Tenderoni Hotline #18: Are You Ready for Real Love If You're Still Healing + Why focusing on yourself is not selfishness

Tenderoni Hotline #18: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tender Hotline, the soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most intimate and layered questions about healing, nervous system care, and reclaiming your self-trust. In this episode, we’re diving into three powerful questions that so many emotionally outsourced folks grapple with: Do I have to fully love myself before I’m ready for real love? How do I know if I’m truly healing or just coping while everything stays the same? And is focusing on myself while the world feels like it’s falling apart actually selfish? Together, we unpack the myth that healing has to happen in isolation. You’ll hear why real love isn’t reserved for the “fully healed,” and how our capacity for connection grows not in perfection, but in proximity and presence. We also explore how nervous system regulation can sometimes turn into a strategy for tolerating the intolerable, and how to shift from performative calm to embodied clarity and action. We talk about how emotional outsourcing, or looking to others for your sense of safety, belonging, and worth, distorts love and keeps you stuck in survival mode. And we name the ways that focusing on your own healing and self-connection is not selfish, but a radical act of reclamation that serves both you and the collective. So my love, go ahead and grab your softest blanket, pour something warm and grounding, and settle in. I’m so glad you’re here. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about Anchored and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Mentioned in this episode:Join Nervous System Signals and Safety!You understand your anxiety. You can name your triggers, trace them back, explain the whole thing. And your body still does what it does - the freeze, the brace, the exhaustion that has nothing to do with how much you slept. Working at the level where the pattern actually lives - your nervous system, your physiology - is what changes it. Signals & Safety is 12 weeks of somatic education and practice built from 20+ years of clinical training. You come out knowing why your body responds the way it does, and with the tools to meet yourself differently in the moments that used to undo you. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/signalsandsafetyNervous System Signals and Safety