imagine that being a problem - I don't think so'."But, in fact, if tidiness is such an issue that even something being moved minutely is going to cause a meltdown, then you can see how it can actually be problematic."Other anxieties might make children reluctant to throw out familiar items."So again I might have a hard time throwing out wrappers but if someone removes one of those wrappers then, actually, that makes my world feel pretty chaotic."Last and, probably most annoying (because there's seemingly nothing we can do about it): "For some kids, things being a mess, well, it just doesn't bother them. The idea that life could be easier if my room wasn't a tip and or if I could find things when I need them, just does not register."…Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details